I hope you had a great week?
I had a pretty interesting week myself… I kind of started an internship for the two weeks left before NYSC just to keep myself busy for a bit.
And on the first day, we went to court with a pretty interesting client 🙂
Something the client said had me laughing and also had set the wheels turning in my head.
He said “He is a man and he must fall if a girl traps him with a naked body”.
Well, let’s not go into the whole essence of self-control as regards that above statement… I was thinking more about myself and some of the men I have met in the past.
I have had to break up my fair share of could-have-been relationships in time past just because they said they could not stay without sex. As soon as I heard that then, no matter how I much I liked the mr man, I vamoozed as fast as my legs could carry me.
BUT those times though, I was actually willing to date them if they had agreed to no sex before marriage.
And that’s the crux of today’s letter.
I always thought if the guy agrees to no sex before marriage then no problem.
If he stops sex because of me then that’s true love right?
But no, right now, I think it’s more than that.
Thank God for wisdom, I have realized that it goes farther than the Mr man just agreeing to not having sex with me before marriage…
The belief of no premarital sex has to be well founded and grounded in God. He must believe in God and love God enough not to offend Him by not preserving my purity and not just because he wants to date me.
I don’t need a man who JUST stops having premarital sex because of me. Don’t get me wrong, that’s all well and good but I need a man who will not have premarital sex because of his love and respect for God and God’s laws.
His abstinence can serve me well but the fundamentals of what I really need won’t be there. Which is the fear of the Lord in him.
So, yes, he may abstain from having premarital sex with me because he loves me and wants to be with me but I would prefer a man that would love God more than he loves me.
One that places his duty to God even above his duty to me.
One for whom God is numero uno.
He could agree to no sex because of me and that could blow my head away but it goes farther than that.
Does he really understand why he should abstain? Does he love God enough to want to preserve my purity? Yes, he should love me enough to want to preserve my purity but God should be first. If he doesn’t do it because he knows and loves God enough to abstain, then something is fundamentally missing and I can’t settle for that.
So, will I settle for a man just because he agrees to no sex before marriage? NO!
I will be absolutely blown away that I can “totori” this man’s head enough for him to want to abstain because of me but what of because of God?
If he loves me enough but doesn’t love God enough then what good will that do for me?
Who will be the head of our relationship?
What happens when we don’t serve and love God as we both should?
What happens when I kukuma marry the man and find out that indeed I am unequally yoked?
What happens to my fulfilling destiny in Christ?
How can this man who doesn’t get who God is help me to fulfill my purpose in Christ?
It goes deeper than just marrying him because he agrees to no sex before marriage.
It goes deeper than me telling my friends that the loves me so much…so much so that he says he will wait for marriage because of me.
We… Christian girl’s and ladies have to understand that it is God first and not us first.
A man who doesn’t love God even more than he loves you cannot love you as God wants him to love you (I hope you could wrap your head around that?)
So next time you wanna shriek for joy because the so-called bad boy wants to abstain from sex because he loves you, THINK AGAIN!
Is God numero uno for him?
If God isn’t his number one… If the creator isn’t his number one then how can the creation (you) be his number one?
Don’t be blown away by that so-called act of love from him. Let the fundamental belief in Christ be in place.
No matter how much you want him to love you, it should be GOD FIRST, OTHERS WILL FOLLOW.
Anything outside that sequence spells trouble.
Babes, I really do hope that we get this right. Don’t be blown away by so-called acts of love.
Remember getting wisdom like we talked about in our last letter?
Get wisdom as regards this issue. Use common sense for this. A guy that doesn’t place God above you spells wahala.
Please let God lead as we grow in Christ and mature in his ways…
Let God lead.
Till I write to you next time, read my last letter to you here if you havent read it already, and as always, you can write back to me to clarify/talk about anything you want to talk about.
With lots of love,