Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Spirituality ALONE Does Not Guarantee Marital Bliss…

Dearies,

I remember when I wrote the real power couples, I got pretty dissed(for lack of a better word) for writing on the spiritual angle of God bringing couples together. Someone even referred to me being young and not knowing yet that relationships need a lot of maturity and tact to survive.

I do not claim to know all, Infact, I feel like I know nothing about relationships/marriages, but do you really think that I do not know that it takes more than faith in God to make marriage work? Come on, I come from a home which was broken for close to 14years before they came back together. I do not look to just instagram pictures of couples that seem always happy as my role models. I have seen first hand the ugly parts of marriage and I know not to go down that road.
I absolutely, absolutely believe that God writes love stories.
I absolutely, absolutely believe in faith in God for a great marriage.
I absolutely, absolutely believe in prayers but I also know that marriage takes work, takes lots of maturity, tact, brings out the worst attitudes in people and can make gentle Jane go bonkers in seconds.

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I read a post on being a wife on a blog last week and it resonated so deeply with me. (I’m so sorry, I can’t find the link, I believe everyone should read it)
You know, the fact that I am spiritual ALONE isn’t what will give me a great marriage in the future. I need wisdom.
Proverbs 24:3- “Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation]”
So, I am doing my best to prepare in wisdom also.
How?
There’s wisdom for financial preparations(and I don’t mean for just the wedding day)
There’s wisdom for sex(ual) preparations.

There’s wisdom for how to groom the kids.

There’s wisdom for intellectual preparations.
There’s wisdom for character preparations…

And aside from prayers and faith in God, I’m doing my best to prepare in these ways too.
You don’t believe me? Well, I always say that I got a good deal out of red lips brouhaha. Faith and trust in God was re-emphasized, I learnt about true love, I learnt not to place hope in man at all, I learnt how to talk to my first husband about anything and I gained some pruning in my character.
Yes, I didn’t like what he said to me BUT I could have kept quiet and not have responded in a harsh manner.
There’s still Proverbs 31:26 in the Bible.
She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].”
And believe it or not, the Holy Spirit doesn’t let me get away with such things. He convicts me(not condemns me).
In that red lips instance, what the Holy Spirit said to me was – “anger lies in the bosom of fools right? So also does writing, typing when in anger…when you are angry, keep quiet, keep calm. Don’t type/say anything till you are calm. Act like the Holy Spirit does, when you are grieved, keep quiet, convict the person of guilt later on, but not in a harsh manner. We will work on you together. Meekness of heart, mouth and fingers. Don’t be fast to speak, talk or type when angry…”
(As a side note, don’t you just love the Holy Spirit? I truly don’t know where I would be character wise if He wasn’t in me. It would be terrible no doubt.)

 

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So preparation in character, yes?
I am learning to let God prune me in my words of mouth/anger already. Equals to learning better ways to resolve conflicts in my relationships/future marriage.
This doesn’t mean that I am on top of my game now and all perfect, but I know what the Bible says about ladies having a meek and quiet Spirit and I am trying, trying to build mine in God.
I want to be able to turn my husband’s head with gentle words and not erupt in a volcano when we have disagreements as we will.
And I’m practicing this right now with friends, family, loved ones, acquaintances, everyday people I meet on the street… I don’t want to go into marriage with a raw and unrefined character.
Yes, prayers will help me also, but I’ve also got to mellow and learn, and learn and learn to be pruned on how to indeed give a soft answer to everyone.
So, yes I don’t know so much, but I know what God is revealing to me right now about maturity, tact, character… that will help me in marriage.
And it’s funny how it all revolves to God again… I just cannot take away the fact that even in preparation, be it finances, sex, love… still it all revolves to God.
Self-control, prudence in finances, submission in marriage, respect to my husband…. All still revolves around to God. I can’t take Him away from it all.
But I just thought to put it out there, I am very well aware of the fact that marriage doesn’t take just prayers, it also takes preparation in all ways + maturity, tact et al.
That I write on faith in God in my love story doesn’t mean that I exclude the other aspects. One can only write one article at a time right? I can’t cram all I am learning into one write up… but still I am so certain, it still all starts and end with God. Yes it does and again, please, get your relationship right with God. He teaches, He prunes, He steps in, He helps even in marriages, after all, it’s His own institution.
As always, you can write back to me if you please and do follow me on bloglovin and click here to get notifications of new posts directly to your email. so you won’t miss any of our gist.
Till I write to you next time, please read our first husband and the real power couples, you will be blessed.
With lots of love,
Frances.

 

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12 Comments

  • Reply
    Cassandra Ikegbune
    October 18, 2014 at 8:27 am

    I love you girl!!
    I’m not even thinking about refining myself for marriage at the moment but this is a really good write up.

    http://www.cassiedaves.com

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    October 18, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Plenty plenty love sent your way right back Cassandra!
    And yes, preparation in character doesn’t apply to just marriages…we need it for ourselves..applies in every way.
    Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  • Reply
    Presh
    October 18, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    They say variety is the spice of life but I’ll like to add this… balance is also the spice of life.Thanks a lot dear for balancing that post,it isn’t only about the spiritual, we’ve still got to work on ourselves…

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      October 18, 2014 at 6:44 pm

      Thanks for summing it all up nicely Presh..

  • Reply
    Afolabi Oluwatoyosi
    October 19, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    Wonderful, awesome post…so cool, love the statement”It all starts and ends with GOD”…please can I get your email address, thanks GOD BLESS

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      October 19, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Thank you Afolabi, i’m glad that statement stood out for you.

      My email is okorofrances@gmail.com
      Or you can just go to my contact page, type in a message in the box and send to me.
      Thank you

  • Reply
    Theresa Doghor
    October 27, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Not everyone experiences that, dear

    I got born again in my college fellowship and so I left with the idea that every child of God had 1 Corinthians 12 & 14 in operation. I didn’t realize that it was a big deal

    I got misunderstood and went through a lot of persecution but I don’t regret expressing the Holy Ghost
    Till date I get misunderstood.
    When I am in a service that has a huge dose of the Holy Ghost in operation I just start crying, no wailing or anything but I can’t control myself I must cry
    Then I start hearing people saying: she is repenting o, next week, she is crying again, the third week, must you always be repenting
    I feel like knocking them over the head with a cudgel because I am so mad at them: do they think that I would choose to cry in their presence or choose to cry at all. I don’t find it easy being vulnerable with anyone and I don’t even want to be.

    It happened for the 1st time on the 4th of September 2001 and it hasn’t stopped happening since then.
    Then in college every Tuesday I was in tears, Monday, Sunday, prayer meeting. One time when I was fed up, I started stabbing prayer and praise and worship because I don’t want to cry.

    Yesterday I avoided church, I have been doing it for about three weeks, I don’t want to cry so I go to church but i make sure I stab prayer and praise and worship and just hear the word, I don’t want to be a babbling mess. Just before the word, my pastor asked the choir to sing a song, I had already started crying during some silly play I had watched before, I continued all through the song. I felt embarrassed but what can I do?

    I love the Holy Ghost, I don’t want to deny Him expression in me because I am glad to have the Holy Ghost and I depend on Him but I hate the crowds and the people constantly watching: “will she cry today?”

    It is my life jare and I am glad for it.

  • Reply
    Theresa Doghor
    October 27, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Not everyone experiences that, dear

    I got born again in my college fellowship and so I left with the idea that every child of God had 1 Corinthians 12 & 14 in operation. I didn’t realize that it was a big deal

    I got misunderstood and went through a lot of persecution but I don’t regret expressing the Holy Ghost
    Till date I get misunderstood.
    When I am in a service that has a huge dose of the Holy Ghost in operation I just start crying, no wailing or anything but I can’t control myself I must cry
    Then I start hearing people saying: she is repenting o, next week, she is crying again, the third week, must you always be repenting
    I feel like knocking them over the head with a cudgel because I am so mad at them: do they think that I would choose to cry in their presence or choose to cry at all. I don’t find it easy being vulnerable with anyone and I don’t even want to be.

    It happened for the 1st time on the 4th of September 2001 and it hasn’t stopped happening since then.
    Then in college every Tuesday I was in tears, Monday, Sunday, prayer meeting. One time when I was fed up, I started stabbing prayer and praise and worship because I don’t want to cry.

    Yesterday I avoided church, I have been doing it for about three weeks, I don’t want to cry so I go to church but i make sure I stab prayer and praise and worship and just hear the word, I don’t want to be a babbling mess. Just before the word, my pastor asked the choir to sing a song, I had already started crying during some silly play I had watched before, I continued all through the song. I felt embarrassed but what can I do?

    I love the Holy Ghost, I don’t want to deny Him expression in me because I am glad to have the Holy Ghost and I depend on Him but I hate the crowds and the people constantly watching: “will she cry today?”

    It is my life jare and I am glad for it.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      October 27, 2014 at 7:23 pm

      Ah! Tessa! I love being slain in the Spirit! I have learnt to just allow Him take control.
      My roomate in school then used to always ask me after Church “why is your eye red?”…
      I can’t help but let the Spirit take control. I would usually just lie down on the ground with whatever dress I am wearing (who cares) and bawl and sing to God when the Spirit takes charge of me.
      I’m just grateful to be able to feel God’s presence strongly. I’m just grateful.

      Don’t mind what people say, be free in God’s presence, let Him take control of you, and yes even take control of your tear ducts 🙂

    • Reply
      Ijeoma
      May 8, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      Dear Tessa, I am at the dentist reading your post with a huge knowing grin on my face.

      Just to let you know you are not alone in the crying spells. I think it’s awesome to know that the Holy Spirit has chosen us to visibly express his presence and glory.

      Truth is the experience is inexplicable. I hear this song and I just break down and then I get so self conscious like Lord isn’t there another way to reach out to me instead of making me wail or loose myself like this?

      You know when we sing songs like ‘this is my desire to worship you…… Every step that I take, every moment I’m awake, Lord have your way in me… ‘ we truly don’t know the depth of the words until He begins to show forth in us.

      Please ignore the voices. Intentionally shut them out. Some of them desire these experiences but never have it and so they may try to make you feel weird about it but they are wrong. Imagine David dancing for the Lord and his robes falling out and yet He kept on dancing with His undergarments. And his wife said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”
      But David reminded her that he will keep on celebrating before the Lord who choose him above her father’s house to rule and lead His people and that he is willing to humiliate himself the more.

      God has chosen you above all others as a vessel to express Himself. It is a privilege. Like David don’t stop worshipping before the Lord it pleases Him. Let your actions always be to please the Father. Take care and stay encouraged. Hugs**

  • Reply
    Highly Favored
    October 27, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    I love this post!! You are full of widsom, may God grant you the perfected desire of your heart and you seek to perfect your self in Christ.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      October 27, 2014 at 7:04 pm

      Amen and amen highly favoured! 🙂
      Thank you so much for your prayers sis.
      I look forward to seeing what God will bring to light soon for us all whose hearts are stayed on Him. It will be all of awesome and more!

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