I wrote thisoriginally for www.mateyscott.com
I have always wondered about what I would feel if I was rapedâ¦
Would there be dark red trails of blood between my legsâ¦ Or would the pain in me be numbed to nothing?
Would their voices ring in my head through the ordeal or would I drift into blessed unconsciousness?
Weird yes? But itâs not really weird. Every time I hear a story about a victim who was raped, I always feel so badâ¦ bad enough for me to try and place myself in their shoes and imagine for a moment the kind of pain they must feel.
Did I ever feel what they felt? No.
No matter how hard I tried, my imagination never cuts it.
But now that I think of this though, I have indeed come close to feeling what they felt in the past.
I was 16, seemingly in love with a certain Mr man who promised that he would not âtouch meâ if that was what I wanted. So I tagged along and went on to spend the weekend with âmy loveâ.
To this day, what I can mostly remember about that night was his voice saying âdonât you want to get it done?â Then a slap, then the threat of beating me with his belt, then the opening of my thighs, then his trying to gain entry, then his trying again for a whileâ¦Then finally, his voice trailing me as I left âyou are still a virgin, I didnât do anythingâ
But for months after that I did feel like he did something.
It was only years later that I realized that he didnât really gain access that night but still for the days and months that followed, I feltâ¦ thereâs no explanation for what I felt.
Or maybe thereâs an explanation for what I feltâ¦
I felt broken.
I remember going to the bathroom in my hostel and scrubbing and scrubbing the âslapâ off my face and his body off of me.
The only good thing that came out of that incident was that I realized that I needed Godâ¦ I would never have spent the night with a man I hardly knew if I knew God (that was for sure)
But till this day, I still wonderâ¦ Did he attempt to forcefully have sex with me just because I spent the night with him? Couldnât he have agreed and kept his distance when I said âno, I am not ready to have sex yet?â
Was every girl supposed to be raped just because they made a stupid decision to trust a terrible person?
And the weightier questionâ¦ The victims-the girls whose âmenâ gain complete forceful entrance into them, what do they feel?
Try as I might, even with my own close brush with rape, I cannot feel what they feel. But I do know that itâs not a place one would wish even their enemy to be.
By all means, do not be as naive as I was. If you do not want to have sex with a man, simply stay away from close calls like spending isolated time with him. So many have done that and had the words of âit was the work of the devilâ ringing in their heads as an apology from the guy.
Be sharp, be sensible, keep yourselfâ¦
But the problem doesnât really lie in the above suggested solution, it lies with the men-the predators who think itâs fun to trap their victim under them and proceed to force such intimacy with someone whoâs screams and tears rings in their ears.
How do you live with yourself? What pleasure do you gain from this? What can we do to make you stop?
Should the law maybe prescribe the castration of offenders and make them eunuchs as punishment for the offense of rape? Would that serve as a warning? Would that scare the rest of them away?
What do we do to prevent this scourge?
I sadly cannot give a definite answer to thisâ¦
I only know that the trauma the victims feel is unimaginable.
And I also know that the punishment such rapists should get should be unimaginable to the human mind tooâ¦ Maybe that would stop them, maybe that would stop the predators.
Maybe castration would stop them.
Maybe castration wonât stop them.
But then again just maybe it would stop them.
I just pray anything, anything at all would stop themâ¦
adebolaNovember 17, 2014 at 6:14 am
I av usually imagined myself as a vigilante fishing out rapists, castrating dem, placing their pictures on d social media and promising the next offender dat ama get him like i got the present one.
But really it hurts me… There are various causes of this….psychological inbalance of d guy, bad decisions of the girl etc… But one cure tho…The Love and Knowledge of God.
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 8:45 pm
That will be a cool vigilante job eh Adebola? Atleast, they will be warned.lol
On a serious note though, I agree with you. If the knowledge of God can penetrate their hearts, not just mere carrying Bible from place to place but real knowledge of God in us..it will make a huge difference..
peaceNovember 17, 2014 at 6:19 pm
I was sexually abused by 3 so called xtain brothers and am 36yrs old now,can’t seem to forgive them,there’s dis heaviness in my heart,I still see them in church and hate them.
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 8:43 pm
Hello Peace, I’m so sorry, so so sorry. No one should have to go through that.
I will send you a mail, let’s talk.
I pray love and forgiveness can flow in you and fill your life in Jesus Name, amen
EstherNovember 17, 2014 at 10:54 pm
As a nurse, I come face to face with victims including children and it is heart wrenching, some lose their livese to rape if they’ll life that to befall them too.
Just maybe castration will do and probably the rapist should think about the women in their life.
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 11:04 pm
It will be truly heart wrenching to come face to face with victimes esther. I can only pray for physical and emotional healing for everyone in this. That they be whole…
And yes, if they would just see the victim as their sister or even their kids, maybe, maybe this would stop… but ultimately, if people fear God and really know Him for real, this shouldn’t be happening. *sigh*
Temitope BanksNovember 18, 2014 at 2:43 am
There really is no justification for rape….offenders should be prosecuted. I used to think that you get raped when you walk alone on dark,lonely roads by strangers,I was wrong to an extent because most time it us people you trust; ‘spiritual bros’, ‘fiances’,’uncles’ that betray trust and try to defile one.
Frances OkoroNovember 18, 2014 at 3:27 pm
You are right Tope. Most times, it’s the uncles, the best friends, the boyfriend that swore to wait for the wedding night..that commits this terrible act.
We shouldn’t look at people in a perpetual untrusting way but still, we should careful.
There should be no excuse for rape too, late night walking or all that crap. Nothing justifies rape
graciemamaNovember 18, 2014 at 4:51 am
Hmmm…the stories of rape I read and hear of sometimes makes me cringe. I just pray for a Divine Healing process for them all spiritually, emotionally and physically. I just feel not much has been done about the bold ones who have come out to report such cases not to even talk of the ones who had rather remain silent about it. The stigma society places on them is just too much.
CASTRATION IS NOT ENOUGH.
Frances OkoroNovember 18, 2014 at 3:31 pm
Yes Gracie, it’s easier for victims to not say anything..for fear maybe, fear of being stigmatized, of shame, of no man having them afterwards…different emotions wrapped in one.
I read of a lady who was raped during her nysc year but who’s using her story to touch lives today positively. Not all have that strength but I pray that all women affected by this can see light stream into their lives at the end of it all.
VickyNovember 18, 2014 at 11:01 am
Truthful truth. I always pray God give them the fortitude to bear the trauma
Frances OkoroNovember 18, 2014 at 3:33 pm
Amen and amen Vicky.amen.
glowingscenesNovember 23, 2014 at 11:05 pm
Like Frances rightly pointed out, the knowledge of God and His Love. That’s the only thing capable of stopping them. Nothing else.
Wow@Frances. Didn’t know something similar almost happened to you. That was really…, I don’t even know what to say. I think some men just have the ability to lose screws in their brains once a girl says she’s coming over hence the good advice you gave to women being careful. All in all we thank God for keeping you safe.
Frances OkoroNovember 24, 2014 at 9:06 am
As in Itunu, it almost seems like a million years ago that that happened to me but I realize that some girls might still face that today. We have to be careful, really careful, always sensible, not with just prayers,with where our legs dey waka go.
If Christ’s love truly washes over these men, if it sinks in truly in them, then hope for change abounds.