Getting Married Without A Groom Love&Relationships

Getting Married Without A Groom Part 9

Getting married without a groom series is a series I am running on the blog on my marital story.

It would run till my wedding day.

Be blessed.

“And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.”
Romans 4:21 KJV


If you missed the last chapter click here


Chapter 9
Scene opens with Hephzibah Frances in the toilet. Crying again after the sex she had the previous day with a guy she met from Facebook and had known for less than 2 weeks. It was happening all over again.

3 months after I left my boyfriend and gave my life to Christ, I met another guy. This one reached me from Facebook and came to my town to see me. He was cute. We met at an eatery and nothing happened that day. But I was so eager that someone was interested in me, I went to see him at his house.
I still didn’t realize that I had a part go play in living above sin and that you don’t give sin an opportunity to thrive.

We started by kissing and touching and before I knew it, it happened.

I would curl on my side and cry afterwards and the guy just couldn’t understand why.

It happened twice. The last time it happened, while sitting in the toilet in regret, I suddenly realized that it was I who was giving sin an occasion to thrive and that if I didn’t go to this guy’s house, then this wouldn’t happen.
Suddenly the light came on in my heart. I realized that I could side-step this sin with some common sense on my part and so I stopped going to the guy’s place.

And then afterwards, this guy on the other hand who I thought was my boyfriend would not call me for days at a time. I would send encouraging messages as a good Christian girl but felt like I wasn’t valued in his eyes and after a pregnancy scare where I thought I was pregnant (but I wasn’t), we finally drifted apart and the whole thing (which wasn’t a defined relationship) ended.

But I had not come to terms with the void in me that ached for men and attention and so I met another guy, this time through BBM – a social networking platform. He said he loved me and had attended my current fellowship while in school. But I didn’t realise that not everyone who even served as executives in fellowships were born again. I observed signs but waved them off and thought for a moment that I could change him. I imagined marriage since he also delved into that topic.

I went to see him and allowed him to kiss me and fondle me. He laughed at me when I closed up and then told me bye as I left. No seeing me off to the park, nothing. I could tell that I was a nobody to this one; he probably had girls coming in and out and I was right.

By the time I got home my elder brother had heard the gist. You see, he was my brother’s classmate at secondary school and somehow had told people there that “that is Raymond’s sister”.

My brother was so disappointed.

He told me about how he holds me in high esteem and if anyone should make this mistake, it shouldn’t be me.

I was under a shade of sadness all through the holidays. I would write in my journal and cry to God about how every Christmas I seemed to always have one heartbreak or the other. What wasn’t I doing right Lord?

(Journal) Every guy I have ever met has taken me for granted..from M to T, to T to U.. all Lord.




1: Sometimes the heart breaks we cry about are simply an overspill or hurts and emptiness we haven’t yet learned to fill with Christ.

Do you find yourself consistently ending up with guys who do not accord you respect? And yet still stay with them?
Be sincere with the Lord; ask Him to show you what you are doing wrong. What’s the emptiness in your heart that needs to be filled? Sometimes it’s not those guys fault (even though they maybe jerks)… sometimes WE SIMPLY NEED TO SEE WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST SO WE CAN BETTER SIFT WHO WE ALLOW TO GAIN ACCESS TO OUR HEARTS.

2: Writing the above chapter and reliving my story makes me understand even much more so that the Christian walk is a journey.
I fell and fell for the early part of my walk with God because I had not understood how to plug-in sin by the Holy Spirit’s wisdom, grace and power. I loved God with all my heart and felt so bad at my failures yet I was unable to help myself till the Holy Spirit taught me the principle of FLEEING SEXUAL SINS.

If sexual immorality, specifically premarital sex is your bane right now, you must know that along with God’s grace to us, we must FLEE.
If you give sin an OPPORTUNITY to thrive, it will.
If you give sex a bed or a closed space, it would happen despite your best intentions.

You must learn the art of FLEEING and staying away from enclosed places that give premarital sex an opportunity to thrive.

Saying “no” is way easier in an environment that can accept no.

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.
It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,..”
Titus 2:12 NIV





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  • Reply
    May 15, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    Really beautiful is what you are! I can feel the joy of the lord radiating from you, God bless you for turning to him and sharing this amazing story.. Really inspirational

    • Reply
      Hephzibah Frances
      May 16, 2018 at 11:41 am

      God bless you too sis Gracey!

      We thank God for writng our life’s story..

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