Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

How Our Marriage With God Guarantees An Awesome Marriage With Our Spouse

My dearest single ladies and gentlemen,
I’m smiling as I type this right now just because I feel like smiling… or well, just because it’s amazing to be single and loving God!

I first got a rhema on how our relationship with a spouse only mirrors our relationship with God at the beginning of the year.
‎I was praying for my parents marriage when I got “your relationship with your spouse is only a reflection of your relationship with your God”.

I had never‎ seen the correlation before then.
Yesterday again, as I read the devotion from proverbs31 ministries(, follow them already), the advice was on marriage but again, what I saw the love between God and I.‎
Now, we maybe be wondering how God’s love relates to love for our spouses, just hold up for a bit, let me explain.

Ephesians 5:25 downwards (open it up and read it loves) explains how God wants a man and a wife to relate in a home and then when you read down, you see that Paul actually links the marriage between a man and a woman with the marriage between Christ and the Church (us).

I have thought a bit on this and the obvious truth is that there is a direct link with our physical marriage on earth and our marriage with Christ Jesus.
And the physical marriage is only as good as the marriage we nurture with Christ.

Now how does this work?

Christ says “husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church”.
“The way Christ loves the Church”.
Now, how can someone know how Christ loves the Church if that person isn’t rooted in Christ.
There is a deeper impact in being linked with an unbeliever as a spouse.
No one can truly love without knowing the way God loves.
So at best what an unbeliever can do is to love you with the way he knows how to love, not the way God wants him to love you.
So one yoked with an unbeliever in marriage/relationship is basically short changing themselves – holding themselves back from the God-kind of love God wants them to enjoy.

Again, for wives, Paul says “submit to your husbands”.

But the first place we should start here is “do we submit to God when God says we should?”
When He says go, do we go?
When He says stop, do we stop?

If we cannot submit to God who is higher than a man, how do we hope to submit to a man – our physical husbands?

And then we can go down to quarrels we might have with our spouses.
I have related here before on how God’s Spirit in me made me stop in the middle of a hot quarrel with my mom.
And then He gave me a lesson on how love – the love He has shed abroad in my heart should be.

And it’s the same thing with the disagreements we might have with our spouses.
There is no way you will be in top gear in your relationship with God, then keep malice and bitterness in your heart against your spouse.
It just won’t work.
God’s Spirit in you will lead you to reconcile with them. He will teach you forgiveness which is an absolute pre-requisite if you want your marriage with your spouse to work out.‎
There is no way we can hope to have an automatically awesome marriage here on earth if the first marriage – the one we between us and Christ is in shambles.‎
The physical state of our marriage flows out of our marriage with Christ.
So ultimately, we should all ask ourselves some sincere questions and make some changes.
What is my relationship with God like right now?
Do I listen to Him?
Do I obey Him?when He says don’t do that, do I move right ahead in defiance to His authority?

If I cannot submit to my Lord and saviour, my creator, how can I submit to His creation?
If I cannot love God with everything in me right now, how can I love the woman He blesses me with?

Do you spend time with God right now? Even when you don’t feel like it?
Love is a decision you know? A decision to press in and love your spouse even when you don’t feel like it.
And having date nights with God, spending time talking to Him, worshiping Him, loving on Him even when you don’t feel like it will also teach you to press in even when you don’t feel like doing so with your husband/wife.

I even got to realize through some rhema from Francine Rivers book – redeeming love, that God’s love in us should be able to forgive adultery.
Am I saying that we should expect our spouses to cheat on us?
But I am saying that loving God right and understanding what love is from our marriage with Him would teach us the kind of love with which He wants us to love our spouses – a love that overcomes all obstacles.

And every time I share‎ words on my love letters to you all, I am continually grateful for grace to learn these truths now.
It wouldn’t surprise me in the future when I am married and love seems hard to do, and God reminds me of this post I wrote years back.‎
God isn’t teaching us these things for nothing.
He is preparing us.
Molding us.
Working in us to build a kingdom marriage in Him.

Let’s all endeavor to take our relationship with God seriously.
It’s the only way we stay in tune with the lover of our souls.
But it’s also the only way we can ensure that we have that amazing marriage we dream of here on earth.

Remember, our physical marriage is only a reflection of our marriage with Jesus.
Make your marriage with Jesus wax strong and every other thing will flow out of it.

God help us all as we let these lessons sink into our hearts and set our hearts on His ways and works, not in the world’s.

Till next time on Frances’s love letters,

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  • Reply
    August 16, 2015 at 11:05 am

    Dear Frances! This post is as true as true can be. Our marriages definitely are a reflection of our relationship with our maker. That’s why most people who are truly enjoying their marriage are those who tell you how God and God alone teaches them how to love their spouse. And truth is God can only teach us as we spend more time with Him.
    So growth in God=Growth in our relationships.
    I remember God taught me a lesson on choosing to love this week. My mum had just finished annoying me somewhat. And I had bought oranges on my way home, so my flesh wanted to be selfish and finish my oranges because I was mad at my mum.
    God just quickly told me that this is how marriage works o my daughter, you must choose to love(and sometimes remain food and oranges) for your spouse even when you really don’t feel like it. Lol
    Might be funny, but you know how our daddy uses anything to teach us new lessons.
    Thanks sis! Muah!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 21, 2015 at 10:48 am

      Trust God to use every experience as a learning curve..thats what we are on anyway, learning to be more like Him, reflecting Him in love and in our ways.
      I pray these lessons will stick into our hearts and God’s grace will always be at hand when we need them in Jesus name, amen!

      Love and plentyyy love B!

  • Reply
    August 17, 2015 at 7:58 am

    Tell me about it. I am in a relationship today and each time i think about it, my mind is directed to my relationship with God. Every time, every chat session, every fight, every thought is redirected to my relationship with Christ. I know God isn’t man but my earthly relationship totally challenges my heavenly relationship. They are quite parallel. And i want to give give more to God than anyone else not by my lips but in actions. That’s my desire…
    You have written well.


    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 18, 2015 at 1:00 pm

      Of course Adaolisa, they are quite parallel!
      Remember Ephesians 5, how Paul diverted from talking about a man and his wife into talking about the Church and Jesus…marriage was simply given as a way to mirror our marriage with God.
      Yes, it gives us joy and all that, but if we do it right, ways on how it relates with our marriage with God seeps into our mind and consciousness.

      I pray like you too, that God will help us to apply lessons He is teaching us in Him even in our physical relationships too in Jesus name, amen.

      Thanks so much sis 🙂

  • Reply
    August 17, 2015 at 9:26 am

    What a correlation. I need to press higher in my relationship with God.

  • Reply
    Michael Tobechukwu
    December 2, 2016 at 10:20 am

    How can you love when the Spirit of love is not resident in you?
    How can you submit when the Spirit of humility is not dwelling in you?
    Everything flows out of our relationship with God; even more so, marriage.
    God not only teaches us how to love and submit to our spouse, He equally ensures that the home is not infiltrated by the devil.
    Indeed, just as the heart is reflected in a person’s life; so is our relationship with God reflected in our relationships with others (especially, marriage).
    Thanks Frances.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      December 12, 2016 at 10:04 am

      Hmm.. all I agree with Michael.
      Everything we do flows from Him.. EVERYTHING.
      Lord help us to allow Him colour our lives so He flows out of us into our relationships… ordering how we relate with both our spouses and all men.
      In Jesus name, Amen

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