Dear Ladies and men (assuming I have men that read my love letters)…
How una dey?
Today, I have some tips to share but first, I want to dispel some assumptions about the number of relationships I have been in. Yes, I know you have been wondering about that. (I caught you,lol)
Well, I have only ever been in one relationship that I can call a relationship in my life(and that’s okay, I really don’t want to have many relationships under my belt)
I have however been in a lot of near misses like red lips kind of story.
My first and only relationship I have been in was something of a TOP CIA SECRET.
No one knew that I was in a relationship, my best friend did not know, my fellowship vice president did not know, no one in my Christian cycle knew that I was in a relationship.. it was all hush hush. Probably because I knew they would never have approved and rightly so.
I was 17years old and hardly had strong convictions about God, I knew what was right though, I just did not know how to follow it. The only great thing that came out of the “hush hush relationship” was that I met God for real, He changed me and even used the “hush hush relationship” for His glory(but that’s story for another day)
I have also been in some “hush hush” near misses too(near misses been relationships that ended before they started) but when I grew older though, I made it a point of duty to never make a relationship/near misses a hush hush affair and that decision has saved me a whole lot of trouble in recent times.
What did I do?
(1)I never start dilly-dallying with my emotions with a man without talking to God about it. Yes, the sit down, lie down, tell God I am feeling so so and so guy. I never ever play it hush hush from God, I lay it all down from the start and never take a step or say yes without His go ahead.
(2)I bring myself under the authority of other Christians that I know.
I tell my friends-my godly friends about it, joke about it with them but more importantly, ask them what they think and for us to pray about it together… Make sure your friends are Christian trustworthy friends when you do this though, I have been blessed with amazing godly friends so this is a plus for me.
And still on bringing myself under authority, I more importantly bring myself under the authority of older Christian women/men who can advise me and tell me as it is without mincing words.
For example, after telling a senior Christian mentor about a near miss at the beginning of this year, he didn’t mince words in telling me that “I was wrong!”
It took me a while to humble myself and swallow his pill though, but he chastises who he loves right? I corrected my ways, heeded his advise and got back on track.
I can certainly say that I have sidetracked several mistakes concerning relationships this year just by sending a simple email to a christian mentor to tell them that “Segun has been toasting me”
It is something deliberate that I take upon myself to do.
Why? Because the hush hush relationship I had in the past never paid out. It was hidden from friends, was hidden from mentors, was hidden from my christian cycle and of course sin thrives in secrecy… you get the drift…
So now, I do not even wait to start the relationship before I start telling who I should.. From the minute Segun starts toasting, I tell God, I tell my Christian godly friends and I tell my godly mentors.
I do not sling out a “by the way I am currently dating Segun” to them after saying yes.
I tell them before I say yes.
Do I think that this is worthwhile and that you should adopt it? Should you tell some wise and godly people when Segun starts coming close? Yes, I think you should. It would save us a basket full of mistakes relationship wise.
When you do this though, just be very very careful that who you bring yourself under authority to is a godly person who has interest in you and desires to see you make right choices. Make sure that the person is one who can tell you “you are wrong” to your face out of love for you.
Make sure that the person is one who would bring you the pure undiluted truth about it all, not one who would twist the word of God.
Look around you, at that Christian couple in your church you admire, at your pastor and His wife, and at the godly friends you have…dont be shy, walk up to them and ask for counsel.
If you have none, then I am happy to share some of my online favourites with you..
Inthe of www.inthemidstofher.com is my pick anytime any day. You will be sure to get pure undiluted advise based on God’s word every time.
Dr N ofÂ http://www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com
Is also one fine mentor
And PraiseGeorge of www.praisegeorge.org
These are people that have a heart to see young people go the right way and you can not go wrong with them.
Their blogs are a sure source of wisdom and you can get their emails to talk to them from their blogs too.
Whatever you do, just don’t be in a “hush hush relationship”. Bring yourself under authority, under God and Christian mentors and don’t just go your own way. Your own way which seems right could just be infiltrated with a whole lot of emotions blinding you.
Remember there is a road that seems right to but the end thereof is destruction.
And “Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”~Proverbs 11:14
And I think this should be re-iterated, notice the wise guidiance in the Bible verse above? Make sure that who you talk is a godly, wise person that won’t lead you astray.
So here’s to less “hush hush relationships” yeah?
Do tell someone when Segun starts toasting you, it just might save you a whole lot of headaches in the future.
And I apologise if anyone named Segun is reading this. I currently have no “toaster” named Segun, the name just seemed to appeal to me for this post.
Till I write to you next time,
With lots of love,
PraiseOctober 5, 2014 at 10:20 am
Rukky, I am glad to see that you are learning some important lessons.
Anything done in secret will cause you pain. Any guy who doesn’t want people to know about your relationship is a deceiver. You should run for your life, no matter how fine he looks or how much you like him. Just run!
Frances OkoroOctober 5, 2014 at 7:26 pm
Thank you Sir…
Dr. NOctober 6, 2014 at 5:36 pm
Been tryn to comment for long. Why d page closes suddenly, I don’t know. Cheers, dear. We r reading O
Frances OkoroOctober 6, 2014 at 6:41 pm
Oh page has been bad eh..i hope it’s good now oh. Thank you Dr N,tis well noted.
AdaezeOctober 7, 2014 at 9:45 pm
I love that you emphasized getting advice from “wise and godly counsel”. I think when we don’t filter through our sources and ask any ol’ person for advice, we will always end up more confused. The person we seek to help us should be someone who is consistently seeking God’s Will in life too.
Great post, Frances 🙂
Frances OkoroOctober 9, 2014 at 7:57 am
Yes Ada, the “who we are listening to” is mighty important.
#keyword, wise, godly counsel.
Prosper B. WealthJanuary 18, 2015 at 11:03 pm
If I’m not mistaken, I’d say that this post was written from your heart.
Thanks for sharing!
Frances OkoroJanuary 19, 2015 at 2:09 pm
It sure was Prosper…
Thanks for stopping by, reading + commenting 🙂
Stop by again and again oh.lol