Getting Married Without A Groom Love&Relationships

Getting Married Without A Groom Part 11

Getting married without a groom series is a series on my journey to the altar that will run on the blog till my wedding.

I pray you are blessed by it.



“Thus says the Lord: Yet again there shall be heard in this place of which you say, It is a desolate waste, without man and without beast–even in the cities of Judah t are desolate, without man and without inhabitant and without beast– [There shall be heard again] the voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voices of those who sing as they bring sacrifices of thanksgiving into the house of the Lord, Give praise and thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good; for His mercy and kindness and steadfast love endure forever! For I will cause the captivity of the land to be reversed and return to be as it was at first, says the Lord.”
Jeremiah 33:10‭-‬11 AMPC


Missed the last episode, click here



Chapter 11

Dear Lord, no one ever asks me out.
-‎December 2013

Oh singlehood was good but it was also an afront on the way I saw myself. Sometimes I the way I saw myself. Sometimes I would be so secure in who God has called me to be and sometimes I would be so disoriented with the lack of “toasters” in my life.

Everyone got asked out but me. Everyone had a boyfriend but me. I knew that I had given over my love life to God but still it was hard; so hard.

By the time I got into Law school I was still holding on to my decision to stay single till God sent me the man who was my husband but that year saw a lot of temptations come my way; I got into a “situationship” with an engaged man.

We started out as just friends. We would go to class together and talk about school etc and God and then we both started “catching feelings”. He would get jealous when I would talk to other guys and  I wouldn’t admit it but I would be jealous when I see him with other friends too. He was engaged. But we still cloaked it all as friendship.

To his credit, he was a really nice guy. “H” would buy me things would no strings attached. He was generous to a fault

One day I felt God tell me to leave this “friendship”.

You know God knows us even better than we know ourselves… all the feelings we have, He knows.
I used to get jealous when this guy talked to other girls and he too used to get mad when guys talked and laughed with me.

One day, as we were fighting over something, I just started feeling bad with a weight of conviction on me; I knew God was telling me to break things off.

My response was to start crying and to send a message to a mentor.

I was supposed to go to Redeem Holy Ghost Congress that night and the Holy Spirit was just convicting me all through the ride to camp.
I wept and wept like a baby.
I gave all the reasons why he is just a friend (rationalizing things) but God was having none of it.
The conclusion was let this “friend” go.

The answer I got from my mentor was the same thing God told me. He opened my eyes to see how we weren’t just friends; we had shared so much that we were emotionally connected.

I rationalized and cried and I wish I can say I obeyed immediately… well I did try to obey immediately but when I told my friend I didn’t want us to be friends again, he begged and begged and said please, we are just friends, please and I said alright. I literally took man’s word above God’s word but I wasn’t at peace. I couldn’t pray. When I raised songs like “Lord you are my everything”,  He would say “I am not your all if you place “him” above me”.

On a certain day, this my “friend” was going out with another lady friend of his when he said he would see me at that time and I became really mad.
I walked down to use the ATM not because I wanted to use it but because I wanted him to see that I saw him with his lady friend.
As I was walking back to my hostel, the Holy Spirit kept saying, “and you say you guys are not in a relationship…”

I felt so pathetic, trailing a guy; I stood in the car park, angry at God’s voice that kept convicting me and I screamed “what do you want me to do?
He said, “let go”.

That same night, I told my friend that I didn’t want the friendship anymore and he quarreled, then begged, called me, sent messages… I saw him in class everyday… it was hard to break away but I knew what God wanted me to do, so there was no going back.

This period of my life was one of a big test for me; would I really stay single in God or would I place man above Him?

Would I go down the same road of looking for love from men or would God’s love be really enough for me?

After letting go, I began to analyse the lessons of this period of my life and it served to reassure me that of a truth, God is really interested in the area of my marital story and the Holy Spirit would be a guide to me as long as I would let Him do so.

PS: My friend “H” died in year 2015.
He was stabbed by his wife. She was violent even before they got married.
I wouldn’t know till I get to heaven why God really asked me to leave him and discard even friendship but I have learnt that God sees the end from the beginning and it indeed pays to obey and trust Jesus.

1: Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself roped in a relationship that God doesn’t approve of? Maybe even right now?

2: Emotions are a “terrible thing sometimes”. They can make you disobey God when He obviously says “no”

Retrace your steps today.
It won’t be easy but obey God and extricate yourself from that “situationship”.

God knows your life and knows the end from the beginning. If He is asking you to leave a relationship or a friendship with someone He doesn’t approve of, please obey and leave. It is for your own good

He will bring “your own” to you at the right time.

“Therefore “Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.” “I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.”
II Corinthians 6:17‭-‬18 NKJV




Yesterday our sister @olabimpeogundolapo got her FREE ecopy of the 21 DAYS PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND JOURNAL I sent out free copies for and she asked me a question: what day are we on in the prayer challenge? So I can catch up… I saw her question but haven’t answered yet because WE HAVEN’T STARTED.
So one of the reasons why I knew that I had to finish the journal was because God was tugging on me on prayers for the #wives.

Yes..these women who we had been calling on to pray for their #FutureHusbands
God began to show me – starting with me myself, how we still had A LOT of things we need prayer for.
He showed me my hurt. My pain. The open soul wounds I still had. The character flaws trailing me. And every time He did I had no option but to cry out “Lord work on me!” And that’s what He wants us all crying out for too.
Lord work on me!

If you have your journal already, then I am glad to announce that we would be doing the prayers together from June 1st to 7th God willing.
Prayers for the wife – YOU.

So please sit back and count the days as we get ready to pray for ourselves. *** THE 21 DAYS PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND JOURNAL is open for orders.

It contains:
7 days of Prayers for the wife
7 days of prayers for your future husband
7 days of prayers for your marriage
With pages for “love notes to him”. A copy goes for 1800naira only.

Order by paying into:
Frances Okoro
And confirm with emails to
You have to order this week to get it in time for the challenge on the 1st of June 2018.

God bless you


2: Have you downloaded your FREE sneak-peek copy of PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE SEED yet?

Download here




We will begin this series on “how to fund your wedding” here soon.
Stay tuned and also follow me @HephzibahFrances on Instagram to be in the know

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