Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Join Us As We Pray For Grace To Be Worthy Spouses

My darling single ladies and gentlemen,
Every time I skip a week of writing a letter to you it seems like a whole year has passed by…
I apologize for the lack of Frances’ Love Letter on here last week… I was at Redeem camp and just couldn’t get back in time to write/publish a post.
But it’s all good.

 

Yesterday after praying for a bit in the morning and telling the Holy Spirit to teach me how to be submissive to my husband… I could feel Him leading me to open up Ephesians 5.
Btw, have you guys realized that when you pray in tongues, prayer points that you never could have thought up just start spilling out of you?

 

So I didn’t open up my Bible then, I was tired so I went to sleep…
But I woke up again with the Holy Spirit not letting up on submission and Ephesians 5, and this is what I saw.

 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
-Ephesians 5:21-24 NIV

 

My notes on it/lessons will be story for another day when I write on the Ephesians 5:25 man and the submissive woman…

 

But as I read and jotted down lessons all I could do was pray upon myself.

 

Guys and girls… I have been hit by a need to pray for grace for my marital life in recent times.
I was rushing down from the mainland down to the Island about two weeks back but still had to stop to buy some foodstuff for the home (I live with my brother right now).
And as I did all that running around and still had to meet up with Church, I just found myself thinking of my marital home and praying for grace for this season God wants to take me into soonest.

 

Beginning of this year when I asked God if this would be my year to get married, He simply said that I have been thinking of what my husband could give me as against me giving to him.
That marriage isn’t a get, get and get, marriage is a give, give and give.
And so when I am tempted to think that “I’d sure love my husband to do this and that for me” I should turn it around to “I’ll sure love to do this and that for him”.
Talk about a 360degrees shift on mind set! (I’ll write on this later)

 

All these situations coupled with yesterday’s notes on submission has made me see that I cannot be the spouse that will bless my husband without God’s grace helping me to do so.
And it is the same for you too.

 

See all those plans you have…
I will do this and that for him…
Help him in ministry…
I will help her grow her business…
I won’t nag him…
I will submit whenever he asks me to do so…
I will look well to my household and cook our meals on time…

 

All those good plans will be nothing without God helping you bring them to pass.
Living with someone turns the game into a different one in totality.

 

My brother’s friend (who also lives with us) is someone who’s given to details and I am not like that.
So when he picks out little things, it irritates me and I can’t count the number of times I wanted to lash out at him this week when God kept saying “love does not do this and that”.
I forgot my Christian sister self and simply just would love to tell him “your own too much sometimes.” lol.
And that’s because we are different.

 

I have said it before that I am a “jaga jaga” person a bit.
I am not organized like that…
I am a go getter… I don’t waste time with thinking out the little details of things.
What’s my business if the remote isn’t where it’s supposed to be? Just pick it up and keep it nah, no time for talk talk.
That’s me.
But I understand and I am getting the inkling that my husband will be someone given to details because God rarely ever puts people with the same personality traits together.
He puts the different people together so they can complement each other and iron out each other here and there.
So it’s actually a good thing that my brother’s friend is given to details as if I use him well, it can iron out the rough edges of my personality.
I understand this fact, but that doesn’t stop the detail oriented personality from irritating me because that’s not who I am.

 

And so imagine if God gives me a husband like that and I don’t let grace and love constrain me, I’d just be raising up a storm with my tongue, retorting back at him everyday.
And where goes all my goal to add great things to his life?
Nil and nil.

 

So this is where grace needs to come in…
Which is what I want us to pray about today…

 

So if you are someone who has realized from what God is teaching you right now that you’d only be an awesome spouse by His grace, then join us as we pray below…

 

Father I thank you for your lessons thus far on being a wife/husband to the blessed man/woman you’ll be sending my way.
I’m thankful for your corrections to me.
I’m thankful for the continual itch from you to switch and change certain aspects of my behaviour, attitudes and character so I can be a blessing to the spouse you are sending my way.
I recognize the fact that you love me wholly but it is also your desire that I grow and become better.
I yield to the ministry of transformation you are doing in me and I ask that you help me inculcate these changes in Jesus name, amen!
Lord, I also recognize the fact that I can only change and be a blessing in my marriage by your grace… I can’t attain the order of a kingdom marriage on my own.
Yes I will play my part but I need your grace Lord.
Your grace to love my wife as I should…
Your grace to submit to my husband as I should…
Your grace to tamper my tongue with words of grace…
I pray for grace to be a blessing to my future spouse Lord.
May I add to his/her life and not subtract from him/her.
May I advance him/her further in his walk in purpose and take him/her farther back.
May I be a wind beneath his/her wind and not be the one who derails him/her from fulfilling his/her desires and dreams.
May I give of myself wholly to them… fully committed to growing them into the man/woman you have created them to be.
Give me eyes to see where you want me to be a great blessed addition to their lives and take away selfishness on what I only expect to get from them.
Help me Lord…
Grant me grace.
I desire an awesome marriage… only you can help me have that.

Change me, mold me, teach me on the ministry of marriage you have provided for… and help me with my personality and character to be a great spouse to my wife/husband.
Thank you Lord for you are working in me even now, for in Jesus name I have prayed amen!

 
You are encouraged to say this prayer every time it comes to your heart.
May we indeed be spouses who add in great and mighty ways to the spouses God brings our way and not bring them down in Jesus name, amen.

 
Till our next Frances’ love letter,
Love,
Frances.

 

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Amaka
    March 13, 2016 at 5:51 am

    I need grace too oh (especially when it comes to house chores and kitchen palava). I have an inkling that my hubby will like local dishes more than the continental ones. (unlike me). I get scared thinking about it sometimes.

    The other day, I asked, “Lord, can I really be that kind of woman for him?”. He said, “I will not give you more than what you can handle.” . But mehn . . . the fear comes sometimes.

    And so I prayed this prayer with all my heart. Especially this one – I pray for grace to be a blessing to my future spouse Lord. Amen!

    Thanks Frances.
    Happy Sunday!
    I’m prepping for church.
    Love you muchhhh!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 14, 2016 at 7:34 pm

      Loool Amaka..kitchen duties is a serious something… I don’t have to tell you how God kept saying to me “she looks well to her household, rises early to prepare food for her housemaid”””
      Just to get me to understand that I have to work on this area also.
      Maybe that’s why He put me in with my brother where I have to be in charge of food and not make excuses. *tears*

      Grace is enough ohhh baby, it is enough. Love for Him would make you (us) enjoy it sef.
      Hehe

      Looove you three!

  • Reply
    AJ Black
    March 13, 2016 at 10:28 am

    Beautiful piece. I have always believed that the grace to cope in all situations is embodied in the love which is the definition of Christian living, i.e., if we give yourself over to the love that is patient and kind, bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things and endures all things, then the spirit of this love, in this love, has sufficient grace for you.p

    I’ve often asked myself the question: If I live a life of love ,i.e., treat people that I meet daily with this love, is it possible that I can fail to tolerate anything in my wife? Obviously, it is not conceivable, considering that the duty to love her is threefold. If I could love my neighbour as myself, and mind, I have to for there is a law against not loving, then it would be so easy to love and allow my wife anything because the same constitution mandates me thrice to love the person of my wife: she is my fellow christian, my wife and my own flesh!

    We all hated Charley. In fact we told him severally that he needed a psych consult. The guy was pathologically neat and you could sweat all Saturday morning cleaning and arranging only for the gonzo to come and start undoing-he would call it redoing- everything. We love him because he is a great person. That was why we didn’t conspire to have him eliminated!

    Then there was Lois. She is a great Christian and a great person. We all loved her and a number of us had crushes on her. On one occasion, Lois had an accident and was laid up at home. So we had to visit her there- three of us guys and Charley’s sister. When we got there it was literally like a volcano exploded in the sitting room. Felix had to warn Charley to behave himself or get beaten up. I balled my fists in support. But we were so wrong. Charley later told us that the moment he saw the disarray in that room, he fell in love with Lois. “Is it the case of two opposites attracting?” I asked. He told me it wasn’t. He said that once he saw what would appear as a serious flaw in our sister, he put it against all her christian virtue and the contrast highlighted her beauty! Me, I lost all capacity for speech- couldn’t even think.

    He practically nursed her to health single -handedly and as for Lois, she was stoned from the moment she heard his reasoning. Don’t forget that before these events, Lois, just like everyone in our circle of friends knew of Charley’s particular idiosyncrasy. She told me she couldn’t understand that level of grace and that she would strive all her life to see if she could match his love.

    Their courtship was a breeze. They prayed and we prayed, but obviously, the match was made in heaven. There was a little opposition from Lois’s family because Charley didn’t have a job. Charley said he could wait for fourteen years. Lois said that was not to be. She said she was not willing to take any stupid risk, that she had found her husband and was not going to wait to have him (she has a very colourful language and I can’t quite repeat her words here). She told her father that they could accept to be part of the wedding or oppose it in which case she would wed in court and start bringing him grand children. The man had to capitulate and my friends had a small but wonderful event to seal the union.

    As a husband, Charley has never for one day complained that something was dirty or in the wrong place. He says, “I’ll just fix it and kiss my wife whom I adore.’ And believe me, he adores her. I don’t think I’ve come across more love and harmony in a marriage. The two keep behaving like adolescents just struck. And when you catch them sharing a look, you feel so like getting your own partner NOW.

    Seven years on they still shimmer. Lois told me that around their third anniversary it occurred to her that she was not doing enough to change that particular trait and as her husband was being so loving about it, she was almost living as though she were still a spinster. She said she started making conscious effort to improve. About two weeks after her resolve, her husband took her out on a date. This was an event because, given their very tight finances, they didn’t do such things and she managed the budget, so she knew where they were. She thought though, that Felix or I might be behind it (Both of us often invited them out to admire their love and get jealous).

    On the date Charley told her that she was about to start making him sad. He told her that our God is omniscient and that it was in His omniscience that he made a part of them Charley and the other part Lois. He told her that he adored her the way she was- the way God customised her for him. He said he didn’t want her any different and that she would be saddened if she kept stressing herself out to change for his sake. He told her that his joy comes from knowing she is happy and the virtuous woman she married. She told me they couldn’t eat. There were too many tears. As I listened, I also shed one or two. The sheer beauty, the grace!

    Today their home is very neat and organised- not extremely so. She tells me that she is not under any pressure to do anything, but that mysteriously she seems to automatically think of order and cleanliness when she is doing things and she actually finds joy in cleaning up the house and arranging things.

    See if you can do a study on 1 Corinthians 13:1-10. Love.

    Peace and love.

    • Reply
      Esther
      March 13, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      Waoh!
      What a nice read about Charley and Lois there. Amazing that he married his complete opposite and even grew to love her “jaga jaga” that made her so different from him.
      It’s really important that God leads us to the person that will most complement us and whom we would be able to tolerate any differences in character and even grow to love it.

      I used to be very particular about neatness. But this days I have learnt to loosen up a bit. Everything doesn’t have to be spic and span.
      I allow my room get a bit messy. Sometimes. But very organized mess. I know where everything is
      But I still don’t like clutter. It drives me crazy.

      Having said that, if I marry an unorganized or clutter liking man, which I sincerely hope I don’t, he better be ready to hire help to pick up after him if he can’t do so himself.
      I will just pray for the grace to keep quiet and Siddon look.

      • Reply
        AJ Black
        March 13, 2016 at 8:54 pm

        Dear Esther, Forget the bit about what I’ll do if you marry a sloppy guy. God’s grace and spirit creates phenomena that is totally beyond what we can imagine. I knew Charley before he got with Lois. Charley was fanatical about order. He got on all our nerves and it’s not like we were all pigs. And you needed to hear the things he said about ladies who couldn’t keep things ordered! The change in him, outside the spirit, is a total impossibility. It’s grace and I know that if you are blessed with a similar challenge, you will also have access to the transformation in worldview that God’s spirit engenders. I’m sure of it.

      • Reply
        Frances Okoro
        March 14, 2016 at 8:57 pm

        I wanna like your response to Esther’s comment too…

        @he better hire a help to pick after him…

        I have a friend who’s also a bit “up there” about neatness and organized.
        It irks me to live with her sometimes too. *covers face*
        She knows when her phone is bent, charger used, etc.
        She is actually better now from years back and more tolerant of people like me who aren’t like her…

        We used to tell her (and still do) that God may give her people like us ohh..what will she do then?

        I think it’s good to practice 1cor 13 kind of love even from now on people.
        Recognize that people are different and make allowances for them… pick up after them if need be, house help or no house help… and do it with love/kindness in our hearts.
        Again it takes grace to get to that place which is the gist of this post anyway.

        God help us all

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 14, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      AJ Black!
      I read your comment yesterday and had deep smiles on my face… was with a friend (sister) and it just spanned a conversation between us… a convo that lasted for hours (sorry, couldn’t comment immediately, my mouth was busy. Lol)

      What can I say really?

      God bless you for taking out time to write extensively both on love (which God has been drilling me on) and on Charley and how God does know how He places one and two together in ways that absolutely fits.

      God bless you!

      • Reply
        AJ BLACK
        March 15, 2016 at 12:50 pm

        Thanks very much. I actually wish I had more time to be more active here. It’s meant to be a fellowship, by the way, and the job I do makes me tend to go on and on- I am a teacher.

        I seriously appreciate what you are doing since I happen to live close to the suburbs of society- so I have a graphic idea of how far we have deviated from Christ. I probably disagree with you on a lot of details concerning the Way, but that’s of little moment. What gets me is the principle and I intend to embark on a drive to get as many of my “girl friends” as I can interested in what you are doing.

        Keep seeking.

        • Reply
          Frances Okoro
          March 20, 2016 at 5:21 pm

          Thanks so much Aj… work keeps you from interacting more but I love it when you do… well thought out and well written comments!
          I appreciate you!

          And #grateful to you for sharing the words on here.
          God bless you

    • Reply
      Cynthia
      March 16, 2016 at 8:21 pm

      Really, love covers a multitude of sins. Nice write-up dear.

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