Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Lessons From When I Almost Dated An Engaged Man

Dear single ladies,
How una dey?
I hope you are not that shocked about the title up there?
If you are, then there maybe need for you to read our about blog page here.
We are imperfectly perfect lives remember?
My own human frailties is as bad as yours, it is only by God’s grace that they are overcome and I am renewed from the inside out.

 
The story you are about to read is true, real and I will be as sincere with this as I was with red lips story.
But all the lessons can’t possibly be drilled out of it today.
We will continue with this next week.

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I do love God I tell you.
I love how He takes the bad and ugly and turns it around for good.
Who knew that lessons could be drawn from this “almost mistake”?
Who knew that this incident will answer the question of “How do I know that I won’t make mistakes maritally?”
I think a better way to phrase that question is “how do I know that God still won’t let me marry the wrong person even after I trust him?

 

You must have read this post where we talked about having faith in God for our love story but some persons always want tangible proof that God will come through for them and that’s alright. Maybe my own experience will convince you.

 
I had a kind of friend while in Law School last year. You know that kind of friend that trips for you but has a girlfriend, a girlfriend of 8years running… but you know that he likes you(maybe even loves in a twisted way)
This guy was good, nice and he was generous to a fault.
He always used to give me money and buy all sorts of stuff for me with no strings attached.
I mean he said he wanted me as just a friend because he couldn’t cheat on his girlfriend and I thought, cool, we can be friends.

 
Well, guess what?
When you start spending lots of time with a guy, you go out, go to church today, go out to ice cream factory tomorrow, sit in class together, talk and talk after class, feelings will surely grow.

 
So this “friend” and I had feelings between us even though we were friends.
And I just felt God tugging at my heart to break things off.
God used this experience to teach me about guarding my heart and about so many other things I will share in the next letter but let’s focus on today’s lesson.

 
So, I felt God telling me to leave this “friendship”.
You know God knows us even better than we know ourselves… all the feelings we have, He knows.
I used to get jealous when this guy talked to other girls (covers face) and he too used to get mad when guys talked and laughed with me.
One day, as we were fighting over something, I just started feeling bad, I knew God was telling me again to break things off.
I just started crying and sent a message to a mentor.
I was supposed to go to Redeem holy Ghost congress that night and the Holy Spirit was just convicting me all through the ride to camp.
I wept and wept like a baby.
I gave all the reasons why he is just a friend(rationalizing things) but God was having none of it.
The conclusion was let this “friend” go.
The answer I got from my mentor was the same thing with what God told me.

 
I rationalized and cried and I wish I can say I obeyed immediately… well I did try to obey immediately but when I told my friend I didn’t want us to be friends again, he begged and begged and said please, we are just friends, please and I said alright(I took man’s word above God’s word)
But I wasn’t at peace.
I couldn’t pray. When I raised songs like “Lord you are my everything”, He said I am not your all if you place “him” above me.

 
A certain day, this my “friend” was going out with another lady friend of his when he said he would see me at that time and I was madly mad.
I walked down to use the ATM not because I wanted to use it but because I wanted him to see that I saw him with his lady friend.
As I was walking back to my hostel, the Holy Spirit was just saying, “and you say you guys are not in a relationship…”
I felt so pathetic, trailing a guy… I just stood in the car park, angry at God’s voice that kept convicting me and I almost screamed “what do you want me to do???(I actually said it out loud)
And He said, “let go”.
That same night, I told my friend that I didn’t want the friendship anymore and he quarreled, then begged, called me, sent messages… I saw him in class everyday… it was hard but I knew what God wanted me to do, so there was no going back.

francess_love_letters_love_relationships_life-655713
So what am I trying to tell you with this story?
I want you to know that if you listen to the Spirit in you, you won’t make mistakes.
Your experience may not be as strong as mine where the Holy Spirit was literally dragging my ear…
It may be a feeling of things not just being right.
It maybe your not having peace with the relationship or “friendship”.
It maybe the still small voice of doubt…
But I plead, listen to it.
If you are God’s own… if you have allowed God to direct your paths maritally, you cannot make mistakes. This I know with all of my heart.
God won’t let you make mistakes, it’s our own stubborn minds that entangles us in wrong relationships.

 
Of course you know that for you to be able to listen to the Spirit in you, you need to grow in God and tune your spiritual antenna.
The flesh cannot receive from God so as you pray for God to direct your paths maritally, also direct your spiritual life to grow in Him.
That way, you cannot miss a sign in the Spirit, no way.

 
Like my experience, the Spirit may convict you for 3hours where you cry and rationalize your relationship with Him, or He may just whisper to you that this relationship isn’t right.
Either ways, you can trust God to always tell you when a relationship isn’t for you.
That’s when you have dropped it all in His hands and you really desire Him to take control.

 
But I know this with all my heart, God won’t let us make mistakes maritally.
He literally pulls us out of wrong entanglements. It maybe painful but we would know in the future that it’s the best.
He loves us, cares about us and wants to only give us His chosen for us.
And oh, when we see His chosen for us, we will be sure glad that we followed His lead.

 

As always, you can talk to me in the comment section below.
And read this post to indeed start up this year with your relationship story in God’s hands.

 

And the second part of these lessons will be posted in our next love letter.
Until then, subscribe to receive my love letters below 🙂

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I love you all,
Frances.

 

PS – I need your prayers oh. I don’t know what it is with people toasting corpers like it’s no man’s business. I can’t smile again without someone telling me rubbish. Even married men sef.

I don’t want any wife to pour me acid because of a silly man that won’t leave me alone.(if I tell you guys my experience yesterday eh)

I’m even considering going makeup less.

Pray for me, if it’s for their eyes to be blinded to me, better. Because this silly trend with just pursuing corpers is… silly(for lack of a better word)

 

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32 Comments

  • Reply
    Emjay
    January 17, 2015 at 10:15 am

    So true dear! You know we ladies have a way of rationalizing when we are in ‘friendships’ that are not right for us but thank God we have a control tower in the person of the Holy Spirit. Like one of ma momma says, one of the pointers of being in the right relationship for you is the peace you feel.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 17, 2015 at 4:34 pm

      As in eh Emkay, this rationalizing thing is terrible..God’s love nor be here. How He puts up with me, the over sabi daughter that can’t see beyond her nose but claims to know all…kai!
      But thank God for the Holy Spirit..as in..priceless!!! Just as well, that we obey, He knows all and it’s for our good anyways…

  • Reply
    Vicky
    January 17, 2015 at 10:48 am

    Hmmm, another confirmation.

    I don’t have the words now but thanks for sharing.
    as for those toasters, just walk away when they come close Biko, will be praying for you though

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 17, 2015 at 4:41 pm

      Amin oh..i pray that when I walk away they will leave cuz another issue is the fear of being rude…I don’t know anyone here and I don’t know if being rude will cause kasala, but I will try to be polite but firm.
      Thank you Vicky

  • Reply
    Dr. N
    January 17, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    I have so much gist, wheredo I st?
    1. That relationship was a test. Now u have passed u can use it as a bargaining chip with God. Ergo, I don leave am, wetin u go give me? Lol.
    2. I was wondering same NYSC! Make up or not, they will flock. Laugh it off. In 10 months or so it will be over. Let it boost your esteem. Lol.
    3. Hope d guy has grown closer to his fiancée? Make d girl no enter 1 chance

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 17, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      Ah Dr N, thank you oh, I never really thought of using it as bargaining chip with God..i guess I was too focused on obeying and getting my peace back…but sha, He always gives better than the one we let go 🙂
      I know from real life stories like yours 🙂

      As for using this toasting stuff to boost esteem and feel fly, I thought about it oh, I was smiling that atleast it means I must be super fine even with low cut for them to dey disturb anyhow but now eh, I just tire.
      I don’t know if na from favour person take dey help me now or from something else…
      But you are right, soon, i’ll be laughing this off.

      As for the fiancee, they did court marriage same last year(this one suppose come for the next tori for next wEek)

  • Reply
    glowingscenes
    January 17, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Number 1) Lesson learned. It’s not easy but it’s possible. Sometimes we think ah, when the time comes, I will just bone it, nothing dey happen but oh boy, never pray to be in such person’s shoes.

    Number 2) LMAOOOOO! I had to laugh. Shey I’m allowed sha?!! I first laughed when u mentioned trailing the guy to the atm so that he will see you’ve seen him with his lady friend and your spirit was telling you that, ‘and you said you’re not in a relationship…haha, it’s funny because something similar has happened to me before but no, it wasn’t anything close to rlshp don’t worry. It’s just our fleshy way of doing something. It can be so annoying ehn!!!

    And then I laughed at the acid. Biko, let them no spoil my fine Frances’ face o. ahn ahn. They should just hol’ it and keep walking. Yea, that’s right. Walk off. Don’t they know who you are? You have a kind you’re going after. A certain breed from God’s kingdom…wink wink** So they better park well.

    This was very interesting to read dear 🙂

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 17, 2015 at 4:50 pm

      You can laugh oh Glow..its funny to me now when I remember how frustrated I was that day in the car park simply because I was wrestling with the Spirit..who does that(the funny things we do sometimes, makes God’s love all the more amazing)
      But it wasn’t funny then sha.lol

      As for the acid, I kept imagining that when the man nor wan gree leave me. Who I know for here? Hmm, the woman go just beat me shege. I nor dey for that kain thing.
      Now, na polite but very firm things, I hope I don’t have to be rude to anyone.

  • Reply
    Chinomnso Precious
    January 17, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    Oh Frances, I celebrate the gift of God in your life. Your transparency is not an everyday thing of the block.

    May The Lord helps us to seek after His will even when our flesh tells us ‘He is being just mean’ [LIE! He is a good God]. Amen!

    It is my prayer that the eyes of the wrong men will be shut, that it will only be those that God chooses to test and build you, that shall approach you. [I hope this prayer is well understood in context].

    You are loved, sis! God bless you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 18, 2015 at 1:40 pm

      Amen and amen Precious, amen…
      “Only those that God choses to test and build me..”
      I pray for grace even for this…to pass the test and all the distractions…looking and waiting on only who He gives the go ahead..
      Amin.

      Much love sis….plenty love 🙂

  • Reply
    uniqueruth
    January 17, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    I just loooooooove this!

  • Reply
    graciemama
    January 18, 2015 at 6:00 am

    Thanks darl for this post.
    My prayer for this year is to guard my heart with all diligence.
    i had a lot of rationalizations of unhealthy friendships with guys last year. Even when i didn’t feel at peace with them all, i still went ahead with the “we are just friends nau”. I’ve learnt my lessons the hard way now. i pray to yield more to the Holy Spirit than ever before.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 18, 2015 at 1:56 pm

      Amen to guarding our hearts Gracie and the grace to yield fully to the Spirit…Amen!

  • Reply
    Naijamum
    January 18, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Frances, I don’t need to ask how you are. You are shining indeed. Enjoy your service year. Do not be derailed by any ‘yeye’ advances and please be rude if you have to, rudeness is the only language some people understand.

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    January 18, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    Thank you so much Naijamum of life and yes! Service will be great indeed 🙂

  • Reply
    Gabby
    January 18, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    it is important we yeild ourselves totally to the Holyspirit, most times we stress ourselves unnecessarily struggling for what is rightfully not ours.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 19, 2015 at 1:58 pm

      As in Gabby..unnecessary stress…
      I am learning and I pray for grace to obey..hard it maybe but still, I pray for grace to obey.

  • Reply
    Tosin
    January 20, 2015 at 9:02 am

    Frances dear! I really understand o .My own experience was similar but with slight difference. Bottom line: God was asking me to leave the guy but I no dey hear o. I even prayed that God would let us be together, but OYO,God no gree.Compulsory separation came btw us and we couldn’t be together.

    Looking back I thank God that he separated us.it would have been a disaster!!!! if we got married.
    Don’t worry dear,God dey. Those yeye boys/men will not GET you..Your Mr Right is just around the corner.Cheers

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      January 20, 2015 at 10:59 am

      And we all see what obedience can bring with your story too Tosin..you are with the oga God signed for you 🙂
      I thank God for you and i’m encouraged also..

      As for all the boys/men, amin oh, nothing will derail me.amin.

  • Reply
    Adaeze
    January 20, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    It’s very easy to lose control of our emotions even without our knowledge, the awesome thing is that we have a loving father who tirelessly looks out for us and draws our usually unwilling selves back to him in love. Makes you feel sad for those who have no relationship with him.
    As for men and corpers, they feel you’re financially vulnerable and easy prey. Nonsense!

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    January 20, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    As I read your comment, I remembered something I read somewhere Adaeze.
    “Only God can chase after a man in a way that no man can”
    Only God can draw us back to Him even when our emotions turn our heads..He still remains faithful, shows us that the path isn’t the best and plunks us right back on the path that He knows will be for our good.
    Awesome Father!

    As for these NYSC “boys”, I follow you say nonsense too!
    Nope, by God’s grace, ain’t nobody gat time for that…

    Thanks for stopping by and all, welcome! 🙂

  • Reply
    Tope BANKS
    January 20, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    I almost got myself raped when I refused to yield to the Holy Spirit about a particular ‘friend’ that was just wrong from the get go. Its funny how we try to help God sometimes to bring his promises for our lives to pass. Never worry the right person is just around the corner.

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    January 21, 2015 at 6:21 am

    Thanks Tope..your experience just re emphasize that God always has our best interests at heart with such warnings…
    More grace to yield and obey…

  • Reply
    sarah okofu
    January 25, 2015 at 12:27 am

    My friend told me to read this particular post, guess she knew I REALLY needed it. It has given me the boost to cut a “friendship”. Tnx a lot Frances

  • Reply
    Frances Okoro
    January 26, 2015 at 4:02 am

    God bless you Sarah and give you grace to follow His leading.
    May “friendships” that are not for you not derail you and may God keep you in the centre of His will.
    Much love sis 🙂

  • Reply
    Seyi
    June 11, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    I am new to the blog. You are doing a great job. I was going to read and go jejely when I felt pressed to comment. So my story wasn’t a friendship but a relationship I knew I shouldn’t be in. I rationalized, even “prayed” about it but couldn’t openly tell my pastors or parents. So many warnings, stirrings, convictions and confirmations came but I refused to listen. Until God physically I mean physically removed me from that environment. It was after
    then i could think properly and make the right decision and I am happier for it. We should learn to listen, because God loves us and will definitely warn and guide us.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 11, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Hello Seyi! Welcome to the blog!
      I am glad “that thing” pressed you tocomment 🙂

      This deal with our being strong headed eh, thank God for His mercies, not letting us to destroy our own selves.
      I am glad you heeded, God’s will will surely be done in your marital life…

  • Reply
    mide
    August 26, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    I had a similar experience in law school, i knew the friendship was wrong but i continued. God sent a friend to warn me, i did not listen, i was battling it in my mind. My bestie called me one night that she had the urge in her spirit to pray for me and she did, so she asked what is going on, i told her, she told me to let it go, if i cannot tell him off myself,i should give her his number she will do so on my behalf.

    God truly loves us and gives us warning.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 29, 2015 at 8:01 am

      He does love us and warns us Mide..as long as we place Him first and seek His will first, He tells us if to go ahead or not…the grace to yield is what we need…and it’s available.

      and your friend is so sensitive in the spirit, I looove that!
      We all need such friends in our lives and also need to be such friends.

      Welcome to the blog sis..

  • Reply
    Ruth
    September 18, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    This is the situation i’m in right now….reading this has given me strength and courage. I guess its time to face the truth.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      September 19, 2015 at 8:47 am

      I pray you yield and follow God’s answers in your heart Ruth..He will grace you to do so dear, He will.
      Just #Obey.you’ll be blessed for it..yes you will.
      *hugs*

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