Guest Posts

Ify Halim: Can People Really Change?

I had a dream at the beginning of the year… A dream that had me wishing that Imperfectly Perfect Lives would grow to indeed include lives and not just my life.

That I would feature a lot of guest articles on the guest Post section of the blog… and that I did till publishing Book brouhaha got me busy… too busy to even publish Ify’s article she had sent me for a while now.

I admire Ify’s patience(right from before my journey to Jos) and perseverance and forgiving spirit because she certainly had to have a good heart to not think I was shelving off her article.

Thank you Ify.

Hopefully her amazing nature shines through to you via her words below.




Every now and again, we hear stories of abusive men who beat up their wives into unrecognizable pulps, and what usually follows is a string of questions as we struggle to make sense of it all.
“Didn’t she see signs of his madness from the beginning?”
“She did! Ah, so why did she stay?”
“Change ke? Hmm, how could she be stupid enough to think he would change?”
I’m currently working on a Women Tell All on Dating and Marriage project (stay tuned to the Idealist’s Haven) but today’s topic deals with something a little different. It’s a concept that’s been buzzing through my mind for quite some time now, and perhaps even yours at some point… the potency of change in the “real world”, wherever that is.
In relation to Question #3, let’s think of the abusive men – and yes, abusive women – of today’s society for a minute. Wisdom tells us to love these individuals from afar, and with good reason because our safety and peace of mind is important. But even at that, should these people be considered permanently damaged goods, incapable of change? Should ANYONE be considered damaged goods, for that matter?
I look at the life of Paul, someone who hated the very thought of Christ and Christians, and watch how he changed to become the greatest pioneer of a movement centered on these very things.

I look at my life and remain amazed at God’s ability to pick up a broken mind, mend it and make it a precious vessel for His use. I’m sure some of you can relate to this. God has a way of progressively making us better people, as long as we’re committed to spending necessary time with Him and fellow Christians in fellowship.
Every now and again, I have an imaginary out of body experience where I watch myself being vocal about certain things or interact with total strangers boldly. I can be very opinionated these days, – my mouth’s gotten the “vessel” memo too – especially when it’s for a cause or person I’m very passionate about. And admittedly and ashamedly, when arguing about something that’s probably not worth my time.
It’s funny because this same person would sit mute in university lecture halls because she was too timid to speak up about anything.
This same person would walk past hallways in school, with eyes fixed on the ground, as if inviting it to eat her up.
I could barely see value in myself back then – value on “could” – but thankfully, He’s succeeded in reversing this and more, one step at a time.
If you’re reading this right now as a shy, angry, fearful, worrisome person who wants to change badly but is questioning how likely this is, don’t lose hope. Instead, draw closer to Him instead and ask Him to help you see yourself through His eyes. God’s able to use you just as you are, believe it or not (remember cowardly Gideon or temperamental Moses?) so never feel like you must be Man’s definition of “perfect” to have value.
Also very important… watch your thoughts and who you surround yourself with. You are worthy of respect and value, and no-one… not even yourself… should make you feel any different.
Has God transformed you in any way? Or are you going through something right now and need some one-on-one encouragement? Let’s talk. Do share in the comments section below…


Truth For Today:

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

2Corinthians 3:18


About The Writer:

Ify Halim

Ify Halim

Ifeoma “Ify” Halim is a Christian writer and media enthusiast with a passion for inspiring people to be purpose-driven and successful. She also enjoys sharing success stories and does just that with her fun bi-weekly column, True African Gems on Edufrica. Find out how change-makers like Chude Jideonwo, Prince Adu-Appiah and Clemantine Wamariya made it right here!
For more inspirational articles or musings, check out The Idealist’s Haven (
Also, follow her on Twitter: @MissHalim
Or say hello/ask a question: ifyhalim(at)

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  • Reply
    Ify Halim
    November 13, 2015 at 9:32 am

    Haa.. actually laughed out in public when I saw your intro *covering face*.

    Thanks for your kind words, Frances, and for the.opportunity to share my testimony here 🙂

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      November 14, 2015 at 12:37 am

      Awww, no, thank you for blessing us with the words in you and for bearing with me.
      Thank you Ify!
      Thank you

  • Reply
    November 13, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    Well done … Ify.. I enjoyed every bit of your writing and can recognise myself in your post. Thank God for growth.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      November 14, 2015 at 12:39 am

      Right Tope! I am so grateful for growth too…but for God..but for God.

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