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Ayokunnumi Adeiya: After NYSC; Living-In With Parents

Staying with ones old folks has its ups and down. In as much as its appears great and it gives the appearance of a happy family, at other times, it gives the impression of a youth who can’t wait to get out of his/her parent’s reach.


The reality these days is that youths over stay in the comfort of their parents’ home especially after NYSC, this in turn makes the youth to start to feel a sense of responsibility and independence late in life.
We all know parents to be over protective and would definitely want to have a say on how their youthful wards conduct his/her life, what he/she eats, what he/she wears, where he/she goes, who comes visiting and the list is endless.
The truth is that the youth barely have any breathing space. Ideally as it is in the western world, at the age of 17/18, a youth should have been on his own trying to develop and horn his skill in life.

As the saying goes, you can train a child but you cannot tame an adult.


The false impression most parent holds is that, it is at late teens of a youth that they should be taughgtlife skills. Well I would say that is a false belief because at this stage the youth is prime and ready to take on the world and it is expected that he/she had learnt enough in the formative years(0-16 years).
The essence of this piece is to advocate for idea of youth independence by giving some useful tips.

Firstly, Youths themselves must realize and start thinking towards independence early. Say by 14 years of age, since by the average of 16 years of age they would be through from secondary school and would have probably been in the university. A proper scheme should have evolved as to saving up for ultimate independence at 18.
With the rise of youth billionaires we must rightfully re-tool our youth to be able to take their place in the new order. Take that with a four year plan, the youth can tangibly engage in part-time business venture. Also at 14 the average youth is suppose to exhibit considerable maturity in his approach to life issues. This would be a good selling point on the need to be independent.

Lastly, the youth should involve their parent and older stake holders in the plan as they cannot do all by themselves.
The importance of independence cannot be over emphasized and a failure of the old folks to realize this is a failure to invest in the future.

An independent youth would be alert and realize his/her potential in the society; he is a go getter and doesn’t depend on stipends.
He is conscious of his finance; he knows what he wants and wouldn’t stop at anything to get it.

The future of the country lies in the hands of independent, progressive youth who can stand their ground and make effective decisions that affect lives realizing that it is their decision to make and it is no one’s consequence if that decision doesn’t work out.


Writer’s bio…

Ayokunnumi Adeiya Aribidara, is a Lawyer and ” intraprenuer”, a non conformist, something in between A Lawyer by weekday and an Hustler by weekends.

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  • Reply
    February 20, 2015 at 11:35 am

    Excellent article. I automatically insert my name where applicable. Living in a western country, independence is encouraged early on, by the age of 16…. we got through a rigorous system of advice, presentation and programs to ensure that we are aware of the choices available and also consequences of our decisions. By the age of 18 you should be wiser and ready to take on life. 18 is the age of consent, you can legally sign documents, take a lease, drink, take out your car insurance without a guardian etc. With reference to African, our parents need to encourage more positive independence, entrepreneurship and financial stability.
    The focus always seems to be on education and often that push could be to the child’s detriment if they are been pulled in a direction contrary to their dreams and visions. Therefore, it is only after they have gone through the imposed compulsory motions that they begin to think about themselves, and you then have the NYSC graduate still figuring out what they are suppose to be doing in life or a live at home still heavily dependent on their parents for support. Whilst I am not discouraging educational achievement, it is not the same as independence. Now this can be achieved by exposing our youth to more options/choices outside the curriculum, travel, literature, experiences and mentor-ship never goes amiss.

    Roger that…………”The future of the country lies in the hands of independent, progressive youth who can stand their ground and make effective decisions that affect lives realizing that it is their decision to make and it is no one’s consequence if that decision doesn’t work out.”

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    February 20, 2015 at 11:58 am

    @Keke, I really wish that we could have such a sustainable programme in Nigeria(maybe there is one but I’m not certain)…one which the youths are taught about independence early on their lives..
    But in the absence of such, the parents should take up the job.
    What we have these days are too many youths with a terrible sense of entitlement to parents money and all that which shouldn’t be so.

    Some youths have no qualms with not making plans for life after School..forgetting that we should plan before we even get out there.

    I really love the lessons in this article.

  • Reply
    February 20, 2015 at 10:50 pm

    nice article, but the comparison between Nigerian & western youths is unfair. One major reason youths in the West can assert some independence by 18 is because they have been working for at least 2 years. I mean, kids as young as 13 can run errands for a fee. In Nigeria, the unemployment & over-accumulation of degrees means that there are many qualified jobless people available to do the jobs that could have been student jobs.

    sure there are still jobs available for students, but for the most part they are not jobs parents would want for their children. I see youths dancing on the streets and all, and I respect them for that. It’s better than engaging in criminal activities, but I would pass. I’m sure my parents would never have allowed me take such a job, and I sure wouldn’t want my kids doing that either.

    also, there is the issue of security. even youth corners who are mostly over 20 often are prey for ritualises etc. so you can imagine why the average parent doesn’t his/her teenager going to run errands for strangers.

    then, there is the issue of the high cost of living compared to salaries. let’s say the average salary post nysc is about 50,000, the cost of a decent studio apartment in a decent area of lagos is about 200,000… sure there are face me houses for way less, but that’s not an option for many parents.

    what about the many youths whose parents struggled hard to see them through university, and who must begin to cater for their parents and siblings right out of nysc. how do they do that and be independent.

    so, there are a lot of reasons why people live with their parents after nysc. and yes, it’s very often mostly financial reasons. but no, it’s not because they don’t want to be independent. unlike westerners, we can’t drop off our aged parents and grandparents in an elderly home. some people start taking care of them before they even can think of starting their own families.

    we youths need to be reminded from time to time about the need to be responsible, independent etc. but as much as we all must take responsibility for our individual outcomes, we cannot hide from the fact that we live in a society that makes things difficult for the lower & middle class. high cost of living, low salaries, unpaid pensions…

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    February 21, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Thank you Ego for your well thought out answers.
    I think Ayo was comparing the us with the westerners so that we can take a cue from them, there is no intent to relegate our own system to the background but to try to make us better.

    And notice that he replaced “jobs” with “entrepreneur ship?”
    I think that is because he took the factors you mentioned into consideration.
    Yes, those things you pointed out exist in Nigeria, but it would be great if kids are taught to not overly depend on jobs but be business minded right from a young age.
    So the issue of living-in with parents might not really arise after NYSC because they are thinking, job or no jobs, I can do something with my brains and hands.

    Instead what we really have these days is an over dependence on unavailable jobs.

    So Ayo is saying, have a mind set of I can do something with my own hands.
    Entrepreneur ship even before you even leave School

    I will try and get him over to reply to your comment too.
    Would like to get his thoughts on this.

    Thank you for your comment.
    Nice points raised.

  • Reply
    February 21, 2015 at 8:26 am

    This is so true, one of the reasons it seems that developed countries do better than us. I was a victim of this financially, then the i don’t have money now i don’t have money now saga made me start looking for work o, atleast i have skills though i realised late but I’m working at it. what you didn’t teach the child as He or she grew, they will barely learn it now. youths in Nigeria really need to be independent. the rate of dependency is alarming, someone will now be forming big boy with dad’s money. well said Jare.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2015 at 12:18 pm

      Thank you Vicky…
      Apart from entrepreneur ship, encouraging kids to have skills other than just education and to use such skills when they are needed also helps.

      Thank God you have them and could fall back on them.
      We truly don’t know what we have until we are pushed.

      #this is a good one to note.

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