Dear Single Ladies (And Gentlemen),
How are you all doing this lovely day?
I know it will come as a surprise to you to see the title of my letter up there, Moreso because I have written to you on why I need a husband before.
No, I am not contradicting myself.
Yes, both letters are expressions of my heart and simply a medium for me to share some truths with you.
If you read the letter on why I need a husband, then you already have some of the lies the world has told you about the reason for marital relationships being replaced by the truth – God’s truth.
So basically, I can assume that you already know the foremost reason why God would bless you with a spouse (if you don’t know, read this post).
But do you know some of the reasons why God would not give you a spouse just yet?
Do you know the reason why you do not need a husband right now?
Well, let’s outline some of the reasons why God may not see the need to bless you with a spouse… yet.
(1) You haven’t found purpose.
The deeper I go in the knowledge of just how important this is to God, the more I am at a loss for words to pass across the importance of this point to single ladies/men.
I hope you know that our God is a master planner?
I hope you know that everything and everyone God creates is created with a purpose in mind?
If the plants can be created with a purpose, how much more men?
And if the union between God and us exist for a reason, how much more the union between man and woman that only mirrors the union between God and man?
There is no way God will give you a man/woman when you don’t know where He is leading you.
You may not have a clear knowledge of your purpose on earth, but you have to at least have a sense of direction on what He wants you to do on earth in each season.
Let me tell you why this step is so crucial before God can release a spouse to you…
Marriage alone cannot give you the satisfaction you seek.
If marriage has no end goal/no ultimate impact being made in the lives of others, dissatisfaction with simply waking up, and having kids and loving up with each other will quickly set in.
Because you both were not meant to find satisfaction in just being married.
Your satisfaction is found in your marriage fulfilling God’s plan for both of you.
I have met a married woman who said she and her husband knew that God wanted their home to be an oasis for lost souls… and even till today, their home is open to lots of youths who come in and are mentored by the both of them.
They love each other to pieces but at the end of the day, their satisfaction in the gift of marriage God has given to them comes from fulfilling God’s plan for their lives.
And fulfilling God’s plan for both their lives as spouses comes from fulfilling God’s plan for their lives as singles.
You cannot skip the step of knowing yourself before knowing the spouse God has sent to you.
Sometimes, we run around looking for a spouse and praying that God gives us a husband/wife and all the while God is waiting for us to change our prayer point to “Lord, show me your plan for my life, make your will for my life known to me. Your God-given assignment for my life, please make it plain to me”.
You pray like that and it would achieve better results than you praying everyday for “when my husband/wife will come”.
This maybe a bit hard to accept, but if you still don’t know your purpose in life, then I am sorry, you just may not need a husband/wife… yet.
(2) You are not yet satisfied in Jesus.
I have no idea about the reason why God keeps laying this on my heart.
The need to find full satisfaction in Him, so much so that it leaves no room for you pining after a man/woman to fill you up.
I have discovered that this first husband of ours is a mighty jealous one.
He is One that wants to fill you up completely and totally, leaving no room for any void in your heart not covered by Him.
It’s almost scary when you think of the lover of your soul loving you like this, so fiercely but it’s a good thing.
Because He knows the way He has wired you.
He knows that nobody can take His place in your heart.
He knows that you will only waste your time trying to fill up yourself with food, money, job, things, boyfriends and girlfriends…
No body can ever take His place in your heart and till you recognize this truth, you aren’t ready to be married.
You don’t need a husband/wife if you cannot be single with only God as your all and still be satisfied in Him.
Living your life and having fun living forth the abundant life that only God can give to you.
If your life seems empty and you keep looking forward to a man/woman to fill up the empty spaces, then you aren’t ready to be married.
(3) You haven’t really learned the lesson on the ministry of marriage yet.
A lot of us want to get married when the simple truth is that if God blesses us with a spouse right now, we will kill that man/woman within 3months… with our tongue, attitude or character.
So many of us do not yet understand that marriage is not given to us for what we can get but for what we can give.
We do not yet understand the kind of love God says we should love our spouse with…
The God kind of love that forgives any and everything.
The love that says “I am sorry” even when it’s not wrong.
The love that forgives even when it’s not apologized to.
The love that speaks in soft tones even when it’s boiling inside…
The love that takes almost every sweat, pain and tears from you just like it took from Jesus…
This is the ministry of marriage, service.
Giving not getting.
Loving, whether or not the love is reciprocated.
It’s not for nothing that spouses say marriage is hard work.
It will drain you, it will refine your attitude, character and disposition… and if you are willing to let it do its perfect work in you, it will transform you slowly and steadily into the image of Christ – one full of love, joy, peace, patience, long suffering, perseverance… and all this you learn through tests in the marriage.
So many of us still let the instagram pictures of couples fool us when marriage is anything but made up of only a fine man and woman.
Take away all the glam and what do you have?
Do you still have two people committed to making it work?
Do you still have two people who are mad at each other but committed to obeying the biblical instruction not to go to bed angry?
Do you have two people who understand that their bodies belong to each other and they cannot be unfaithful to their spouse?
Do you have two people who esteem each other above themselves?
And more importantly, do you understand this truth yet about marriage?
I come from a broken home (broken for a while) and what God has been doing to me in this single hood season of my life has been to revamp every thought I have had about marriage arising from my physical experiences/circumstances.
He has been teaching me about the things that matter to Him… of course some of these things I can only learn when I am in the marriage itself but still right now, He is re-aligning my mind with His own concerning the institution of marriage.
Are you allowing Him to do this work in your own heart too?
Are you currently learning from Him and not the world on what marriage is about?
If you are not, then you just might not need a husband or a wife… YET.
I am certain that the reasons why some of us singles just may not need a husband/wife right now are more than the three listed above.
I stumbled onto a post on wiseherstill that had me searching my heart and asking God to show me where I am currently defaulting right now.
Yes, we are all waiting for the one but yes, also, it will be nice that as we wait, we get the things that God wants us to get right in this season… with this gift of singlehood that He has graciously granted unto us.
I pray that we would let God work on our hearts in this single season of our lives.
I pray that we will let Him fill us up… we won’t look to the world/men/women for satisfaction… our satisfaction shall be in Him… so much so that this peace and joy we have found in Him will draw others unto Jesus also.
And more than ever before, I pray that we use this single season to run along with God’s purposes for our lives.
It’s a blessing to have time on our hands to serve God without distractions… I pray that we would indeed use this season for what God intended us to do with it in Jesus name, amen.
Till Our Next Frances’ Love Letter,
PS: Today’s our single ladies hangout!
We will be sightseeing a place and focusing on sharing about the second point on the list above.
I am so excited and ready to learn from our fellow ladies!
Oh my! I am just an instrument in putting this together and I pray to be a worthy instrument indeed today.
We will be meeting at 2pm today and if you are in Lagos and can make it, join us! Send me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org for venue and details to be communicated to you or call me on 07035539092
And yes, for those who sent me mails that they can’t be there but would want gists on the day… hold up, we would all look for a way to film a video for you guys.
So fingers crossed 🙂
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memsieNovember 21, 2015 at 5:00 pm
no 1 and 2 is so true for me. I had decided to change my course of prayers. sometimes I think God just takes what he wants to tell me to your blog and emphasises it. sometimes I feel God just doesn’t want to release us half baked to anyone. he just wants to refine us like gold. sometimes the real challenge for me comes from outside when I see others tying the knot and am lik God when na? he stills reminds me to come closer to him. God bless ur home dear.
Frances OkoroNovember 22, 2015 at 12:06 pm
Word “He doesn’t want to release us as half baked women”…
So God would take as much time as its needed to revamp and change our mentalities and prepare us as His daughters…daughters who will then finally be true gifts to who He choses to join us with…
#grace to indeed learn of Him, amen.