Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

The One Thing Everyone Is Missing Out On In Tiwa And Tee Billz Marriage Breakdown

Dear everyone,
I hope your week went great? With ama-mazing things happening to you and all yours…
The fact that you are alive is an ama-mazing thing on its own oh. Thank God for this breath of life He hasn’t taken away from us.
Even if a lot of things – seemingly bad things maybe happening.

 

And speaking of bad things, I know by now, you all must have heard of the Tiwa and Tee Billz marriage breakdown story.
The whole can of worms opening up in the space of a week… my friend streamed Tiwa’s interview when I went to visit her and my heart went out to her… and Tee Billz also.
I felt sorry for them.
I don’t think that anyone would get married and plan to have a divorce… or get married and plan to have issues in the home.
And so I was sad for their circumstances… BUT I also saw and heard things which were unspoken, things that almost everyone hasn’t spoken about too.
Nowhere from the proposal to marriage story was God – God’s will for her and Tee Billz mentioned.

 

Tee Billz proposed to her… was God in that proposal?
She accepted… was God in that decision?
They got married… was God in that marriage?

 

Our generation has left out God so much out of an institution that He created by Himself.
We didn’t force Him to create it, He looked at everything He created and knew that marriage would be a good addition to it and so He created it.
But then, like everything else God creates, if you want to gain the maximum output out of it, it has to be on His terms, not yours, not society’s, not the fact that you are getting old…
On God’s Terms.

 

And God’s terms start from God saying “it is not good that you be alone”.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
-Genesis 2:18 ESV

 

Has God said that it is not good that you be alone?
Was it just you that got up to propose to a lady?
Before God said that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone He had set some things in place first; making sure that Adam had a relationship with God, giving Him a job to do in the garden, making the purpose of his existence known to him… are those things set in place in your life yet?

 

As a woman, the Lord says He will make you a suitable helper for the man.
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”
-Genesis 2:22 ESV

 

The Lord says that He will make you as a helper for the man.
Are you made yet?
Are you made in character, behavior, attitude, finances, home making… etc yet?
Can you keep a home?
Do you think that you can shoulder a man’s issues and challenges and help him move forward in God’s purpose for his life?
Are you consciously letting God prepare you for that role of a helper?
Have you given God the reins over your life?
Or do you just want to get married because others are getting married?

 

And then even after these things take place, God still says…
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
-Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

 

Trusting the Lord with all my heart and seeking His will in the area of my marital destiny has meant that I gave Him the total Lordship over that area (and every area) of my life.
I did that in 2011 when I broke away from the relationship that brought me to Christ.
The decision was simply:
Lord I will not say yes to any man till you tell me to say yes to Him.

 

What this looks like in reality is that, if a man comes with a proposal on his lips, be me dieing for him to the moon and back, I will take days and months if need be to pray and pray a lot in the Spirit and wait till God tells me what He wants to say.
I have written about Spirit led relationships HERE before, relationships where God directs your paths.
I make sure to place myself under spiritual authority of my pastors and I wait for their counsel and more often than not, God always speaks.

 

I recognize the fact that a handsome guy can turn my heart, but that’s not what I need. A handsome guy can also derail my life.
I recognize the fact that he may be born again, but then not every born again guy is my husband.
There is a perfect will of God for my marriage and I do not want to miss it.

 

Am I saying that marriages set on God do not experience challenges?
No way.
But then the Bible also says that the house built on God’s word, when the rains and storms come, it shall not be shaken or moved (paraphrased).
And when God is in your boat, with you both as couples working in line with Him, you have better chances than you going solo.

 

So I noticed, that no one put God’s will into consideration in Tiwa’s marriage.
No one is even talking about that as a lesson to learn.
And as long as we keep pushing God out of an institution He created, we will keep getting whatever our emotions, mind, and will can give to us which will always be lesser than God’s best.

 

Some will argue that some non-christian couples still have happy marriages…
Well, that may be true, but not every GOOD is GOD.
God’s own way of doing things is always different from good.
Good can only at best be sub-standard to God.
Good maybe one that has no eternal value.
It has no representation in the heavenlies. It has no register in God’s plans… and till good comes to God, it will languish in its sub-standard place thinking that that’s all there is to what it has.

 

It can be likened to someone who just gave his life to Christ.
You think you have life till you come to God and see that you have been short changing yourself all the time, you had nothing.
You realize like Jesus said that you were broke, poor and empty.
That’s how it is with this marriage deal too.
You think you have it okay as a non-christian couple till God opens your eyes and you see that life without Him was zilch.

 

I am simply saying to us all ladies and gentlemen, that the biggest lesson we can learn from Tiwa’s issue is that we need to go back to the basics.
God is the basics.
It is simple as 1, 2, 3, and has always been.
God made marriage.
If you want to get married, it has to be on His terms and His way (especially as believers).
Seek His will concerning marriage and do not move till He says move.
And when He says no, say no too.
And when He is silent, don’t move too.
Simply, just wait till you are certain you have God in your boat maritally.

 

And more than all these, allow yourself to be MADE by God.
Most persons run into marriage still boys and girls, not wives and husbands.
Let’s help ourselves even as God helps us too.

 

And the area of being made by God and preparation for marriage, is a long topic… not for today.
But follow our “Preparation On How To Be A Wife 101 Series” HERE.
And as God speaks to you and molds you, follow Him and ready to change.

 

I pray for us, that these words shall fall on good soil in our hearts in Jesus name, amen.
Till our next love letter,
Love,
Frances.

 

PS: If you are someone interested in God’s plan for your marriage, make sure to hop on Tope’s blog.
She’ll be interviewing Heather Lindsey on her blog this coming week.
So go to her blog HERE and don’t miss out on it.
Just don’t! 🙂

 

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12 Comments

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    May 7, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    God bless you for this!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2016 at 2:57 am

      God bless us all with ready hearts as we read this B!
      Thank you!

  • Reply
    Itunu
    May 7, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    So I noticed, that no one put God’s will into consideration in Tiwa’s marriage.
    No one is even talking about that as a lesson to learn.
    And as long as we keep pushing God out of an institution He created, we will keep getting whatever our emotions, mind, and will can give to us which will always be lesser than God’s best.

    This!!!! Infact I couldn’t even say anything because when a foundation is faulty, what is there to say.Second chances happen and that’s if we are open to it and choose to let God take the reins this time. It’s sad really when I read ignorant comments like ‘yoruba boy cheats etc and sometimes I just want to yell that..”IF YOU LIKe, marry German, Indian, Belgian, American, British, black, white, green, blue.. If he doesn’t have God, expect anything. Fallen man is a problem and we keep refusing to see this. We keep finding a way to push blame on a certain gender or a certain tribe or just one rubbish that our flesh can find shaaa and it’s annoying because that’s what the enemy wants. He’ll just be like, ‘yea, let them not see their flaws, let them not see that they need Jesus. Let them keep pushing the blame like Adam and Eve did. As long as they don’t bring God into it and see Jesus as the solution, then that’s fine by me.

    It’s annoying really and so I don’t waste time commenting or saying my view. Sometimes the spirit even cautions you because it’s not in everything you talk. Just keep quiet, learn another lesson and move on. If people really need God, they’ll come looking for him and will do so the right way. When they’re ready. It’s not child’s play. But as long as kids want to keep playing in the streets, then let them. Everybody suddenly becomes an advisor when it comes to another man’s marriage that God wasn’t involved in. Why? Because He didn’t build the foundation.

    Like you said, not all good is GOD. We should ask always. Is it GOOD or GOD? Just like John Bevere’s new book. That’s the title. Imagine that! He says that the kind of things that will deceive the elect in the last days is the kind of good that rebels against God. Eve saw that the fruit God told her not to eat was GOOD after God had spoken to her. Do we see the difference here? Yes it looks good, devil won’t come carrying a masquerade, neither does sin. But once it’s against God’s will, then that’s OYO stunt people pull.

    Sigh, It is well. Forgive my rant. lool. But I like that you were bold and brave enough to share this. Sometimes all these jargon stories are not worth my keypads to be honest. I do what I can for the capacity God gives and pray in my closet asking God for strength to love and pray others come to know and love him as much as he wishes. But it’s the last days and many will become lovers of themselves so it is expected. What I just know is that no matter what, people who will find God will find Him. And that’s settled.

    Much love dear. Sloppy kisses.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2016 at 3:07 am

      Ah Itunu, you are feeling like this like I do…maybe more than I do sef.lol.
      but how can we not feel it? Maybe it’s because we have Jesus and plainly see what is missing in lives…you know the lie of you don’t need Jesus that is being sold today, so some don’t even know something is missing from their lives… a grand lie satan is selling and peeps are buying.

      But then again, like you said, the Word warns that this would happen but it still breaks my heart.

      We’ll do as we can, share when it’s tugged on us to share and pray…I do feel like and always ask “what can we do Lord, what can we do”

      God help us.

  • Reply
    Tope Ogunyinka
    May 7, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    What you wrote is simply the truth. We all need to go back to the basics. We need to seek God’s face for direction on whom to marry. Just because a brother is the head of choir or a pastor doesn’t mean he’s who God wants you to be with. And I think that’s part of the reasons for an increase in divorce these days. People that aren’t meant to get married to each other do so and at the end of the day find out they aren’t compatible. We need to put a stop to it all and get God’s go ahead first!
    Thanks for this Frances.
    P.s Thanks for the shout out on the marriage interview. God bless you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2016 at 3:37 am

      Amen to getting God’s go ahead first!
      And you just delved into a topic that’s a long one on its own Tope… that a brother is at Church doesn’t mean that he’s your own…that he has high anionting doesn’t mean it’s to be your own annionted husband.
      Long story,…
      God help us all ohhh

  • Reply
    DamiLoves
    May 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    Like you said, ‘not every good is God’. We need to make God a priority and find out what His will is. Marriage is more than compatibility it is also about an alignment of purpose, and only God defines purpose.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2016 at 3:43 am

      It is heavily about God’s purposes for the union…we miss this a lot most times.
      All the other gifts are jare…two are meant to pursue and do more than one…
      It’s deep…it takes God to open our eyes and help us in this.
      Thanks Dami!

  • Reply
    Ruthie
    May 9, 2016 at 7:40 am

    Thanks Frances for this.., You have stressed the most important thing. ” The GOOD is not always GOD” Thank youuu.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2016 at 4:18 am

      As in its sooo important Ruthie…this would have us straining in to hear God’s own will and heart even when the options seem good and dandy…

  • Reply
    Berry Dakara
    May 18, 2016 at 9:50 am

    Very very well said and I agree that a lot of people, myself included sometimes, don’t put God into consideration in different facets of life

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 18, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      It’s always hard to factor God in, what with our flesh wanting to jump off…but it always doesn’t end well. so we’ll just pray for grace not to move ahead of God.

      Nice to see you here Berry!

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