We recently started a new study in “The Women At The Well Group” on “Marriage Today”.
And the funny thing was that I didn’t want the next study to be on “marriage” because quite frankly, I was at a place where I was kind of tired of hearing about it… BUT it was what I was led to so we drew up a schedule and have been on it for two weeks now and it has been eye opening! (for lack of a better word).
I think that I have been more drawn to the fact that God wants to renew minds with the study and prepare us to be spouses that will be blessings to our husbands… so basically, God has been dealing with US and not even the man.
There has been no throwing stones of “what of the man nah, what will he be doing if I am doing this and that…”
It has been a full blown God trying to do a mind renewal and surgery on our hearts.
And as we discussed on the group yesterday, it struck me as to how almost everything I am learning on relationships this year has to do with God trying to MAKE and prepare me for the next season of marriage.
Hence this new series on “Preparation On How To Be A Wife…”
And at the beginning of the year, I got some deals on where to start from if you actually are asking God whether 2016 is the year you’ll be married.
The prayer for marriage doesn’t start from praying for a husband/wife, it starts from praying for God to MAKE you into a spouse for that man/woman.
“And the Lord God said, âIt isnât good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.â
This making may take some more time for one than for others.
And so it is that it is the Lord God that says “it’s not good for you to be alone”, NOT YOU.
And when He is done with the MAKING, then and only then He brings you to the man.
This making is not absolute though as even in the marriage, He continues to mold you into His very own image but it does show from the Word that there is a making that goes on before marriage and we would do better to subject ourselves to it than to the tears and cry for a husband.
So basically I just feel like God is trying to get some truths on marriage to us all in this time and season.
I wrote about preparation and changing stuff as God molds us on Bella Naija HERE and I got some replies that “oh, you are over thinking this…”
But that’s not what God’s word says.
Anyway, I replied some of the opinions in another article and to understand the article below, you have to read the first one HERE
Now you can go on into this one below and I pray we all allow God to do whatever work He wants to do in us to make us spouses who will be blessings to our men/women in Jesus name, amen!
Last week, Bella Naija published the first part of this article and from some of the comments it got, I felt like the article just might need a bit of an addition to it to avoid the misinterpretation it got from people.
Firstly, it seemed like almost everyone thought that making a few GREAT adjustments to your character can be translated to mean that you are desperate to get a bae.
And I wondered how this got to be interpreted this way because that wasn’t the point I was trying to pass across.
I am a pro “enjoy your life while single”. Travel as much as you can, spend time with God without distractions, build your career, walk in your God-given purpose, etc.
But the fact that you are living in the moment and making the best of your single hood doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make adjustments to your character and mentality if need be.
If I find out that I tend to be selfish and I can do some things to change it, I would try my best to do so.
That I want to make myself better doesn’t mean that I am not content in whatever season I am in be it single or married.
There was also a response from someone saying that a lady wanting to adjust her mentality as regards the way she would deal with her marriage is only as a result of she “over analyzing marital relationships as one can never be ready for marriage”.
I do agree that one can never be ready as much as ready can be before marriage.
There will still be some things that we would be unprepared for in marriage but that doesn’t mean that we cannot learn the things that we can learn right now in a bid to not step on some land mines later on.
I do believe that the lessons shared in the part one of this article are lessons that even those who got married “early” (the definition of early is relative) would have to learn later on.
So if we who are single are learning these lessons right now, I believe that we are blessed to do so and should be thankful.
If your being single right now affords you an opportunity to learn some things and make some changes so you can be better adjusted for marriage then it should be taken advantage of.
That you are willing to make some corrections doesn’t mean that you are over analyzing things.
These corrections are things that won’t only bless your future spouse but would also bless people that are around you right now.
Who wouldn’t love a person who takes an interest in them and is willing to help them with their issues and problems?
You also would feel more joyful when you step out each day with a desire to help people, giving to them and not just taking from them.
The way human beings are built, we find more joy and fulfillment when we give and not when we get.
I don’t know why God made it so but that’s the way it works.
So if you are making an adjustment in your mentality in this way, you are basically making yourself better which is a goal that we should all strive for day after day.
My final response to replies to the previous article would be on the area of #SeizeGod’sTime.
Someone commented and asked “what happens after you make all these adjustments in your character?”
Does that automatically mean that you are ready for marriage and your bae can be seized?
Well, I believe that in answering this question one would have to take lots of things into cognizance.
First of all you would have to know if you are meant to be married or not.
In Matthew 19 Jesus said that some were born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others and some chose not to marry.
Not everyone would be married this side of heaven. Some would go to meet their maker single and that’s not a deathly bad thing. You just have to know which side of the divide you fall into.
Are you called to be single or not?
If you aren’t called to be single, there’s still the little matter of times and seasons.
Your adjusting your character to make you better ready for marriage (and even life in general) does not guarantee that you will meet the bae the very next day.
It only makes you better prepared to be a blessing to your spouse when you meet them.
You cannot afford to make adjustments to your character and then get anxious about bae not arriving yet and ultimately get mad at God for your still single state.
Correct what things you need to work on in you but don’t even do it just because you need a bae. Do it for you and for God.
To make yourself better.
I am not an advocate of desperation for marriage by single ladies.
As a matter of fact, my ladies group “the Women at the Well’ began in response to the need of young women being dissatisfied with single hood.
Enjoy your single hood dear sister, because the same miserable single you will be the one in marriage.
Don’t think that marriage will automatically swipe a magic wand over you to make you joyful.
The honey moon season fades and with it, real love life begins and guess who would be in that real love?
You, with your attitude being displayed in all its glory.
What I am simply saying in response to the comments on my previous article is this:
No, the fact that you make adjustments to your character doesn’t mean that bae would arrive next week.
There are seasons and times for everyone.
One’s season for marriage may not be the same as yours.
So enjoy your single hood.
Live your life to the fullest.
Find and walk in God’s purpose for your life.
Travel and sight see.
Develop your career.
Pick up your bags and attend conferences, have sleep overs with your girl friends with no one calling to ask when you are coming back home.
And trust that at the right time, you will seize and be seized with your bae and we will all be here to celebrate with you.
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