Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

When Sex Becomes An Idol

My dear single men and ladies,

How are you doing today?

I am doing great but for an annoying back pain and some serious stepping up in fervent prayer I have to do.

But today isn’t the time to talk about that, let’s leave that for #OnlineBibleStudy.


We had some very “interesting conversations” on the Women at the well this week. From marriage to sex, to parenting, to prayers, etc. etc.

Even the married women pitched in and started sharing from their experiences at a time.

Don’t worry if you aren’t yet a part of us, look out for our next meet in February which will double as our book launch and join us.


And by the way, you should take advantage of the pre-order offer we have for our first book where you will also get my new book ‘Prayers for your future husband” as  FREE EBOOK GIFT.

All for 1,500 Naira.

Mail to pre-order.

More details are here.

Offer ends on January 31st though and my book goes back to 1000 Naira. Planning my launch and all, so much to do this year.


So back to my gist, as we discussed on TWTW, the discussion rolled unto SEX. Yes, we discuss sex in our CHRISTIAN GROUP.

The message for the day was on how sex has become an idol even for Christians.


Here’s what I mean.


Last year, at one time when I was day dreaming about my man, the Spirit suddenly told me to be careful not to raise sex as an idol in my marriage.

I wrote in down in my journal and started pondering on it.


You see, we Christian singles somehow have this idea that since we have been abstaining from sex before marriage, then the marriage sex go be die!

You see it in all these memes we post on ‘when you finally get to eat the cake” or something like that.

An that’s all well and good, after all, I also look forward to being able to enjoy intimacy guilt free.

But then the truth is that the world has raised up sex as an idol and somehow, Christians have fallen into that same mold.


What would make a little boy of 10 start having sexual relations at that age?

What would make a young girl of `14 start experimenting about sex in the toilet, get pregnant, abort it and still continue on the same path?

What would make a young girl who doesn’t love a guy still have sex with him because she is curious?

What would make a Christian men cheat on his wife?

What would make a Christian woman cheat on her husband when he is out of town?



Somehow, this beautiful thing God created has been raised to the place of God Himself, because God is the only one we cannot do without, not sex.

But some men and women will tell you that if I don’t have sex this minute I will die.


The truth is that, even in marriage Christians still don’t have all the sex that they want.

It is still not that sex that keeps the marriage together. There are other things to be put in place.

Couples who always cover up their issues with sex end up having issues. Why?

Because sex still isn’t the answer to their issues, instead when you wrap up the issues under sex, the issues will pile up and erupt someday.


So what is the rightful place of sex both in a home and a Christian guy/girl’s mind?

  • Sex is a beautiful thing, created by God to be enjoyed BETWEEN COUPLES IN MARRIAGE.
  1. Sex is a means of bonding between couples. It cements the ties between them.
  • No, sex cannot be placed above God. If you find out that you want and desire sex more than you desire God, then there is an issue with your priorities.
  • No, when married, your husband/wife still won’t be able to give you all the sex you want. Life happens, work happens, job happens, pregnancy happens. What will you do when immediately after marriage, one of you has to travel for a one year course? Will you kill yourself then?
  • Yes, sex is one of the most important part of the ties that bind a couple, but it isn’t everything that binds a couple. God for one, is more important as a tie between couples. Love for God is the what keeps a man/woman faithful even when ‘life happens’ and they can’t dig in like they will want to.


  • Again when it comes to sex and God, it’s GOD FIRST.


There are other aspects of marriage that we have to focus on, like our married ladies in TWTW said, finding the one is just step 1 in 100x.

If you get so wrapped up in just sex as the deal in marriage, you will be mega disappointed.

Things happen; accidents happen, pregnancies happen, etc.

So what mindset can we go into in marriage?


I will love this man/woman, sex or no sex.

And even when I have to hold myself for one reason or the other, I will. Because sex isn’t my idol, God is my God.


And this mindset begins from right now.


I was telling my mom that it’s a wrong idea to marry a man who sleeps with you before marriage. Because what made him sleep with you before marriage will make him commit adultery after marriage and that thing is lack of self-control.

You both wanted it now now before marriage and couldn’t hold yourself. This issue is the reason why most women have trust issues after marriage. They know what the man told them to get them to sleep with him.

I can’t do without sex, etc, etc.

Oh well, sex as an idol is a serious issue.

And what can we do?


Ask for help, Lord help me, let not place sex before you. Let it not take your place and even when I am married, let sex take its rightful place.

Let you be the ultimate tie in my home and not sex.


PS: This is in no way saying that sex isn’t important, it is. But when it becomes a god, then we have a problem.


Lord help us all in Jesus name, amen.


And if you are married in the house, we want to hear from you, was sex all you made it out to be before marriage?

What rude awakening were you up for in marriage?

And what would be your advice to single ones like us on this sex deal?

We wanna hear from you, comment below.


Question: was sex all you made it out to be before marriage? Click To Tweet


Till my next love letter to you all,







If you are a lady I encourage you to order for TWTW book which has “the list for a future husband” in it.

We have attributes for a list from men like Joseph. who never had sex with Mary before she gave birth to Jesus and no he wasn’t a super man. lol,

You can watch the list trailer one by our sister Amaka below or at our Youtube channel HERE.

And mail to order

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  • Reply
    January 17, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    ‘then the marriage sex go be die!’


    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 17, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      Lol B, nor be only die oh. Our own go be life.

  • Reply
    Ruby Suze
    January 18, 2017 at 6:16 am

    This ishould a really great article and something I really wish I knew before I got married. I learned eventually that we often confuse sex and intimacy. They are not the same thing. We often crave the connection with someone – that person knowing who we are fully rather just the physical activity. One true intimacy exists, sex becomes a whole new experience- you really are naked and completely unashamed.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 19, 2017 at 11:18 am

      Intimacy and sex.
      This is a whole topic on its own.
      Would you like to write in on what you have learned about this since you got married Ruby?
      Would be glad to have you.
      My mail is at
      Please consider us? We wanna learn 🙂

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