Getting Married Without A Groom Love&Relationships

Getting Married Without A Groom Part 5

“By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.”
Hebrews 11:3 NKJV

If you missed the last part click here


Chapter 5

I met him when I was in 200 level in the university. It was a few months after we resumed the semester. I cannot remember the details of how we met and exchanged numbers but we were in the same class.

It was just after the “playboy shirt” incident and I had “gone back to God”.
I was reading my Bible, praying and attending fellowship and generally trying to make up for the loss of my virginity.

Somehow I met him and we started drawing close. I asked him what he wanted and he said a relationship so I told him that there would be no sex and he said yes. But you see, I was a new believer with no strong convictions and very little knowledge and so I didn’t know that you cannot very well kiss and smooch and stop short of the main sex deal.

And one day… it happened! The main deal happened.

I only felt bad for a second; looking back now, I know I was still a virgin, “playboy”had not gained entry. But at the time the only thing that meant anything to me was my virginity and if it was gone, perhaps I could go in fully with this guy that I loved and who said he would marry me.

I told you about my family background. Now in hindsight, I know that I had a void inside of me that wanted love. The only problem is that I didn’t know what love looked like. I didn’t have parents who understood the God kind of love and I had never been taught about what the God kind of love for courtship and marriages was supposed to be.

It would be years later before I realised that Jesus’ man for me would aim to protect my purity even before marriage but as at that time, all I was was a naive young girl who simply didn’t know how the world ran the game of “love”.

At first it was all fun and games. I didn’t even know that there were drugs to take after sex to prevent a pregnancy; I only knew that in this relationship but sooner rather than later, my ignorance caught up with me.

When I was younger, I would sit in class all quiet and gentle with my classmates making noise all around me. But the minute I joined in the ruckus would be the same minute a teacher walked up to the class, caught us in our jamboree and sent us out to clear grass!

It happened over and over in secondary school. The day I step into a truancy would be the exact day the gang would be caught.

It was no different with my escapades of sex with my boyfriend.

In less than 6 months I became pregnant.

Your Turn:
1: Do you have strong convictions about the topic of purity?

2: Are you okay with having sex with your partner so long as you are going to get married to each other?

3: This is the truth about premarital sex/sexual immorality:

Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with  her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with  Him.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who  is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
I Corinthians 6:13‭, ‬15‭-‬20

4: Sex is a good thing created by God in and for marriage. The only way sex is blessed by God is when it’s between a husband and wife who have been joined in holy matrimony before God and man.

5: Analyse your sexual life in view of God’s truth and see where you are.

6: If you fall short, be encouraged. A broken and contrite spirit God won’t despise. Ask for the Lord’s mercy and by His grace you can abstain from all sexual sin.

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.”
1 Thessalonians 4:3‭-‬8 NIV


My book “Prayers for your future husband” is available for would-be brides!






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