Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

The Journey So Far On Not Kissing Before Marriage

My dear ladies and gentlemen,
I smiled as I typed that because Frances’ Love Letters every Saturday is one of my favorite segment on the blog.
I love the God of Love teaching us on love Himself… how more awesome can this get? He does have more in store though so I believe greater things are oncoming here.

 

So what has been happening in my life since I made the decision not to kiss before marriage?
Has it been easy?
Have I actually kept to my decision?
Well, stick around let me give you the gist on this issue…

 

If you are late to the party,
Read the posts leading up to this post via the links below:
Making The Decision To Not Kiss Before Marriage
Straightening The Gray Areas On Kissing Before Marriage (A Sin Or Not A sin?)

My Reasons For Not Kissing Before Marriage

 

Let’s go on…
So God led me to make the decision not to kiss before marriage at a time when I was being “toasted” by a guy.
Lol.
Such an odd time to make such a serious boundary right? But that’s God oh, doing things that don’t make sense to the ordinary man.
Thinking of that time of my life right now, God just used that season to do a lot of heart check in me as the guy wasn’t my guy… if you know what I mean, God didn’t say yes to him but used him to help me make a lot of changes in my life as regards preparing me for marriage (as an aside, not every proposal should be accepted but if you’d listen to God, He’d use it to teach you lots of lessons!)

 

So while I was praying and trying to consider if this guy was acceptable by God for me, God led me to make a total decision to not kiss before marriage… and apart from my initial fear to make this decision, everything was fine but for one thing… this guy was having none of it!
I mean… he actually said that I was being unrealistic and being holier than thou!
Wow!

 

I had gotten God’s answer to tell him no and my Pastor too had told me he wasn’t my husband (I’m a lady under spiritual authority and when that authority says no, it should be looked into, moreso when you trust their judgment).
But then even after I told this guy no, I kept doubting in my mind… what if I made a mistake?
I spoke to my friend about it and it was almost as if God was listening to my conversation as the very next day this guy came to confirm my answer to him.

 

He started by apologizing for the thing he did that confirmed my decision (I won’t say it for privacy reasons)… then graduated into the kissing before marriage deal.
He said “it’s not a big deal to me, if we kiss, fine, if we don’t, fine.
And you are taking this too far.
Who told you that the couples who say they didn’t kiss before marriage are telling the truth? Were you there with them?
They are lieing”.

 

I was dumbfounded at someone who said he was called to be a pastor saying all these things.
It was almost like me saying I don’t want to have sex before marriage and then the man says “you are looking at so-called pure couples ba? Who told you that they stayed off sex before marriage? This your holy holy too much”.
Purity should be encouraged not discouraged, moreso by the man I would want to chose as my husband.

 

And the funny thing was that I wasn’t basing my decision on couples who had stayed off kissing before marriage, my decision was based on a conviction from God.
So why should a man who should be encouraging me to grow in God try to discourage me from doing so?
I realized that he was on a different path and I didn’t force him to make a decision on not kissing before marriage, I made my decision and since we couldn’t agree on it, I knew it was a sign that he wasn’t the one too and God confirmed that to me.
So why make me feel like a “holy holy” just to point out that I was wrong for rejecting you as a spouse when your actions showed me that I was actually right and heard God correctly?

 

Well, I wasn’t shaken at all by his words.
I simply pinged my pastor and my friend, told them the conversation I just had with him and thanked God that He saw that I was doubting so He sent the guy to come and confirm his in eligibility as my husband to me (hope you follow this?).

 

After this episode, God began to teach me about the Ephesians 5:25 man.
I had an amazing experience where Jesus expressly told me that His man for me would love me like He does, while wanting to present me to God without blemish.
All my fears on whether a man would accept this decision was laid to rest and I would be sharing on lessons on the Ephesians 5:25 man next week.
Basically God told me that He was glad that I waited for Him to speak as not every voice is His voice (I first of all thought the guy was the guy but didn’t trust the voice as I had no peace about it but kept praying).
And then the Word just cemented my decision and showed me that I was (am) on the right track with God.

 

For everyone who made the decision to not kiss before marriage, I think that it’s important that you base your decision on God’s word to you and not because someone did it and it seems like a great ideal to follow.
As much as you are encouraged to take your purity walk further, let God lead you on what He specifically wants you to do… that way you won’t be shaken if you have an experience like mine with people.

 

So I haven’t really been in any “near kiss situation” since then but in December last year, I was faced with a bad situation of wanting to be touched!
People reach out to me with issues on sex and sexual addictions and I believe they think that I am on a smooth playing scale over it all right now.
Yes I am because that sin has no hold over me anymore…
But no, I still have to subject my flesh to God every. Single. Day.
In the month of December, I had these crazy high sexual urges… I believe I was ovulating then and the crazy thing was I was in a house alone with a friend (kind of, now he is seen as my brother).
I would just have these sessions where I was horny like something else!
I would go to the room and pray and pray and speak to my body (confessions of purity are in my book “chastity for men”).
It was crazy hard as sometimes we would be talking and thoughts will be running through my mind.
God had to take me to 2Timothy 2:21 when He saw what I was going through.
It was based on consecration and purging ourselves so as to be honorable vessels to be used by God.
He made me see that He has too much in store for my life for me to throw it all away by giving into sexual urges.
God has such a huge ministry He wants me to step into that sexual sins would derail me from getting there.
And this sexual sin includes kissing because He has expressly told me not to do so.
He wants me to be flying high spiritually not battling with guilt over kissing/having premarital sex with a guy.

 

 

And so the Word was my anchor during that season.
My body would be tempting itself and I would be speaking words over it and remembering that I don’t want to be a dishonorable vessel… I want to be used for special things by God and that would take a daily consecration unto Him.

 

It was during this period last year also that I realized lots of us were struggling with staying pure sexually and I blogged on staying pure here and also, as God would have it, I was invited to speak on chastity at a church to youths in December and it just served to help even me too.
I would put up the video on me speaking on chastity on my youtube channel here for everyone who needs it and you can check back on this post for when I would update it with the video.
All in all, has it been easy to stick with this decision to not kiss before marriage?
No!
But God’s grace has been enough so far and will continue to be enough for me.
I know my husband is coming soon and courtship will begin… I trust God even then to help us both.

 

It’s important also to realize that you can’t force your partner to make this decision with you.
If it’s someone God wants you to be with, He will place same demands on purity on them and you won’t have to force them to accept it.
Then you can both rely on grace and set boundaries to do what God wants you both to do in purity in Him.

 

So stay strong my brothers and sisters.
God’s got us in Him and #grace (not your strength) is enough to see you through this walk of purity.

 

So that’s the gist on this journey so far.

How has it been with your purity walk?

Any temptations? With God’s grace pulling you through?

Would love to hear from you, do share in the comment section below..

 

And yes, like I said up there, I will be writing on the Ephesians 5:25 man next week so stick around loves.

And have a great weekend ahead 🙂

 

 

Love,
Frances.

 

 

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    preye
    February 20, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    Frances, you are one strong lady. I admire your courage so much. Everything you right on are real life challenges most people don’t admit or never want to talk about.

    May God give you the wisdom and grace to continue in His path.

    P.s; I’m currently in your situation so I understand and agree completely.

    Xoxo

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 20, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      Haha Preye @situation… loool.
      Amen for both of us to grace and wisdom and grace and grace and more grace ooohh, amen!

      And thanks for your kind words..

  • Reply
    o_see
    February 20, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    I’ll be real. That Horny episode you talked about. I know the feeling. It’s CRAZY MAD, yo. Crazy!! I’m glad you pulled through. There have been times i’ve been “angry with God” and I know i’m subsetable to…well…sex. But, for some reason ( ha, we know the reason), there’s never anyone available to have sex with…so. Yay!

    Also I want to thank you for allowing God use you (Wow…! Okay, I HAVE NEVER SAID THERE WORDS BEFORE. They sound strange to me…well, when i hear it…but today…sounds right.)
    Well, your testimony actually gave me the courage to share mine. Until this year, my past masturbation addiction was a thing i didn’t want people to know about. But seeing ALL THE THINGS you’d done before and…not feeling shy or embarrassed to share…It gave me the courage to share my story…In a humorous way of course…any other way would be too weird for me.

    So thanks.

    PS: I’ll give you the summarized version.
    Use to jerk off habitually at least 2 times a day for…3 years plus. And i hadn’t seen porn before then. When i discovered there was such a thing it got worse. But as i discovered porn, my dad discovered i had porn in my room. He confronted me. asked me what i used it for. Then told me to “Tell, MASTER JESUS YOU ARE SORRY AND THAT YOU WILL STOP WASTING MILLIONS OF POTENTIAL CHILDREN.”. And that’s how the addiction ended. I won’t like, I’ve had a couple of moments of weakness but that hold it had on me is definitely gone. I have God and my dad to thank for that. Best dad God could have ever given me. I’ll miss the old clown (yeah, we were tight like that…obviously never called him clown to his face. Thats just asking for a KNOCKOUT. But he was a funny old man, though. He would have liked you….sigh)

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 21, 2016 at 2:21 am

      Hi O-see,
      Where do I start from?

      First, amen to not having anyone right now to have sex with ohh, these crazy times of sexual urges isn’t a small thing…only God helps (strange but true, flesh can’t do this purity thing alone)

      And I am praying that even if there’s someone to have the sex with, God won’t let you, He will stand in your way, amen! (dangerous prayer but necessary, satan can tempt with ready sin environment anytime)

      I am sooooo glad at your testimony…where do I start from? when sin’s hold falls off of us…I believe it’s a great cause for joy, especially when you’ve experienced it’s shackles before. Thank God for Jesus!!! Thank God for God! I’m grateful and happy to hear your sextimony (as a blog reader Gabby calls it), glad to hear my obedience to just share my story is something God is using even in lives I don’t know. Thank God!

      And your dad..you speak like he’s passed on? If he is, i’m sorry about your loss, you must miss him and the part on he would have liked me…I wish too that I knew him. someone who would say “oya tell master Jesus you’re sorry for wasting potential children”… God help you and bless us with such Father’s today too, we need them.

      finally, glad to meet you,(even though virtually), smiled and smiled on reading your comment…

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    February 21, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Lool! Keeping it real with Frances!
    I laugh for that horny part! Sometimes, it’d just hook me like something else.

    I’d be wondering, biko, what is wrong with this body!!! Lol. But thank God for Jesus! And the grace He has given us to overcome.

    It’s beautiful what God is doing in us as single ladies! We’re building strong foundations as women of God, so we can be to our husbands what God wants!

    And God wouldn’t give us someone that’s not a covering to us, pushing us to Christ, and not away from Him.

    I saw a post by Cornelius about Heather. And he ended with “God honored me with my wife!”

    I was like- wow! May I be such a wife that’s the answer to my husband’s prayers and an honour to him. May we all be!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 22, 2016 at 4:34 pm

      Bolaji be catching on some higher rhema… on becoming God’s own kind of woman, a blessing to our husband’s and generation!
      You caught the sub here and I didn’t even mention it… its something we’ve been dealing on in TWTw Bible study!

      Amen oh, amen! May we be blessings to our Mr men!
      And hmmm…may this body be preserved till they come 🙂 *winks*

  • Reply
    D'Dream
    March 19, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    One thing I have learnt just recently is that God never waste our experiences even the seemly ugly ones. Moses was an exconvict, a murderer on the run but when God ready to work his wonders. He took him straight back to where moses committed murder but not as the same way moses ran away first time.

    Truly inspiring and heart touching story. Thank God for hisngrace over your life! Remain blessed

    ****”””” been looking around for you on the blogosphere for awhile, you just disappeared but thanksfully I had to weave through of blogs to get here.

    Be awesome!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 20, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      Hi D-dream!
      I disappeared from the blogosphere?
      I’ve been here ohhh, blogging EVERY week! Subscribe to my blog…thats the answer.

      Thanks for your words!
      The words on God taking us back to the same place but with a different story struck home…
      Thanks

  • Reply
    Esther
    March 20, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    Tell me all about konji. Lol.
    The thing no dey give warning. But the grace of God is sufficient.

    Christians who are abstaining need to talk more about this urges.
    A lot of them like appearing lily white as if sexual urges die when you stop or aren’t having sex. Some abstaining people then feel alone or inadequate when they have this strong urges because they feel others are too spiritual to have this urges just because they aren’t talking about it.

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