This post dropped into my heart with much soberness, as I had a chat with the girls during a down time.
We got talking about a woman who suffered with her hubs, built a life with him but had no children. Then her hubs went out and had children by other women. She in turn, began retaliating by doing lots of evil stuffs…so I heard.
Looking deep into the conversation, I admitted that no woman wants a rival. But once a misdeed is done, it is done. If that woman doesn’t take grace to forgive her husband, she would commit lots of atrocities and in the process offend God.
Before I knew it , the conversation drifted to the cheating attitude of men. A colleague then made a statement that sounds like “all men were created to cheat. It’s in their nature… Even the Christian ones”.
Then I began to ponder on these words.
We have been plagued so much with infidelity from men, and it seems like there are no men of virtue again. In all sincerity, I think this statement is half true. Even christian men are heavily involved in infidelity. But I do not believe this is the will of God for men.
Almost everywhere, we see men, single and married, church goers, church workers as well pastors committing sexual immorality.
Christian brothers are convincing their fiancee to engage in premarital sex, pastors trying to have sex with members.
I had a personal experience with a married church brother. At that time, his wife’s shop was opposite my mum’s shop. Ironically, I was so friendly and quite close to the wife. This man would leave his wife’s shop, possibly pretending to buy something from our place and he would be asking me out. I was not even 18 at that time!!!
My colleague told me of a pastor in school (he was married). He preached often against girls following married men. The same pastor would ask her out and invite her to the hotel.
All these stories breaks my heart because people have no faith in men again. Wives now see it as a norm , young girls expect it in marriage, even parents excuse it away by saying “men will always be men”.
I can’t help but ask this question…
Where are the mighty men of virtue? Are there no men who hold the word of God in high esteem?
I sincerely believe that there are still chaste men and those who are still faithful to their wives. When Elijah lamented to God about being the only servant left, God told him that “I have 7,000 men who have not bowed their knees to Baal”.
Men of virtues, it is time to rise up and speak against immorality. Teach and show this generation and the next, that God demands that men be holy in body and spirit. It is not a norm to be slutty. The Lord forbids immorality for both males and females.
Tosin Olugbade Nee Eyebiokin is a graduate of Economics from the University of Ado-Ekiti, Ekiti State, Nigeria.
A lover of God , wife of one man, a realist and critical thinker. She enjoys encouraging and challenging folks with her writings.
Tosin believes writers can influence the world and she has been writing since elementary school. A firm believer in biblical tenets, as her faith is strongly reflected in her writings.
Tosin loves children extremelyÂ and is passionate about showing them the way of truth. She is actively involved in the children ministry in her home church in Lagos.
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AJ BLACKMarch 17, 2016 at 8:20 pm
RE: ARE MEN OF VIRTUE ALL EXTINCT?
âAll men were created to cheat. Itâs in their nature!â
âI think this statement is half trueâ.
Unfortunately I find that I am sympathetic to the position above and I am a man who hates infidelity in men, whether in courtship or marriage. It is not that I donât know virtuous men. In fact I have the privilege of having the acquaintance of Christian men whose lifestyles I know well enough to be able to vouch for their virtue.
I have experienced so much male unfaithfulness at close quarters that I agree that infidelity is not a respecter of faiths. Like you said, a lot of Christians- to my thinking, too many of them- live promiscuous lives as bachelors and fail to respect the sanctity of the marital bed. Christianity does little to deter them- the instances you cited are so familiar- I have a lot of similar examples at home.
My first addition to the discussion is that we really should not be surprised by what is happening. As John Whitney said, âThe church is full of powerful menâ¦â¦.., but how many of them are true Christians?â The unfortunate truth is that the church as we know it today is not predominantly Christian. I have done my share of wandering and I have experienced many a Christian church. The fruits I have seen are suggestive of the pit and fire; not the winepress. (Mathew 7: 15- 23; 2 Thess 2: 1-5) Not only on the issue at hand is this the case, the falling away from the way while still bearing the name of Christ has become the acceptable way of practicing Christianity. One gets a distinct impression that Christians, collectively and individually, are taking God for a ride- mocking Him (Gal 6:7). One is reminded of the words of the prophet that on the day of pruning, the sword of the Lordâs anger will begin from within the temple.
My next impression is closely allied to the first. Granted, a lot of good sisters who honestly get involved with wolves they honestly take for sheep. However, a lot of the cases of infidelity that I have experienced in the body of Christ involve sisters who are implicated in the conspiracy to hoodwink God. Iâve had cause to ask many a sister, âIf you slept with your man severally before you married him, then how exactly do you figure that his Christianity will keep him faithful to you since your Christianity wasnât enough to keep you from committing fornication?â âThe sin of fornication is just as sinful as that of adultery and will kill a Christian just as dead âthe player brothers understand this, but the sisters choose not to-so how honest is the sister who tells me she felt it was different committing fornication with her beau since they were planning to get married-that God will understand?â Sometimes this sister commits fornication with several brothers, because such relationships founded on sin and falsehood under the cover of the temple usually crumble before getting to the altar.
My take is that if you are dealing with God, then you are going into a contractual relationship with him and I always tell my sisters that God has already made His terms known. If you say you are contracting with Him, the assumption is that you have accepted His conditions. Now if you do not keep those conditions, you are in breach and have vitiated the contract. God is not liable for anything and should not be joined in any suit!
I always tell my âgirlfriendsâ, âMake good use of your courtship. Talk about everything and anything. Insist on knowing because our faith does not allow us a second chance. You have to make sure that you believe in the same things as this fellow. The fold today is still a sheep pen, but the flock is predominantly goat.â
I have had to live through the pain of seeing very good women that I know end up with men of very little quality. In some of the instances, there were early warning signs. What I have come to realize is that there is an absence in my sisters. There is an incompleteness in their faith-their trust. They do not fully agree with Godâs template. They make certain things a priority above the core issue â the spiritual state of oneâs mate. Once this happens, one is liable to end up with a polygamous Christian.
I know there are very virtuous Christian men. I have the privilege of knowing some of them. Christians do a lot of very unchristian things. The games that guys play; girls now play equally well. The climate of promiscuity in the church is of our making and serious work needs to be done in cleaning up our thinking and living as Christians- the church as a whole falls short.
Frances OkoroMarch 20, 2016 at 5:29 pm
I’ve read your comment twice Aj black, will read again and comment for real…
let me get Tosin here to share her reply to your words too…you made so many good points!
Would you love to share a response to this in a post on the blog?
Titled RE(with the title of this post attached?)
I feel you’d have some great words to share and it shouldn’t just be in comments?
I can put it up this coming friday…we need to see this from a christian guy’s point of view.
Here’s my mail email@example.com in case you agree to this.. pretty please?
BecksMarch 24, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Awesome and very helpful comment. Makes me realize that often, we see things as one-sided and put the blame on men but how do we as ladies also contribute to it, through our character, dressing, speech and actions. Great response coming at a very appropriate time. It’s time we all became serious and started taking responsibility. God bless.
AJ BLACKMarch 25, 2016 at 6:11 am
Thanks and God bless you too. The church is the body -one body- of Christ and it is the duty of every Christian to keep it strong and healthy.
Frances OkoroMarch 26, 2016 at 7:26 pm
Exactly Becks…this is an eye opener to even deeper issues surrounding infidelity…
It’s just not men being men, it’s us forsaking Christ’s ways…we need a change and I pray we begin making a U-turn as a Church collectively.
God help us all… we need serious grace and also grace not to play with the grace God affords us (I hope that makes sense)
TosinMarch 29, 2016 at 11:34 am
@Aj , wonderful exposition on issue of fidelity, but i would like to do some clarification on the statement ” All men are created to cheat , i think this statement is half true”
if you read further you would see that i submitted that i do not believe infidelity is God’s will for man. Before the fall, man was perfect but after the fall the sinful nature came in , corrupted man and derailed him. A natural man (carnal man) cannot be satisfied with one woman. In reality ,we humans are carnal minded till we submit to Christ. Sin recreated us in a terrible way. it is from this premise that i concluded that the statement is half-true…still , i hold fast that it isn’t the will of God. I have seen men allow their sexual desires subject to the will of God.
I believe you are a man of virtue and thats why you are speaking out. God bless u.
@becks, to put blame on only men is truly unfair as both male and female have part in fidelity.
I was just examining how male infidelity has become a societal norm.
Frances OkoroApril 5, 2016 at 7:35 pm
Thanks so much for the clarification Tosin…
and yes, man without Christ cannot work above sin, it will take Christ and like Aj pointed out, not just us being religious but living in the word indeed.
God help us all..