Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

What To Do When The One You Preach To About Godly Relationships Gets Married Before You

Dear single ladies,
I am currently very tired as I type this – the kind of tiredness that makes you too tired to sleep – the kind of tiredness that comes from organizing a seminar in a secondary school, what with shouting and calming students down. Yes, I held an #AwakeningYouths event yesterday, more gist about it on thursday.
I would have loved to not just send this letter to you but it’s one that I know that I have to write, what with words just rolling around inside me (fellow writers, who else does this happen to?)
But before I just delve into plenty talk, how una dey?
Hope you had a fulfilling week like mine?

Like I said, I held an #AwakeningYouth event yesterday (you can catch up on my work in schools here).
Just before I was to step out, I saw a picture of a newly married couple, the bride is one I had had conversation with on marital issues before and I had “preached to on how marriage was supposed to be according to God’s standard” and her reply then was “most of all these counselors you see sef are still single”.
Her reply was one of the comment that necessitated this post I wrote on “an unmarried woman is nothing”


Like I was saying, I saw the picture and I was taken back to the conversation we had and then obviously, now she is married and I am not. *duh, talk about you and your Christian Christian thingy right? And you are still single, hah!”
Those were actually thoughts that “almost ran through my mind”.
I say almost because my spirit these days streamlines stupid thoughts before they even take root, but what I just knew there and then was that I should write this letter to you all and be as real as possible.
For the new readers joining us, it maybe weird but have you ever seen a lady who God keeps teaching things on relationships but she isn’t desperate to get married/doesn’t even think that she is ready yet?
Yes, I am that lady.
So as you read this letter about the thoughts in my head and lessons I learnt from it, know that this girl isn’t desperate at all to be married – why God gives me these insight as regards relationship stuff, I am yet to know/I know a little of why it is so, but not fully.


So as I was saying, I had the thought in my head comparing me “who is always doing God’s way regarding relationships but still single and one who may not necessarily even have any insight of God/purpose/marriage, but now married”
And I so I thought to share for those who have ever had such thoughts in their head.
For the Christian lady who is always talking about wanting what God wants for her maritally but is still single, with all her “not so carry God for head” friends sending her invites to their wedding. (as I write this I am chuckling to myself, it’s funny but not so funny, considering the fact that God probably hears a lot of sobs from His princesses when this happens)
How do you deal with this situation?
How do you hold on to what God is teaching you in your own marital story in the face of others seemingly getting ahead of you?
I don’t believe in pulling out advice from the air, so I will simply tell you what I did/what helped me…
(1) Remember your conversations with God on the issue of His plans for your marriage.
I remember talking to the sister I talked about in my testimony post about how I was asking God why it’s so easy for other people.
I mean, you hear some people talk about marriage and it seems like it’s just “meet him, love him and marry him”.
But then God is teaching me about purpose/ministry as a couple, purity, raising godly kids, obeying His will for my marriage, etc, etc.
Why is my own so different?
The answer this lovely sis told me was that everyone who God has chosen as His own will surely learn this lesson on their journey with God. I should be happy that I am learning them now and God is preparing me so I won’t make mistakes when I finally get in (I mean, we are privileged to get all this info on how God wants marriage to be now before we are married oh).
And then my convo with God on this issue happened when I was at Abuja for my call to bar. I was sitting at church programme where they made it look like it was “meet him, love him, marry him”.
And God’s reply to my question was – “I am taking you through my way, I am working in you, preparing you for the bride you should be to me and to him through this phase – this single phase? I am molding you just as Christ molds and builds the Church – His bride for Himself, so also are you being molded and built for me and your earthly groom… so rest and believe that we are doing it my way. let me do my work in you and present you as a worthy bride at the end of this all…”

If you haven’t started having convos with God as your husband yet, read this post and start relating with God as your husband indeed.

When thoughts like “you are doing holy holy, others dey marry” come to your head, remember what God has told you personally.


(2) Speak out loud God’s promises to you on your marital future.
Yes, the power of spoken words. Pull down those thoughts that don’t align with the word right down and only speak out God’s Word in faith. For what faith has to do with marriage? See this post.


(3) Remember that marriage isn’t everything.
If you read last week’s #OnlineBibleStudy, then you’d understand this truth.
Whatever the world may think now, I’m sorry, but your marriage isn’t at the fore front of God’s mind – your being complete and satisfied in Him is everything. When you know this truth, then maybe God can then trust you with a man, knowing that it won’t pull you away from Him.

The world’s preoccupation with marriage is unhealthy and makes for too many mistakes that we see all over right now. If we would settle down and let God teach us what He will – know that He is everything and marriage isn’t, then we can indeed get lessons that will help our marriages shine forth God’s light when the time comes.


(3) Pull on your khaki and bounce!
That’s what I did, I pulled on my corper’s uniform and bounced onto the seminar I had scheduled at the school.
But for you, uhm, I mean pull on your purpose that God has ordained for you and walk in it.
When those silly thoughts entered my head, I was almost on my way out to speak to students on purpose – something that God has given me directive to do. In the light of that, silly thoughts paled in comparison with what God has for me to do on earth for Him.
Like seriously? satan I don’t have time for you today, I have seeds that God has asked me to sow into the lives of others and that’s what’s worth my time.
So are you sitting around, idle and feeling sorry for yourself that all your “faith in God for marriage” is leaving you behind others?
What’s up with the purpose God has for you to fulfil for Him on earth?
Do you think that it will only come to light when the man comes?
God wants you both to be power couples in Him.
Meaning 1 + 1=1 (power!) not 0 + 1.
So please dearie, no need to mope around.
Get busy doing something.
I pulled on my khaki, buckled my belt wella and was more preoccupied with praying that God will speak through me today. (since I don’t bother with notes, I rely solely on the Spirit, I need serious alignment with Him)
I got back home in the evening, still had to take my small business goods to my house, and then write for today’s post on the blog(which is a ministry for God too).
So tell me where I will have that time to be wallowing in unhealthy thoughts?
After writing this letter now, I need to have some “snuggle time” with God and thank Him for how well today went, and I believe that as I do that, I will fall asleep with smiles on my face, literally feeling His arms around me.
So again, tell me which time I have to be entertaining silly thoughts?
Dear, get busy!
Pull up your jean/khaki/skirt and pursue after God’s purpose for your life. As you do that, He will let every other thing pursue after you.


And one bonus thing to know?

(4) Know that your journey and another’s is different.

In simple words, stay on your own lane.
And read this post on what to do during the season of weddings.
Thank God for others and fix your eyes on how God is dealing personally with you.

The path of God we are on never fails anyone, it keeps shining brighter and briighter until the perfect light of day.
So it shall be for us all if we don’t don’t grow weary and accept whatever we see.
#Only God’s Will is allowed.


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P.S – in the spirit of being real, help your fellow sisters out. If you’ve ever struggled with thoughts in the area of what we just talked about in this post, the please share what helped you to get out of the funk with us in the comment section below 🙂


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  • Frances Okoro
    June 15, 2015 at 11:12 am

    trying to figure out why the comment box isnt visible…

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