Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

The 1 Peter 3:1 Kinda Woman || On Submission

Hi hi hi hi sisters!

This post has been a long time coming. I mentioned in the Ephesians 5:25 man post that I was going to share on this the next week.

Well, that next week is three weeks after.

I have had a full past three weekends.

The very next next week was TWTW Meet, then Gbile Akanni’s retreat I went for. etc. etc.


I will no longer make promises about posts. Since my Blackberry – my handy phone for typing is gone, keeping promises about writing what with light issues and laptop issues is a chore.

But things are getting better! Amen.

And I am here today so that counts for something huh?

Let’s get right into it!


So I related my kind of personality in this post.

I am a Go-to girl (according to Debi Pearl in “Preparing to be a help-meet).

I am choleric. Rash, brash, forceful, full of life, a go-getter and a woman who doesn’t have time for time wasters.

Get the gist?

Before I became born again, I took pleasure in cutting down to size with my mouth.

Oh Lord, I could dress down them boys who stepped on my toes.

When red lips tried me, he got some here (and I was born again then sef oh).

I was also that girl who claimed to be a feminist (maybe I still am).

I feel the pain of women deeply and want to help but if I didn’t let God take control, I would have gone done a deep end.

I would be like “how can a husband do that???? No, no, no”.

Granted some things husbands do are wrong but then when you shift the dynamics to God’s way, you get a different equation.


“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

-1Peter 3:1&2

I used to wonder at this submission deal, maybe even get agitated.

I mean, who gives this kind of command?

But me and the man are equals!

But in our study in TWTW Marriage Today study (You can pre-order the book here) this came to me:


“submission is basically a typography of what goes on in the spiritual realm, between us and Jesus.
God is a God of order.
Now in 1Peter 3:7, Peter says that we are equal heirs with our husbands and no one is lesser than the other and this is true.
But in the order God has placed in MARRIAGE, the husband is the captain of the boat.
He doesn’t do his captain duty by force, he does his captain deal by LOVE.

The wife is an officer in the boat, same human being like the captain and also has equal status before God who created them both, But even though her opinion is important and carries weight, the bulk of the way to go falls on the captain’s table.

Look at it like our relationship with Jesus
In Romans 8:29 we see that we are actually brothers and sisters with Christ by virtue of what he did on the cross for us.
Galatians 3:29 says that we are joint heirs together with Christ now. When God looks at us, He sees Jesus.
That still doesn’t mean that we are the head of the church.
Jesus is the head of the Church and forever will be.
We are joint heirs, yes, but we are his body, still subject to His authority and whatever Jesus says is what we follow.

Yes, God would say “come now, let us reason together”
Your opinion to Jesus matters.
But then because Jesus is your head and knows better than you do, sometimes, when what you want clashes with his words, your opinion must give way to His.
And that’s just the way it works in our physical marriages”


Yes, we are equal with our husbands, no question about that but the bride submits to the groom – her head. That’s the order God has created for this.
And now, I have seen God’s plan for submission and agree with it – because God fights our battles when we submit as wives to our husbands.

Like Aunty Salt said here, submission is us going down so God can work on our husbands.

It pays in all ways than one.

God placed that order in place and honors it.

So when a woman submits, god is on her side.

PS: Single sisters, see why you must marry a good head?

Submission is non-negotiable, so we must ask god to help us marry men worth submitting to – men submitted to Him.


So now, I know that God wants me to submit but my personality keeps rearing its head up.

I want to argue and prove my point when God says keep quiet.

How can I ever submit when I am as head strong as I am?


Well, for other women like me or just for those who think that they will die if they ever agree to submit according to God’s word.

I have got good news for us.


I opened my Bible to study a bit when I was preparing this post and found one small word in that 1Peter 3:1 verse…


“Wives, IN THE SAME WAY be submissive to your husbands…



What same way?


Oh, there is a pattern for submitting like God wants us to do.

How do we get this pattern?

Thank you Jesus!

Lets just scroll some verses above.


“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

-1 Peter 3:21-25

For better understanding please read from Verse 13.

It talks about submission to authority and how believers must submit… slaves to their masters, etc. Suffering even for good.

And then it says “we were called to this, because Christ suffered for us, LEAVING US AN EXAMPLE…”

What example?

He committed no sin but kept quiet even as men accused and tortured Him.







So we have a template in this submission business.

We cannot do it in our strength, it has to be in Jesus’ strength.

For women like me witha kinda pushful personality, the only way we can mellow is through Jesus.

There is no other way to do this.


God can show you how beautiful submission is.

Look what came out of Jesus’ submission unto death on the cross.. you and me saved! Men from every tribe, nation and country can no belong to God.

He won the victory through submission!

God wants to teach us this skill as women.

Its a beautiful skill to have.. one we can only do in God, through God and as unto God.


I won’t say that the word submission doesn’t still taste like bile in my mouth but God is working in me to where I see it as a blessing.

And head strong or not, I constantly ask God to teach me to submit.

He has done this teaching in various ways even now.. telling me to shut up and walk in love when my flesh wanna balk.

Telling me to keep quiet even when I feel I am right.


Don’t give up on you.

Study the scriptures and ask God to help you see the beauty in submission and grace to help you start submitting to authority He has placed over you even before your husband comes.

God helps when we sincerely go to Him for help. He will help you.


We should also know that imbibing and inculcating a godly character also makes this easy – what the Bible calls a”quiet and gentle spirit which is in the sight of God of great price”.

All this can only be done with a willing heart ready to be molded IN GOD.


I pray for grace on us all.

People like me need extra grace. Lol.

God help us all.


Till our next love Letter,



PS: Submission as a topic and the character of a godly woman as a study are all in our first “The Women At The Well” Book that will be out in January 2017.

Feel like you need some help being the woman God wants you to be?

This book would help you.

Repost from @twtwnigeria The Character Of A Godly Woman "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23 KJV We have been on this study for the past few months... We have gone from love to self-control..the whole works. &one thing we have discovered is that we still have a long way to go in bearing the fruits of a godly woman. Notice that character isn't about the gifts of the Spirit..anyone can bear those but only one who is being pruned by God can bear the fruits (John 15) Whats your character like dear sister? Whats your tongue like? What fruits do you bear? We all have a long way to go but are you even willing to go the long way? Jesus wants us to bear fruits the Spirit gives to us. To live forth His character &attributes. PS: The first edition of our collection of Bible studies will be out soon. All studies we have done for the last one year are in it: (1) THE LIST FOR A FUTURE HUSBAND... (2) BECOMING GOD'S OWN KIND OF WOMAN... (3) MARRIAGE GOD'S WAY... (4) THE CHARACTER OF A GODLY WOMAN. .. We are only printing per orders... If you are a lady interested in becoming God's own kind of woman, order for your copies. Mail at

Pre-order by mailing

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  • Reply
    Noel O. Louis
    December 17, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    I pray that the Spirit of submission comes upon our women and that of being a good head – a man who submits to God – comes upon us, the men.


    This is a great one, Frances.

  • Reply
    December 18, 2016 at 6:11 am

    Should a woman in an abusive marriage submit unto death??
    (I mean, the guy is gonna just get married to another woman right on top of her grave, no?)

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      December 23, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      I was going to get into this part, what submission is and isnt.. and submission in light of abuse etc, but decided not to/I didnt know how to navigate it into this post without losing my way.
      So just decided maybe later.

      But there is a post on submission that i believe answers your question Linda.

      Here it is:

      I hope it answers your question..

  • Reply
    December 26, 2016 at 7:52 am

    Yes, thanks.

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