Bola Salt Essien-Nelson: MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY….Your Desire Should Not Be For The Man

So I'm reading @twtwnigeria previous study on "Submission: The attribute of a wife" right now and thought to share a bit of it here because it hit me again... And oh, by God's grace, all our studies will be going into a book soon so ladies who haven't been part of us, don't worry... And here is an excerpt from our "submission study"... I love Modesta interjecting with this: "Biblically, what's God's Word on this issue"....(praphrased), because the truth is submission of a wife is a touchy subject in the Christian fold, especially with educated and "big" ladies and women with strong personality...which includes me But we are not about what we feel on here, we are about dissecting what God feels And what God's Word says...and that's one reason why every lady on here gladdens my heart...we may have issues and struggles but there is a sincere desire inside of us to obey what God wants. I am soooo thankful for this. Where would my contribution start from now... Okay... I think it was one Friday after we had a discussion on twtw on submission to authority (Ify raised the topic) and the next day the spirit woke me up to start explaining "submission" as seen in Ephesians 5:22 again I purposely brought out just that verse that accords to wives aside from the one from husband's because a lot of the issues in marriages today arises out of women saying "but why should I do my part when you aren't doing yours?" But as we have found out here in twtw on this 5weeks of study, God isn't dealing with our husband's here, He is dealing with US. You and I And we are leaving Him to work on our husband's and let Him work on us individually. Continued in the Comment section...

Hello everyone… ladies!

I know… I know.. I have been missing in action on here for a while… since after “The Women At The Well” July Meet actually.

I ‘m sorry, its a long story that I have already sent our blog family via email.

But I am back by God’s grace.


I hope we are all doing great?

And I know you all are expecting gists from the day like I always do but this time, not just yet.


I can tell you though, that we had such an amazing time fellowshipping with sisters, I can’t even explain how God does it each. and . every. single. time. Expect videos and deets about the day soonest..

But if you cannot wait, I recommend that you read Distinguished’s blog post on the day HERE


If you are just hearing about “The Women At The Well” for the first time today, then please read more about us HERE.


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Just a few pictures to whet your appetite..

Just a few pictures to whet your appetite..

And there’s great news also!

We recently published our very first newsletter! In it was in print, but since you couldn’t join us, you can download your ecopy for FREE below.

It has details from our previous study and all the good stuff.
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And now to the main deal for today…

One of us transcribed words from our guest Aunty Salt for every lady who couldn’t attend and I am very certain that this will bless you and whet your appetite about went down before the videos come up.


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At the last TWTW meet 30th July 2016, we had a guest speaker: Aunty Bola ‘Salt’ Essien-Nelson speak to us.

The theme was marriage today but at the meet she changed it to “Marriage:  God’s Way”.

She started off explaining the reason for the change.

Majorly because she was pre-empted by the Holy Spirit. Then she further said that Marriage today isn’t what we should aim for, because marriage today is all messed up and outside Christ with a lot of desperation attached to it, discrepancies and constant failure. Marriage God’s way is instead what we should aim for because God created marriage and with His leading, the marriage cannot crash.

The message was divided into three sections.



I am whole (this is to the women) I am complete. We are the solution not the problem. Pray that your husband’s eye be opened to see you not the other way round. We are already whole…we don’t need the man, to be whole, because we complete him…we are the whole…he is the half that needs to be filled…we are where God wants us to be. We are made to be a plus not a minus. It is he who needs a help meet not the help meet itself. There is a caveat however. God has to be your desire not your husband. Eve was cursed in Genesis and that curse was that her desire will be for her man. Why is that a curse? Because her desire  and that of all women is meant to be for God.



You have to get your relationship with God right. This is what makes you whole! God created us whole but along the way, we lost focus from him and our completeness became questionable…but we have been enjoined to find that link again. Jesus is our husband now…and should always be the first….are you loving him enough? Are you willing to sacrifice?

Your relationship with God should be tight. That’s where your confidence comes from. Have God at your back. Make Him the center of your life.

Going into marriage God’s way is going as Christ went to the cross for us. He went in love and sacrifice. Are you willing to sacrifice?

Matthew 6:33 says seek ye first the kingdom of God and every other thing will be added unto you…a good husband is part of the ‘everything’.

If you are to draw a pie chart of your life today, what part does Christ reign over? I hope it’s not blinking low. If your relationship with Christ is not right, your relationship with your husband cannot be right! No matter how ‘in-love’ you seem to be at the start.


Third Segment: A love Letter from God and general Tips on Marriage God’s way.

** Tune  your channel to hear from God directly.  you don’t need to depend on others. God is your father. You can hear him. You do this by spending time with Him just like you get to know a friend. The communication has to be constant just as with a person, if you communicate just twice or rather twice in a month, you can never really know your friend. Hearing From God is as important in your single hood as it is in Marriage.

You need Christ in your marriage. If you don’t hear, you can’t obey.


**It’s the man that is losing if he has not found you so pray that his eyes be opened. However, we are to be a plus not a minus.  Examine yourself and know which you are..if you will be a minus then maybe that’s the reason for the delay.


**Be yourselves in a relationship. Don’t pretend to be what you are not or pretend to be okay with what you are not. Communication is key (even in our relationship with God, And really, any kind of relationship at all).  Talk about everything ranging from the names the kids will bear, whether joint or individual account, church to attend, any little mundane thing which you have strong opinions about. You can never really know all of a person before marriage that’s why we depend on God to lead us aright, however we must still make an effort.


**Marriage is sacrifice. It’s not a give and take agreement. Entitlement mentality. I give him sex, he loves me in return. I give him food, he cares for me. When he’s not reciprocating problem arises because you set your mind on that pedestal of giving and getting. Wrong mentality!


**Submission is a Holy spirit jazz. It’s equivalent to stooping. However, in this regard, You stoop to conquer and in the process allow God to see your husband and work for you. If you don’t stoop, in other words, leave the way for God to see your husband, there’s no way He can help you as you are barricading the way.  Stooping is not an inherent feature of any human being therefore we can only stoop/submit…if we have God, else It’s either you  go too far and become fake or you don’t go at all. Jesus was the humblest on earth yet He had so much power, that’s what it’s like to submit.  You submit to have dominion.

SUBMISSION gives you power! Easy power! it’s like planting (killing and burying) a seed in order for it to sprout into beauty. when you submit, you are in other words gaining power over him. A man will always put first a woman who knows all His weakness and still respects (submits) to Him. You don’t loose power when You submit, you gain it!

Submission doesn’t make us any less feminine and powerful. it beautifies us.


**Until God is your desire, you can never be complete, no matter how your husband loves you. That is why we can’t do marriage today but marriage God’s way.

**The major purpose of marriage is to reflect God’s kingdom on earth. It’s beyond you and your spouse.


Love Letter from God;

Marriage My Way: A letter to my Daughters At the Well.


My Precious Daughters,

I am not into holding good back from my children. I don’t want you to NOT get married. I just want you to get married to a man with whom you will do it right.

And I want you to be ready. Not just for the wedding. But for the marriage. Done my way. What do I mean?

You see, the main purpose of marriage unions – your marriages is to reflect my Kingdom. It is not just about you and your husband to be and what you give and get from each other.

I meant for marriage to mean way more than that. I had no intention of your union with your husband to turn into one of the many selfish, self-serving, godless contracts that we see all over these days! No, I don’t want that for you. I love you too much.

I don’t want your purpose as a wife to be just about providing food, sweet nothings and sex to your husband! And of course, children!

So as you would say, chill!

Trust that I know what I’m doing with your life. After all, I AM God Almighty whose tenth middle name is Wisdom. Let’s work together to get you ready for that role. Let’s get your heart filled with my heart. Then, when you are able to love like me, your Prince will come. Drawn to you by my love exuding out of you.


So, my dear daughter, can you trust my Love?


Your God, your Father and your First Love.


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  • Reply
    Oyeniran Oyeteju
    August 14, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    The write up on the programme is an interesting one.Am blessed by it.Thanks for sharing.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 14, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      Thank God Oyeniran.

      The words here REALLY should be heard by ALL…

  • Reply
    August 14, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    I love this Frances! Thanks a lot for sharing this message from Aunty Salt, it really blessed me. I now feel updated on most of what I missed at the last meet.

    My God help us to be doers of His words and not just readers, Amen!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 15, 2016 at 11:43 am

      Amen to being doers dear.Amen..

      And we missed you Dee…..

  • Reply
    Goodness-Mercy Weme
    August 15, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    This post says it all. Recently I have even started praying for myself and my husband even though I have not met him yet that God should give him understanding of Kingdom marriage according to Eph 5 cos without that we wouldn’t know that what we are pursuing is Kingdom business and not just a rite of passage to adulthood. May God help us all.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 20, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      Amen to your prayers dear Goodness… amen!

      We need to pray for our brothers… did you read that post I shared at the beginning of the year on praying for our future spouses?
      Its really needed.

      God bless you dear.

  • Reply
    August 16, 2016 at 3:47 am

    Wow! This is truly amazing. It’s remarkable how the Holy Spirit reveals stuff to His children and how he prepared me to understand this. I would really love to have the MS-Word version, please.

    Well done, sis and thanks for sharing. You’re doing great!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 16, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      Thank God Ini…

      Msword version?
      Oh would see what I can do… and also tag you when videos are up on this too..

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