The Most Important Thing To Consider When Choosing A Spouse

 

Dear Abimbola,
This letter has been ringing in my heart for you…
I realize that I stayed silent throughout our conversation about your “relationship dilemma”.
I kept quiet because I was praying for wisdom on what to tell you but then I also kept thinking “why, but she’s missing it…”
I just didn’t know how to tamper my words with love so you get my point and not get defensive…
So I decided to write to you.
Somehow my heart comes through better when I write so I pray it’s the same in this situation.

 

Yes.
I listened to you as you talked about the different guys you were having difficulty with choosing which was your husband and I was suspended between smiling and shaking my head, all done in my heart.
I was smiling because hey, here’s a lady with choices to be made as regards a spouse… Some don’t have that privilege.
And then I was shaking my head because all through our conversation, the most important thing you should have considered while choosing a spouse didn’t pass through your lips.

 
You talked about the fact that one guy was loving and caring, one was so cute, one pulled at the strings of your heart, and with one you had so much passion, you always fought (and made up).
But you didn’t mention #Purpose.
You never said “Frances this one best suits my God-given purpose and I believe that we can both be power couples in God”.
I was sitting there, looking at you and I wanted to ask you…
But does this one guy advance your God-given purpose?
Does he build you up in Christ or pull you down?
Do you see yourselves raising a home that will please God?
Abimbola do you even know the purpose for which God has created you?

 

All relationships will be worth nothing in the eyes of God – the only One whose approval matters if it doesn’t advance further the purpose for which both of you have been created by God.
And if you haven’t gotten this truth in your heart, enough to consider it first when choosing a spouse, then perhaps you need to let the choice of who to marry stew for a bit while you let Jesus teach you a bit about His purpose for marriages (and relationships that lead to marriage).

 

Abimbola, I feel like you need to leave the search for who to marry and go find yourself.
And finding yourself and who God has created you to be is best done when you are single with no distractions between you and the one who has created you.
Some persons have a different story and find their purpose when they are already married but I believe that there was a reason why Adam was alone with His creator before Eve was brought into the picture.
Even Eve was sculpted and molded with God alone while Adam was asleep.
Have you spent that time with God alone while being molded by Him or are you trying to skip the process?
If you must find purpose then you must go to your creator – God.
You are trying to jump this process of finding yourself and that’s the reason why you are so confused with qualities that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
What does one guy being cute and one not being cute do for you?
What does one guy being caring and one not being caring do for you?
Don’t get me wrong, these are desires of our heart that God does grant, after all as we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts but how can those things be of any help to you if you don’t know whether the guy is God’s chosen spouse for you?
And one of God’s way of choosing your spouse for you is based on whether He aligns with His plans for your life.
And how can you know this if you don’t know God’s own plan for your own life?
I hope you are following my thought process Abimbola…

 

You cannot skip the process of discovering your purpose and expect to jump into the next step of aligning yourself with someone else without glitches.
In our walk with God, one step flows from the other, not the other way around.
So to me, you are confused about the wrong set of things.
Go to God, find yourself and His plans for your life and when you know what it is, it will help you to chose when different potential spouses come your way.
Knowing your purpose has a way of helping you filter the guys that fit into it and those who don’t.
It streamlines your choices and helps you gain a modicum of knowledge about who to consider as a potential spouse and who you shouldn’t even touch with a long pole.

 

I believe that it’s time to redefine what matters to you in a relationship.
Yes, you and the guy should be in love, but no, this isn’t the first thing to consider.
The first is, can both your purposes align in Christ, so much so that it advances God’s kingdom better than your individual selves could have done?
He might not have the same purpose with yours but can they fit into each other?

 

You have to get this right dear because failure to do so will get you into the same rut lots of marriages are in, in the world.
Wrapped up in only love, sex and kids when God has so much more in store for them.
The assignment they should fulfill in God’s agenda being left undone because they do not even know that they have an assignment to carry out.
It’s a sad way to live your marital destiny.

 

So I beg you Abimbola…
There has to come a time when you leave the things that don’t matter and focus on the things that matter… and that time is now.
You are in your twenties already. Waste time no longer.
Get started on being molded by God and discovering who you are in Him.
Only then can you be aligned with who fits you perfectly.
Get God’s own thoughts about the things that matter in marriage into your head.
Let Him teach you these things Himself and that can only begin when you decide to let Him take the reins.

 
It seems to me like you are still trying to force your own will in relationships.
You are still basing your choice on the things you can see.
A man can be loving today and cruel tomorrow. You don’t see the future, neither can you see His heart. Only God can. And that’s the reason why you have to prayerfully let Him chose a spouse for you.
He knows best.
So let the things that matter to God in relationships matter to you and one of those things is #Purpose.
You cannot do away with it.
God never creates anything without a niche it’s meant to fill and that includes the institution of marriage.
So please stop all these trial by error ways of you trying to figure out yourself by yourself.
It won’t work and would only leave you more confused because a way might seem right right to you but it only ends in destruction.

 

So start from the beginning.
Your purpose.
Then you know His purpose.
Then you know if both purposes can align in the marriage God wants to bless you both with.
You can’t skip any step in this.
Go back to the drawing board, the foundation and let God teach you His ways of choosing a spouse that will advance His God-given purposes for the both of you.

 

I pray that somehow, my heart filtered through my words to you and my message is very well receptive to your heart.
I pray for you just like I pray for myself that you won’t miss it in this all important aspect of life.
You will let God teach you and accept His guidance in Jesus name, amen.

 
Till my next love letter,
Love,
Frances.

*****************************************

I know…
It should be no wonder that I am writing on purpose as I just released a book on it.
It’s a topic that burns brightly in my heart.
Living forth God’s purpose for our individual lives and even in our marriages…

 

Basic steps that God has taught me to finding and walking in purpose are all in my recently released book.
And yes, the launch was a success… God was(is) awesome!
Pictures of the launch will be shared on the book page today so like the page here and keep in touch for the walk God is taking the book on.

 

The details and how the day went, along with video of my talk on purpose will be shared on the blog on Monday.

 

E-copies, book readings, discussion on purpose, plans in the works for the book (its more than just a book)…etc… all will be shared on the book page and this blog.
So if you desire to walk in purpose/are just being awakened to living a purposeful life/are already waking in purpose…keep in touch. God’s taking us on a ride on this journey and I’m watching Him do it…as you all are.

 

I’ll see you all here with details on “10 Steps To Walking In purpose” book launch on Monday 🙂

 

 

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