Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Join Us As We Pray For God’s Will To Be Done In Our Marital Destiny

Dear single ladies and gentlemen,

I purposely wrote “single” up there (no shame, it’s a wonderful place to be), so the married ones can pass up on this post for today 😀


You know we have been on the “Preparation On How To Be A Wife 101 Series” for the past weeks and I know you’ll be expecting today’s post to be on it but it’s not (sorry).

I knew that I was going to write on “God’s Will for our marital destinies” since the beginning of the week, so imagine my surprise and joy when yesterday’s Bible Study and discussion on “The Women At The Well” turned into a discussion on trusting God and walking in His will for our lives.


Let me backtrack a bit for those who aren’t members of TWTW…

We are currently on a “Marriage Today” study and the study was one I didn’t want to chose ordinarily. I won’t go into how I struggled with it because “Aunty Frances” had another topic that wasn’t God’s topic for the now *rolls eyes*.

Thank God I subjected myself to go God’s way oh, after all the ladies are His ladies and the group is His group, He determines what He wants to teach per time.

Yesterday on the group, the topic was “Would God have me marry someone I don’t like?”

And we delved deeply into it, using Rebekah and Isaac as an example…

And I won’t go into the different discussions that are embedded in answering that question but here is where it all ends…


“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.”

-Proverbs 3:5-6


I love the NLT version…

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.”


It’s funny how almost all of the questions we ask maritally and fear we entertain about our marital destinies are answered with just those words “TRUST IN THE LORD AND DO NOT DEPEND ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING”.


But then most of us have a hard time with this because our mind has not yet been renewed, so we do not see with God’s eyes yet, we do not yet have His own thoughts as our thoughts, so we continue to instead run from pillar to post, having issues with laying our marital lives all down before God for Him to take control of it.


And Romans 12:2 is very instructive here:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (ESV Version)

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (NLT)


And so we know that if we are to live in God’s will as regards our marital destinies, then we must of necessity renew our minds, cast off ideologies of ourselves and the world and pick up God’s own thoughts and will on our marital destinies.

And so many of us still struggle with this.

We want someone from our own tribe…

We want a tall man…

We want a shapely woman…

We want a man who is based outside Nigeria…

And there is no problem with what we want (or maybe there is a problem with this, most of us haven’t yet aligned our priorities with God’s priorities), there is only a problem when it doesn’t align with what God wants and so one person’s want will have to bow down for the other to take precedence.

Would you let yours bow down?

Or would you tell God’s plan and will to go to blazes?


I have written on “Pastor Nat’s Message On The Will of God” before and if you haven’t read it, I suggest that you should. That message changed my life.

Today I simply want us to do just one thing, if you have been struggling with accepting God’s will for your life maritally, SURRENDER.

Just as you are reading this post, tell God you are sorry, go to Him in repentance and then ask Him to help you renew your mind.

That you are withholding nothing from obeying Him wholly. The man/woman that He says is for you is your own man/woman for yourself.

And you trust that since He said it, it is good and pleasing and perfect.


I am going to add words from Distinguished who shared her personal walk in this with us last night.

It is so instructive on finding a balance in this…

Finally, I want to add that God will not do your job in your relationship or marriage. You both can be destined for each other and still have a failed marriage if you don’t do what you ought to do as a man or woman. Apart from the man’s duty to love and the woman’s duty to submit each have the responsibility to deal with each other with understanding.  Without understanding, a home is a disaster waiting to happen. If you’re lazy, lack wisdom and understanding, lack knowledge and refuse to search for it, have temper issues or any other ill trait, please work on it! Speaking in tongues or having God’s God’s will for your life won’t make this issues disappear.


And what Distinguished said is so true.

Even as we pray for God’s will, we also pray for wisdom.

Because spirituality alone doesn’t guarantee a great marriage.

So I believe we should just put this balance in view.

As we pray for God’s will to be done in our marital destiny, as we surrender our will to God’s will for our lives, let us also make sure to pray that God would work on our lives.

Let go of selfishness, laziness, quick temper, pride, argumentative spirit… let them go. Ask God to kill these I’ll traits in you and give the Holy Spirit free rein to work on your life.


Finally, I uploaded Pastor Nat’s message here on Dropbox.

Like I said earlier, that message changed my life in 2014 and I still pray along with the prayers at the end of it today.

So click here to download it and be transformed as I was as you listen to it.


I pray that we won’t bow to what our own minds or even this world posits to us on marriage and relationships but we would let God’s word renew us from the inside out, so we think as He thinks, sees as He sees and more importantly, surrender all the way to His will for our lives… in Jesus name, amen.



Till our next love letter,



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  • Reply
    Chidinma Frances
    May 22, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    Wow. #truetalk. And Distinguished just summarised the whole message up in those few lines. I pray we all let go and surrender and also work on ourselves. Thanks for this #love_letter.
    Ps. This is my first time commentin on this *our* website. Ive always read my mail notifications, gotten ur two books, stremed some videos, but have neva commented. So i want to change. I dnt want to b a ghost reader anymore.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 22, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      Yay!!!!! Somebody shout hallelujah!!!! Thank God oh Chidinma…sooo good to hear from you. Amazingly good. please stay on the commenters side of the fence biko 🙂 the other side is no fun…

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