Chastity For Men Project (Series) Love&Relationships

How To Be Better Wives & Mothers + Husbands & Fathers

My dear single ladies and gentlemen,

It’s hard to believe that this is almost the third year running since I started writing Frances’ love letters to you all. The passion still as strong and the message still as clear; we have to do this love and marriage thingy God’s way.


I had a fight with my mom few days back. I should have known it was coming after I wrote Love Never Fails. I always get tests on love when I share on it, like the teacher has to eat the pie too.

I don’t know how I did with this fight as I broke one rule of love which is the fact that love forgets.

I remembered.

I didn’t want to but I did. And I cried. It seemed like the scar was still there, just waiting to be peeled off.

As I sat wondering at it all anyway, I said to my brother “we have to be better mothers, fathers, wives and husbands”.


Here’s the truth:

My mother loves me and loves us all to pieces, I don’t think that I have ever seen anyone more fiercely protective of her offspring like my mom.

Her instincts are off the roof and if she tells you to leave someone, you best believe that that person is bad news.

But then she has some fault (like we all do).

I have lived with my parents long enough to be able to watch from the outside and know the not-so-good- things that they do. The not-so-flattering character attributes that they display.

And I love them deeply but if I display same character attributes then it means that I would fall into the same ditch.

And so I was just pleading with God:

Lord I have to be a better wife/mother. Please teach me how to be a better wife/mother.


The truth is that some of us young ones will think that we will do a better job than the previous generation has done but when we go in, we will find that we basically replicate all that we said that we won’t do.


Because certain character traits and habits have been ingrained in us just by watching our parents and those we grew up with do those same things.

This is the reason why I do not even fault my parents but extend grace to them, knowing that they did and are doing the best that they could what with the resources and knowledge that they had available to them.

I have recognized that the only perfect husband and father I can ever have is my heavenly Father and if I want to do a good job, I have to go to Him to get His manual about what a good job of being a wife and a mom entails.


I want my babies Deborah, Daniel and David to have a mom who is first God’s woman before being their mom.

I want my future hubby to have a wife who is first God’s wife before his wife.

If it all follows this order then I can be sure to get the basis of all that I am to them from the one who can play those roles better than I could ever play those roles on my own.

So I do not know about you guys, but I am pretty sure that no matter how good your parents are as husbands, wives, fathers and mothers, you know that there are still a lot of lapses to be filled.

You cannot just declare that you will be better than they are, you cannot do it on your own.

Despite your best interests, if you rely on just your good intentions, you will mess things up.


There is a Father from whom all families in heaven and earth are named and derive who they are from.

He is God, our Abba Father.

“For this reason [seeing the greatness of this plan by which you are built together in Christ], I bow my knees before the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

For Whom every family in heaven and on earth is named [that Father from Whom all fatherhood takes its title and derives its name].”

-Ephesians 3:14&15


You want to do a great job?

Your father hood, motherhood and spouse (hood) has to take its source from Him.


God works with hearts, He sees your desire to do things right. Ask Him for help.

Don’t go to the world for help, go learn principles that are firmly rooted in God.

And continually ask for grace to learn even as you are taught by God.


This year, it is not enough to boast and say I would be the best wife, husband, dad and mom ever.

Our parents must have had those desires too but we humans are not perfect.

Sometimes our best intentions get thrown to the wind in the light of true realities.

Ask for God’s help. In humility.

Do not think that you know a lot and are all that.

The marriage and family unit can only be successful if we follow the One who created it step by step by step. Listening for His still small voice as He teaches us what to do.

Personally, I have never read any book on how to be a great mom according to God’s standards. Let 2017 be the year that that changes.

You game?

Please comment below with any book you know.


And let’s also pray together:

Father we thank you for the desire you have put in us to learn from you on how to be great wives, husbands, fathers and mothers.

We want our homes to be built on you as our foundation. We want to raise up our kids to know you, established in righteousness, singing of your name and goodness to the next generation.. filled with the Spirit.

Help us as stewards of our kids to do the job that you want us to do.

Give us grace Lord, let the mistakes of the past not be replicated in us in Jesus name, amen.


Happy New 2017 my darling blog family.

Grace is all we ask for as we continue to learn at God’s feet, amen.


Till my next love letter,




P.S: If you are someone who desires to be a wife after God’s own heart, you can watch the first video on the “Preparation On How To Be A Wife Series” and catch up with the other videos HERE



Also for our men, keep in touch with the “Where Are The Men Series” HERE


Missed my last post?

Catch up here


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  • Reply
    January 7, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    You are correct. We need to go back to God’s manual so we don’t repeat the mistakes of our parents. We spent most of our formative years with them, so despite our best efforts some of their character traits get replicated in us. We can pray for grace and wisdom. I also pray about my foundation, so that God deals with whatever may be replicated or inherited knowingly or unknowingly.
    Man a man vowed never to marry a second wife because his father had ten wives, until he marries, and someone outside gets pregnant and insists on moving in.Then he remembers that he is actually towing his father’s line.
    The first step is to acknowledge the less than perfect sides of our parents, and as you have said, pray fervently about it. We have to be better parents. We know Christ.
    We can not do it by flesh or will alone.

    • Reply
      January 8, 2017 at 10:07 pm

      Exactly Bisola!
      Flesh and will will fail over and over again. Despite our best efforts if God doesn’t help we may become the very one we swore not to be.

      Thanks for the prayer on foundations.
      Yes. because some of these things need to be uprooted from the root. prayers needed and constant reliance on God.

      Ps: have any books to share on godly parenting?

  • Reply
    January 8, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    I’m lacking words to express myself …

    • Reply
      January 8, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      In a good way I believe 🙂

      God bless you Benita and our Sarah

  • Reply
    January 13, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    True and timely. You see,that’s one of the things I am actually looking unto my father for. I v had enough of running around in circles or doing it my way. God helping me,at the end of the year,i would certainly testify. God’s grace.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 13, 2017 at 3:12 pm

      Amen and amen Adanna. We shall testify, not just at the end of the year but even in our marriages and homes, we shall testify in Jesus name, amen!

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