Becoming A Wife: Submitting To The Work It Takes To Become A Helper To A Man


I have found myself ruminating about this today and I felt like having my thoughts on paper.

My marital journey has been full of twists and turns and to be honest, it has been hard. Very hard. But..  I feel like God took me through this journey for a reason, the fullness of which I may not know now but I would know soon.

One of these reasons may be for “staying power and capacity” to “help” a man.

The first place the name “wife” is mentioned is in the scriptures and it was God Himself talking about who and what a man needed to be able to fulfil the assignment and call of God upon His life. God called who this man needed “a wife” and her role “a HELP meet for this man”.

“And the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it. Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.”
-Genesis 2:15‭, ‬18 AMPC

This man was given a role by God, a purpose and assignment by and from God, then the next thing God says is “he can’t be alone in this; the man needs a help suitable, adapted, complementary for him”. This was just not any help. This was help specifically tailored to this man that would help him fulfill his life calling and destiny from God.

The only other help we know in scriptures is the Holy Spirit. Scripture breaks down the help of the Holy Spirit as:

“And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever–”
-John 14:16 AMPC

Look at that breakdown above. Counselor, helper, Intercessor, advocate, strengthener, standby – always available.
This is the scriptural definition of help.

We all know the Holy Spirit is stronger than us. So to be a help, you must of necessity actually posses what it takes to help a man when he is weak. Pray for him, strengthen him when his hands and spirit drop low, interceed for him, be his advocate and championer of his endeavors, be there for him whenever he needs you. That’s some job right there to do as a wife. Not to mention also being his lover and friend.


I remember when I had to take a mission trip to Cameroon and then thought I was done for the year but God said to me he was handing over more nations. I travelled to Burkina Faso, almost lost my life in a bus accident, God saved me from it. I spent Christmas at Burkina Faso while really wishing I was married in my own home but being totally committed to finish the mission God had sent me on.

Later, when I was back in Nigeria God told me my work and calling for Him including this mission trip was also preparation for marriage. Marriage is covenant and takes a whole lot to go the long haul. Would I quit when I felt like I was tired? Or would I be able to keep covenant with God over my home and husband? What if I didn’t feel it anymore? What if my emotions were dead for this man? Would I stay and keep the covenant of marriage? Did I have capacity to stay the long haul?

This mission trip, though it was hard (I actually went by road, traveling 24 hours plus all day and all night to get to Burkina faso), facing an accident etc, but I had to be the kind of person God could trust to handle an assignment.

Can God trust me to handle a marriage? Can God trust me to be a wife to a man who would stand by him all the way?

These were practical preparation process God was taking me through for becoming a wife.

God also shared with me, much of what we call preparation for marriage happens in our everyday lives and what He is doing with us.
You may think, I have to take a marriage preparation class, read some books etc. By all means do those. I read books God leads me to about kingdom marriage and I said so in my post on finally feeling like I’m ready to be a wife. You can read it here

But the practical classes for what God is infusing in our spirits to make us wives happen in our every day lives. At our Jobs, our relationships with our parents, friendships, family, in our purpose walk for Christ, our healing and forgiveness journeys, even the process of going on prayer etc as we wait for what we are believing for, all are preparation seasons.

So if we decide to pause our lives because we are looking for a marriage, it doesn’t work that way. It is as we go about our regular lives, God Himself is shaping us with circumstances, situations etc to make us wives who can be helpers to our husbands. Class is going on. Preparation is going on. If you desire marriage, the Holy Ghost is currently working on you. You need to partner actively with what He is doing, recognize it so you can submit to the changes He wants to make in you plus the capacity to carry more for a marital home and a man.

You must also not despise the journey God is taking you on. That 2021 was very confusing for me till the Holy Spirit showed me what God was doing in me, then it made sense.

I still don’t know so much now but I am sure, each and every part of our journeys (to the altar) would make sense at the end as we see what God has been doing all along.


Do comment below: from reading this post, in what ways do you sense God preparing you as a wife?

Are you submitting To that pruning and preparation so far?

In what ways can you yield to the work the Spirit is doing in you in your preparation as a wife?


Don’t forget to also get some of my resources like my books on singlehood as well as the preparation on how to be a wife audio cd to help you on this journey.

get these resources here

Till next time on here blog fam,
Lots of love,
Hephzibah Frances

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