Chastity For Men Project (Series) Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Chastity For Men Series: My Response To Naija Bachelor’s Post On Sex

Dear lovers of Frances’s Love letters,

How una dey?
I hope the #ChastityForMen series we’ve been running for this month has been able to help you in one way or the other?

I intended to run it for just the month of March but it seems like we may have extra stories of people spilling into April and I’m cool with it if you are…
I’m all game for anything to let the message that we are trying to share sink in deeply.

I must confess that today’s post was a tricky one for me though.
As at the time of writing this, I still don’t know if I will put it up or not.
But if it doesn’t come out in this blog series, it will be included in the e-book, yes, I did mention that I will compile this series into an eBook, that way, everyone struggling with temptation to let go of their chastity will always have this series in their phones to draw strength from… But all those plans will come through in good time.

For today, let’s see the reason why I will be writing in on the series after sharing my story at the beginning of the series.
This has nothing to do with my own doing, but it has everything to do with the fact that the writers for this series wrote in late/I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to post the article I got today…
That’s the long story but the short story of the matter is that I read this post on NaijaBachelor’s blog that I felt that I had to respond to but I didn’t want to go down into the whole long comments thingy so I will try as much as possible to detail my response in this post.
And yes, it all falls into youths(men and women) living in chastity in Christ.

The gist of Naija Bachelor’s post was that he met a woman he wanted to get to know, they spent two nights together but he never made any move to touch her and apparently, that made her doubt his potency *cough cough* as a man.
As I read through the story and the responses, I could pin point lots of things I wanted to talk about but not in the comment section as it would be too long to be contained there.

Firstly, I read a comment from someone saying that “she didn’t believe in engaging in premarital sex from the Christian angle but won’t say no more before someone says “holy holy has come”
NB responded that she is entitled to her opinions, but he too just didn’t want to quote Bible passages.
That is the entirety of why we keep making mistakes in being chaste/in matters of sex and youths.
Come on!
Why would we want to put aside the one who made sex out of the equation and expect to have anything good out of it?
I mean, yes, I respect your opinion NB, but really, why lift out the foundation of sex-God and His Word and expect to live forth chastity as we should?
I recognize the fact that we are all at different stages of our Christian life and not everyone can be so outspoken but we are light – or called to be light.
The Word governs every aspect of our lives – or it should govern every aspect of our lives.
Not our personal opinions, the Word governs our lives.
We absolutely cannot be so shy to say my body belongs to God and that is the reason why I absolutely cannot share it with someone who isn’t my wife/husband.

As I read the comments also, I got the impression that maybe..just maybe if the woman wasn’t someone NB cared about, he would have done something with her. (and I maybe wrong here)
But generally, when men say that, I really don’t understand the rationality behind it.
I mean, so if you don’t want a future with her, you just might take the bait and sleep with her?
Like when some men say to me, “I like you that’s why I won’t touch you”
No, I want to know that your standards are same for whatever girl you meet.
We(Christian men and women) cannot have sex with anyone outside of marriage whether we see ourselves building a solid relationship with them or not.
And the reason for this is why you should absolutely not miss the next post on this series from a fellow man.
He totally detailed how men are actually trading their glory and honor away on the altar of sex.

NB, as I read your post and the comments, I twitted “Sex…premarital sex, still slaying lives today, still turning the world upside down,..still pouring out destinies on the altar of being one flesh with someone who isn’t yours” – 1Corinthians 6.



Do we really understand the implications of our sharing our body with someone who isn’t our wife?
For the men, you are basically pouring out your great destiny into the life of someone else who hasn’t even approved of by God as yours. (and for the sake of clarification, yours means you are married to each other)
1Corinthians 6:16 says
“What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.”

But the message version makes the message clearer…
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” ~ 1Corinthians 6:16-17


Imagine if you are one flesh with someone who has generational curses?
Imagine if you are one flesh with someone who has been one flesh with so many others before you?
The past soul ties of that person are binding on you too and except God’s blood washes you off of it, soul ties can be a really difficult thing to overcome.
Oh, it’s the reason why men of God are felled through sex.
We all have a great destiny in God, bind yourself to the wrong person and you are done for.
And sex is the greatest kind of bonding of souls that there is.
He that is joined to someone outside of marriage is one flesh with her just as it works when we are bonded with Christ.
But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.” – 1Corinthians 6:17


Its almost like you are standing up from the bed and dropping your purpose and destiny in life behind in the life of another.
So many men do not understand this.
If we understand this, then we would know that whether I like her or not, I absolutely cannot have sex with anyone outside of marriage.


Another issue NB’s post raised was the girl who was asking for sex.
In previous years, I would have sneered my nose at “what a loose girl she is”
But thank God for growth, none of us are clean and pure but for God’s mercy.
Today, what I would actually pray is for “Lord, raise more and more women who are filled with you and with your wisdom”

See, fellow brothers and sisters, we need more women who know who they are in Christ.
Tell me, if a woman knows the kind of destiny she has in God, would she be asking a man for pre-marital sex?
If a woman is heavily loaded in God, would she be sad that a man didn’t touch her body sexually before marriage?

I read through the comments on NB’s post and it was even sadder to me that most people didn’t see anything wrong with it.
If you like him, agree for him to sleep with you.
What’s happening to the world?
Like really?
I know where God saved me from, I know the pits of sexual addiction he raised me from…and I am wondering, was this how saddened God was when I used to have sex with my boyfriend? Was he as sad as I am about the comments seeing pre-marital sex as normal right now? Or even more so because He had shed His blood to set us free from such lives?

Oh Father, what can we do to spread this message of chastity in you out to the world like we should?
I don’t know what to do anymore but maybe we should all take a moment to pray for women in the world.
There’s a lot that God can use us for.
Our wombs and tongues should be birthing great lives in God.
We have potentials to be Deborah kind of women but sadly, most of us don’t know this.
We are more enraptured with having a boyfriend and having sex.
We have no inkling as to the magnitude of God’s potential in us.
I feel pained…truly.
But what can I do?
It’s almost the same kind of helplessness I felt about this whole writing of Frances’s love letters when my friend died.

Do you know that a corper friend I told everything about my friend that died(he was actually there when I just got the news, he saw me crying and all) still went ahead to “just date and kiss, smooch and all” an indigene here?
After spelling out my friend’s story that I shared here and telling him to only go along with God’s will for his relationship life, he still paid no attention to it?
I feel helpless in such situations and it’s just the way I feel helpless about ladies like NB’s toastee that see pre-marital sex as normal.
How do we spread out the knowledge and tell them that things shouldn’t be done that way?
How do we tell them that God can direct and orchestrate their marital stories – one where they don’t have to give their bodies which are for the Lord to any man before he marries them?


I don’t know what else to do but pray.
My helplessness at the situation brings me down to my knees.
Lord, help us.
Lord help us… men and women, help us to live in chastity in you.
Chase after our hearts in a way that no man/written words can do.
Oh Father, restore men and women back to yourself.
Let the truth about sex dawn on us.
Help us to live use our bodies to glorify you and not ourselves.
Oh, that we can live in chastity and purity in you.
For everyone reading this, that’s my heart desire for us all.


We will be continuing the series with a man’s thoughts on fornication next week.
He totally breaks down just how much fornication robs us of our destinies in life and of course, it will help us to no end.
And you can read this Dear Henry post I wrote for my friend on sex and it’s consequences while we were at Law School.
It was written for my friend Henry, the one who died.
I had no idea he was actually struggling with it then. I know it i’ll help you.
Read the post here
And you can see previous posts on #ChastityForMen series here and here


Till next time on the series,
Stay walking in the Spirit,


And do subscribe to blog via email below to get notifications of more awesome posts that can help you become a youth for God as you should be.



Much love,

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  • Reply
    Mobolaji Olorisade
    March 21, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Frances! You’re very right. I have “born-again” female friends who believe it’s ok for men to cheat because “they are made like that!”
    We all have to get to that stage where we don’t only pick out Bible verses that favour our flesh and then leave others out.
    I also try to catch myself when I’m answering a question and I leave God out, when I know He is the answer to the question. Everything we do must redirect others to God and it will not be nice to bring Him the wrong attention.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 22, 2015 at 7:22 pm

      Now this Mobolaji is just the reason why Romans 12 talks about us changing the way we think..letting God renew our minds..
      If we let Him renew our minds, we won’t think that all men cheat when we are born again.
      The world may think that but not us.
      God helps us all..

      And yes, the deal about leaving God out of convos or when answering questions..oh, are we ashamed of Him…
      I was reading the book of Philippians where Paul prayed that he will never be ashamed of Christ, but be always bold..
      We need to pray that prayer more..

  • Reply
    Tessa Doghor
    March 21, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    Sex is not all that.
    Most women don’t orgasm by penetration
    (I speak of within marriage only)
    What is special is belonging to one person spirit, soul & body
    That is intimacy.

    I believe orgasm can only happen when you trust your husband fully
    It is a depiction of the kind of the relationship you should have with God where you trust that He loves you no matter what.

    It helps if you share the same faith and are constantly pushing the boundaries of that faith and the consistent willingness to get to know God more.

    God knows more about sex than anyone because He created it. I recently abandoned everything I have heard so I can receive what God knows.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 22, 2015 at 7:34 pm

      Ofcourse Tessa!
      The whole deal and knowledge about this sex thing lies totally with and in God.
      Every other one we do is counterfeit and does not end well..

      And the trust issue you outlined is something to dig deeply into..

  • Reply
    Naija Girl Abroad
    March 21, 2015 at 8:58 pm

    i just did the same thing last night in a conversation with my roommate. I left God out of the conversation even though I knew God was the best answer. I pray for grace to be the light that I was called to be.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 22, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      Amen Naija girl, Grace is available, may we represent Christ even in our convos..

      • Reply
        Isaacola AA
        March 24, 2015 at 8:11 am

        We really as Christians need to come out bold on strong on this issue of premarital sex and all its attendant evils. Issue of masturbation also shouldn’t be swept under the carpet.

        Kindly copy me when the e-book is out. Good work.

      • Reply
        Frances Okoro
        March 24, 2015 at 10:54 am

        Oh thank you sir Isaac, I will do well to cc you when it’s all ready.
        I totally agree with you, talking about these sexual issues will also translate into freedom for many.
        Most people are struggling because theey can’t speak out and ask for help.
        So as we get bold about this, more lives will come to knowledge of the truth and it will help believers too.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Hey Frances,
    Recently I have been deeply worried about this same issues but the Spirit of God led me to this Scripture; Romans 11:4-5 KJV
    [4] But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal. [5] Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant according to the election of grace.

    God is raising an army as spoken of in Joel 2 one that is not afraid to speak or live the truth of God’s word. One that worships in spirit and truth and to whom chasisty is a lifestyle and we will be victorious over sin and satan.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 22, 2015 at 6:53 pm

      Oh, see me saying amen and amen Roxandra..
      That scripture calms me to no end.
      Oh amen!
      A remnant…those who live and walk according to the ways of God… oh amen!

      Thanks sis!
      It truly breaks my heart to see what I see but this! There’s a remnant! Yes!

  • Reply
    March 28, 2015 at 6:26 pm

    yea, what’s with people always saying, lets keep God out of it, i didn’t want to mention scriptures, i don’t want to be too religious. hmm, i just believe anything worth doing is worth doing well, you wanna serve God, serve him to the edge people. because you are neither hot nor cold, i will….rev 3 v16.

    half way i started jotting, great points you made. i have missed this blog. got a lot of catching up to do.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 29, 2015 at 5:02 pm

      You know nah! This blog or scratch that..i miss you too… catch up wella, I love ur comments.

      And the shying away from talking about God or His word is something we have to really tackle and do away with.
      That verse from Revelation is an important one to note.
      God help us all to go all out in our serving Him and living for Him..

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