I suddenly became short of words when I was called to share my story at Pastor Nat’s “Born to Worship” programme on Saturday.
I literally stood on stage with the microphone and was blank for some seconds… and in those few seconds I experienced the fear I felt the first time God asked me to share my story.
There was a sudden fear of the unknown and fear of what the people in the crowd will say… and it was surprising to me because I came to the programme directly from my book reading/discussion on purpose where I had just shared the entirety of my life and the mess God redeemed me from.
So I couldn’t understand where the fear/lack of confidence was coming from.
Again, at the end of the programme when my books were displayed for people to buy, I didn’t even want to sit there to maybe relate with others or something… there was a guy who bought the book and when he was told that I was the author, he kept looking at the book cover and looking at me to ascertain if the person who told him that was right. lol.
I’d like to think that “that was how humble” I was looking to others… but the truth is that, I believe that I have God-fident issues that I need to work on.
There were some certain persons at my Church that I just didn’t want to invite for the book reading/discussion on purpose because I felt that “they were bigger than it”.
It was a surprise to me when one of our leaders sent a text to apologize that she won’t be able to make it and she really wanted to come… I was surprised because though she helped with planning and all, I just didn’t think that she’d come.. just because again, I think she’s “bigger than it”… “bigger than what God is using small me to do”.
I feel sad as I write that right now because I realize just how much I sometimes doubt what God has put in me.
About two weeks back I went to Patabah bookshops to make inquiries on how to get my book into the bookshop and I just told myself “my sub-standard book” doesn’t belong here… and when I had to speak to the woman in charge, I was stuttering and fearful as I showed her the book.
My friend who went with me looked at me after we left the bookshop and said “Frances, that wasn’t you..why were you shaky?”
The truth is I believe God has worked in me to some extent in believing in who I am in Him but I also have a long way to go.
I know that I still have confidence issues… issues with trusting in what God is doing with me, in me and through me.
So sometimes when I have to step out into what He has placed in my heart to do like on Saturday, I stand shaky and fearful… and it bothers me because I know that a fearful Spirit is not of God.
God really doesn’t expect me to trust in myself, but He expects me to trust what He has put in me… which is Himself.
The God in me isn’t shaky and fearful, the God in me knows who He is… He knows He has a lot of talents, potentials and strength deposited in Himself and lives accordingly.
Most of the time I know this truth but then I also experience so many shaky confidence issues… so much so that I know that it has to be worked on.
Not worked on in confidence according to the world, but in God-fidence… filling my heart in and of who God sees me to be, so much so that I go blazing through in that unshakeable foundation.
I know that I haven’t written an evaluation of my 2015 goals and that’s because my 2015 isn’t over yet. God just set plans in place to make sure that I drill this year of all its got for me… but then I am writing this #2016 goal because it is so important… so much so that I am already preparing my mind for this to be one of the foremost things that I work on in 2016… becoming God-fident.
And I believe that this is so important because God will be asking me to go out with some BOLD things in 2016.
I feel it deeply in me that 2016 won’t be just a normal year for me… it will be a year when God will be requiring me to step out in some serious faith and if I don’t get my God-fidence right, I will never do the things He wants me to do with the right foundation.
Pastor Nat always says “You are going places, God is taking you to the nations…”
And I believe this with all my heart..m I have a witness that God just has sooooo much planned in store for me, and it’s not local, it’s global… but I MUST get my God-fidence right for me to step into this oh so great plan that He has for me to fulfill.
So #2016, Frances will be getting her God-fidence on fleek.
God-fidence in what God has placed in her… blazing through as God gives me the visions and lofty and high directions…
God-fidence as He opens doors and platforms and asks me to share my story over and over again.
God-fidence as He asks me to hold the seminars and speak out of the abundance of His words in me…
#2016 will be a year of blazing trails and going all out with God, not in myself but in Him.
I almost didn’t publish this because I was tired…currently up at 1:31am… but maybe this is meant for someone too.
2015’s wrapping up and 2016 is oncoming.
I believe it will be a year where God will be using those ready to be used by Him to reach numerous lives.
We cannot do that without confidence in His work in us and through us..
So you can join me in making getting God-fident your goal for 2016.
Start preparing your mind to not let fear hold you back from fulfilling God’s plan for your life..and when He gives you visions… reach deep into what He sees in you and let that be your focus as you birth the visions to life by His grace.
I wish us all an awesome week ahead,
PS: Saturday’s book reading/discussion on purpose was awesome.
Thanks to you all for the support.
Pictures and gists will be up tomorrow.
PPS: the last stuff I have to do before I leave Lagos is the correctional centre visit on Tuesday, if you wanna join up/donate stuff, please reach me on 07035539092 and let’s spread the love to the young girls together.
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