Personal Memoirs

From My Diary: I Am Still Your Baby

Dear Lord,
I have been looking for my camera, my small camera I have been managing for stuff… the last time I used it was two Wednesdays ago. And I just don’t know where it is. I remember the last time I saw it but I think, if it wasn’t with me when I came home, I would have looked for it then right?
Anyway, I wanted to just postpone this diary entry because of the way I am feeling BUT I don’t know…what does feelings have to do with it?
Coupled with the fact that I was supposed to write this a month ago, so let’s go on, I will write with my broken heart still asking about my camera 😀

 

So you know Lord that this year has been “interesting” right? I am sure you’re chuckling at my use of words.
Anyways, remember that time I went to Church and was adviced to “dress better”, lol.
The advice in itself wasn’t bad, I think, what was bad was me tilting far into somewhere that wasn’t where I needed to be.
For as long as I can remember, I have never been one freaked by money, clothes, good shoes or good bags.
I mean, I never even notice those things on people’s body when they wear them. And I think it’s a good thing because I just have never been drawn into the trap of “wanting things” or being superficial… but all that almost changed that day when I was told to “dress better”.
I really was in a season of consecration that I couldn’t explain. That kind of season where I could go out without makeup and not make my hair for weeks.
Granted I also didn’t even have money to make my hair but I really wasn’t bothered per say.
It was a season of me just spending my time majorly praying and getting into the Word along with longing for your promises for my life to be fulfilled.
I believe that my other sisters and brothers must have experienced this season too.
But when that “advice” came, it knocked me a bit off and I felt bad.
I started looking at people’s clothes and longing to have that or “if I could just have that gown, etc”.
I knew it was a trap so I reached out to my Pastor but even before he replied, my question was answered by Pastor Chingtok and bro Gbile Akanni.

 

How can I be wrapped up in clothes, shoes, bags and money when there are cities and nations to be reached for you?
How could I be allowing myself to place those things first before the kingdom?

 

And then at Pastor Chingtok’s album launch, I was again convicted as worship went on.
I just found myself crying and saying “I am still your baby Lord”.
I know how we started and how we have been in our relationship.
I have always been your baby who could care less about what she wears as long as she is in you.
I have always been your baby who simply desires that her heart be wrapped up in you.
The things that make my heart beat are the things that make your heart beat.
And I just wanna say Lord that Lagos won’t take that away from me and you.
You took me to the back end of Ekiti and taught me these things and it’s time to use them Lord.
I remember days of just being in the house, worshipping and praying in the Spirit, I cared less but for what you cared for.

 

And I know that you know that good clothes, shoes and bags aren’t bad, but for them to be my focus? Thats all shades of hurtful to you.
So today I say, You are my focus Lord.
You always have been and you will always be.

 

I am not your big madam who just desires to take things from you.
I have always been your baby.
I remember from where you took me, how you saved me. My walk with you has always been a matter of “where you go I will go and where you say stop, I will stop”.
And more than anything, I know that I have to guard my heart before you.
It was simply this heart deal that made you take a shepherd boy David, and raised him to being a king. The heart is a big deal to you and you want a little child’s heart. A baby’s heart.
I have endeavored to keep that before you and I simply want to say that I am still that baby before you and want to always be your baby.

 

It’s you alone Daddy.
Not things.
Not men.
You alone.
Love,
Your Baby,
Frances.

 

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    July 27, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    Hallelujah…God bless your heart Frances.

    They asked me how much I twisted my hair today and I said- 500 naira. LOL. They now started laughing that it’s cheap. I quickly chipped in that if I made it at Ikorodu, I would have made it for 200 naira.

    Sometimes, it’s not like these people mean to hurt us, but the thing just drops from their mouth. And God may even convict them later.

    Above that, because our identity lies in Jesus, we must not recoil when people ask us to do more than we can afford or want to. People who lose their identities will begin to find all possible means to ‘look better’, but as long as we’re not scruffy, we’re good.
    Look the best you can with what’s in your wardrobe and look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful God has made you- even without the clothes!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      July 28, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      Ha B..lol. introduce me to the person that twists your hair…looooool.

      And you cut to the deeper issue here…what’s our identity based on…i think God knows i struggle in that area so these incidences teach me lessons.
      Cuz i am forced to go back to what God thiinks of me…and be weaned from people approval.

      If what i can afford is 20naira skirt and its neat, my coveting another’s 20k skirt so much so that i lose focus is indicative of something to let God work on…

      Its a journey for me each day.identity crisis carried over from when one wasnt in God.little by little; God breaks it down so we see ourselves as He sees us

      And ah the ‘even without clothes on’ is a long story..not for today…we nor go finish an here.lol

  • Reply
    Gabbyspeaks
    July 27, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    You know girl, someone once told me I don’t dress like I had a job that paid me money, it pained me sha!! sometimes I really want to get those expensive stuff and God will tell me not to. Girl, those things can never define us, it’s God who leads us and all we do is follow.. I learnt to make my hair myself and make wigs and it has really solved the hair issues when I don’t have money. Don’t let them get to you. God got you!!!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      July 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      Thanks Gabby..
      Lol people and their mouth.but we must love them still and smile. .

      This my own happened months back..it got to me but like you God’s voice was louder in His reply to me…Thank God

  • Reply
    Goodness
    July 28, 2016 at 11:23 am

    hi Frances pls don’t be discouraged by what any one say at d end what really counts is what God says. Any one dat need u to dress better should take you shopping or else such person should reserve his/her comment. please I sent you a mail (goodnessmercy.weme@gmaail.com) let me know if you have received it.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      July 28, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      Thank you goodness…

      Lol i felt bad a bit then remembered all in my diary here…plus God gave me people who actually took it on themselves to not say nothing but provide clothes…it bawled me over.

      Didnt get your mail.I sent you a mail so you have my mail addy

  • Reply
    Mamezi
    July 29, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    God sees the sincerity of your heart and the world won’t be able to recover from your testimony when it hits them. You are God’s handiwork fit for all good work God has purposed you to do and when the preparation is done He will serve you to the world. GOD is going to show off with you that people will wonder what you did self.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      August 18, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      I have had this reply for you Mamezi for weeks….ah, forgive my late reply dear.

      “But he that prophesieth speaketh unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort” (1Cor 14;3)

      This is what you have done here.
      God bless you…

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