Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Making The Decision To Not Kiss Until Marriage

My dear ladies and gentlemen,
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get last week’s love letter across to you. It’s totally out of character for me to be so lax with my correspondence with you and I’m working on it not happening again.
I hope you are all good though?
You guys are always in my heart.
We are a family remember? Tis why I can share something so personal with you today in hopes that I can use this to hold myself accountable too and possibly have someone who gets where I am coming from.
I remember the first time I mentioned to my bestie that I’d love to not to kiss anyone till I get married.
We had just concluded thirsty conference at church and I was on a spiritual high.
I just thought about it and felt like I would definitely love to just give all of me and my body to God in totality.
I felt like just pouring out totally without reservation.
Little did I know that God would indeed hold me to words I just voiced out loud in passing but made no decision on.
This past week has seen God dealing with me on giving myself totally to Him.
You see, a lot of things are happening in my life revolving around God teaching me on chastity, purity and using my body to glorify Him even in a relationship.
I didn’t make a decision to not kiss whoever God chose for me before marriage because I didn’t think that I could do it but God wanted me to make a decision.
You will only understand what I’m saying if you have a personal relationship with God which I would be glad to hear that you do.
You know when God is just tugging at your heart about something?
It was crazy but I felt like God is just crazy about me.
Like crazy jealous about me.
And right down to even something as small as a kiss on my hand, I didn’t think that God would love it and Romans 12:1 kept ringing in my head.
I knew that God wanted me to make a decision to give all of me to Him, including my lips.
I didn’t get it totally till I started praying and the word “consecration” just fell out of my mouth.
And Romans 12:1 had been ringing in my head but the Amplified version just spelt out what exactly God wanted me to do.
” I APPEAL to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you in view of [all] the mercies of God, to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.”

We have to note the words:

Decisive dedication”
“Presenting all your members and faculties”
“Holy, devoted, consecrated”
“Reasonable service and spiritual worship”

Now, I was missing out on the decisive dedication bit – I only thought that I’d love to not even kiss before my wedding, I didn’t make a decision not to.
I was also missing out on what “my body” includes. I know that pre-marital sex is out of the question but the Amplified version actually says “presenting all your members and faculties”, my lips is part of the member of my body.
And then I was missing out on consecrating my body wholly to God.
I wanted to consecrate the part about sex but not the part about lips.
So it’s been an uphill struggle to come down to what God wants me to do.
I have done it in my prayer time, given the whole of my body to Him, including making a decisive decision not to kiss until marriage but then I know that it would be really hard, especially if I am in a relationship with someone who’s love language is physical touch but I believe God wants me to make the decision and then He will give me grace, surely.
And that’s what I want this letter to achieve for me too.
An accountability check.
A “write down the vision” kinda thing.
A “refer back to letter when the temptation is overwhelming”.

 

Now dears, you may not get what I’m saying especially if kissing is normal to you – like a normal love language, which it is(I’m not saying that it’s a sin) but we are all convicted in different ways and things.
If you have been having a pull from God towards this direction though, I would love you to make this decision with me.
To have a body that glorifies God and also to have a relationship that glorifies chastity and purity no matter what.
It won’t be easy dears, I can already imagine loving someone and not being able to kiss them(sigh) but can we make this decision first?
That all of us – all the members of our body we give it all to God?
I had this strong tug in my heart that God didn’t just want me to give Him the no pre-marital sex bit, He wants me to use all my members to please Him.
It’s a tall order but I know that He wants me to pour out, pour it all out as a sacrifice to Him.
Why?
I’m not certain, but I just know that He is jealous for and of me.
He is my first husband remember?

Isaiah 54:5-For your Maker is your husband– the LORD Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth”
And I’m His wife.
He doesn’t want me giving off any part of me to someone He hasn’t joined me together with in marriage.
And I’m not doing this because I am scared of Him, I just love Him and want to please Him.
I want Him to be able to look at me and smile, pleased with the way I am glorifying Him with my body.
That’s my desire.
So again, this isn’t saying that kissing before marriage is bad(please, get this right) but this is also a call to others who have been thinking about making this decision.
Romans 12:1 says that we should make a decisive dedication of our bodies to God – all our members, I chose to not just include the deal about sex to that but my lips also.
If God has been pulling on your heart in this area, please just simply make a consecration prayer of your body to Him wherever you are.
Oh it will be hard, but God has assured me that that’s why we have the Holy Spirit in us to help us in our journey.
I don’t know what this decision will bring but I know that I can’t rest easy without making it.
And I have made it.
You don’t have to comment below, but if you feel led to, you can make the decision too.
I look forward to testifying as to how God will help me(and you) in keeping to this decision when the time comes.

God bless and help us all as we put Him first in our relationships.
As we use our bodies to honor God, I and certain that He will honor us as well too.

 

Till my next love letter,
Much Love,

Frances.

 

P.S – Don’t forget to subscribe to blog via email below and let’s walk our path in God together 🙂

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39 Comments

  • Reply
    betha
    May 9, 2015 at 11:21 am

    This has been on my mind for a while now! People think the idea is silly and all and the chances of finding someone willing to walk that path with you is next to zero….thankfully I’m not alone. HIS grace is enough!!! Time to make that consecration prayer..

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 9, 2015 at 11:33 am

      Hey Betha!
      It’s nice to know that I am not alone too.
      The idea maybe silly to some but we know the tug we are getting in our hearts…
      I pray for grace even as you dedicate and decide to do this.
      God bless you sis

  • Reply
    lizzy
    May 9, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Each write-up of urs is always like a reminder for me from God. I made same decision as you though I didn’t stick to it in d last relationship, and I tell u one reason I felt so bad after it ended is cos I kissed him. Currently engaged and by d grace of God av bin able to stick to this decision, I tell u its not bin easy but @ least its possible by His grace. And yeah, dis decision is simply for d love I av for God, my lips are meant to praise him and not kiss… well until HE finally hands me over to HIS son.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 9, 2015 at 12:49 pm

      I wrote this hoping that I’m not alone and I am not.
      It’s great to know that there are ladies like you out there too Lizy.
      Swoosh! It def won’t be easy but I keep getting pulled to look on grace not on myself
      He wanted us to make the decision first and we have, He will grace us.
      Thank you for reaching out, thank you.

  • Reply
    N.K.
    May 9, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    Even though some people would say I’m too young to decide this and I have time, I’ve already decided and know that I don’t wish to kiss anyone until the day I marry. My first kiss was stolen at first and when I kissed back, I was younger than 10 years of age. Though, I regret that, I can’t spend my life regretting, and I know that Papa will help me with this. Thank you so much for sharing this, Miss Okoro!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      Oh N.K, no need for regrets, if we are to count our mistakes, then I have a lot to count. Start from now, God will grace you..

      And I love how you are making this decision at a young age, oh, may you continue to grow and flourish in God in Jesus name, amen!

  • Reply
    keke
    May 9, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    I was thinking about this, this week and I had this back and forth conversation with God about the logistics. No kiss ehh on the lips! Now I am more convicted that God is calling us as a tribe of women to consecrate ourselves in this manner to him.
    Society will call it next level christianity, but we call it obedience to the word of God. Our mouth is powerful and should speak life not absorb what has not been given in commitment to us.

    I pray that whether we make this decision or not, that we serve God with our hearts and follow his voice.

    Thank you Frances.

    I stand with you on this!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2015 at 10:25 pm

      Oh Keke…amen and amen to following God’s voice always!
      And next level christianity…lol. we who feel tugged to do this know what’s up, it’s a pull for total consecration that one cannot easily ignore..God help us all.

      And oh your words on not giving out what hasn’t been given in full commitment to us hit me hard..

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 10, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      Amen and amen to following God’s voice Keke!

      And your words on not giving our lips to one when it hasn’t been committed to him hit me hard…

      God will grace us as we stand on this, surely.

  • Reply
    the Fashion Engineer
    May 11, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Lovely post! There was this post i read the title was I kept my virginity but not my purity ..it was eye opening for Me
    I made this decision some time ago …I think its really hard coz my love language is physical touch lol
    But I can do it by Gods grace 😀

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 11, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      Yes fashion engineer..God’s grace is enough.
      And oh yeah, I get how hard it will be for people whose love language is physical touch, though it isn’t mine though.

      Would love to read the article you read on purity, can you share a link?

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    May 11, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Frances Love! How you dey?
    To be honest, this decision is not the easiest thing and I also have said it before like you have; only that I have not REALLY made the decision not to turn back on my words. I pray for grace when the man after God’s own heart comes into my life. I pray for grace for us!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 11, 2015 at 12:45 pm

      We need grace on this Mobolaji, serious one.lol.
      And oh yes, I just said it in passing and didn’t get serious about it till the serious pull on my heart this past week.
      I know God’s grace is enough, always..

  • Reply
    vicky
    May 30, 2015 at 6:55 pm

    First of all…i have misd u nd d blog…fone issues. 🙁 secondly, kissing is not a sin? Wow, didnt knw dat. Finaly, fortunately i grew in a xtain home so i already made d decisn nd yes, it’s nt easy lyk i once tot, it can get hard bt wit God’s grace, we wil achieve it.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      May 31, 2015 at 6:51 am

      Hey Vicky!
      Great to have you back on..you keep running oh, I wee keep pursuing you.lol.
      Hope you are good?

      Great that you made the decision already, that pull to consecrate fully yes? God’s grace is enough for us…

      Kissing isn’t a sin, just as sex isn’t a sin… both are stuff created by God for pleasure just to be within marriage…
      The reason why people are confused as to whether kissing should be done outside marriage is cuz it’s not really spelt out in the Bible and also cuz it’s not really the main deal – sex.
      But for me, it leads to other things, it’s a lighter that can light up other stuff – that and what I am sure of that God is calling me to fully consecrate is the reason why I am staying off of it.
      But it’s not a law, each individual can be convicted about it in different ways by God…

  • Reply
    Gloria
    June 28, 2015 at 2:45 am

    I made the no sex till marriage decision, and one of the hardest things about it it is how some christian guys (actively serving in church) consider premarital sex OK. I believe it’s a personal decision. But then it’s an issue both have to agree on early in the relationship.

    So i want to know when and how best to bring t

    • Reply
      Gloria
      June 28, 2015 at 2:46 am

      *to bring up the issue *

      • Frances Okoro
        June 29, 2015 at 2:37 am

        Hey Gloria, I saw your comment yesterday, thank you sooo much for taking time out to comment on this.
        I believe that I might mail you soon or just comment here but the free chapter for ladies in my book deals with this.

        Ok, first of all I must comment you for taking a stand to live for God in purity with your body.
        Oh sis, welcome, welcome into the fold of glorifying God with your body-you won’t regret it.

        Now, I agree with you that we have so many socalled christian guys who are okay with sex before marriage and as much as it is sad, it shouldn’t be surprising.
        The Bible says test the spirits, by their fruits you shall know them.
        He is okay with doing something that God expressly forbids(read 1corinthians 6), our bodies don’t belong to us, they belong to God and He says they aren’t for sexual immorality.
        A guy thinks that he can have sex before marriage? I’m sad that he isn’t glorifying God with his body but that guy isn’t for you.
        Don’t go in thinking that you will change him, you will fall-believe me I have tried it before.
        Don’t worry about it, God’s man for you is one who will preserve your purity just as Jesus would.

        Now, you talked about when to make your stance known to the guy.
        For me, I do it right from the beginning and if he isn’t of that same mindset, I bounce.
        Now I wrote a post about if a guy agrees to abstain from sex because of you, should you accept him?
        The answer is no. His reason for abstaining from sexual immorality should be because of God, not a man.
        Read it here to get my point..

        http://www.hephzibahfrances.com/when-dating-a-child-of-god-is-illegal/

        You said the no sex rule is a personal decision, yes it is, but it is also a command given to us by God and if we love Him, we will obey His commandment and serve Him with the entirety of who we are.

        God bless you Gloria as you use your body to glorify God.
        God keep you in Him and strengthen you, grace you to keep your decision to Him In Jesus name, amen.

  • Reply
    Dayo Termas
    July 29, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    Miss Frances. I thank Jesus that you and several ladies of God have made this decision. However, the whole “kissing before marriage is not a sin” doctrine, I’m not sure I agree. In fact I don’t. This conviction is consistent with people who have a deep communion with God. Why would Jesus tell us all not to kiss if He was actually okay with it? It’s okay to say it’s your own personal conviction, but I don’t think it is to say blatantly that it’s not a sin.

    God bless you. Good job with the blog.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      July 30, 2015 at 10:36 pm

      Hello Dayo!
      Thank you for reaching back with your thoughts…will be addressing this in a post on saturday, please do check back then 🙂
      Thank you for this, made me do more clarification on it.
      Thank you!

  • Reply
    Inthe...
    July 31, 2015 at 10:09 pm

    Great Post! No kissing till marriage was a decision I made in order to protect my heart and I have no regrets! My then boyfriend ( now husband) didn’t understand my section but absolutely respected it.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 1, 2015 at 12:33 am

      Inthe, wow! I didn’t know that you also made this decision… I scoured posts online when i was feeling tugged on to do this, i really wish that you had written on it…Maybe you have? I just have to look for the post?

      Another post in this is about finding abi meeting a man who understands this or atleast respects it…
      Next posts will be on that sha,

      • Inthe...
        August 1, 2015 at 1:59 pm

        Lol I wrote on this a couple of times plus I mentioned it when Ayo (1+the one) interviewed the hubster and I for her “waiting and loving it” series.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 3, 2015 at 4:49 am

      Alright!
      Going to look for both posts now…

  • Reply
    Laiza King
    August 3, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    Dear Frances,

    GOD bless you for your passionate dedication to His calling through this blog. Some might not understand but I really appreciate you.

    This post spoke to me. I’ve been on the same walk recently and God is really teaching me alot. There’s nothing like truly living for God, completely- body, mind, soul.

    I had to read all the posts on Heather Lindsey blog, lol. I’m sure you’ve heard about her and her journey to abstinence while waiting on God to send her husband.

    I’m so sticking to that Nne, lol. The kissing part is even the hardest I think, but very doable. I just finished the book- And the Bride Wore White….different experiences from women who kept themselves (kissing and all) until their wedding night. It’s definitely worth the wait. My love language is more of affirmation/positive words, so thankfully I can train my mind to stay off kissing lol.

    God help us all though. We need to start preaching more of abstinence especially to the younger generation. Not everything that is alright is right.

    Society just has a way of twisting things and making it trendy.

    Thank you for this post.

    Trust AMP version to add these lol
    Decisive dedication”
    “Presenting all your members and faculties”
    “Holy, devoted, consecrated”
    “Reasonable service and spiritual worship”

    Laiza

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 3, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      Laiza right?!
      Trust AMP to make it clear.
      When I was feeling tugged on by God to make this decision, it was hinged on Romans 12 but it wasn’t hitting the nail on the head in the NLT version I was reading till I opened AMP and wham!
      Hah!

      I believe God’s grace is enough for us, there is no reliance on self to do this, God through and through.
      He will grace us to do so, that I am certain of in faith.

      And yes I read Heather’s posts on it too, thank God we don’t keep these things to ourselves.
      Lives who need these words would search them out and read them when needed – one way or the other light will shine through to the world on God’s true desire and thoughts about sex.

      Thanks sooo much for stopping by and commenting sis, your blog jolted me in many good ways today too 🙂

  • Reply
    Toby Nwazor
    August 8, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Hello Frances,

    I am trying to remember how I got to your blog but I am not so sure now. I think it was through David Adeleke’s and laiza’s blog (not so sure again).

    Emm this post is a hard pill to swallow, but as a christian I must agree with what Rom 12:1 says. I recently had someone come to my office and ask sincerely, “Toby can you have a girlfriend without having sex with her?” That was after we had a little chat about my stand on sexual immorality, especially among christians.

    Honestly the question literally shook me off balance., because the questioner was not just a christian but was an active member of my church.

    With shock written all over my face, I replied, “Why will I have sex with a girl I am having a relationship with? Am I no longer a christian?”…

    Well, we went around the topic a little before changing, but i couldn’t help thinking about the fact that a lot of christians now see chastitiy as ‘one of those topics to be hearda bout in church without being pracitced’.

    That’s too bad, and that is why I love this blog.

    I recently I came across JimDre Westbrook on huffington post. This guy is a 31 year old man living in las vegas and he is still a virgin. His website is ‘worth the wait guy dot com’ his story inspired and still inspires me in no small way.

    This post is great and i am glad that there are still christians who still stand for chastity.

    Kudos

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 9, 2015 at 1:14 pm

      Hey Tony!
      I’m more than glad with the way God is leading my path to men who are also trying to live chaste in Him, not just in words but in actions, I pray He gives us grace and helps us to obey as He graces us to do so in Jesus name, amen.

      And a 31year old male virgin? I will check out his site.
      We also have a 26year old male virgin who wrote in in my recently released book. More and more, chastity is finally dawning on us as not just being a thing for the ladies but for all of us.
      Yes!
      Light and truth is going out!

      Welcome on the blog Tony, glad that you got here..should thank David or Laiza abi? 🙂

  • Reply
    Jessie
    August 16, 2015 at 12:41 am

    Hello Frances! I read your post on TNC and I found you on IG! I’m 16 and I made the decision too. May God give us the strength!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 16, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      Hey Jessie
      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this..indeed this decision is none of our willpower but all of God’s grace..which I know is enough for us.

      And you are so young and definitely on the right track with wanting to serve God with your body in purity.
      I am so glad to hear this..i pray God keeps you on track and may you not be derailed in Jesus name, amen.

      Welcome on the blog.
      And you are my sister’s namesake, Jessie 🙂

  • Reply
    Adewale Aladejana
    August 27, 2015 at 9:22 am

    I celebrate you woman of God. Your blog is amazing! I am convinced that God is raising an army of social media evangelists to preach the Gospel in these last days and I am convinced you are one of them. This is a ministry and you operate in the grace of a teacher and an evangelist. May your passion and oil never run dry. God bless you. Shalom

  • Reply
    Emete Smart
    August 15, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Hmmm, very thoughtful post. God bless you!

    http://www.emetesmind.blogspot.com

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 16, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      Amen and amen Emete… God bless us all… and welcome to the blog!

  • Reply
    Seun
    May 20, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    LOL… So God had in a way spoken to me about this but i refused and was like i just can’t do it. Don’t promise what you can’t do, I said to myself. Then I came across your post and because I hadn’t agreed with what God was telling me to do, I read this post and was rolling my eyes, LOL. Now I am reading it again and I am laughing because between the period of when I first read it and now, God has worked on my heart to make that decision of not kissing any man again until marriage, It wasn’t easy accepting It but my love for God and obeying him eventually won in the end. Now, I have read this post again, I totally understand you and agree with the post. So God used you and a book written by Heather Lindsey to help me understand why he wanted me to make this decision and now I am proud to say no kissing until marriage.

    Thanks Frances, you have no idea how much of a blessing your posts are.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 5, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      Oh Lord, thank you Jesus!
      Exactly how I explain this.. I can share my reasons but only the Spirit can convict.. Hold on on the path sis. God is enough to keep us and grace can help us stay strong till the end.
      *Love

  • Reply
    Seun
    May 20, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    *between the period when*

  • Reply
    joseph
    July 13, 2017 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Frances,
    It appears you are from another planet. (Don’t mind me I am only kidding). Only few Christian are as blunt as you are, but I hope and pray that more of us we repent and present the raw truth as contained in the word of God. I have bookmarked your site. Please keep up the good work.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      July 14, 2017 at 12:05 pm

      God bless you dear Joseph; we are indeed from another planet if truth be told – the planet of the kingdom of God.
      God bless you for your words of uplifting.. welcome to the blog and being a blog fam 🙂

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