I started writing about kingdom marriages and relationships far back in 2013 as a 21 year old. I didn’t know why, but I just had an interest in anything godly relationships, godly marriages etc. I had just come out of a disastrous relationship where the only good thing that came out of it was that I met Christ so when I started learning that God has a plan and purpose for relationships and there can be kingdom marriages and relationships, I went all out on it.
I wanted to learn all I could about this area of life. I wasn’t ready to be married or even be in a relationship, but I wanted to learn and share what I was learning about godly relationships.
I ran a series for years here tagged “Frances’ love letters” where I would share every Friday about kingdom marriage and relationships but… I was nowhere ready for marriage.
The first time in 2017 it seemed like God started to broach the marriage topic to me, I felt so not ready for it, I refused to consider it. I remember sitting in front of a pastor who asked me about marriage and I just shook my head. I was getting ready to travel for my first ministry trip outside the country to the nation of Ghana at the time and all I could see was ministry and purpose.
I was also afraid of whether it was possible to find someone who would allow me travel as I did for ministry. What would it take to be married? Would I have to lay down what I do for God? So I refused to open that conversation with God.
Even in year 2020 when I was in a better place head-wise about knowing that God had a man for me that would be okay with the kind of ministry I do, I still had a lot of fears. Fears that would literally have me crying when I think about being married. I would have heart palpitations at the thought of marriage. I had unresolved trauma in my heart about living with a man as my husband.
Last year 2022 I again thought it was time for me to be married and though I desired and prayed for it, I realise I actually didn’t prepare for it. ie, I didn’t go out of my way to read the books God was highlighting to me, modify my behaviour and character God was saying I couldn’t take with me into the next season of my life etc etc. I told myself I was busy for ministry (I had a very busy year traveling four nations last year to the glory of God). Even praying for my marriage, I would start and stop at different times and couldn’t seem to be able to focus till this thing was sorted and won for real. I proceeded to pray and stop all through the year.
But this year 2023, I feel like, yes… I am ready to be a wife.. his wife.. the wife of the special man God is bringing my way.
What has changed?
1: I AM READY TO CARRY AND SHOULDER A MAN’S DESTINY:
I know that one cannot say this by the flesh but I feel like in the previous years, running my own ministry, pursuing the vision God has given me for my life, I am actually ready to do this with someone else. Like, I am ready to stand behind a man and say “what’s the vision God has given you? Let’s do this. Let me help you fan that vision to life”. Remember how Rebekah could feed Abraham’ servant camels with water because she had capacity? To an extent I feel like the previous years of singlehood have allowed God to mold in me capacity that ready to feed a man’s vision.
2: I NO LONGER TREMBLE OR HAVE HEART PALPITATIONS AT THE THOUGHT OF GETTING MARRIED:
A good thing that happened in 2020 as we prayed PRAYERS FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND Challenge and also prayed for ourselves as wives was that God healed me of the trauma from my past. I remember that particular day, praying and suddenly the Holy Ghost taking hold of me and praying that God would make my heart whole again. I don’t give my heart in pieces. God healed me. I no longer feel my heart beat fast at the thought of marriage. All I feel is desire. I want this now.
3: I AM NOW SEEING MY FLAWS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND WORKING ON CHANGING THEM:
We are not all perfect. Another reason why I know I am ready for marriage is that as I pray and prepare for this man, I am allowing God mold me and reveal areas in me that need to go so I can be better. I am paying more attention to my becoming better game than I have ever done in the past.
4: I find myself reading more books and deliberatly seeking knowledge about this area of life:
I Know, I said I wanted to learn all about kingdom marriages etc in my earlier years but somewhere along the line, I fell off, got busy etc. Even last year I registered for a wives preparation course but couldn’t keep up. That was because I really wasn’t ready for this thing. This time around I find myself paying attention to the books to read, the courses I need to attend etc as God leads me to the body of knowledge He needs me to read to prepare for the home He has for me. Some of these books aren’t even marriage books, some of them are books on identity etc as God wants to further uncover more of who I am to me as He prepares to join me with the man He has for me. I find myself actually eager to learn more and gain wisdom in this area. This can only be the doing of the Lord!
5: I find that marriage is one of the desires of my heart in this season and now I’m putting in the work to make it so:
If you ask me what I want for year 2023, there are only two things my heart really desires and marriage is one of them. I know some can’t trust their heart desires but I’ve walked with God a bit, enough to know that when I start to feel or want a certain thing after I’ve been spending so much time with God, God is in it. It is what He wants for me and my spending time with Him has filled me with his desires for me also.
I find this desire for marriage being number one in my heart this year. And when God is ready for me I have to also get ready for God.
All in all, it is fitting that I started writing about relationships on this blog long before I even wanted to get married. Now that it is looking like it is finally coming, we should celebrate on the blog too. I’d update you guys ????
Lots of love,
till next time,
Hephzibah Frances
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