International women’s day just passed on Wednesday. And I share my thoughts on purpose etc on my Instagram pages @booksbHephzibahfrances but one thing I didn’t share was my ruminations on how much I’ve grown.
In my last year International women’s day Post, I spoke about how God was doing a lot of excavation works in me and wasn’t allowing me to get away with wrong thoughts about myself anymore. Thoughts like I was forgotten or forsaken, inferior to others, not good enough, etc. All had to go. You can read that post here – https://www.hephzibahfrances.com/a-letter-to-women-breaking-the-bias-we-have-against-ourselves/
This year I paid attention to my thoughts, feelings and emotions as we went through international women’s day.
A few things I’d share as I ruminated on me and the changes God had worked on the inside of me.
1: I Found I was very settled in my identity in Christ:
Oh what a joy to finally get here where I get what I mean to God. For so long I didn’t know. Now I am getting to know how much He loves me and how I do not need public approval to know that God approves of me.
This used to be such a struggle for me. I think I have dealt with identity issues for the better part of my life, so to be getting to the point where I am finally free of this is a blessing! I am not forsaken! He loves me! He calls me His own! He approves of me! The only one I want to please is Him!
2: I found I had gotten more settled in God’s approval of me over men’s approval:
I wasn’t looking for my face on people’s statuses nor looking for awards or celebrations from men. I was very very happy to detect this truth in my life this time around. Oh what a joy!
The truth is, I know that my work as a missionary matters to God. I know that I am at the very centre of God’s agenda for the earth. I am doing a great work that matters to God and I do not need awards to prove this is so. I really checked what I felt as I saw the awards of leading voices of this and that. I celebrated the women that got them but there was simply no need on the inside of me to be recognized by any man. I believe this is such a great work done by the Holy Spirit on the inside of me.
3: I examined my motives:
I dug deep into what I do and why I do them and arrived at the conclusion that it is all for the Lord Jesus. My convictions and value system are getting more deeper in God. Jesus is the reason why I do what I do. I wouldn’t travel nations for any man. Just for Jesus. Only for the Lord Jesus.
For one who would wonder if this was enough in previous times and whether my vision was good enough for men etc, to finally be getting settled at the core of my heart about what God has called me to do, his unique road for me etc is a blessing!!
4; I found that I AM THE PRIZE!
Now if you read my last post, you would know that this year 2023, I desire to be married. There is no use hiding what I want from God and I truly believe it is God’s will and wish for me too.
Once upon a time I was washing plates at my kitchen sink when I suddenly began to think about “which man is going to have me?”
I have never experienced what it meant for a man to say that “I chose you”. I found myself crying out to God In the midst of my brokenness. I knelt and cried. What makes a man chose a woman? Who is ever going to get to that point where He says Hephzibah it’s you that I want. You that I chose. I had never experienced this before.
Believe or not, my tears and taking that brokenness in prayer to God was the beginning of a healing journey for me. That was in the year 2015/2016.
In 2020 I kind of also had thoughts of would this man accept me? When it seemed God wanted I and a particular man to come together.
I heard the Holy Spirit distinctly say to me that day:
“Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised!”
-Proverbs 31:30 AMPC
I am a woman who fears the Lord. I am a woman who worships the Lord. God was saying to me, “this is my own criteria for a woman of value. It is a woman who loves, fears and serves me that matters the most in my eyes and you Hephzibah are this woman”.
Oh what freedom to see myself from the sight of God.
This year as I ruminate on my readiness for marriage etc, I am boldly tell myself that I am a Prize. My God! The man that marries me is blessed! Even now I AM A WIFE!
God has deposited so much in me, worked so much in me, any man that gets me is blessed and highly favoured by God and should be giving God thanks for the rest of His life!
I am not an option. I am a must have. Unfortunately I can only marry one man so this man has to be really special for God to give me to Him.
I am not perfect but I realize as I evaluate myself from God’s eyes, Hephzibah is a really good thing! A really great prize for one special man who will see her value and see her as God sees her.
God has been excavating in me. I am not the rejected one. I am Hephzibah; God’s delight. I bring God joy.
All the years of crying in brokenness are beginning to be worth it as I find myself in God once again.
I want to encourage you. I believe the matter of identity is so so important for any and every woman to sort out with her God. Do not go around in brokenness and bandaging this brokenness with the accolades and perception of men about you. Find who you are in God and be settled in who this woman is. Find your value in God. Evaluate yourself through God’s eyes and I pray you healing as you walk this journey with God in Jesus name amen.
Please comment below. I’d love to hear from you. How has this helped you?
Also what topics would you love to see me write on to help your journey in Christ? Also please hit the share button and please share this post for someone else to be blessed like you have.
Also get a copy of my book WHO AM I? To aid your healing journey in unravelling your identity in Christ.
See you next time,
Lots of love,