Chastity For Men Project (Series) Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Introducing: Chastity For Men Project

Dear lovers of Frances’s love letters,

 

There are some few things that I have begged God not to let me share about my life till a certain time.
There are some dark things that He has pulled me out of that I have literally told Him not to bid me share till so and so time.
And what you are about to read is one of them.

 
I am all for speaking about Christ.
I mean, the knowledge of who He is wraps me so securely, so much so that I can almost not have a conversation with someone-anyone- a stranger even without talking about our sweet Jesus.
This part of me has deceived so many people about who I was in time past.
I speak to guys about sex and being chaste in God and their words almost always end with “it’s easy for you to say nah, you have never tasted sex before”.
I laugh when I hear them say that.
It brings on a fresh gratitude to God for just how much He has turned my life around and it makes me so certain that He can do the same for everyone.

 
I almost always end conversations that I have with guys about premarital sex, masturbation and attendant lusts with a deep sadness in my heart.
Most of these men are struggling.
Most believers are struggling with lust and even worse, some of them cannot speak out for fear of shame.
I understand how it is, I was once there.

 
The idea for this project for the month of March was to share the stories of men who had overcome sin through Christ but as I thought about it, I knew that it is time to share my own story.
Not the hide-hide version of it, the real deal.
The premarital sex with two men, the tears at failing, the masturbation, the tears at failing again – the victory – the victory that God gave me.
It’s time to share all of it.
NO MORE SHEETS Lord.
And if it is just one soul that’s helped to live in chastity in you, then please help us.
Help us Lord.
I will write and I will pray. Help us Lord.

 

 

Now, where do I start from?
Oh yes!
I will start from the words that ring in my head sometimes and make me smile at God’s awesome grace.
They were words from my elder brother.
I had sneaked off to read one of his pornographic magazines and I remember that he caught me then and he said “you are lucky that you haven’t started masturbating, because once you do, you won’t be able to stop”
And for a long time, it seemed like he was right about his predictions because he didn’t know that I had already started masturbating and he didn’t know that yes, I wasn’t able to stop for a while.
And for a while, not being able to stop did not bother me until I truly gave my life to Christ and realized that I couldn’t pray or be close to God anytime I masturbated.
And then premarital sex got added into the whole mix.
I entered into a wrong relationship, told myself that I would keep myself as a virgin but ended up having sex outside of marriage and enjoying it.
But with enjoyment of pleasures not sanctioned by God came guilt at being cut off from God.

 
I remember days of sitting in the toilet, crying and weeping and telling Jesus that I have failed Him again.
I remember days of curling up into my side after having sex with my boyfriend and crying to God that I had done it again.
Oh thank You Lord.
As I write this now, I almost can’t even pull up those memories, they seem to be from a thousand years ago, that’s how much God has washed me…

 
The premarital sex was almost easy to conquer when I made up my mind to break off those stupid relationships and only follow God will for my marital life.
The masturbation wasn’t so easy to kick off.
I remember even going for a vigil where my case of addiction was mentioned and the spirit of God fell on me so strongly, I felt like I was free of it till I fell again.
I remember speaking in tongues and being on fire for God but then idling browsing porn at night and reaching under my panties again.
I remember shame, terrible shame at it all.
Till one faithful day when I was cleansed for real.
Actually, I was cleansed from sin’s power over me 2000 + years ago but I only started walking in it on that faithful day…

 
I had drifted a bit from God because I was watching series of movies a lot- movies with erotic scenes in them.
And of course at first I resisted it, till I had to eventually reach under my panties again.
As I contemplated whether to go ahead or not (sin is always a choice), I heard these words in me “so I say walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh” – Galatians 5:16
I went ahead and sinned again but that was the last time sin had power over me.

 
Let’s just stop and worship God.

 
When the Bible says no sin can separate us from His love for us, it means every word.
God went ahead to teach me after that faithful incident about righteousness which is only found in Him, about forgiveness of sin(which He does once we confess our sins) and ultimately, about how to walk in victory over sin.
We can only walk in victory over sin – over masturbation, lust, porn, etc, by walking in the Spirit.

 
What you feed is what grows in you.
You feed the flesh and it grows.
You feed the Spirit and He grows in you.
You slip away even for one minute in your unguarded hours and satan comes back in with full force.

It’s the reason why so many Christians struggle with sins of the flesh.
They are feeding the flesh – having too many unguarded moments where satan can creep into thoughts in their heads unnoticed.

 
Do you know that you can feed the Spirit so much that He tells you not to open up certain sites?
His leading in your heart will be so strong that you must follow Him?
Do you know that you can feed the Spirit so much and walk in Him and with Him so closely, you can tell Him about your sexual desires?
I have woken up some days with a desire to just have sex.
Yes, I said it. And I always take the advice of Dr N on her “great sex post”.

 

I thank God first of all that I have feelings and then I speak to God!
Oh I love this part of my walk with God, telling Him about everything.
I tell Him this is what I feel but I am only going to wait for your chosen son for me.
I am going down the road of lust no longer!
Christ has set me free from the power of sin and I am free indeed.
That’s what it is to walk in the Spirit.
You let Him lead you every step of the way.
You follow His guidance.
You place your hands in His and let Him carry you wherever He will.
You do that and He will carry you out of the lust of the flesh.

 
You also have a role to play in this.
There are times that you need to physically quench the fire in you.
How?
I have purposely left my room door at home wide open on some nights.
I have purposely thrown up curtains in the house of a corper I have gone to visit.
Forget the fact that I am walking in the Spirit and full of the spirit, sin thrives in secrecy and misguided notions of “nobody can see me”, so I make sure that everyone can see me and I guard against unguarded hours.
Even if I am online, I have Christian blogs I follow.
I follow Christian believers TL.
I am never idle.
When I am online, I have learnt to take my attention to stuff that will benefit me and not pull me down.
There are some titles of blog posts that I don’t click on.
There are some erotic sites that I don’t read.
There are some cancel buttons that I hit faster than the speed of light.
But why couldn’t I do those things before? Why was my resistance level so weak?
Because I hadn’t learned to walk in the Spirit.

 
Today… With this series in the month of March, I invite you all to walk in the Spirit with me and walk in the broken chains over sin that God has purchased with His blood for you.
You will be seeing real life stories of men who have wallowed in sin and also seen God’s victory over sin in their lives.
You can say that we cannot vouch for everyone but one of these men is a man whose testimony I have personally heard.
One is a man whose girlfriend broke up with him because of series of reasons including that “he had never slept with her”
One is a man who has fought masturbation and won with Christ in Him.

 
Some men declined to write in maybe because they thought that they aren’t worthy.
But oh, my prayer with this “chastity for men” series is that “even if it’s one man… just one man who lays hold of the victory God has gotten over sin for Him, then my soul will be glad”!

 

 

A part of me doesn’t want my story to go be shared publicly.
A part of me does not want anyone to share this post.
Hah!
But shame on satan!
Hit the share button below people and share the victory that God has given me over the lust of the flesh!
I know that a part of the reason why God has given me the go-ahead to share this is because it hits the nail on the coffin of sin’s hold over me!
Hallelujah!

 
I have been clean for so long now.
I have been celibate for 4years running and TOTALLY FREE from masturbation almost a year going now.
(I say totally free because sometimes one could have a stretch of 3-6months of nothing and just one slip, sin takes over.)
But I know I am totally free.
How do I know?
Because I’ve finally gotten the secret… Walk with the Spirit!
I never knew that before and I want us all struggling to know this secret to freedom today and through this series.

 

I have never said this out loud to any soul but God before.
Only Him knows my story.
But now you all know and you all know too that God can(and has) done the same for you.
You only need to walk in it.
Chastity for men is doable.
Other men are doing it.
And remember, Paul told Timothy in 1Timothy 4:12
“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and YOUR PURITY.”

 

So men can do this.
You can pursue after righteousness with God’ Spirit in you and break the hold of lust over your soul through Christ.
Yes, you can!

 
I won’t say much about this anymore, all I want to say is that I LOVE GOD!
If my excitement is jumping through the page to you, then you should know how it is with me.
Do you know how you totally can’t reconcile that girl who used to cry because she fell into lust again and again… you can’t reconcile her with this girl who is just pure in the purity that Christ purchased for her..
I LOVE GOD!
And I know that after writing stuff like this on my blog, temptations always arise but oh, greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world!

 
We will do this this March.
We are going all out with walking in the Spirit and walking in the victory over sin.
Men can be chaste.
Women can be chaste.
Whether they have fallen before or not, they can pick themselves right up and walk in the victory that Christ has for them.

 

First article from a man on the “Chastity for Men” project will be published on the blog next week Saturday.
So keep it locked down here.
Share this post and spread the victory in Christ.
The world ain’t got nothing on this.
And subscribe to blog below.

 

I’m looking at making this series into an e-book at the end of it all so please, don’t miss out on what God has for us all on this blog.
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Till next week by God’s grace,

Much Love,
Frances.

 

UPDATE…

You can read all posts in the #ChastityForMenSeries here

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26 Comments

  • Reply
    Blessing Akinsehinwa Esq
    March 7, 2015 at 11:27 am

    Hmm, very insightful. You are a blessing to this generation. Masturbation is a habit a lot of people find hard to break from. It’s even further compounded by the conflicting Biblical interpretations from diferent men of God and Pastors.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 7, 2015 at 12:33 pm

      Thank you Blessing..may God also mould you and us all up as lights for Him.

      As regards the different teachings frm “men of God” abt masturbation..thank God for the Word and His Spirit in us!

      The Bible may not have mentioned it expressly but it does say that our bodies aren’t for immorality but for the Lord-1cor 6

      What does one do when they masturbate? They think of lustful desires.what are lustful desires? Things of the flesh..and what does the Bible say about things of the flesh? If you walk in the spirit you won’t fulfill them and those who fulfill them and make a habit of sinning in them do not belong to God.
      We don’t follow doctrines of pastors, we follow the Word of God.

      And God’s Spirit is in us…

      What does one feel when they masturbate, do they feel close to God or separated from Him? The Spirit will convict us and let us know if it’s right or wrong.

      That’s the sure way to decipher what’s the truth and what’s not the truth, by the Spirit of God.

  • Reply
    Mobolaji Olorisade
    March 7, 2015 at 11:41 am

    Wow Frances! Thank you so much for loosing yourself in God like this! I have a friend that struggles with lesbianism and honestly I don’t know how to help anymore. Her dad is a pastor but she says the pressure on them to be good is always too much!
    Wow again! I pray that this series touches spirits of men and women to let the devil go and walk in the Spirit.
    Hmmm, as I read this I could hear the Spirit ask-“Bolaji, can you open up like that when I ask you to?” I pray for grace.
    Girl, I say thank you again! God really does change people and I wish the whole world could know that! I’ve had to stop half way reading a post or delete a movie because of it’s content. I do not just follow or accept any friend requests because it’s very important what I put into me. I even had to unfollow a Christian lady’s blog o because she talks mainly on marriage on sex explicitly. When the time comes, I can read about those things from Godly people.
    Sigh….let me just say thank you again.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 7, 2015 at 12:37 pm

      Loosing myself in God and being open Bolaji?
      Let me not go into how many times I felt like not penning this down and not publishing it.
      Ha!
      I had to go on and read about Peter when the Holy Spirit came on them, he became bold!
      Bold!
      So bold that he wasn’t the coward anymore… I imagine that that’s where I wanna get to with God.
      So so bold in Him, that when He says go all out with your story, I move with no fear or shame.

      I pray your friend and everyone struggling walks in the Spirit through this
      I pray that seeds are sown and God will make those seeds grow.
      Thank you babes.

      And yes oh! Some married people blogs, sometimes I gotta stay away before I awaken stuff in me that it isn’t yet time for.
      Ehen.
      Enough said

  • Reply
    Princess Okechukwu
    March 7, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    I am thankful to God for you. I am thankful to God for how He is using you as an instrument for His glory. I’m thankful to God for how He has empowered you to walk in the Spirirt and be a living proof that the shackles of sin can be broken and He gives a brand new life to those that will accept it.

    I feel your joy. God deserves the worship. I’ve never seen anyone who can give a person a clean slate. The unconditional love of God is just indescribable!!

    May God keep uplifting you. Amen!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 7, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      So clean a slate that makes me cry when I think about it sometimes Princess.
      I imagine how Paul must have felt to still be used by God after all that went down in his life before.
      Only God could have done it and His love…His Love…#speechless.

  • Reply
    1 + The One
    March 7, 2015 at 5:57 pm

    Wow! This is one of the best posts I have read on Blogsville.. And I am being honest.
    I was first drawn to it by the title, I was like oh I need to read this one, without even knowing that you would be sharing a personal experience and that just made the post richer.
    Frances, I am so proud of you and to know you! I think you are such a blessed woman and the way that God is using you is worthy of praise.. I thank God.
    I thank God for your courage, I thank God for one of the true marks of total freedom is being able to freely talk about it without shame or guilt, I thank God for you not cowering but letting your story give God glory, I thank God for shining your light oh so bright, I thank God for the lives that would be touched by this.
    I am so looking forward to this series and will follow faithfully by God’s grace.

    I was going to ask you for permission to share until I got to the end of the post and saw that permission was already granted. Thank you..
    The bible says He who the Son of man has set free, is free indeed… No more sheets, no more, lies, no more shame.. Just freedom, sweet freedom in Christ!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 7, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      Your comment made me speechless and teary-eyed first time I read it Ayo…
      #who the son of man sets free is free indeed!

      Oh, sometimes, it’s just great to meditate on what Jesus really did for us.
      Cuz sometimes I can get so caught up in increasing spiritually as I should be but days like this when comments like yours make me reflect on all what God has done for, in and with my life, gratitude just overwhelms me.

      Oh thank you Lord!
      And thank you for sharing, if seeds are sown in just one life, God will cause it to grow and one more person will walk in victory Christ has purchased for them.
      Praise God!

  • Reply
    Maggielola
    March 7, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    I can only nod my head and say “Yep, that was all me. Everything you wrote. From top to bottom.”

    The beauty in knowing Jesus is that the past gives you such a powerful story to tell. I am extremely grateful for people like you who choose to move on despite the brokenness. Love ya, girl! Keep walking in the light!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 7, 2015 at 6:45 pm

      @Maggielola, *He changed our lives, turned it all around, He did*

      Not something we could have done on our own…
      He changed our lives, turned it all around, He did! 🙂

  • Reply
    Timilehin
    March 7, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Oh my God!!!! This is by far the best posts i have read in a very long time.After reading the post,i was absolutely speechless. I was just smiling in my spirit while reading this., as in my spirit came alive. I am so amazed at how you are so brave to shed light on an aspect of your lie that is very personal. i am so amazed that you will talk about a topic that we think of but are mostly not brave enough to talk about in public . Personally, I have been really struggling with the same thing you were struggling with. Like i always felt ashamed to tell anyone about it not even friends. I remember when one of my friends found out, i felt so ashamed of myself that he knew. I thank God for letting me know now that i don’t have to be held captive by this sin. I can see now that the devil really likes us to be secretive about this sin which only makes it thrive the more. You are such a gem. I really thank God for your life, I really appreciate how you have allowed yourself to be a blessing to us. Like i was so blessed to read this. I am super happy about your testimony because it has given me so much hope that i can also be victorious over this sin. This is truly a timely message. You have truly made my day by this post. like you have no idea how much you have impacted me by this post. Keep being a shining example. God bless you. 🙂

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 8, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      Thank you Timilehin.
      I pray that the fire that has been awakened in your heart will continually burn and yes, you will walk in victory over sin!
      First step is putting all out like you’ve done, I was held in the secrecy cycle which never helps.

      God bless you and you will share your testimony soon-it will def give God all the glory!
      The blood still works!

  • Reply
    Vincent Gloria
    March 7, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    Our God is a faithful and ever loving global God. NCCF started masturbation 2weeks ago and completed it dis week. Indeed there is a need 2 pull the masses 2 Christ. There is a need 2 to depopulate hell. Great post dear

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 8, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      Indeed the Spirit is one Gloria.
      I pray that as seeds are planted in the hearts of men, God will cause them to grow.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts..

  • Reply
    Petite Diva
    March 8, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    A very nice post. An encouragement to me and many others. Please keep it up…

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 9, 2015 at 11:45 pm

      Thank you Petite Diva, glad it encouraged you$

  • Reply
    glowingscenes
    March 9, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    I really don’t know what to say about this, but I’m glad that you were able to swim against the tides and now you can stand tall. God has raised you up through Jesus his son and for this, we say thank you Lord. May you be an encouragement to others, the light shining in the darkness, the salt of the earth and may your Love work and Love walk be established by faith in Christ Jesus. All of this won’t be in vain in Jesus name. God strengthen and encourage you. May he renew you each and every day. Thank God for his grace and boldness upon your life. Sending hugs your way.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 9, 2015 at 11:46 pm

      Amen and amen!
      Thank you Itunu, I don’t take prayers for granted at all.
      Thank you

  • Reply
    Ololade
    March 10, 2015 at 11:33 am

    One word for you Frances
    GOD BLESS YOU

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 11, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      Amen Ololade!
      God bless you bigly too!
      *squishy hugs 🙂

  • Reply
    Vicky
    March 11, 2015 at 9:40 am

    Wow, This is a brave move that can only be achieved by walking in the spirit. as i read this gal 5:16-17 and Romans 12:2 came to mind. Your story will definitely change lifes. i pray for more grace for you..
    and the devil was defeated.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 11, 2015 at 1:06 pm

      Thank you for sharing those passages with us Vicky.
      We’ve missed you on this blog.. 🙂

  • Reply
    Irene
    March 14, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    Dear France’s, I bless God for your life. Thank you for sharing your life so openly. It is no more a secret and the devil can’t hold you to your past with the fear of your secret being exposed. Thank you for being honest and real. You can be assured that many will be encouraged to make the decision to depart from this path as you display in your life the victory God gave you over it.

    More importantly, I want you to know that pre-marital sex has long-term consequences even into marriage even its hold is not broken. I bless God for the grace and strength He gave you to come out of this bondage. I pray that the Lord will continue to make His grace abound to you as you stand out as a living testimony of the power to overcome sin and to live a victorious life.

    This is a great initiative. Chastity is for both men and women. Well done. Very proud of you. God bless you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 16, 2015 at 4:10 am

      Thank you so much Aunty Irene..amen and amen to your prayers, thank you ma.

      And yes indeed, I believe talking about this victory loosens satan’s silly schemes of accusing me with my past..thats another part of this testimony that you just brought out ma. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Grace
    September 16, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    Hello, I love your story. I’m just reading this, almost 5 years later but its still a blessing to me.
    So here’s my “challenge” I read “erotic” novels just because I enjoy it but I can tell you in all honesty that I have never masturbated in my life, it holds no appeal to me. Is this also a sin? I feel like I’m learning for when I get married lol. I’m also on my walk of purity and waiting until marriage.

    • Reply
      Hephzibah Frances
      November 3, 2019 at 3:52 pm

      Hi Grace,
      Great to hear from you and so sorry for the delay in replying..

      Reading erotic novels is not a sin but with my experience, they corrupt your mind and for me they lead down the road of lust. we are not only told to be pure in body but in mind and heart and thoughts. would Jesus be really pleased with those erotic novels you read?
      Think about this; HE SEES THE HEART.

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