How’s your week been so far?
You don’t wanna know how mine has been, but all I will say is that I’ve got time on my hands, enough to yearn for a week of just writing, blogging, traveling and sightseeing another African country(story for another day) 🙂
A friend of mine who just started her blog wrote a blog post about being single/married this week.
You can read the post here but the gist of it all is basically whether any other relationship status exists apart from being single or married.
I commented on the post and said that it depends on the parties. You know when a relationship is just there and leading nowhere but still, technically, a woman is single till she is married as anything can happen before then(break up)
But then, I also said that a better way to work past all this “am I taken or not” is to be in purposeful relationships.
Now, I could think up some physical relationships right now that are purposeful(cc @doctorkanayo and her boo) but let’s go back to the book of all relationships and love stories shall we?
Yes, for our #OnlineBibleStudy today, we will be learning from the Bible itself on love and relationships. It would amaze you as to what kind of invaluable lessons on love and relationships that we can learn from the Word.
And I didn’t intend to publish this study, I had another one in my head but Genesis 24(Isaac and Rebekah’s love story) kept ringing in my head yesterday.
I have written a series of lessons on it before and you can read them here, here, here and here (go on and click on them, it will open up in another page, so you can still read this one here) but let’s go down into what we can study from them again today.
So Genesis 24 opens with Abraham asking his servant to go and look for a wife for Isaac.
“Abraham was now a very old man, and the lord had blessed him in every way. One day Abraham said to his oldest servant, the man in charge of his household, âTake an oath by putting your hand under my thigh. Swear by the lord, the God of heaven and earth, that you will not allow my son to marry one of these local Canaanite women. Go instead to my homeland, to my relatives, and find a wife there for my son Isaac.â
The servant got to Abraham’s homeland and the first thing he did was to pray(there’s a lesson there but let’s not get distracted from the main lesson today, pick up your personal lessons too as you study along pls)
As soon as he finished praying(the words were even still in his mouth), Rebekah comes bouncing along And did all the servant had asked God that the woman he chose for Isaac should do.
“O lord, God of my master, Abraham,â he prayed. âPlease give me success today, and show unfailing love to my master, Abraham. See, I am standing here beside this spring, and the young women of the town are coming out to draw water. This is my request. I will ask one of them, âPlease give me a drink from your jug.â If she says, âYes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!ââlet her be the one you have selected as Isaacâs wife. This is how I will know that you have shown unfailing love to my master.â Before he had finished praying, he saw a young woman named Rebekah coming out with her water jug on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel, who was the son of Abrahamâs brother Nahor and his wife, Milcah.”
Abraham’s sevant still didn’t talk the her all the while she was giving his camels water to drink, he watched her for a while(hint-there’s another lesson here too).
Finally Abraham’s servant spoke to her and then gave her gifts and followed her to her house when her brother Laban came out(please read the whole story for yourself, can’t paste it all here)
When he was offered food though, he refused to eat it until he told them what his mission was.
“So the man went home with Laban, and Laban unloaded the camels, gave him straw for their bedding, fed them, and provided water for the man and the camel drivers to wash their feet. Then food was served. But Abrahamâs servant said, âI donât want to eat until I have told you why I have come.ââAll right,â Laban said, âtell us.â
And that’s where the lesson I want to hammer on today stems from.
I got to that part of the chapter and I wrote in my journal, “a man on a mission wastes no time. He has eyes only for purposeful dating/courtship”
Now, this kind of man isn’t there to test the waters, he knows what he wants.
This man has gotten confirmation from God that you are the one for him and when he comes to you, he comes with one purpose in mind – we are courting to know ourselves better before we get married. We already know that God has chosen us for each other.
Now, that kind of relationship, you aren’t married yet, but you know where you guys are headed, so you can say that “I’m with someone” because it’s not just anyone you are with.
Now, this is way different from how the world dates.
The world tests the waters so you can see a woman saying that I am single, but she has that guy she always spends her time with, one that she says “I love you” to everyday but still, she doesn’t know what the future of the relationship is, so she simply says I am single to every other man that comes along.
But the ideal christian courtship is to get confirmation from God before you even step out an inch with anyone.
Those of you who are regular blog readers have read enough of my love letters to know that I have resigned my love life to God. Right from the moment a man starts to show me extra attention, I go to God in prayers.
I’m sorry(I’m actually not sorry about it.lol) but I’m not doing anything about dating and marriage outside of God’s will – its too much for me to handle on my own.
I don’t have time to waste on midnight calls, unnecessary dates and giving my heart to someone that my Daddy hasn’t said yes to.
If I must court anyone, then it must be a purposeful relationship, one where we have both gotten confirmation that God has purposed that we be together.
I don’t have time to test the waters, just as abraham’s servant didn’t have the time to test the waters.
If the foundation of a thing isn’t right, then it can never stand. You can start with all the “getting to know each other better” but if God’s consent isn’t in it, all it ends in is heartache(it’s even worse when it ends in marriage without God’s consent)
Most of the heartaches we face today arise from these “test and go relationships”
You like him, he likes you so you start dating. But what about God?
Does He like(want) both of you to be together?
Instead of dating aimlessly, why don’t we focus on our single selves and throw ourselves fully into living purposefully for God?Â And #WAIT.
I have made up my mind to wait till God says it’s time. Changing facebook relationship status everytime doesn’t appeal to me at all.
I am only up for purposeful courtship like Isaac and Rebekah’s.
It’s important to note that a man who wants you for real won’t waste time with telling you what he wants so you can make up your mind too.
Cc Boaz, Abraham’s servant, Isaac, etc.
Abraham’s servant didn’t even eat first and notice that Isaac took Rebekah as his wife immediately she was brought to him, no dilly dallying around.
” And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarahâs tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.”
I can imagine Rebekah telling her friends this story.
The Bible says that she was old enough to be married but wasn’t married yet.
I can imagine her giving friends the gist…
“Oh babes, you would not believe what happened today. God absolutely changed my marital story in the space of less than 24 hours. I just simply went out to fetch water and guess what? The weirdest miracle happened. I almost can’t believe it myself.”
There’s another lesson there for us too…
Stop worrying about where the man will find you, God will order your footsteps to meet each other when the time is right.
Stop worrying about how God will work it all out.
Stop worrying about not being in a relationship yet. That your friend has a boyfriend for 4years running now doesn’t mean that she will get married before you.
It’s not a race for who gets married first but when God is ready for you, it won’t take years to bring it all together.
He will come all out and make all things beautiful in that time for you.
I personally have told God that I don’t want a long courtship(I hail those who date for long) but my desire is for Isaac and Rebekah’s kind of love story.
Mine may not be as fast though, but one year tops.
Isaiah 30:21 is my prayer and confession for this.(feel free to adopt it)
“Your own ears will hear him.Right behind you a voice will say,âThis is the way you should go,âwhether to the right or to the left.”
That as soon as we meet, I will know and He will know that we are God’s chosen for each other.
There will be no confusion, the Spirit’s voice will be clear to me and him.
Yes, I want to court purposefully, knowing that the relationship has one end in sight – marriage.
Not jumping from one courtship to another But letting God lead.
If God doesn’t say move, I’m staying put.
Remember how Abraham’s servant just kept quiet till he was certain Rebekah was the one? That’s instructional for us too.
There’s a period of waiting to be sure of it all and that period is not to be spent jumping from dates to dates with him/her, but it should be spent waiting on God.
Some of us sadly use this period to get so close to each other that we develop feelings for each other, thus we won’t even be sure if it’s God’s speaking or our heart speaking.
The period of waiting for confirmation isn’t for us to talk for hours on end on the phone but to talk and listen to God.
Else we will give our heart away and confuse the signals that we are getting.
No, let’s take a cue from the love stories in the Bible and let God teach us on relationships from His word.
You can do what I did yesterday, just pick up your Bible, read love stories of Isaac and Rebekah, Boaz and Ruth, even Joseph and Mary, there are so many lessons in those stories that will help us set our thinking straight.
I wrote on Isacc and Rebekah’s love story in 4 different posts last year and see now, a year later, I am still getting multiple lessons from it and there are more in there still, just in one chapter.
Get your Bible and delve into it. Ask God to open your eyes to see the lessons in there for your relationship and marital life and let God teach you from His word.
He has a wealth of knowledge in it all – afterall, He created marriage.
Fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, let us stop the jumping from one relationship to another.
Come to the point where if God’s confirmation isn’t given to you, you don’t roll out the drums on any relationship.
Stop wasting precious time you could use to discover and start fulfilling your purpose on earth.
Let us please have more men and women who will put God first even in their love lives.
Watch, and pray for confirmation before you move.
I pray that God will help us all and strengthen us even while we WAIT for ONLY his chosen one for us in Jesus name, amen!
And of course, you know that I would love to know what you got as you read Genesis 24. My rhema isn’t complete without learning more from you too(the power of fellowship)
Please read the whole story in the chapter for today and share with us in the comment section below on what you got in your heart as you studied along.
I’m waiting! 🙂
Till our next Bible Study,
P.S – I wrote on the purpose of relationships/marriage last year and no, it’s not just meant for sex and love, it’s meant for more.
See the post here, I know that it would help us all.
And please subscribe to blog via email below. Let’s be real blog family 🙂
Mobolaji OlorisadeApril 15, 2015 at 9:59 am
I read the book of Ruth this week and I was amazed at how he was went all the way to make her his wife. Ladies, we have to open our eyes too o, I can’t even deal with guys that. Some just confuse one emotionally, you like me today and ignore me tomorrow.
This reminds me of the PraiseLetter from my sis
http://omobolaji.com/2015/04/10/praiseletter7-ayodele-olorisade/. Her hubby to be wasn’t even playing at all.
Plus, I don’t know whether people don’t know that relationships are expensive. Waste credit and time when the relationship isn’t God-based. Biko, no time!
Thanks as always!
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:34 am
Hah! Had to laugh at that, yes oh Bolaji, relationships are expensive.
I don’t have allowee to spend on a relationship that doesn’t even cut it with God. Lai lai.
And your sister’s story is one everyone should read and let sink in.
God’s standards in the time of Boaz is still the same today. The men He chose for His daughters didn’t dilly dally around. It’s important that we know this truth today too.
God bless your sis and her hubby to be, her testimony filled me with thanksgiving and hope to no end.
Uche A.April 15, 2015 at 10:56 am
For everything/one that is real, there is a counterfeit. And if you’re not careful, you’ll fall for the “China” instead of getting the original.
After Abraham’s servant watched Rebekah serve all the camels (his prayer answered), he didn’t start jubilating just yet… he did not forget to ask her which family she came from! There may have been more than one lady that would have watered his camels but she may not have been from Abraham’s place… the most important part of the criteria.
Sometimes a suitor may come by and s/he may tick most of your requirements and you’ll get excited… and overlook that s/he doesn’t have the most important thing. Especially as Christians, someone may come around who is nice, generous, honest, abstinent, and more to sweep us off our feet to the point we forget (or put to the side) that they are not born again. Someone you can “take to church” but at the end of the day will hinder your walk with God because he/she doesn’t have Christ as their foundation. What a deception! It’s so important to guard our hearts and inspect very well… marriage is a “final sale”… no refunds (as it was intended to be).
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:41 am
Oh Uche, I’ve read your comment like thrice now.
Yes, Abraham’s servant did cross check to make sure that she was from the family.
Same as we should do too.
Is this person from the family of faith? Is He/she my bother/sister in Christ first? Does their life show it?
Thank you for bringing this very important aspect to light
graciemamaApril 15, 2015 at 12:57 pm
God bless you Frances for this post. It came at the right time for me.
I wish i could hug you now.
This will form as part of my devotion today.
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:44 am
I’m glad this is helpful to you Gracie and I pray that as you study, the Holy Spirit will open up the lessons that you need to you.
Highly FavoredApril 15, 2015 at 1:51 pm
Great points Francis! I recently discoverd that Myles Munroe wrote a book called Waiting and Dating.
I’m currently searching to get a copy to read for myself. However the preface of the book states we
>The importance of sharing your faith in God.
>The need for personal wholeness.
> The importance of true friendship in a relationship.
> The myths of finding the right person.
>How to discern the right mate.
>Much, much more! The principles in this book will guide you through what for some is the most confusing time of your life.
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:46 am
Oh thank you for sharing this Highly Favoured!
Will try to look for a way to get the book…
Princess OkechukwuApril 15, 2015 at 3:33 pm
This post is a confirmation for me. I so love this post.
I studied the passage, and another thing that stood out for me was that: Abraham told his servant, if she doesn’t agree to come, don’t bother with her [I paraphrase]
It makes me understand that even when a brother sees that this person is his wife, he is not to force the revelation on the sister. She has to be convinced as well. I have found that some brothers pressurize sisters to see by fire. Lol
Also, this post reiterates why this statement [Lets see how it goes] irks my whole being.
More grace, Frances!
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:55 am
Thank you for pointing that out Princess, i’m also getting something else from it. God won’t force us to accept the man, He will tell us that this is him but the choice is always ours to take.
I always pray to be yielded to the Spirit In this, it’s something I struggle with.
I want what He wants for me but I also pray that my flesh doesn’t have the upper hand in my marital story.
As for “let’s see how it goes”, all I will say is mtttchew!!
Only you go and come and tell me howfar later.
Nwuli BarbaraApril 15, 2015 at 4:45 pm
Nice read and very inspirational too. Thanks also for the recommendation. Your post really threw more light on the Single or Married post on my blog. God bless.
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:57 am
Thanks Barby, glad this helped…
And thanks for your post too, it sparked my looking into the Word for answers(as it should be)
favoredwomanApril 15, 2015 at 4:52 pm
I always love reading your posts. Your write ups exhibit sound judgement and wisdom. You are a blessing to your generation. I have no intention of making your head swell but just to encourage you as you continue to do what God has placed in your heart to do.
One of the reasons the divorce rate is increasing is because the purpose for marriage is misunderstood and many people just go into relationships to kill time!
Time lost can’t be redeemed!
Any brother who doesn’t know what he wants from the get go should not waste your time. And sisters, as Frances has said in the post, your partner will find you even in the least expected places.
I want to add something about Rebekah which is that she had a heart for God which is why she watered the animals. Keep chasing after God and keep your heart open to Him and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 9:05 am
*Time lost cannot be redeemed”
Oh so true Favoured woman!
So true ma.
And for our partners finding us in unexpected places, it seems like God masters the art of that.lol.
And oh, a heart that strives after God, so important.
As we chase after Him, He will bring the desires of our heart to pass- it doesn’t go the other way around.
glowingscenesApril 15, 2015 at 10:19 pm
What I’m beginning to understand about the whole dating and stuff thing is the world has really distorted our thinking so much that when things don’t happen certain ways, we begin to wonder or ask questions or feel weird that we’re not doing or going as the world does its things. And to the world, we will look so ‘archaic’ and weirdo or just out of place because what they see as norm, we see as wrong in Christ’s eyes. Our soul aka Adamic DNA has gotten so used to the ways of the world that only the new Creature that Christ has made us become can see beyond the ordinary and start unlearning those ways. It takes time, a long process and constant feeding on God’s word with illumination from the HolySpirit to understand certain things God wants us to understand about this purpose thing or else, they won’t understand, they won’t see it. I know somethings I’ve always wanted to practise when I was a baby Christian and kept failing at it or it just got complex. But when God’s light was shed on that part, I could absorb it and walk in it because right then, I know the TRUTH, and it’s that TRUTH that has set me free. We will do our part by teaching them but what God made me understand is that babes, if they don’t see light, they don’t see it. I’m the one that gives Light and understanding. We will make them desire this understanding by His grace and pray they don’t grow weary.
This was interesting to read Frances.
P.S: I had to come and my laptop, open your blog on different tabs and drop a comment. The phone thing dey vex person. lool
Frances OkoroApril 16, 2015 at 8:05 am
Oh Itunu…first of all, I’m soooo sorry about this phone thing.
Some persons have complained too and I just don’t know what to do about it.
But how come it’s so selective? Those wey e nor dey open for, what kind of phone are you guys using?
And oh your comment!!
I and Bolaji was just talking about how God’s Word is priceless yesterday.
Like, I was wondering how I ever lived without the Spirit guiding me.
It’s God’s light and Spirit in us that has enabled us to see the light and truth about everything that the World is trying to turn upside down about relationships.
Without the truth, our flesh would be misbehaving like you just said.
I pray too, that many will pull away from the world system of things and see that God’s way is best, not the world’s.
You just clearly outlines what the basis of all this misconceptions is.
We need more people to see the truth-Lord, open our eyes, open our eyes…
vickyMay 2, 2015 at 9:37 pm
If the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? God is the un faulty foundation, the solid rock. And we can see that when the servant asked for God’s leading first. Very insightful post. Thanks for sharing.
God is our most reliable anchor and i ask for the grace to keep anchoring on Him.
Frances OkoroMay 3, 2015 at 1:00 pm
Amen and amen!
I pray for grace to be anchored on God too vicky.
You are very right, when the foundation is off, nothing else can be built on it.
God help us not to run ahead of God in Jesus name, amen!
EstherMay 10, 2015 at 9:03 pm
I was nodding my head through the post. Ain’t gonna waste my time on what my father hasn’t approved.
Frances OkoroMay 10, 2015 at 11:15 pm
No time to waste oh Esther.
No roundabout journey necessary..
ImmanuelMarch 31, 2016 at 9:25 pm
Very insightful post.
I will go check it out myself and perhaps then come back to put up a more robust comment.
As for relationship wise I have stopped stressing myself. The stress of the whole unproductive ones is just aint it. Intact I’m so enjoying my singleness so much I felt it wont be bad if I becomes a reverednd father.
Even though I have been conscious of my relationships, wait did I ever have one solid one sef? Lol. I just believe any relationship that doesn’t last more than 2-3months is not a relationship to me. So technically I haven’t been in any rship then
****** Do you accommodate guest post here?
Frances OkoroApril 5, 2016 at 7:10 pm
Loool @being a reverend father.
No need to waste time with relationships that dont have God’s approval..wise choice Immanuel!
And yes, we accept guest posts here, you can send to email@example.com