Chastity For Men Project (Series) Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Let’s Talk About Sex, Virginity And Chastity For The Single Lady/Guy

Dear Single Ladies And Gentlemen,
It’s been a while since I wrote to you all.
I recognize the fact that I still haven’t updated on gists from our single ladies outing… forgive me, I will get on it soonest.
But in the space of a day, maybe two days, I have been hit with some brushes with “sex, chastity and purity” from different people.
And when that happens and it’s laid in my heart so deeply, I believe it’s a time to explore it.


If truth be told, I really don’t know what God even wants me to say on it in this letter, I have simply prayed for His words on this topic on sex and the single girl/guy…His words for this season will flow through my finger tips in Jesus name, amen.


It is sad that the world keeps churning out its own ideologies on what sex and purity really means and the world keeps buying it.
I deliberately say “the world” keeps buying it because I believe that the world isn’t us.
For every Christian in this world, we are not part of the world and so cannot let it’s ideologies rule our lives.
But more and more, most of us are sinking into doing what the world would rather have us do as regards living in purity in God.


I have asked myself what I need to do to spread the word on sex and purity.
Maybe I’m not working on spreading it enough?
I know I have put out the book on “Chastity For Men” with bonus chapters for ladies too so the book is basically for everyone and it’s for free… is it that people aren’t reading it and laying hold of the freedom that God has given to them?
What else can I do to help?


I can talk about it and help people break their silence over their sexual addictions… because basically a lot of good Christian singles are held up under the weapon of silence… a weapon that satan uses to ensure that you stay trapped under the sin that seems like it will never let you go.
But aside from talking about it with people, where it becomes difficult is where people have to make the decision for themselves to stay pure.
I have found out that no matter what I do…no matter how much counsel I give, people still have to make their own decision to let go of sexual sin and lay hold of the freedom to live in purity that God has given to them.
Sometimes I wish I can make this decision for them but I cannot.
It has to come from you…
It has to flow from your heart, sincerely, with an intense desire to let God help you…
Some of us are falling deliberately into sexual sin…
This isn’t meant to castigate you, you have to believe that I understand how it is…
I have DELIBERATELY loaded up an Xrated site even when the Spirit was basically tugging on my heart to not open it up…
I have heard the Spirit tell me to not go to a man’s house before and I refused to listen to Him… I went and slept with a man I met online without thought for what God would think…
So I know all about how we fall… sometimes it’s a mistake… sometimes it’s a deliberate act to ignore what the Spirit is saying to us.
But you’ve all read my story and you know all about Galatians 5:16.
Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
This was the Word that set me free and I have done my best to explain it in the ebook “chastity for men”, I even added a chapter on a Bible Study I did on it.


The truth the Spirit made me see is that deciding to follow the Spirit is a choice.
For all the times I fell into sexual sin, I either decided to feed the flesh or feed the Spirit.
At the same time the Xrated site came up, a Christian site just might also have popped into my mind.
That moment before I entered the address into my phone was a moment of me DECIDING to either follow the Spirit or my flesh.


Even down to the things that arouse our flesh, it’s a choice to be made by us.
I remember one time when I masturbated after about 5months of being off it…
I picked up a novel that had explicit sex scenes in it… and at first it felt like nothing till I woke up at night with the vivid pictures of the sex scenes flashing through my mind… needless to say, I fell…


Most of us Christians don’t seem to realize that where the war takes place is in our minds.
What we feed our minds is what finds expression outside.
You fell into masturbation/pornography… so try to trace it backwards.
What were you doing when you fell?
What did you read/listen to in the week before you fell?
Who did you allow yourself to associate with?
What loophole did you allow satan? Were you making erotic night calls with a man you are attracted to?
Were you scooping out the behind of the girl you dig earlier that day?
Every scene you see/allow to take root in your heart comes back to hunt you at night/when you are most vulnerable.
satan is crafty.. very crafty and he knows that if he can break into your mind, then he’s got you caught!
So what do you do? You get super smart with God’s Spirit in you too!
Guard your heart because out of it flows all the issues of life.
When I learnt this truth, down to movies I watch, I guard my heart.
Thank God that God broke me out of attachment to TV so this has really been a great help to me.
If it doesn’t edify my soul or at least has clean lyrics and pictures, forget it.
Because I know what satan can use a simple picture of a naked man to do to me when my defenses are down… and we should know these things too.


Renewing our mind is also a given in this journey to living in purity.
Our minds need to be purged of the junks that we’ve fed it in the past and be filled with God’s own thoughts concerning using our bodies to glorify Him.
And that starts from the CHOICE to feed the Spirit and not the flesh.


I sincerely hope that my words have been able to help someone struggling with living in chastity.
Chastity doesn’t just start from our bodies, it starts from our hearts… and our hearts inform what we do about our bodies.


Finally, I would just love to chip in something Pastor Nat said as regards sin and asking God for forgiveness.
He said when we sin and ask for forgiveness, God indeed forgives us but then we lose relevance in the Spirit.
I got thinking about my life when he said that and I testify that its true.
When God wanted to take me further in Him, He started working on me little by little.
First He peeled away this sexual sin and addiction from my life and then He peeled away the past from me.
I started thinking about how the stuff I have seen God do in me and with me this year never manifested when I was still wrapped in sexual sin.
It was almost as if I had to be purged of God and set on the rock for Him again.
Like 2Timothy 2:20-21 says…
“In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use.

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.”
Please by the Spirit’s help, purge yourself of sexual addictions and sin… let Him use you for His glory.
Let yourself gain spiritual credence…
The Spirit always helps. The secret is not to rely on your own strenght.
Go to Him in total surrender and ask Him to help you live above the shackles of sexual sin.
And when you do so, obey when He tugs on your heart to let go of some certain things that hinder you from living forth in purity in Him.
Don’t let the world deceive you… you can live in purity and chastity in Christ Jesus.
The Spirit was given to help you live above sin… lay hold of His help please…
If I could make the decision for you, I would but I can’t.
Please don’t let the world inform what you do with your body for Jesus… let Jesus who paid the price for your body be the one who informs what you do with it for Him.


I’m praying that more and more youths would lay hold of the freedom God has given us over sin… including sexual sin.
I pray that we’d surrender and let the Holy Spirit help us to live in the purity His grace grants us…
And for everyone who feels trapped and don’t know how to move forward, I pray God’s light shines through to you even in the darkness and the truth that you are not trapped… you are free already in Christ Jesus will dwell in your heart in Jesus name, amen!
If you haven’t read/have the ebook “Chastity for Men” already, please enter your email below and download it vai the link that will be sent to you.
I still pray for that book… that lives will be set free from sexual issues holding them bound via God’s word through that book in Jesus name, amen.



Till my next love letter,



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  • Reply
    December 5, 2015 at 3:18 pm

    Yay! First to comment. Lol.

    The commandment of “be ye holy, forbI am holy” cannot be over emphasized enough. Yes. I totally agree when you say purity starts from the heart.

    I have duscovered that most tines, when we talk about being pure, we’d be looking primarily at sexual morality. But as I started to do more reading, of the Bible and of some helpful expositions, I found that purity is about much more than what we do with our bodies – it is first and foremost an orientation of the heart. It is a matter of the heart.

    I like how Lydia Brownback puts in her book titled – Purity: A Godly Woman’s Adornment:

    “To be pure is to be single-minded. It is to have a single goal, a single focus, and a single purpose for ourselves and our lives. That is biblical purity, and from it springs moral behaviour – the good we do with our bodies. At its core, purity is having a heart for the Lord that isn’t watered down or polluted by lesser things.” (p.9)

    So purity actually works from the inside out. Keep shinning the light sis. This is the first blog I’d visited after many days. Good sign!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      December 8, 2015 at 5:42 am

      Oh Amaka thank you…

      I’m thinking from what you shared from lydia’s book… what should be that one single purpose..single focus and goal from which what we do with our bodies spring from..?

      For me it’s the single focus to please my not cheat on my husband Jesus…
      When the desire to please Jesus overides the desire to please men, I believe pleasing Him with our bodies then becomes easier by His Spirit then.. may we all walk in the grace available to us to live pure in Jesus name, amen!

      And welcome back on the blogosphere! Yay imperfectly perfect lives for being first on your list 🙂

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