Personal Memoirs

Your Love Keeps Chasing Me.

I admit it.

I admit it.

I admit it Lord.

I am broken.

I am broken emotionally.

I am totally broken.

Do you see all this?

Do you see me in tears at the rooftop right now?

Do you see me looking at my pictures and asking myself who I really am?

Do you see me reiterating the fact that I am 22years old and totally not ready for any man to come in?

Do you see me resolving never to let anyone come close to me ever again?

Do you see me saying I need only my family to survive?

Do you see me saying I don’t think I want to ever get close to anyone ever again?

Do you know my reason Lord?

Because they always leave.

I admit I don’t treat them well sometimes, and that’s because the ones I treat right never stay so why change?

No matter what their lips say at the beginning,

No matter how much they swear to always follow no matter what,

They always leave.

I bear them no grudge.

I bear them no grudge at all.

But Lord I am broken.

I am broken.

Do you mean to say that you still love me as I am?

You said for me to come as I am.

Will you take me?

I am broken, I am totally broken emotionally.

I feel like I am a complete mess.

I am almost scared to ask you to fix me.

Will you?

Will you fix me?

I have no idea what to do.

Am I pursuing the wrong things?

Am I putting energy into the wrong things?

Shouldn’t I be focusing on my relationship with you instead?

But how can you love me still?

Why does your love still chase me like you say it does?

Me? Who everyone says has a problem?

Me, who everyone leaves at the end.

How can you love me?

Why do you love me?

Don’t you see what they see?

Haven’t I treated you worse than them?

Why are you still here?

Why are you still holding on?

What do you see in me?

Why do you still stretch forth your hands of love towards me?

Why?

Why?

WHAT DO YOU SEE ME IN ME???

Why does your love still chase me?

Don’t you see what they see?

 

I should just take your outstretched hands like I should…

But…

I am broken.

I am totally broken.

I am totally broken emotionally.

 

I should say “help me”

But I am even too broken to speak out.

I will say it anyway.

Fix me.

Fix me please.

I know not what to do Lord…

 

Me.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

And then He’s screaming out loud…

You don’t trust others, I know.
You don’t trust men, I know.
You are hard on them because you think they will always leave, I know.
You don’t let people in at all, I know.
They think you are broken and you have a problem, I know.

But have I ever told you that you are broken?
All the times you gave me a hard time, spat on my face, threw my love back at me over and over again, have I ever told you that you have a problem?
Have I even so much as whispered to you that I will leave you?
Have I?

You worry.
You worry about what men will say about you.
You worry that you may never find one who will love you and never leave even if you put up a hard front for months on end.
But you’ve got one right in front of you.
I’ve never left you and I cant even so much as think of leaving you.
I love you, I love you my baby.
You are perfect in my sight, yes you are.

I mean it when I say I love you.

Yes, I do love you, with all of my heart I do.

My love will never fade away nor leave.
You can trust me.
You can trust me with your life.

Focus on me.
Focus on me and take my outstretched hands of love.
Focus on your experiences with me, not men.

Love,
God.

 

PS: I plead, I plead, this isn’t meant to arose pity for “the broken”.

This is for everyone out there who feels like they are broken.

Who feels like no one will have them.

I just want you to know that God will have you.

His love keeps chasing you.

Let Him catch up with you please.

Take His outstretched hands.

You are safe, just safe with Him.

*Love*

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No Comments

  • Reply
    dnddyon
    April 11, 2014 at 12:16 am

    Thank God for his unflinching love

  • Reply
    enajyte
    April 11, 2014 at 6:45 am

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply
    Damilola
    April 11, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    This is so inspiring…thank you!

  • Reply
    praisegeorge
    April 11, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    The truth is that first there must be a healing of the hurt, pain and broken emotions. Then you-anyone in this emotional place-will be in an emotionally healthy place to give and receive love.
    Without healing, no relationship will ever work out. It will just be a time-bomb waiting to explode.

  • Reply
    Maggielola
    April 11, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    Your post reminds me of the trust game I played as a kid, the one where you close your eyes and pretend to fall while your partner stands behind you to catch you.

    If we can do that with humans, our biggest comfort should be with the One who saves us over and over again, whether we trust Him or not. Well done, Frances!

    • Reply
      imperfectlyperfect92
      April 11, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      yeah, I remember that game Maggie, sometimes our human partners may fail to catch us, but God always does, he never misses, not even one.
      we just fail to remember that sometimes.
      thanks for stopping by dear

  • Reply
    favour emonefe
    April 11, 2014 at 5:23 pm

    I don’t know how to tell u this..What the hell are u doing on NLS Lagos?Clearly u are marked for greatness.. to be a blessing to our generation..May God make u a much more better woman than u are ryt now and give u your heart desires.Pls keep up the good work dear.

    • Reply
      imperfectlyperfect92
      April 11, 2014 at 8:27 pm

      lol Favour, I think I have also being asking myself what I am doing in NLs. lolls..as God leads..
      amen and amen..thank you so much, I appreciate.

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