I have been looking for my camera, my small camera I have been managing for stuff… the last time I used it was two Wednesdays ago. And I just don’t know where it is. I remember the last time I saw it but I think, if it wasn’t with me when I came home, I would have looked for it then right?
Anyway, I wanted to just postpone this diary entry because of the way I am feeling BUT I don’t know…what does feelings have to do with it?
Coupled with the fact that I was supposed to write this a month ago, so let’s go on, I will write with my broken heart still asking about my camera 😀
So you know Lord that this year has been “interesting” right? I am sure you’re chuckling at my use of words.
Anyways, remember that time I went to Church and was adviced to “dress better”, lol.
The advice in itself wasn’t bad, I think, what was bad was me tilting far into somewhere that wasn’t where I needed to be.
For as long as I can remember, I have never been one freaked by money, clothes, good shoes or good bags.
I mean, I never even notice those things on people’s body when they wear them. And I think it’s a good thing because I just have never been drawn into the trap of “wanting things” or being superficial… but all that almost changed that day when I was told to “dress better”.
I really was in a season of consecration that I couldn’t explain. That kind of season where I could go out without makeup and not make my hair for weeks.
Granted I also didn’t even have money to make my hair but I really wasn’t bothered per say.
It was a season of me just spending my time majorly praying and getting into the Word along with longing for your promises for my life to be fulfilled.
I believe that my other sisters and brothers must have experienced this season too.
But when that “advice” came, it knocked me a bit off and I felt bad.
I started looking at people’s clothes and longing to have that or “if I could just have that gown, etc”.
I knew it was a trap so I reached out to my Pastor but even before he replied, my question was answered by Pastor Chingtok and bro Gbile Akanni.
How can I be wrapped up in clothes, shoes, bags and money when there are cities and nations to be reached for you?
How could I be allowing myself to place those things first before the kingdom?
And then at Pastor Chingtok’s album launch, I was again convicted as worship went on.
I just found myself crying and saying “I am still your baby Lord”.
I know how we started and how we have been in our relationship.
I have always been your baby who could care less about what she wears as long as she is in you.
I have always been your baby who simply desires that her heart be wrapped up in you.
The things that make my heart beat are the things that make your heart beat.
And I just wanna say Lord that Lagos won’t take that away from me and you.
You took me to the back end of Ekiti and taught me these things and it’s time to use them Lord.
I remember days of just being in the house, worshipping and praying in the Spirit, I cared less but for what you cared for.
And I know that you know that good clothes, shoes and bags aren’t bad, but for them to be my focus? Thats all shades of hurtful to you.
So today I say, You are my focus Lord.
You always have been and you will always be.
I am not your big madam who just desires to take things from you.
I have always been your baby.
I remember from where you took me, how you saved me. My walk with you has always been a matter of “where you go I will go and where you say stop, I will stop”.
And more than anything, I know that I have to guard my heart before you.
It was simply this heart deal that made you take a shepherd boy David, and raised him to being a king. The heart is a big deal to you and you want a little child’s heart. A baby’s heart.
I have endeavored to keep that before you and I simply want to say that I am still that baby before you and want to always be your baby.
It’s you alone Daddy.
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