Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

I Am A Christian; I Don’t Ask Guys Out!

So as a young girl growing up with all sorts of mushy feelings, I used to “pursue” guys. I remember one of those failed relationships that I had begun from the guy giving me his BBM pin on Facebook to add him up. I DID.

Then he gave me his number to call him, I DID.

When it came to the time where I was eager to see him, he asked that I come to where he was, I DID. I travelled with my money and went to see him.

He wasn’t the only one who I made such silly mistakes with.

As a teenager, I would travel to Lagos, Benin to see my boyfriends I met online and when they were tired of me, I would call and call, send texts and send texts begging to be accepted back.

As I grew and became born again, I realised that my need to “pursue” guys shifted into: when I see a guy I like, I may subtly check up on him, etc.

I began to see patterns of “sending emails, inviting to events, sending Christian materials…” not because it was from a “sister heart” but a “may be this could be the one. Let me help him notice me”.

One day after reading a book that pointed to this pattern in my life, I suddenly realised that hey! I am a princess, why should I be pursuing a man, be it covertly or openly?

If Jesus paid so much to get me, why I am taking such moves to “get” a guy to notice me?

So I wrote in my journal: “I would no longer covertly or openly pursue any man. I would not make it easy for him to get me or see me, sending him texts or invitations to stuffs or trying to steer him in the right direction by sending him Christian relationship materials.
I signed my name and told God “no” to all those shenanigans.

That was in 2017 when God opened my eyes to see my folly and it has been bliss since then.

Just serving my God and allowing that man whoever he is take the wheel.

Today, we see so many “ideas” on how the tables have turned and women can pursue men. A woman can ask a guy out, no problem.

See “The proposal; his ring was his blood”.

But even with Christ our eternal bridegroom, we see how that has never been the case. God pursues us as His own, it is in response to the love He pours upon us that we respond to. He is our leader, our head and ALWAYS takes the lead of initiation to His bride – the church. And we follow the pattern of the Lord.

God made us. Male and female He created us. He knows what makes His woman ticks; He knows the kind of love He pours out into us that makes us just surrender to say “Lord I am yours”.

Brides wait. Sit still for the bridegroom to come for them. God showed me my “overt and covert” moves to be noticed by a man who I felt was “the one” was directly related to how I saw myself. I didn’t know my value as a daughter of the King and when we do not know this, we tend to run after men and somehow believe that we would die if they don’t come for us.

Read Aunty Salt’s letter to women here.

So are you a lady who has been making overture moves to a man you like?

Sending devotionals or messages that you know are not from a “sisterly place” but a “he may be my husband; let me position myself to be seen by him”.

Stop it!!
Be the daughter of the king that you are.


Let the man who loves you take the initiative from God to pursue you with no input or “help” from you.


Two things to remember:
1: Understand what your identity is in Christ Jesus

2: Wait. Place your heart in Jesus’ hands and let Him bring your man to you with no help from you.

PS: Some may argue that Ruth pursued her man but stick with us on the blog as we break down WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT THE THRESHING FLOOR.


Lots of Love,
Hephzibah Frances




Hard and soft copies are available.

Email for yours.

Download PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE SEED FREE sneak-peek copy here

(Visited 195 times, 1 visits today)

You Might Also Like


  • Reply
    June 13, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    This post is so timely for me as I just got an advice ‘don’t make it hard for him to Come back’ from someone close to me days back.

    I was flabbergasted when I got this advice because I know that when a man really wants a woman ,he would pursue you

    • Reply
      Hephzibah Frances
      July 4, 2018 at 10:20 am

      He definitely wouls pursue and prioritise you. Lord help us to stop selling oursleves short in Jesus name..amen!

  • Reply
    June 14, 2018 at 9:24 am

    This is really awesome. Just recently, the Holy Spirit dropped this in my heart. Thanks a lot for Sharing sis

  • Reply
    June 15, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    Lovely piece Dear, thanks for sharing. I would need your input on a similar situation… So I have this colleague at the office who I have to meet sometimes to carry out some projects for me as that is his specialty. And honestly I don’t even know how it happened but we suddenly got talking to each other a lot and we discovered we reside in the same estate which has got us a lot more closer and we always leave work together. I realized he isn’t very serious with his spiritual life and it got me worried as I know the importance of a good relationship with God, so I share books, the Word and invite him to church a lot which he only attends if I am attending too.
    I like him, but I am afraid my gestures towards him may be taken for helping him to notice me which initially wasn’t the plan, right Now I’m not sure what it is. And I honestly don’t want to help him notice me. What do i do?

    • Reply
      Hephzibah Frances
      July 4, 2018 at 10:33 am

      Hi dear DEEDEE,
      Funny, the Holy Spirit reminded me of your question while I was in the bathroom yesterday. I am so sorry for the delay in replying.

      Okay whats on my heart is “motives”.
      You know, you have to be truthful to yourself by using the filter of the Holy Spirit. Why are you sending him spiritual materials and inviting him to church? Is it because you are really interested in his spiritual growth or its a way to see him and spend more time with him?

      Be sincere with God. Open up your heart to him and what He shows you, obey, repent and do

      Hope this can be a guide for you:

      For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
      Hebrews 4:12‭-‬13 NKJV

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge

%d bloggers like this: