If you are a regular follower of this blog/are on my BBM, then it’s no secret to you that I’ve lost a whole lot of weight and I feel great!
My fitness level is off the rooftop, great shape and all… and I am mighty glad about it.
But I still remember those days when I used to weigh almost a 100kg (I started my weight loss journey at 98kg in 2013 and I weigh 72kg right now)
I remember those days of feeling like a balloon, blown up and all over the place.
I even had one friend who wanted to fix me up with someone (I didn’t ask her to oh) and then said the man said I was too fat (babes if you are reading this, I love you, but you know say you and the man nor try for this matter, but let me not go into the issue of a man saying that the reason why he can’t date a lady is that she is too fat – it’s another discussion on it’s own)
Yes, I felt like I had confidence in myself then, especially when I gave my life to God and started knowing who I am, but I must admit that there is a mighty difference between the way I used to feel about myself then and now that I have lost the weight (and still on the journey to my goal weight)
So as I read this Eziaha’s post, though she was talking about pregnancy weight gain, I could relate.
I know the deal about terrible comments aimed at you just because you added a ton of weight.
But I have tasted both sides of the coin – weight gain and weight loss – and I now know this to be true…
Your loosing the weight will never make you feel good about yourself if you don’t get it right at whatever weight range you are at right now.
Sometimes, I think that women place too much emphasis on beauty being about their body shape, facial features, etc.
When the truth is that true beauty isn’t based on all those outer stuff and we will never feel beautiful if we don’t get our mentality on beauty right.
Now, let me explain what I am trying to say using myself as an example.
Last year this truth came to me at a time when I felt like I had a “fat mentality”.
Here’s the way it worked.
If I missed it and didn’t eat right for like 3-5days, I felt like I was fat.
I felt bloated, like I added a ton of weight and I hated that feeling.
And here’s the deal, my weight was still the same but I felt fat and could absolutely not get myself to say anything good about myself/my body.
I’d still turn heads when I walk on the street and even get a few toasters, but inside me, I would be feeling fat and ugly.
I had to do some deep thinking about this, and as I did so, these words came to mind.
“It’s not what people see – yes, they turn around when you walk past, they say you are attractive and beautiful BUT what do you say about yourself? What do you see when you stand in front of the mirror?”
You can lose all the weight and look great but if you don’t deal with loving who you are inside, you will NEVER see the great body outside.
If you don’t love who you are even while you are “overweight”, you cannot love who you are when you are at your “ideal weight”.
Because it starts from your inside, who you truly are is who you are inside.
God recognizes this and you have to recognize it too.
The self-hatred of your body would fizzle out when you get your mentality straightened out.
You should love who you are at whatever size that you are at.
The problem with this self-love most times is just that some of us love ourselves the wrong way.
We think that just because we love who we are when we are at 100kg, we don’t have to do what we need to do to get healthier and better.
But no, even God doesn’t love us that way.
He loves us as we are and still prunes us to be better in Him. (Read this post on the right way to love ourselves)
So yes, the extra weight isn’t good for you, so do what you have to do to get healthy but also make sure that you have a balanced view about what true beauty is.
True beauty is of your heart, your spirit and it radiates from the inside out – and your body is just a container that will go to dust when you leave the earth.
But your spirit – if you develop it rightly, will last forever.
Get active if you need to, let that container that houses the real you be healthy and fit to take care of her home, family and purpose for which God has created her.
But never get it twisted that your beauty is reliant on your physical body/ whatever weight you are at.
You are beautiful whether you weigh an 10kg extra or more.
Let this truth sink into you.
You can read this article I wrote on beauty for Bella Naija – Imperfectly Perfect here. (It would explain better what I’m trying to say)
And speaking of Bella Naija, have you read my recent article?
Read “Save us from the “come to my house syndrome” here. (the comments has a lot of wisdom and truth in them)
Happy new week everyone.
You are worthy.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
P.S – I would be sharing some news on a new development on the blog tomorrow. It’s a development that will be useful to everyone and you’ll absolutely love it.
And you may want to subscribe to get in on it. It’s privy to only our awesome blog family 🙂
And oh, I say a big welcome to our new subscribers on the blog!
I heart you all and pray that everything you read on this blog will inspire to be better and more awesome in Christ Jesus!
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AdaezeJune 15, 2015 at 11:56 am
I read your bella naija article and I’m still laughing because I can’t remember how many times I’ve heard it and I was thinking I was the only one who’d experienced it regularly.
This post is beautiful, you’re only as beautiful as you think you are. Many times I’ve seen women who are not so “conventionally pretty” sparkle and outshine very beautiful women because they know they were made in God’s image and likeness and reflect it.
There have been times when I looked at my old pictures and I’d be sad that I had no idea just how beautiful I was back then and it made me realise how beautiful I am currently.
Frances OkoroJune 16, 2015 at 1:30 pm
Right Adaeze.. I see women who just sparkle from the inside out and I am like “Lord, I want that!”
I also wasted too much time thinking that I was ugly in the past but no more! Thank God for God.
And the BN article, I thought it was just me too oh but surprise! Turns out that we plenty for the matter..
MobolajiJune 15, 2015 at 3:42 pm
My dear Frances. Thank you!
I sometimes feel that way too. Especially because I’m the last child and bigger than all my sisters. Sometimes they sef talk too much about me being big that it gets to me(though I don’t show it). I’m kuku wearing almost same size as them now sef.
I’d love to eat healthier and have a flat stomach at least, but I have to admit, I’m not consistent with my diet.
However, I love myself. Not a negative type of love but one that Christ gives, so it’s hard for me to see myself as ugly or hated. I’m loved and beautiful, and nothing anyone says can actually change that.
Still, being more fit will also be of great advantage! I wouldn’t have to pant like I climbed mountain when it’s just stairs I climbed…
Frances OkoroJune 16, 2015 at 1:47 pm
Ah Bolaji! Talk about the teasings from siblings..my brother uses to “do me” then eh. Thank God I finally got up to make the changes needed..
I seriously wish I had known about God and how to love myself like He does me then-so many years just spent languishing over what one person said that doesn’t matter.
Still, we thank God for the knowledge now.
And get on track with diet now oh, it’s mighty hard but the benefits are worth it.
God help us all…
graciemamaJune 15, 2015 at 3:54 pm
I loved the “come to my house” article on bellanaija. I shared it to friends too. I had my own similar experience. The guy had d audacity to tell me to come sleep over at his house at lekki since i live on d mainland. The blocking of contacts with the dude ehn, ‘e no get part 2’
Frances OkoroJune 16, 2015 at 2:05 pm
Lol @e nor get part 2 Gracie…
No time for yeye…
Still waiting for your rejoinder post..
EstherJune 15, 2015 at 4:51 pm
Thank you for the wonderful post. I used to battle with low self esteem.
Frances OkoroJune 16, 2015 at 2:15 pm
Thank you for sharing that with us Esther.
I believe that you are on track now-beautiful, loved and perfect in the eyes of God. Yes!
E'June 15, 2015 at 9:23 pm
see the weight loss!!!
kekeJune 15, 2015 at 10:52 pm
the transformation is wow.
Frances OkoroJune 16, 2015 at 2:22 pm
Thank you E and Keke!
We are getting there jeje by jeje 🙂
AmakamediaJune 19, 2015 at 4:08 pm
Whao! I mean, whao! You look beautiful just the way you are sweetie! I love the message you are passing across. . . beauty radiates from within. Be beautiful on the inside for it to shine out for others to see.
Frances OkoroJune 22, 2015 at 12:44 am
Thank you Amaka!
Simply sharing the truth..we need to see ourselves as God sees us, beautiful in all ramifications…
glowingscenesJune 19, 2015 at 8:06 pm
BTW, the comments on that your post on BN was too funny. I was just laughing. But really, it’s really degrading to think most of the men out there think ‘Come to my House’ is one of the next best things after Fried rice and Chicken. I’m not one to say I’ve been a victim of such, neither have I been approached by that statement but I know there are still some pretty decent guys who wouldn’t do that. What is in your house that we cannot see in my own house? And since I’m the movie type, shey you have the Captain America 2016 release showing in your house ni?
Maybe they need to learn emotional intelligence or something cos I don’t understand.
Secondly, I believe some girls are the ones that ‘fell’ their hands not me. Its the truth. If the women out there refuse or correct a guy when he makes such statements, or are desperate to go to a guy’s house when he invited them as I could see some examples on BN of girls who meet a guy one day and next thing, virtue has been sold on a platter of wood, then, it’s no wonder the guys too feel they can pick all the rotten apples on the floor because they don’t want to climb higher.
It’s good you corrected that notion jare Frances. A king gets a queen. A Boaz gets a Ruth and A Bozo gets his kind. Invite Jesus and he makes you both Kings and Queens, making the slate clean. End of Discussion.
I had to post my comment for you here since that place kind of felt crowded. Some men too were showing their ‘stupidity’ in the comment section. Smh.
About the post jare, Yes, it takes the grace and love of God to make us see ourselves as beautiful no matter what the world says. It’s an internal something. Have you read this post by Mandy? It’s a beautiful post, similar to this. I have no doubt you’ll enjoy it.
Frances OkoroJune 22, 2015 at 12:51 am
Loooll at showing their stupidity there, I saw everything too oh Itunu.
Some made me laugh, some had me nodding my head, some had me wishing they will just heed…
Like you said and the comments there too, ladies should also have standards, yes I made mistakes on those stuff when I still used to think everyone was good like me, but a near rape cleared my eyes…
And truly, we need Jesus to set the slate clean and right.
And thank you for sharing Mandy’s post too! Had me asking God to please “show me what He sees in me, tell me how you see me Lord”, that’s how I should see myself, devoid of external factors but in your eyes only….
Princess OkechukwuJune 22, 2015 at 1:20 am
True beauty radiates from inside out!!
Frances OkoroJuly 24, 2015 at 11:51 am
You said it right..#from the inside out,not the other way around…
taurusianfeminist.wordpress.comJuly 21, 2015 at 9:57 am
Frances OkoroJuly 21, 2015 at 9:33 pm
Thank you Taurusianfeminist!
Welcome to the blog 🙂
Damie AlabiJuly 23, 2015 at 8:15 am
I read this ‘cos you suggested.
You hit the nail on the head. Being fat isn’t portrayed as the standard of beauty but loving ones self and building self confidence is key.
Frances OkoroJuly 24, 2015 at 11:59 am
You got it right..but loving oneself the way God says we should do, not in the whole world way (be selfish or me me me)
And you are beautiful sis! Every part of you is beautiful! No doubt! 🙂
Frances OkoroJuly 24, 2015 at 12:02 pm
Thank you for stopping by..
You got it right no less..we must love ourselves, the us in us(inside) and that love though is with the love that God intends it to be like…
You are beautiful sis!
No doubt about that 🙂
AmakamediaJuly 30, 2015 at 6:42 am
Go to my blog and accept the nomination. You rock!
Versatile Blogger Award
Frances OkoroJuly 30, 2015 at 10:30 pm
Yay! Thank you Amaka!
Will check it out now..