Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

The Ephesians 5:25 Man

My dear single ladies and gentlemen,
I have missed you all like something else.

Somehow, I have been missing out on posting Frances’ Love Letters and #OnlineBibleStudy for a while now.
Its not my fault per say.
Light issues and battery issues.. almost always rear their head up on those two days.
Forgive me 🙂

But I am here today and finally we get to talk about something that I should have written about last year but it didn’t quite feel like the right time. But today… lets dig in.

The Ephesians 5:25 man.

Who is this man?

A lot of ladies wonder about what the characteristics  for chosing their man should be based on.

I first encountered the Ephesians 5:25 man last year when God gave me insight on Him when I was praying about a relationship.

Him or not Him?

And God led me to His word.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 NLT
The first thing we must know is that Jesus is the prototype for this man.

What was Jesus’ ultimate reason for giving up His life for the church?

To make her holy and clean. So if a man doesn’t love you in such a way that you are presented holy and clean, then is that love according to what Jesus wants for you?

Is that the kind of love Jesus wants for you?

The love of Jesus purges us from all stuffs that hold us back from being pure in Him so when Jesus loves you, expect yourself to get better…expect your life to be cleansed from the dirt that clogs it.

Washed by the cleansing of God’s word…”

Jesus’ love for us aligns with the Word of God. The Bible.

So to know how a man should be to you.. you must know what the Word of God says about relationships.
What does God’s word say about the character of a godly man/woman who He wants as a spouse for you?

Does this man’s character align with it?

Does your relationship with Him make you better as Jesus does?

Is He pulling off bad attributes off of you?
Is He making you more like Jesus or less like Him?
Do you get more godly wisdom from him?
Are you encouraged by him?

Jesus loved the Church and gave Himself up for her and even now is working on her to become a glorious church without spot and wrinkle or any other blemish marring her.

Jesus says no to blemishes.

Now this is my personal word for not kissing before marriage.. .
Its a high standard but what Jesus wants for me. .without spot or blemish.

Jesus says my man for you – the Ephesians 5:25 man would also desire to keep you pure like I do.
He would want to present you to me without blemish, holy and acceptable to me.


Ask yourself:
When you stand before Jesus with your boyfriend, does Jesus approve of him or does he find fault with how the guy presents you to Him?


The Ephesians 5:25 man would also love you by feeding and caring for you as Christ does the Church.

Christ feeds and cares for the Church.

Now what does Jesus feed the Church with?

The Bible says we are spirit but have a soul and body.

What do you feed the spirit with?
The Word of God.

Jesus feeds us with meals for the three parts of our bodies.
His word for our spirit…
His word to transform and renew our mind – soul.
Takes care of us physically too day by day…

How can a man feed you like Jesus does?

By taking care of all parts of you too. Body, soul and Spirit.

Can that man feed your Spirit with the word of God?
Does he wash you with the water of the Word?

Your mind:
Are you depressed and perpetually sad with this guy?
Do you think better and align your thoughts with the word of God when this man is there?

Your spirit.
Is your spirit man sharpened or dull when this man is with you?
Do you increase spiritually or decrease after every time spent with him?

Do you have to repent after  every meet up with this man because you always fall into sexual temptation?

Are you farther away from Jesus or closer because of this relationship?

Can you imagine Jesus as your husband defiling your body with sexual sin before marraige?
Then why do you think He would give you a man who does that to you?

I know he may say I am human and get tempted. .thats correct but Jesus man for you would say “I desire you right now but I also want to present you holy to Jesus. I can’t do this sin against God”.

This is a tall order but this is the Ephesians 5:25 man.

He is not perfect but you will see a measure of Jesus in him.


Jesus promises us His kind of man for us and He will groom and build him to be that kind of man.

As He is building you as a queen, He is also building your king.

Same with the men too.
Jesus won’t give you a woman that hasn’t been made/molded in a certain regard by Him.


To us ladies.
Read and study the Ephesians 5:25 man again.

Take the lessons and apply to yourself.
Do you think that you are also  allowing yourself to be molded for an Ephesians 5:25 man?
Are you allowing yourself to be built too?

It goes both ways.


So for those confused, I hope the Word has been able to help us see what Jesus’ man for us is like.

You can start praying for your man too today.

Its not easy to be built to be this man.. only God can do it and the man has to be willing to be molded.
Pray for your future husband.
He needs it.

Next week we shall talk about submission for the ladies.

The 1 Peter 3 woman.


Till our next love letter on here,


For more on the attributes of a godly man..
The list for a future husband, you can pre-order the women at the well upcoming book.
Its a four part study that also contains a study from men in the Bible we can all use as a measure to write our list.

Repost from @twtwnigeria  AWESOME NEWS: FIRST TWTW BOOK Hello ladies, its Frances here.. So I have been working since morning on this... My head has been everywhere and I just couldn't seem to focus on the work I had to do. Decided to go on Youtube to stream Pastor Nat's songs as I worked and it worked like magic. Introducing: Guys, our Christian ladies group 'The women At The Well" is working on our first book: a collection of every study we have done for the past one year. We have: 1: the List 2: Becoming God's Own Kind Of Woman 3: Marriage Today (Marriage God's way) 4: The Character Of A Godly woman I am sooooo excited!!! So if you haven't been a part of us, you really really should pre-order your copies of our first book. Trust me, it would revamp your mind, realign your heart and fill you up with Jesus and His word which is our ultimate aim. Again, I am sooo soo excited. #Anticipate. #Share to a lady you know. Let me go back to work. lots to do. And details on our last meet for the year will be out soon. Keep in touch on our blog via the link below.. The Women At The Well

See more details on the book HERE

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  • Reply
    November 26, 2016 at 9:15 am

    :’* :* . Don’t settle. 😀

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      November 26, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      As in eh Benita.. we just shouldn’t settle.
      Waiting is hard but sooo worth it

      • Reply
        November 26, 2016 at 2:15 pm

        Waiting is hard, hard hard. It will take only God’s kind of knowledge for me (us) to believe waiting is worth it. Just to family that i already gave a hint that am not marrying him are like; 1 said i should visit a prophet to be sure so i don’t end up like my mum, i almost cried and cursed her, the other said i should not talk like that, am i acting sensible at all. I just wish i can make every one understand what God’s kind of marriage means.

        • Reply
          Frances Okoro
          November 27, 2016 at 2:20 pm

          Everyone may not understand dear Benita, but God can give you grace to be at peace with that knowledge, to obey Him, knowing that they that wait upon the Lord shall grow strong and not grow weary… and increase in Him in all aspects even beyond marriage..
          Obeying God and doing things His way is hard but not impossible… and God owes no man, and wont start with us.
          He who honours Him, He honours.

  • Reply
    November 27, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    Hmmn seems this post is for me?
    Wouldn’t say I am weary in waiting, but I do feel discouraged sometimes.
    Maybe weak in spirit, I don’t know
    Time after time, I meet cool guys, but not one who sees the danger of premarital sex
    Is that really really too difficult for men? Can a brother answer?
    Just this weekend I was talking with a new toaster, and he says I should consider intimacy
    When I told him my stand, he says its not a deal breaker for him, he can wait..hmm
    But becos I’m no longer a naive teenager, how do I trust someone who is on the fence
    I will wait if you want me to, good… but that wasn’t your initial thought?
    Or does God want us to change men like that? Draw them closer?
    I don’t like changing a guy in rlship.. cos the devil can use it to make you fall
    So yes, waiting is weary, and may God strenghten our faith!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      November 29, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      I can understand where you are coming from.. I ran Chastity for men series on the blog just to let our brothers know that Chastity is possible and men are doing it.

      Still we wait dear, knowing that there are still 7000 who havent bowed to baal and if we would only trust God, at the right time, surely our own remnant will come to us.
      *Love and love*

      PS: Going in with the mind to change the man is a trap oh. a very big one. you are right about that

    • Reply
      Hephzibah Frances
      January 8, 2020 at 9:09 pm

      Sis how are you doing?

  • Reply
    November 30, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    Thanks for’s a great reminder for me. Years back since when i first saw that bible verse, it stuck with me and i would say that is the kind of man i want…a man that loves me as Christ loves the Church…but reading this explains it even further…thanks.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      December 12, 2016 at 10:08 am

      God bless you Jumoke.
      A man like Jesus is worth waiting for.. Grace to wait for us all. amen

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