Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Hope For Those From Divorced And Damaged Homes

Dear Single Ladies and Gentlemen,

I feel the need to encourage those of us from messed-up homes today.

You know, recently I have been feeling tugged on by God to hold a series of relationship, courtship and marriage events wrapped up in line with “Prayers for your future husband”. In fact, our next conference from “The women at the well” will be based on relationships and marriage.

And my first response to God was to say that “Lord you know that I am not married”.

Not only am I not married, I am a very unlikely person to be used by God in the area of love, relationships and marriage.

If you do not know, I do not come from a well-put-together home-built on marriage God’s way.

See here.

My parents were divorced when I was 9 and prior to that there were always quarrels in the home – bad crazy fights that left us the kids crying and sad.

God has restored and brought reconciliation to my parents marriage but they are still a work in progress.

I myself was in a bad stint with wrong relationships right from Secondary school when I used to call guys from the newspaper to be their girlfriend.

The relationship that brought me to Christ was also a messed up one.


After being born again, I still went down the wrong road till I REALLY decided that enough! Lord take my marital life and rule therein.

Then I decided “Lord, I won’t enter into any relationship you do not say yes to”.

That was in the year 2012. This is 2017 and I have been single since then (aside from emotional attachment here that God pulled me out of).

So you see, I am not a poster child for one God should use to spread His word concerning marriage and relationships His way.

All I know and write here wasn’t taught by dabbling into relationships or by coming from a cute and godly marital home. As a matter of fact, my family has a string of divorces from extended family sides.

Why is God using me in this area?


“As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast on

-1Corinthians 1:29&31


Just for this:


God has made it so that I can only GIVE HIM THE GLORY.

So that I can never get to the point where I say “me”.

As He said in His word, He has taken the messed up one, the despised, the foolish just so He can confound the wise.


During my time of reading something yesterday, I just told God “I don’t understand you”.

Why do you do this?

Call people the world doesn’t see as qualified?

And coming down to us, why would He chose someone with a messed up marital background to show forth His glory in that same area?

What should be our response to this?

We should be grateful and we should know that no matter what we have gone through, no matter our background, we should know that WE HAVE HOPE.


What can you do to be a candidate for God’s “confounding the wise with your marital destiny’?

Just give it all up to Him.

Make that decision I made in 2012.

Lord, my marriage will be done your way.

I won’t say yes to anyone if you do not give me the go ahead.

Help me Lord. Help me.


That’s the first step to stepping into the place of hope for your own marriage regardless of whatever kind of marital home you come from.



Pray this prayer along with me:

Father I come to you, knowing that the physical odds are against me. But with you there is hope, there is life.

I give my marital destiny to you. I decide to follow your way. Lead me into the marriage you have planned for me. Holy Spirit teach me the Lord’s way concerning this marital institution and do not let me give my heart away to anyone when you are not in it. In Jesus name, amen.


Next week (or in another love letter) we will talk about steps to take even after you have said this prayer.

Boundaries you have to set in place and things you have to learn from the Holy Spirit.


For now, remember God chooses the foolish things to confound the wise and if you will do it His way, He will use your marital destiny to confound even those who have tagged your family background as damaged.

Believe it, it’s the truth.
%ieve it, it’s the truth.


Till our next love letter,





My new book “Prayers for your future husband” is a great resource for every lady who wants to build her home on the foundation of prayer.

download the sneak peek below










And mail for how to purchase the book (hard copies and soft copies available)

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  • Reply
    March 11, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    this husband/relationship matter..
    May God guide and help us… cos we cant get it wrong.
    May God use us as tools to correct any generational wrongs in Jesus Name.
    I will be praying for my future husband 🙂

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 13, 2017 at 2:13 pm

      Amen and amen to all your prayers Yevandy.. not by power but by grace.
      And yes oh. Pray for your future hubby.. he needs it.

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