I wrote this originally for mosmiles On her “cactus series”
A lot of us struggle with things we feel hold us back from God… Friends, money, fame, the world…
We find it hard to let go and let God but it is my hope that as we read this, we will find the courage to let go of what maybe holding us back and let God come in.
That we can understand that whatever we drop on the way to embracing Christ into our lives is ultimately for our own good…
She tried to wash off the guilt from her body, from her soulâ¦
Oh she triedâ¦
But the scent of all she had done still stuck to her like glue.
Oh she knew, she knew very well that she was nothing, she was no one, worth nothing, worth nada.
Yes, even her boyfriend confirmed it. Her family was poor and good for nothing. Her mother was possessed and could not stay in marriage. She too was possessed and could not keep her relationship.
Yes, her boyfriend had told her time and time again. He had told her she had issues, only him could love her and accept her like she was. She would NEVER find a man like him, no one would ever love the worthless piece of good for nothing fat fool that she was except him.
She believed him.
He was right.
Who would have her? Who would have a girl who had committed two abortions already? She was damaged goods, done, dead and empty. She was not pretty, there was nothing particularly remarkable about her. She was fat and shapeless!
Oh she knew, she knew she was worthlessâ¦
She tried to scrub it off but it still stayed. The scent of the blood of her babies dripping on the doctors table while he sucked them out of her.
She was a horrible person, worthless and good for nothing.
Her boyfriend had said it and she believed him but maybe, just maybe there was a very little light at the end of the tunnelâ¦ She remembered her fellowship vice president saying something about talking to God as her fatherâ¦Could that be true? Would that work? Will this Holy Father be willing to listen to a good for nothing girl like her?
Didnât he also think that the whole of her existence amounted to nothing?
She had killed the babies he created for Christâs sake! Would he hold that against her? Could she dare to try to come into presence?
She could not speak, her heart said it all and her floodgates of tears did the talking. The unrestrained tears said all her lips could not sayâ¦ âLord, sweet Lord, can you accept me again?â
Itâs been 4years since she asked God that question from her soul.
Itâs been 4years since she felt his hands embrace her that night.
Itâs been 4years since he told her He loved her and will always will.
Itâs been 4years since He told her she was beautiful and the apple of His eyes.
Itâs been 4years since she was cleansed and refreshed in the Lord again.
Four years of blissâ¦
Four years of love in Christâ¦
Four years of growing in the one who forgave her and called her Hisâ¦
Four years of God turning around her story for goodâ¦
Four years of her touching the lives God has placed in her path for goodâ¦
Most people do not believe she was who she was back then anymoreâ¦
They call her a strong woman, they say she is inspiring, a true motivation and worthy shoulder in time of need. They call her all shades of amazing namesâ¦
None of them can reconcile the little insecure girl of the past with the lady burning for Christ right now.
And all she really wants to do is just to make them understand that it was all God.
It is still all God.
She wants to shout it all on the rooftop to themâ¦
You are not worthless.
You are not nothing.
You are not a piece of rag.
You are not too far gone.
You are beautiful, lovely and amazing.
You are wonderfully made.
You are something.
Your story can be used for good, simply let God mould you.
He loves you just as you areâ¦
He loves you always and forever.
You can never be too far gone with Him.
Even if all others reject you, He is waiting, waiting to mould you into the corner stone He knows you can be.
Just Let Him.
Let Him come in and do what only He can do in your life.
Just Let Him.
I really hope that this can substitute for Bible Study today. I am still at NYSC camp and really can’t squeeze out the time needed to give you all a detailed Bible study like we always have here.
You can send in anything you want to share with us though. It is a great way to get into the Word of God for yourself and spread forth the light to us too.
Just a mail with your write up to firstname.lastname@example.org
MobolajiNovember 12, 2014 at 7:12 am
Oh Frances! I needed this so much it almost made me cry. I had just prayed and apologized to God that I wasn’t giving Him as much time I know He wanted or putting as much effort into our relationship, but right now I’m going back! Thanks and thanks! You’re awesome!
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 9:25 pm
We need Him every minute, every second Mobolaji.
And when I remember where I was/where I am, I know I can’t go forward without God…so we will “let Him” over and over and over again..again and again.
JudithNovember 12, 2014 at 7:23 am
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 9:13 pm
@Judith,Lack of words with pregnant meanings I hope? Come talk oh.Lol.
I can’t also say nothing when God’s love sinks into me too.
Theresa DoghorNovember 12, 2014 at 10:27 am
No other words can do this justice!
In the church system, you may encounter religion
Don’t fall for it
Don’t buy what the devil is selling
Listen for the voice of the Spirit of God inside you
He won’t lead you astray.
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 9:11 pm
I soooo agree with you Tessa..the voice of the Spirit within us will never lead us astray, He will never tell us that we are worth nothing when we are sooo valuable, sooo valuable to God.
And redeeming love reminds me that I really have to read that Francine river’s book.
EstherNovember 12, 2014 at 8:32 pm
I love this, a beautiful reminder of God’s love despite all our struggles.
Hope you’re Okay in camp.
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 9:09 pm
It reminded me of God’s love too when I re-read it Esther.
Love so pure, true and eternal…
I’m fine oh, camp has been…camp. lol
graciemamaNovember 13, 2014 at 8:56 am
I pray many ladies get to read this.
Having a positive Self esteem of who we are in Christ is very crucial.
Urhobo babe, migwo. where are you serving? Erm…I hope there will be a love story from camp o…lol!
Sha post it on d blog asap
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 8:57 pm
As in, a true knowledge of who we are in Christ is meggga important! Otherwise we will be swayed wherever and whenever…
Ah Gracie, you nor fit greet me migwo oh, na only junior dey greet senior like that.
I would be back with chronicles from nysc soon, i’ve got more than a lovestory to share.hehe
efe HarrietNovember 13, 2014 at 2:37 pm
Thanks. Honestly thanks
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 8:55 pm
@Efe, I am just glad it struck a chord in you and helped.
Temitope BanksNovember 14, 2014 at 10:52 pm
Gods love is indescribable….thanks for this Frances.
Tope recently wrote….Book Review:How to succeed at being yourself by Joyce Meyer
Frances OkoroNovember 17, 2014 at 8:51 pm
Yes Tope. God’s love for us blows me away each and everytime I really get into thinking about it.
Who else would accept us with all our warts and all? Only God would and with no remembrance of what was in the past.
Just awesome! Amazing?