Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

For When You Feel Invisible To Them Boys…

My dear sisters-in-waiting,
I hope we are doing good?
Long time no letters to you all, I know, I am sorry.

Today’s letter have been ringing in my heart for the past few days, and I’m going to share on some things that are best hidden. Lol.
But someone may need this, so let’s go on…

So, I have written HERE about my struggles with believing that I am beautiful and accepting myself the way I am, seeming flaws and all…
I struggled with that for so long till God cramped me at Law School and I accepted His love and started seeing myself the way He sees me. But to be honest, I still struggle with this sometimes today. There are times when satan sneaks some thoughts in at me. That make me feel “less than” who God has called me to be and how He sees me.
One of such times was at Law School when I was sitting close to one guy and a girl.
The guy was into the girl you know, serenading her with love and all and I was sitting close to them.
Suddenly, I just started having thoughts like “why don’t I even have a toaster? Maybe it’s because I am not fine, I am not this or that…”
It would be funny if it wasn’t really a source of worry to me.
I laid my head on my desk and was almost depressed but thank God for God.
That was when He wrote me letters like the one I posted HERE and He would compliment even the way my eyebrows fell on my cheeks when I am sleeping.
God just went all out with singing His love all over me and thankfully, I received His love.

Recently, someone has been on my radar and I caught myself thinking one day that maybe he isn’t coming because I am not “all that” and not fine or something. Lol.
These silly thoughts seep through sometimes, I realize it’s a stronghold from the past that God is helping me cast down!
Immediately those thoughts came, the Spirit helped me counter them by remembering the woman I am in Christ Jesus!

I know I am not the only one in this…
Some of our ladies feel like they are invisible to guys.
Like, no one is on their case and they wonder if they are okay or something…
Why is no guy noticing me?
And so all thoughts of “I am not good enough or pretty enough or something come streaming in.
My dear ladies I have been there along with you before…
Thinking that my beauty depends on just how many guys come to toast me and since I am not getting LOTS of guys, it means that I am less than the other lady with lots of toasters.
Oh, but that’s such a lie from the pit of hell.
I believe that we really have to go on a journey of discovering who we are in Christ Jesus.
A journey of knowing our worth in Jesus.
I know that this journey is hard because some of us have had stuff that happened to us in the past, names that our classmates, friends and family called us…
“Ugly, fat, thin, lanky, fat lips…”
All such of words that have served to place us in this area of stronghold where we don’t even see how great we are in God’s sight.
Our Lord rejoices over us with singing, yes, even that fat hips/lips, He rejoices over it.
And if our first husband accepts us like that, why would you want any second husband who thinks you are less than?

On feeling invisible to guys, I am reminded that I even prayed a prayer to God that I don’t want lots of guys on my case, I want just one man, the man who God has ordained as my husband.

I don’t want plenty toasters. Infact during NYSC, I told God to blind every other man’s eyes to me but His chosen son for me.

Deep prayer I know, but i didn’t want the waste of time that I could have been using to serve God better…that I would instead be using to drain emotional energy.

So I told God one man Lord, just your son for me, let that be the one you open His eyes to me.

So thank God for the grace to not be wrapped in with the wrong guys or guys who come for toasting sake.

Would you rather have just flings or be seen by the man God has for you?

I decided that I’d rather have the one God has for me to see me and I would throw myself into God’s work and loving and serving Him till the man comes.


So dears, don’t listen to the lie that you are invisible to guys because you are not all that.

Get into the Word and see just how much God values you and come to that place where you know you are ALL that to your first husband who is the only husband who really matters.


The road to believing and seeing ourselves the way God sees us is a road that is long given our past but it’s one that’s worth taken.

Otherwise we would keep being blown by lies from satan.

You are beautiful my dear sister. And when the one God has chosen for you comes, he will see you the way God sees you.

Don’t believe no other lie.


Till our next love letter,




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  • Reply
    Princess Okechukwu
    August 27, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    God bless you, Frances! Such an encouraging letter.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 27, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Ah thank God Princess…
      Just sharing for that sister out there who’s like me.

  • Reply
    August 27, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    This got me. I was always insecure about my backside and boobs. So, I always felt no guy would want me because of that. God helped me deal with those insecurities and I began to love myself all over. And I found comfort in the fact that I was perfectly created by a perfect God, there I was perfect and my perfect partner will come just in time…
    Nice one, Frances

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 28, 2016 at 8:37 pm


      And I found comfort in the fact that I was perfectly created by a perfect God, there I was perfect and my perfect partner will come just in time…

      Worth repeating to ourselves EVERYDAY..

      Thanks Ezar..

  • Reply
    August 29, 2016 at 2:35 am

    I’m happy I saw this letter you shared. I’ve been struggling with this lately. I’ve found it difficult and have asked myself some of the questions you put here. I’m encoraged I’m not the only one feeling this way. I’ll defo revisit this letter a few times, thanks for sharing.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 31, 2016 at 3:54 am

      Yes dear Esther, you aren’t the only one struggling with this ohhh. Societal perceptions of beauty, hurtful words about how we look that may have been said to us in the past can be related to by all of us.. but thank God that He keeps helping us work through and past all these.
      I am certain you will emerge at the other side, gloriously confident in all God sees and call you…Stick with God dear, not society or even your own thoughts.


  • Reply
    August 29, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    Thank you for this timely letter, it is so relatable.

    I suppose we need to define ourselves based on what God says about us, and that may help change our point of view.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 31, 2016 at 3:49 am

      Yes DamiLoves..

      I do believe God’s word ‘may” not just help us change our point of view, IT WILL indeed help us change our point of view..the Word is sharper than a two edged sword and has life and power to transform and change.

      I found my change in The Word and praying that we all do too and continue to be fixed in that change…

  • Reply
    August 30, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    I really needed this right now.
    Thanks Frances

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 31, 2016 at 3:46 am

      Thank God it met you at the point of your need Yvonne..thank God

  • Reply
    September 1, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    I have felt the same. I’m on the fat side, and sometimes it’s just hard to feel beautiful. God has been telling me in many ways just how beautiful I am, like a precious jewel in His hands worth more than is quantifiable. Thank you once again. I always feel like I’m talking with a friend.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      September 2, 2016 at 10:57 am

      Thank God Tosin..
      I also love how God reaffirms us time and time again… stay believing and hugging His Truth as yours dear.
      I am doing same too… our own lies in our heads can bury us oh but oh, thank God for truth.


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