Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Who Gave You That List?

Dear single ladies and men,

How was your week?



Well, today’s saturday, you can chillax by starting out with Frances’s love letters 🙂


Something happened to me on Valentine’s day when I went for the dinner at church and I didn’t tell you about it in my last letter.


I saw someone and started analyzing the person(nor be say he approach me oh, what a laugh)
I thought to myself – “no, he can’t be the one na, he is too skinny, he looks too soft, he doesn’t look like “the one”


I was on a bike on my way home when I started having those real conversations in my mind… you know, the type where you are called to order.
I remembered the programme that we had with Mr Tobi of last year and how he had spoke about “The List”.
Yes, the almighty list to which we hold up and measure potential spouses with.
He said, “Who gave you that list?
Who wrote that list for you?

Be careful that you are not putting stuff on your list that do not align with God’s purposes for you(Paraphrased)


As much as most of us may say that we want God’s will for us maritally, we also have physical list and wills that are a mile long.
I personally don’t have anything written down but God Himself knows that I like fine men and that I don’t like pot belly.
Ah, I am very honest about such things with Him but then, when my real conversation with myself was going on, I was asking myself- “who wrote that list for me?
Does it align with God’s will for me?
(Isn’t it funny how I was only analyzing the physical attributes, I’m so vain *covers face*
But God’s will for me covers both the physical and inner attributes but I’m digressing here)


I felt the urge to pray on tuesday about the whole marriage thing and at first, I didn’t even know what to pray about so I started telling God about what happened in Church on Saturday(I was reporting
I told Him what I felt and how I was holding people to my own standards and I said with my whole heart, “Let your will be done in my marital life, not mine”
Pastor Nathaniel Bassey did a study on the will of God which I transcribed here last year(do read it if you haven’t yet) and he said something…
He said that some of us, we tell God “the man I will marry, he must be this, and he must live here”
And that God will just be looking at us like “when you finish eh, you will come”
He said no, you should pray “Lord, every list I have, I lay it down at your altar.
I take up your will for me.
Where do you want me to be?
Who do you want my spouse to be…
I surrender my will and I take up your will for me”.


And that was what I was reminded of on Saturday.
Some of us pray that with our hearts and believe differently in our minds.
Or we are so scared that God will relegate all our wishes to the background and dump them.
But everyone who has done this and prayed this prayer for God’s will for their lives maritally has never regretted it.
I know for a fact that Pastor Nat who preached that message to us and who went the path of God’s will for his marriage has an awesome marriage right now.
So God doesn’t just give us what we want, He gives us what we need and more.
I think a deeper part of this issue is trust in God.
Do you trust that God knows what you want and He wants the best for you too?
Do you trust that He knows your thoughts and mind set and He doesn’t disregard them?(He isn’t that wicked)
Do you trust that He will give you a spouse tailor made for you?
I chose to trust Him in this, so today, I’m giving God a blank list.
My own list and qualities can only go so far, I don’t see the end from the beginning do I?
So I am giving God a blank list with my signature binding me at the bottom.
Lord, write your own words and qualities needed in my future man in that list.
I trust that you know what is best for me.
You please work on that list and work on that man.
For me?
I am chilling.
When you are done with him and with me, wake up my Adam.
I know we will both see what we want and need in each other.
So, I am just gonna chill Lord.
Call me up when you are done with it all 🙂



So I’m sure you’ve gotten the gist of today’s letter already dears?
Did you say my prayers with me?
Are you chilling too or busy trying to work out what you don’t have the power to do?
Your own mind can only go so far.
You aren’t all knowing are you?
Let God work it out.
He knows your thoughts, knows you inside and outside.
He knows what will suit you to a “T”.
No one that I know who trusted God in this have ever come back heart broken.
So please, rely on God and rely on the testimonies of those who have gone before you.
You chill and #REST.
Let God work things out.



Till my next love letter to you,
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Much love,

Kisses and love...

Kisses and love…


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  • Reply
    Nguchiyaga Nakanga
    February 21, 2015 at 11:41 am


  • Reply
    Feyi Abraham Adesanya
    February 21, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    Beautiful piece…I choose to trust Him too.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      Thank you Nguchiyaga

      And Sir Feyi..first time here? Or first time comment? Thank you!
      #we stay trusting.

  • Reply
    February 21, 2015 at 3:25 pm

    I am not going to do much story story comment today.
    I am going to laugh and then chill because because I have a list and emm I am believing the wind will snatch it out of my hands one day.
    Oh dear God!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2015 at 6:00 pm

      Lol Keke.
      In the spirit of single girls being sincere ba?
      As Ezar has said, as long as the list isn’t superficial and there aren’t just what we thought off our heads…stuff that aligns with God’s own…

      #we stay chilling

  • Reply
    Mobolaji Olorisade
    February 21, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    I wouldn’t lie! I tell God these things too, “God, see I’m leaning on you and keeping myself; pls I don’t want a fat man when it’s time o.” Lol! I don’t have a list on paper, but somehow I see I have one in my head. I’ve always always wanted an Igbo man and have mentally said “Oh, he’s not Igbo so he can’t be the one.”
    But i’m sure those things don’t matter to God as much as a man after his own heart. For that reason, that His plans are always better than mine; I also place a blank list at his feet with my signature boldly written at the bottom right.

    Though, like you, I can’t say I don’t like fine men.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      Loool Mobolaji, convos with God like this always leave me smiling…
      The sincere ones where I know He knows my heart already but I just tell it to Him anyway…

      You’ve said it, in as much as He doesn’t disregard our personal preferences, He also looks at the more important things that will indeed make our marriages wrapped and secure in love and togetherness.

      I pray for grace to follow God’s leading for us all in Jesus name, amen.

  • Reply
    February 21, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    Having a superficial list of expectations is bad. I had a list before I married. I felt it was important to have and write down a vision or idea of what my future husband would be like, it was important that I defined the specific traits in my life partner. And I had to be specific. For example I had , “A man who has a calm temperament and handles stress well.” This may sound silly, but the reason it is important to put the important qualities you desire into writing is to hold you accountable. It also gives you heightened discernment in dating situations. Let’s be honest ladies, it can be easy to let something slide or dismiss a red flag when a cute guy tells us yummy, fluttery words we want to hear. But is it an ugly situation when we let our hearts get too wrapped up into someone who ultimately doesn’t take care of it. The list keeps your standards in check and can help you quickly discern whether or not that guy gets a second date. It protects your heart against unnecessary wear and tear. In fact, your heart is so important to God that He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for from it flows the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23. After I made mine, I met my husband 2 months later and not only was he every single character trait on that list, he was more. But I shouldn’t have been too surprised because, “God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” The list for single ladies is to give a basic framework of character traits to look for or recognize whether or not there is desire for growth.

    Lovely post, Frances. Muah!!!!!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      Yay! A married woman with experience in the house.
      Thank you Ezar!
      Nothing like hearing the experience of women like us who have been through this stage…

      I didn’t add it in the letter that I have an expo from God on how the man will be already, I wrote those down.
      This my particular list in my head is basically one that’s just superficial.

      So from your comments and my expo, basically, a list isn’t bad, we have just got to be careful about whether it relates to what is really important, whether it’s superficial or not and whether it aligns with what God has for us.

      I really get the list acting as a check on what kind of men we accept.
      I had to go back to what I wrote down after my saturday experience to remind myself of what really matters.

      Thank you for sharing your story.
      God won’t fail us…even all that’s in our heart and more, He will do.
      Thank you

  • Reply
    Tope Ogunyinka
    February 22, 2015 at 6:31 am

    Hey Frances! I like Ezar’s comment. Having a list helps put some things into perspective…. I spoke to a friend of mine that was preparing for her marriage and she mentioned making a list and checking if It aligns with what God wants for us in the Bible . I think that’s also a good idea. Great post! Have a great day!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 22, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      Thank you Tope…

      Yes, I believe that there should be a balance to it all.
      As long as the list aligns with what God has for us too and it’s not just stuff we pulled out..i guess it’s ok then…

      How I do my own prayers though is I tell it to God, what I think and all, and I tell Him, regardless, I lay mine all down and let Him take control.
      He knows best anyway so what He says, I will go along with.

      I’ve missed you on here, thanks for stopping by today 🙂

  • Reply
    Vincent Gloria
    February 22, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    Hmm! I don’t have an already written doun list o. But I think I have them in ma mind. Smiles… I guess all I need do now is to let go and allow God take the wheel while I ride behind Him. 9ice piece dear…

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 23, 2015 at 9:27 am

      Exactly Gloria!
      Let go…let God.

      And I can so relate with the list in our

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