Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Lessons From When I Almost Dated An Engaged Man Part 2

Dear All…

My friend died.
My friend… the engaged friend I wrote about the lessons learnt from our friendship died.
He was killed.
He was killed by his own wife.
Stabbed in the neck by the one he married.

I wish I could say that it’s a joke.
I wish he would call me and tell me “Frances eh, they were just pulling your legs”.

I re-read our whatsapp messages and I dial his number…wishing it will ring.
Wishing I will hear his voice saying “you are the one that’s running away from me nah, you are broke and you didn’t ask me for anything”.

I wish I could hear him say “Frances please, we are just friends. Ok, I am sorry”
I wish…
I wish…

I wonder if I could have said/done anything to make this turn out differently.
I remember our conversation when he took me out to ice cream factory that day.
He said “Frances, the day I hear that you are married, I will just turn to God and tell him I missed.”

You said – “Let me tell you something. I am scared of marrying my fiancee. She’s like you. She is good, godly and caring but she has a temper. When she gets angry, nothing can stop her.
No one knows about this. I didn’t tell Mr F, E or D.
I am just scared.
I keep praying for her and I’ve heard her praying for herself too. She begs God to help her with her temper but I am still scared.”



I didn’t want to tell him that he shouldn’t marry her when I knew that he liked me. So I told him the story of how my mom and dad used to be before they re-married, and I told him to pray.
I said “please, don’t go ahead without getting a yes from God. Please, please. This is important.”



We talked again about this when we were about to go on court attachment.
He said “I’m even scared to go home”
I asked if he had prayed about it all, he said yes.
But he didn’t get an answer.
Later, he said he felt like he should go on.
But he did get an answer.
He had no peace about it all.



We went for court attachment and that was the time I cut the friendship between us… only for us to resume back at law School and I heard that he was married. He got married during externship.
I was happy for him but worried.
I went into my friends room and expressed my fears but it was done, he was married.

I remember that we still spoke to each other during the period before the bar finals exams. He snapped me the pictures I have of me after my last paper and even gave me money for ice cream and chocolate that I said I was craving on the night when we finished bar exams.
He told me “you are my sister nah, you are the one that’s running away from me. I will do anything for you”


We spoke on phone when D got married. I was supposed to see you at the wedding but I was in camp and couldn’t make it.
In fact, you had promised to pay my tfare if I came.

We chatted on whatsapp when bar results came out.
We chatted again when I was called. You said you were proud of me.
We chatted during the new year and we chatted two weeks ago.
You said you were going for the re-registration for bar finals at Abuja and I should pray for you.
I tried to reassure you and all.
You said you missed me and I didn’t tell you same.
I asked about your wife and you said she is fine.

Could I have probed deeper?
Could I have indeed asked about your fears you told me about?

I woke up on thursday to a call from D, telling me that you are dead. That your wife stabbed you in the throat.

Oh H.
I miss you.
I can’t believe that we will never talk again.
Please pick your call, this isn’t true.
This is such a waste of life.
But you knew H… You knew she had a temper.
You had no peace about it all when we spoke about it.
Why did you go on?

Or could I have said something different? Done something different?
Could I have told you not to marry her out rightly? Would that have made any difference?

I can’t look at your pictures and not cry.
So you will never call me “Frances baby again”
You will never say “you are my sister eh” with your Bayelsa tongue.
You will never take me out. We will never sit, talk and play again?

You were years older than me but you related with me like your mate.
You always said “Frances, how do you have such wisdom? How do you know some things you say to me even when I don’t tell you I am going through that?”

You were a great friend H. One of the best I have ever had. I can’t take that away from you.
You listened to my every whim and they were many.
I can’t count the number of times you gave me money when I was broke without asking for nothing in return.
I can’t count the number of times you called me out to the canteen to eat.
I can’t count the number of times you said “I’m sorry even when I was wrong”.
I can’t count the number of times you said “I will do anything for you” and you did.

I can’t count the number of times you called, begged and pleaded with me not to cut our friendship.
If not that I knew that I had to do it, I wouldn’t have done that.
I miss you H.
If I knew that this would happen then I would have stayed on the phone for longer when we talked.
I would have said I miss you too every time you said so.
I cannot take away the fact that you were a good person to me. The very best.



How do we beg others to please listen to their spirit when they want to get married?
How do we plead with those in abusive relationships to get out of them?
How do we plead with people that you can’t change anyone?
My friend dated his wife for 8years running and she didn’t change.
What you can’t accept in courtship, don’t marry with the idea that it will get better, what if it doesn’t get better?

How do I plead and plead that we have to do relationships and marriages God’s way?
How do I plead and plead that we have to know God’s will about the person we want to marry before we marry them?

Maybe this Frances’s love letters isn’t doing any good.
Maybe it’s not reaching and getting through to enough persons…

Oh Lord.
Is H really gone?
We will never sit together again as I give him tutorials on property law practice?

Oh Lord.
Please help us to learn from this.
Please help us to follow your way maritally.
Help us to follow your way for our marriages.
Let not Love blind us.
What is love anyway?
Is love one that marries someone even when you are scared of what they can do?

Oh Lord.
I just hope my friend is with you in heaven.
I just hope he made it through the pearly gates.

This is just a waste of life.
Oh Father, help us to learn from this.
I don’t know if I should even continue the lessons in this series.
Will anyone even hear and heed?
Will anyone ever hear and heed?
Do we hear, read and heed?
All my words to H, did he hear and heed?
Could I have said something differently?



I don’t know.
All I know is that I can’t look at your pictures without crying H.
I don’t believe that you are gone.
Maybe you will call me soon.

I will hear you say “your words are entering my tongue eh Frances. I ‘m now saying “you get it”
I will hear you say “you are beautiful Frances. Your husband will really enjoy”
I will hear you say “you are my sister eh. I will do anything for you”.

Of all the lessons I was going to write from my friendship with you, I never knew that this would be included.
If anyone told me that I would write this, I would have said that it is a lie.
I still almost think that this is a lie.
But still….



Your Frances eh.

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  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 7:05 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. May his soul rest in peace.
    I’ve never understood people that remain in abusive relationships but this re-emphasises the point and this time it’s a woman with the temper.
    Patience during prayer while hard is very important, wait until you receive confirmation.
    Father, concern my life partner, speak to me, open my ears to hear and touch my heart to be convicted. Holy spirit do not allow me make this choice on my own. In Jesus name. Amen.

    Again Francis I’m so sorry for you loss.

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 7:37 am

    Wow! I read all the way through still waiting to read ‘It’s a joke’ or something. Are you for real? I’m still dazed. Je ne comprend pas. This sounds like a story from happily never after.
    I’m really really sorry hun.
    I learnt from this dear. I’m sure others did.
    If he was born again, he’s definitely with the Lord. Hope his wife is taking it well tho.
    I’m still shocked.
    RIP H

  • Reply
    Tessa Doghor
    February 7, 2015 at 9:36 am

    We can’t people’s decisions for them
    What we can do is encourage them to have a personal relationship with God
    Don’t accept just the word without the Holy Ghost.
    Have a relationship with the Holy Ghost
    You are created to be led by the inward witness
    God communicates with your spirit so train your spirit by meditating on and feeding on God’s word.

    I guess we learn everyday.
    I personally am getting bolder about acknowledging the Holy Ghost publicly
    I nearly gave up on the Holy Ghost in 2013
    Eventually I chose to leave the place where they did not believe in the Holy Ghost for a place that did.

    My life is testimony of being led by the Spirit of God, they tried to convince me it was devils that God gave me a brain so I could think with it.
    That’s water under the bridge anyway, I’m never going back.

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 11:27 am

    5th Feb 2015 was a Glorious inglourious day. Am still in bad mode. Frances i knw u will find it vry hard to control ursef Bt pls tak hrt is well Henry was a gud frnd to all of us. I almost fainted whn i hrd it that Thursday. “Wht u couldn’t stp durning courtship mgt be vry hrd to stp durning marriage” thank u Frances 4 teaching me this. *it really pains#

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 11:45 am

    Ah Frances… know I never comment here, I’ll rather just send you a dm on twitter. But I had to after reading this. Make God comfort you and everyone close to your friend even when it doesn’t make sense. Thanks for sharing. I know its very hard. May God help us not just to learn but apply!

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Wooowww, i just wish this was a joke..
    We really need to watch out for those signals that the Holy spirit is opening our eyes to.. So sorry for your loss..

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Oh! Frances, i’m soo sorry! May his soul rest in perfect peace. I also encourage you to keep up with the letters! You’re doing a great job and it’s not your fault that not everyone will take the advise you give here. Don’t beat yourself down dear. You’re touching lives and our prayer is that more people will accept Christ so that the Holy Spirit can work through them and teach them these things personally! God bless and comfort you! Plenty love! *HUGE HUG!*

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    Hmmmm….Just like that. It’s really sad.
    May God give us the Grace to yield to the Holy Spirit when He prompts us on the red flags.
    God bless Frances too.

  • Reply
    Princess Okechukwu
    February 7, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    This is really sad. May his soul rest in peace. Frances, I am sorry for your loss. I am sure he was a great friend. Your letter says it all. I pray that God wraps you and his loved ones with strength to pull through such a hard time.

    And yes! people are heeding. I, for one, I am learning from your letters, inspirational posts and bible study. So please do not stop the lessons. However, if you do need time to heal up and get yourself together, please take the time you need.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you and his loved ones. Lots of love!

  • Reply
    Highly Favored
    February 7, 2015 at 11:13 pm

    Francis, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your dear friend. If we could only turn back the hands of time.

    I pray that you will find peace and comfort in the arms of God. I’m sure your dear friend would thank you for being a good friend to him. I’m sure You were a source of joy and light to him. May you meet again in the earth made new. And this unfortunate situation serves as a warning to all of us in soooo many different ways both the obvious and not so obvious. God bless you and comfort you today.

  • Reply
    February 7, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    Oh no! I wanted to believe this is a sad its not.take heart Frances and do not blame urself in any way.

  • Reply
    February 8, 2015 at 8:06 am

    God please help us not walk to our untimely death with our legs.
    I’m sympathize with you dear Frances.

  • Reply
    February 8, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    May you find peace with this loss. I can’t imagine how personal this is for you But thanks for sharing it with us. May his soul rest in peace. May you smile again and not torment yourself, you were a good friend to him.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 9, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Thank you all for your kind words.
      You are all amazing..
      *hugs and much love*

  • Reply
    Temitope BANKS
    February 10, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    Oh my goodness! So sorry for your loss Frances.

  • Reply
    February 12, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Wow this is so sad, so sorry for your loss.

  • Reply
    February 13, 2015 at 10:18 am

    Oh wow! I hoped this was fiction. Darn!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 13, 2015 at 7:30 pm

      I wish it were fiction Toin..
      I’ve wished that and still do.
      Sadly, it isnt..but all is well.

  • Reply
    Dr. N
    March 2, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Stabbed? In d neck? For real? I am short of words.

  • Reply
    March 7, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    Aouh! Stabbed in the nech??!! #pathetic..

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