Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

The Myth Of Singleness

Dear single ladies and gentlemen,
I am still up by 01:51AM on saturday morning trying to figure out how to string the words together in today’s love letter…. actually I was working on the book, then got side tracked, so I am currently just surfing the net.
Anyhows, I better get my head back onto the subject of today – nothing fancy – just some truth and gratitude to be displayed to God which I will get to as soon as I can stop peeping into my browser and let the words flow as they should.

Ok, back to the truth and gratitude I was talking about.
I walked back home from the office on tuesday and being the girl that I am, I decided not to waste the time, so I re-listened to a message on my phone. I plugged in a message I had on my phone from Myles Munroe – “The myth of singleness”.
Now, I just might transcribe that message for us all on the blog someday because I sincerely believe that lots of people will be cured from ignorance – depression about marriage – wasting their God given time and potentials – marrying “bombs”… if they listen to “the myth of singleness”.
You should please look for a way to download it before I transcribe it.
So, as I was saying, I plugged in my ear piece and started the walk back home.
I am certain that some persons must have thought that I was crazy because I was nodding at some point, smiling at some point, laughing at some point, praying at some point… all done as I walked home – in public view of others.
At a point, I had to thank God for my life – for deliverance from ignorance.

Now, basically, the myth of singleness talks about the fact that the world’s greatest problem is ignorance. Same for the greatest problem of singles.
That even in the church, people keep hounding singles to get married, not realizing that singleness is actually a gift.
And a great marriage is made up of two complete singles, who even when they are married, have to still be singles to be able to have the awesome marriage that they want.
They don’t need each other, they want each other. (as I read my current study on Acts yesterday, I saw how this even relates to our marriage with God but I can’t go into that today)
Now, Dr Myles Munroe went ahead to talk about the fact that the reason why marriages are failing today is because the people were never complete men and women in the first place before they got married to each other.
They never knew God’s purpose for their lives. They never used the potential that God has given to them. They grew up and then thought that marriage will give them the fulfillment they seek so they hinged every thing in their lives on marriage to a man (and I add, not their marriage to God)
He actually said that if someone says “they can’t live without you,” RUN! They are a leech – parasites. RUN.(you guys truly have to get this message)
You should be developing yourself to be an asset. You should be soooo wrapped up in with God and fulfilling His purpose for your life, God Himself would have to interrupt you to give you your spouse – just like He did to Adam.

Now, as I listened to the message and walked home, I was first of all overwhelmed with gratitude.
For what?
For knowledge about this truth.
I shudder to think of me getting married in the years past. Thank God that He never let me accept any man before He started teaching me lessons on how marriage to be.
Because such burden on a man to give me fulfillment would definitely have strained whatever relationship/marriage I went into then.
I was overwhelmed with gratitude about the fact that I was busy – not just busy, but busy with what God wanted me to do.
I thanked God for the fact that I don’t pray about marriage with desperation, but with peace of mind and heart, knowing that He has got that aspect of my life and with the assurance that in this season of my singleness, I am indeed using it like the gift it’s meant to be.

As I walked also, this revelation hit me.
You know, God left Adam in the garden to name the animals, guard the garden – generally to get busy with God’s purpose for His life.
As at that time, Adam didn’t even know that God would give Him a wife.
Heather Lindsey refers to it as “Adam was asleep”
And where was Eve during that period?
Eve was a conception in the mind of God.
God was forming her in his mind, then he brought her to life by creating her before bringing her to Adam.
All the while God was creating Eve, where was she?
She was with God.
So God was molding Eve, preparing her to present her to Adam.
Was she even worried about where, what and to whom God will give her to when she was with God?
She was just content to be molded by the creator in that season.
See the light bulb moment here?

Singleness like Dr Myles says, it’s a gift and then I add, it’s a season of preparation – where God molds you and shapes you for what and where He wants to take you.
And not necessarily just taking you to meet your Adam(though that may be inclusive) but taking you to fulfill purpose in Him. To be a helper in guarding what God has entrusted to you.
So while you are sleeping – being prepared by God, you may not even be cognizant of him/her and that’s ok. God will bring you both together when He is done with preparing you both.
Or rather get busy with all God has for you right now.
I repeat that this season of singleness is a gift. And I believe that it’s about time we all started treating it as such.



I live in a compound where one of my neighbour has two kids. The younger one cries and cries all the time.
I doubt if her mother can be up at past 2am like I am right now writing a blog post after all the running around that has been done with the little girl during the day.
But I don’t have such things to worry about right now.
In fact, for this past week, I have been editing and formatting the upcoming book at night.
There’s no cry to wake me up in the morning when I am exhausted after a night of writing.
And then I can decide to spend time with God for hours in the morning with no one to attend to.
I was reading my Bible yesterday when the kid came to my room. As soon as she started crying, I quickly called her sister to come and take her (Argh, I don’t like children that cry anyhow, I know, my babies will smile all the, and then I went back to studying my Bible.
If I was her mother, that would have been impossible to do. Bible study for that moment would be deemed done.

What am I trying to say?
I see the differences between the married life and mine and I realize that this stage that I am in now is a gift.
Like Paul says, it’s a time that I can use to throw myself fully into God and His plan for me with no distractions.
I recognize that fact and I am grateful for it – as we should all be.
The next phase for our lives may come soon but don’t waste this season.

How come you are crying about marriage but not crying about your purpose in God?
Why are you comfortable about the fact that your relationship with God is in shambles but you want a relationship with man?
This season is a time for God to prepare you – treat it as such.
God will bring the spouse to you soon enough but first, let your first spouse – God know that you both are on track.

This season of singleness is a gift.
Don’t let the world take away from the immense benefits that you can derive from this time of your life.
When the married phase comes, of course God will empower you to deal with it.
But first, follow through with the grace He gives you right now to stay in the single phase of your life.

I pray that we will find, know and walk in the purpose God has for us in this season. Not wasting the time, but making valuable us of it in Jesus name, amen.

Till our next love letter,

P.S- Have you listened to the Myles Munroe’s message I mentioned in today’s letter?
Please share lessons you got from it below/lessons this letter struck in you.

P.P.S – A free chapter for the ladies from the Chastity For Men book will be available for download on monday.
Yes there’s a chapter “For my treasured sisters: for the ladies who braved it to read this book for men”
It’s probably my best chapter in the book.
So please tell a friend to tell a friend to tell a friend to subscribe to blog to get it. (You can do that by sharing this post via the social media buttons below)
I will be sending all subscribers their copy on monday before the post on it goes live on the blog.


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  • Reply
    Tope BANKS
    June 27, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    I listened to that message over and over again till Dr Myles words rang in my subconscious. The part about been a national star by 18 or there about not so sure still challenges me. Truth is singleness with purpose is definitely a gift. Marriage doesn’t change you it only reveals who you really are,so if you are a good for nothing going nowhere b4 marriage,after marriage you would remain(assuming you still don’t discover purpose) that person. Marriage is not an end,I believe its the beginning of a journey. Its better to discover purpose first so you and your future don’t have issues later when you begin to walk in purpose.
    Frances this your blog posts always making me write long comments abeg o.LOL *runsaway*

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 29, 2015 at 2:16 am

      Lolll Tope, we loove the long comments.
      Thank you!

      That statement by Dr Myles challenged me too.
      Had me asking myself, how old are you now? Are you on track with what God wants you to do?
      How is your relationship with God? Is it as deep as it should be? Are you pursuing God as you should…
      God help us all to make valuable use of the time He has given to us in Jesus name, amen.

      I also pray that you and the coach will be lights for God -fulfilling what He has joined you both to do in Him/His grace, in Jesus name, amen.

  • Reply
    June 28, 2015 at 3:06 am

    So true! This time we have is totally a gift! This is the time to grow deeply in Christ and walk in purpose. Marriage doesn’t bring fulfillment, God does. Two broken people have no business getting married.
    This is the time to get rooted in Christ, for with marriage comes distractions. However, once we’re deeply rooted in Him, no distraction can snatch us from Him.

    Haha! Let me stop before I write Epistle here. Thanks Frances.
    God bless you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 29, 2015 at 2:19 am

      Epistle? Bolaji bring it on oh.
      Two broken people have no business getting married-let God heal you first as you hide yourself in Him and in His plans for your life.
      The first and foremost thing to do in this season is to draw close to God, know Him..with absolutely no distractions.

  • Reply
    saint uc
    May 10, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    I listen to the message over and over again and there are lot of lessons to shear first it’s not age the qualifies you to get married but knowledge does I seen families where children have to be the calming down their parents. be yourself determine your purpose in life So that when people see you the find you fulfilling your purpose for Adam God show his purpose and knew he need a help mate. some out there is has not found a help mate because the life is not yet defined go out there find your GOD given purpose and when that person comes you both can get busy Eve did not have to go about looking for job when she brought to Adam she knew what to do learn all you need now from friends neighborhood church family members then your single whole and complete So that you can be a help in did if not your dangerous to get married To. please get this message and listen to it if u have not I believe you will realize that your not created for marriage but marriage was created for you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 12, 2016 at 8:46 am

      Thanks so much for sharing lessons from this amazing message Saint UC!
      Everyone should listen and learn…it so blessed my life…

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