*Note, you can watch everything I have written in this post in the video below if you’d rather watch (or watch and read)
Dear single ladies and gentlemen,
I hope you are all strong in body, soul and spirit?
It’s an amazing new month and I believe God is going before and after us to make every crooked path straight!
Last week I got a comment from a blog reader on “Making the decision not to kiss until marriage post”
I intended to write a post on “the journey so far on the decision not to kiss before marriage”, so I knew that I wasn’t quite done with that topic.
So we might as well reopen the topic on not kissing before marriage with a reply to the controversial(a bit) topic the blog reader talked about in his comment.
Here’s the comment:
July 29, 2015 at 1:52 pm (Edit)
Miss Frances. I thank Jesus that you and several ladies of God have made this decision. However, the whole âkissing before marriage is not a sinâ doctrine, Iâm not sure I agree. In fact I donât. This conviction is consistent with people who have a deep communion with God. Why would Jesus tell us all not to kiss if He was actually okay with it? Itâs okay to say itâs your own personal conviction, but I donât think it is to say blatantly that itâs not a sin.
God bless you. Good job with the blog.
Thank you Dayo!
Now, is kissing before marriage a sin or not a sin?
Where do you draw the line in physical expressions of love as a Christian in a relationship?
Immediately I saw Dayo’s comment, I had a Bible passage ringing in my head and it was just a matter of delving in for me to get what the Word was saying.
We would be doing a bit of study on the Word today (it’s not out of place seeing as God’s Word is the basis for all we do here right?)
We will take this in step by step detail and culminate it all in one general consensus.
So stick with me…
“Now regarding your question about food that has been offered to idols. Yes, we know that âwe all have knowledgeâ about this issue. But while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church.”
What does Paul mean by it is love that strengthens the Church, not knowledge?
Now, there’s are some gray areas that are not expressly forbidden or allowed in the Bible and in 1Corinthians 8, the issue was on food that had been sacrificed to idols.
Paul said, what is to guide teachings in these areas isn’t “knowledge” but LOVE.
What kind of Love?
The God kind of love in 1Corinthians 13 of course.
We will come back to the issue of love guiding us, for now, let’s go on…
“So, what about eating meat that has been offered to idols? Well, we all know that an idol is not really a god and that there is only one God. … However, not all believers know this. Some are accustomed to thinking of idols as being real, so when they eat food that has been offered to idols, they think of it as the worship of real gods, and their weak consciences are violated.”
Let’s bring that down to our topic here.
Some of us are accustomed to thinking of kissing as a normal love language.
They believe that it doesn’t meant anything – their consciences are “strong”.
Some of us on the other hand have tender consciences on this issue.
For example, my decision became so strong when just a peck on my forehead and holding hands in an intimate way with someone who wasn’t my husband convicted me so much, I spent about a one hour journey saying I’m sorry to God. (the story of this time is in the video)
I felt like I was basically desecrating my body by allowing a man who wasn’t my husband hold me in such a way.
Now, that is me – my personal conviction – how the Spirit has dealt with me… is it right then for me to lay such a conviction as a law and say it’s a sin when the Bible isn’t clear on it?
I love how Paul was so clear on some certain things in 1Corinthians 7.
He separated what was a command from God and what was the wisdom God has given him in answering some of the questions that were sent to him.
“But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. … Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you.”
I am not going to tell anybody that kissing is a sin when the Lord didn’t tell me so.
I love you too much to place a burden on you that God hasn’t placed on you.
I believe that God is leading me on the path to show that He can indeed wash off someone from the shady past they had and make her anew in purity in Him again.
I cannot place my personal conviction on you as a sin.
I am required to love you, not force my “superior knowledge” on you.
“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of Godâs secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didnât love others, I would be nothing.”
The kind of love by which I am required to love you with, doesn’t demand it’s own way with you.
But rather builds you up to grow in Christ in your own journey with Him.
1Corinthians 8.1 (AMP)
“NOW ABOUT food offered to idols: of course we know that all of us possess knowledge [concerning these matters. Yet mere] knowledge causes people to be puffed up (to bear themselves loftily and be proud), but love (affection and goodwill and benevolence) edifies and builds up and encourages one to grow [to his full stature].”
This love would encourage you to grow in God in this issue of kissing before marriage.
We who are born again all have the Spirit of God living in us.
Our consciences(if we have let them be renewed by the Word) are being ruled by the Spirit, not by man.
So I would tell everyone who’s confused as to whether kissing before marriage is a sin or not to listen to God’s Spirit in them.
He makes all things clear and leads us into all truth.
Let Him lead you into the truth in this gray area, not someone else – not me.
So we will put love at the forefront in this issue like the Bible says.
What do you – the Spirit in you thinks about kissing someone else that isn’t your husband?
What does God think about it?
Does the Spirit agree with it?
Is your conscience violated when you do so?
If your conscience(one which has been renewed by God) thinks that kissing before marriage is ok, you aren’t convicted on it, then still be ruled by love in this issue.
“But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. For if others see youâwith your âsuperior knowledgeââeating in the temple of an idol, wonât they be encouraged to violate their conscience by eating food that has been offered to an idol? So because of your superior knowledge, a weak believer for whom Christ died will be destroyed. And when you sin against other believers by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong, you are sinning against Christ. So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I liveâfor I donât want to cause another believer to stumble.”
Still, do not cause others to sin because of your “superior knowledge”.
Think of your neighbour who is just growing in Christ and who thinks kissing is a sin before you go kissing your boyfriend in front of them.
Will it cause them to start seeing it as normal when God has told them to stay off?
Be guided by love in this.
Galatians 5 deals with another gray area too – to be circumcised or not to be circumcised?
And here’s what Paul says again…
“Listen! I, Paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God, then Christ will be of no benefit to you. … But we who live by the Spirit eagerly wait to receive by faith the righteousness God has promised to us. For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus, there is no benefit in being circumcised or being uncircumcised. What is important is faith expressing itself in love…”
Faith expressing itself in love.
Not in rules of don’t handle, don’t touch, don’t taste…
But in a relationship with God and what He is saying to you to clear up these gray areas that the Word isn’t specific on.
What is Jesus saying to you on not kissing before marriage?
That’s what is important.
And then Galatians 5 wraps up with what 1Corinthians 8 wrapped up with which is what we close with too.
“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But donât use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: âLove your neighbor as yourself.â But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.”
We are commanded to love one another, not to be in division because of our “superior knowledge”.
Love is what we should be ruled by in this area of not kissing before marriage which isn’t specifically talked about in the Bible.
I can tell you about my personal conviction and tell you why I am staying off of all physical intimacy before marriage including kissing.
Kissing leads to other things and my entire body belongs to God – including my lips and He would only approve my giving it to His man for me.
I can tell you all those but lay no burden on you to go along with me.
Get into the Word for yourself, let the Holy Spirit guide you in this and let love rule.
*CAVEAT – The above do not apply to areas in the Bible that are expressly talked about. Areas that the Bible is clear on. eg, masturbation, pre-marital sex, lustful pleasures, greed, idolatry, etc.
So please no one should twist this and use it as a basis and a reason for their blatant disregard for God’s Word on clear instructions(and even on the not so clear instructions) that have been given to us as His people.
Thank you Dayo for giving me the opportunity to dig into this through your comment on the blog and I would love to hear from you all.
What is your guiding principle on gray areas like kissing before marriage that isn’t expressly stated in the word?
Hit me up in the comment section below, let’s discuss like a family 🙂
Till next time on Frances’s Love letters,
Be guided by the Word in your relationships,
P.S – I know that the topic on “kissing before marriage hasn’t ended here. I will talk about my journey so far on it and God’s Word to me on the Ephesians 5:25 man (for those of us who made the decision but are worried as to whether we will find a man who will agree with us on it)
I just might make out the entire post on the series into a downloadable PDF at the end of it all, so stay tuned on the blog by subscribing below.
Again, you can watch the video I made on this below and subscribe to my channel on Youtube here.