Chastity For Men Project (Series) Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Brother T: How Can A Young Man Keep His Way Pure?

Dear men (and women?) trying to live their lives for God,

I’m so glad that good seeds are being sowed in your hearts, and that your fellow brothers are willing to share their stories on sexual addictions with us.

These stories are by no means what the world would think that a good Christian man should have in their lives but I am (positively) amazed at them. They show that God can indeed come into any life and turn it around.

I pray that as you read, your own testimony on living in chastity will be written and shared…someday, soon.

Let God speak into your heart as you read Brother T’s story on living in chastity below…




I write this not as one who has overcome per se…not as one who is chaste…definitely not as one who is virtuous. Masturbation is possibly the only addiction where you don’t have to spend money, so anyone can fall into it as frequently as possible, another fact is that its an addiction done in secret, so people would not know that one is into it, then they wouldn’t criticise or advise such a person.


Masturbation tormented me for years, I tried to stop several times, in fact there were times I thought I had finally succeeded but then, I found myself again in the shameful act.

I practically did everything I thought would help; from Prayers from Pastor, to anointing my bathroom with Anointing Oil, and then finally the difficult one; confided in a Christian friend. The day I did that I was…let me take you back.


I had this Christian friend whom I discussed with as a friend, we could talk about basically anything, I finally told her my challenge…addiction, hoping
somehow miraculously it would bail me out forever. But when I did, she told me I shouldn’t worry about it, because she has taken it as a normal thing and that she also has tried to stop and had finally given up, so she took masturbation as a normal thing, she added that God understands. Well, God won’t bend His standards for us Hebrew 13:8.


That day I realised a lot of Christians struggle with masturbation.


It’s easy for an unbeliever to commit fornication when he feels the urge to, but as a Christian you know you shouldn’t, so your escape route might be to help yourself out by resorting to masturbation, what is worse is that we might often blame everything else but ourselves; we could blame our mood, circumstance or condition. I’m a christian, been in leadership positions, but still struggled with it, a couple of times I deceived myself that I was over it.

Owing to the kind of creative and adventurous mind God has given me, (which I obviously misused), I could get a lot of materials in a lot of odd ways (no thanks to the world wide web). And most times, even when I say it would never happen again, out of curiosity and adventure I would find my fingers browsing for more materials on the web.

A lot of things could put me in the act: like a bad mood (even anger and masturbation would feel like a way to feel better), then the mushy moments are there which could be sparked by a conversation (flirting) with the opposite Sex, or a picture or movie.
But with all the adverts, movies and global trend of glorification of Sex today, how can a young man keep his way pure? How can I live a holy life? How can we?

Even David had to ask this question several thousands of years ago. I wonder why, because then there were no Sex icons as there are today, there were no ‘blue films’ then. But he too had reasons to ask. And the answer back then is same now…by taking heed thereto according to Thy word. The word of God is the answer.

Read it so much that it’s all you think about. When I find myself in the act of masturbating, I can’t lie that before and even during the act, I hear God in my spirit telling me to stop.

I have to tell myself the truth that it’s pride that made me continue in the act…not loneliness, not the urge for Sex, but the thinking in my subconscious that I had a right to satisfy my hunger for Sex. I was proud. I pray God makes me humble under His mighty hand.

Another cause is the lack of self control. If I can’t stop myself from watching those Sex scenes,nude pictures, looking twice at those semi-nude images, I might never stop the act of masturbation. Especially in the use of phones, especially smart phones. Schedule your daily time such that you don’t have to be pressing your phone 24 hours. The lesser you are on the Internet, the lesser your chances of falling into it.

Confide in a christian, spiritually matured persons is very important. This is same as when you offend someone, no matter how much you pray for forgiveness there’s nothing like when you meet that person and ask for forgiveness.


I feel relieved typing this.



Masturbation is a shameful sin that puts guilt in a man’s mind and until you can talk about it to someone, as against hiding it or just praying about it, that guilt remains there.

Pray against it too, but before you do that, make sure you believe that you can really change, after all you were not always like this. Then make sure you don’t just pray against it, but you ask for more of God, because where the presence of God is there is no sin. 1John 3:9 says he who has the seed of Christ CANNOT continue sinning.


It’s my prayer that the seed of Christ manifest in me and you.

There are a lot of side affects that comes with masturbation but knowing that won’t stop you from masturbating, it didn’t stop me, that’s because it’s really more spiritual than physical.

Moreso, it’s an habit that didn’t start in a day, it started gradually: once turned to twice and twice turned to days, to months and then years, in like manner you might not stop in a day, it might be gradually, don’t be too hard on yourself, but each time you fall is not a time to hide from God out of shame like Adam, but approach His throne of grace boldly to obtain mercy. And by His grace we all would get out of it.

Tye Tribett’s song says ‘If He did it before He’d do it again’

If He brought the Israelites out of Egypt (a land of bondage and slavery) before, I know He would do it again.
See, life isn’t fair because we’ve already won through the victory on the cross. God has given you and I victory over masturbation, but the act of surrendering is most difficult.

If I would surrender totally to His will and His saving power, if we would surrender, He would definitely give us a new heart and make us holy as He is… and that’s how a young man can keep his way pure.



So many things jumped at me from Brother T’s article.

Firstly, amen and amen! Oh, let the seed of Christ indeed manifest in us!

Secondly, Brother T, I noted your “I feel relieved typing this”

There’s something about writing about our struggles, there’s a way putting it out there in the open helps us. I wish that I was bold enough to write about my sexual addictions as at the time when I was roped in them… or that I was brave enough to confide in someone – who knows, I would have walked in victory sooner than I did(but still, I thank God for the journey)

Sin thrives in secrecy and finding a hand to hold you through it cuts short that secrecy.

That’s another aim of this series. That you will find a hand holding yours through the divide and that other men will draw strenght through what others share here.

Brother T is anonymous but if you need help, you can get in contact with Silas who shared his contacts in his article on his own struggle and victory over masturbation here

I also pray that Brother T’s friend walks in the freedom God has given us from sexual addictions. Masturbation isn’t normal and no, God doesn’t want us to go on sinning in it – He doesn’t understand.

He totally loves us and just wants us to walk in victory over these sins in Christ – a victory that Christ Jesus has won for us already.

I pray that we will all use our bodies to glorify God in chastity, in Jesus name, amen!



I mentioned in last week’s post that today’s article will be the last in this series but sorry, it won’t be the last one and I should probably stop saying when it would end(it seems to have a mind of its

When I put up the last one, I will let you guys know if it’s the last one.

I’m also still working on the eBook, there will be no articles from anonymous brothers in it and contacts of the brothers who shared their stories will also be shared in it so as to indeed share a hand with anyone who is struggling with living in chastity or anyone who simply just wants a hand to strengthen their own hands.

The eBook will be available for FREE download soon.

So please, tell a friend to tell a friend to stick around on Imperfectly Perfect Lives, we are going all out with what God has put in our hearts to do.

If this is your first time here, hello and welcome! 🙂

I appreciate you.

Please subscribe to blog via email below so you can get updates of new posts.



And you can read all posts in this series here

Please share other lessons/things that jumped at you as you read Brother T’s article in the comment section below. Let this indeed be a community where we can share and uplift ourselves in Christ.

Thank you.

And please, share this post(and others) on social media, help get the news on #ChastityForMenSeries to others.

Yes, young men can keep their way pure through Christ Jesus!




I’ll be seeing you on this space next week by God’s grace.

Much Love,


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  • Reply
    Chinomnso Precious
    April 11, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    God bless all those have stepped out to be a voice in showing the world that God delivers. He renews.That sin has no hold over us. May we continue to bask in the victory that comes from Jesus’ victory over death and sin. Amen!

  • Reply
    April 12, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Great Story! Great Admonishment!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 12, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Adaolisa, I hope Brother T’s personal story helps other brothers..

  • Reply
    April 15, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    May our labour of love not be in vain in Jesus name. And may this reach out and bless those it needs to bless. Amen.

  • Reply
    August 5, 2015 at 7:05 am

    I was directed to your blog from another blog. I thank Good for his work in your life and the joy He gives you grace to share in this space.
    About talking to someone, permit me to state, I am Catholic by the way, that this is why Jesus gave his apostles power to forgive sin. Asides feeling sincerely sorry for your sins, it is important to confess your sin to another (of like mind) and thereby being restored back to grace.
    I struggled with masturbation when I was much younger which stemed from molestation I went through, which graduated to fornication until I got renewed in mind and took advantage of regular confession. we’ll still struggle but by grace, we’ll make daily decisions to abide in God.
    God bless your ministry.
    Hope this youtube page explains it

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