#Online Bible Study Personal Memoirs

From My Dairy: Just Because I Never Want To Forget…

*Warning: Explicit details and numbers might be in this post, all really in a bid to bare my heart out to my Daddy who I’m writing to…
Erm, you are basically peeping into my conversation with Him…

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Hiiii Daddy,
I was going to write on something else today when a daughter of yours called me last night and we got talking about lessons you are teaching us right now, right here… here where we stand.
She also is in a season of waiting and a season where you are drilling lessons into her and that’s my season also… only thing is mine is basically a John the Baptist kind of season.
But I could relate with her as we are both daughters being asked to stop, wait and be trained by our Father.
I won’t lie that it has been sweet and smooth… it hasn’t.
But you have been faithful. Always have been. Always will be.

 

Last year, you did so many great things in my life, things I never imagined would happen. And then you wrapped up the year with amazing promises to come for me in 2016.
I didn’t ask you to do these things remember?
I didn’t even ask you for the huge promises you gave to me… I was content to worship and spend time with you wherever I was which was in Ekiti State as at then… it was you who kept putting these big dreams in my heart and telling me what you have called me to do and be in you.
Remember that at a time I balked and repeatedly said NO to you over and over again.
I don’t want that kind of spotlight or great things… I am not able to do such things as you have planned for me to do… but then you succeeded in convincing me with the truth that you had created me for such a time like this and you have deposited in me the Spirit, who would help me leap through walls and scale through whatever obstacle maybe.
You told me I can… through you… I can do all things.
And so I got excited at your plans.
I knew 2016 would be an amazing year!
You had said it and I believed it!

 

Only thing is, I stepped into 2016 and what I saw was seeming dryness. Training. And a pull from you for me to walk in faith for even the promises you have given to me.
But I thought it would be easy peasy?
You said it and so it’s done right?

 

But No.
You have led me to listen to messages by Brother Gbile Akanni where he talks about the season of discipline and training from you. And how you prepare lives that you intend to use.
He said that you will expose us to lack so we can learn to walk by faith.
You will expose us to your word.
Expose us to prayers and then to yourself.

All these things aren’t beautiful things.
I have cried and cried and cried while laying on the floor but still telling you to drill me as you will.

 

I have been exposed to lack, so much so that I do not even look up to man to provide for me anymore.
I now know that you are my only source.
I now know that only if I look up to you will you cause even people I don’t know to bless me.
And believe me, I see you through it all.

 

I’ll enter a cab with only 150Naira in my purse and the next passenger will just ask “how much is your transport fare” and pay it.
I went to visit one of your daughters who is a blessing to my life and then she’d just give me 2000naira for transport fare.
I went to the office of a great helper you”ve sent to me and she’ll be like “take for your lunch and data plan”.

 

And I’m looking at these persons and thinking they don’t even know how much of a blessing they are. It’s not just the money that makes me smile but the fact that you have kept your word on “I will take care of you”.
Last night my brother asked me “but why is it that you don’t have much money at this time and at this stage”.
How could I explain to him that I am not supposed to use my law certificate right at this moment… and that my books aren’t really bringing in much right now, I am still in the sowing the seed stage.
How could I explain to him that I believe that I am called into ministry and what’s happening right now is that you are drilling me and teaching me things even in this season?

 

I laid on my bed last night as I spoke to you, telling you “hope you remember that I am a lawyer Lord? I went to law school…”
You surely remember some persons here telling me that I am a student right?
I just laughed when they said that and laughed when I reminded you that I am a lawyer.
I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 1.
Pedigrees, degrees, wisdom of the world’s education is nothing to you.
You said if anyone should boast, let them boast only in the fact that they know you.
If Jesus’ status as God Himself could mean nothing to Him when you asked Him to die a servant’s death on the cross then who am I Lord?
Who am I?

 

A daughter of yours called me this week that my name dropped in her heart along with some words she’s been hearing for a while “joy in the wilderness”.
And last night I just started thinking on whether I have been joyful in this season.
Yes, I have been praying and spending time with you (not as much as you are calling me to do).
But sometimes I look at my pictures of last year and it seems like such a long time ago.
I don’t know if I still smile just because I can anymore.
I seem to have lost that light hearted playful side of me.
It’s been so long since I went on an adventure kind of trip because I keep thinking I don’t have money to do so.
My brother would give me cash to just go out, eat and enjoy myself and I would instead calculate it for transport fare, etc.
Where is that girl with a light heart?
Who used to dance and just dance just because she could do so to you…
I still thank you but I don’t believe that I do it with such joy like I used to do.
The lightness in my heart has almost been replaced with an advanced deepness way beyond what I can carry.
And I believe that you see this too.

 

 

This is a deliberate journal entry to you Lord.
I am sorry that I haven’t been your little girl at heart for a while.
I know you know me, my personality and you enjoy me as I am.
I haven’t thrilled you with my laughter in a while except when I pray in the Spirit.
You miss me… I miss you too Lord.
I’m sorry.

 

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.”
-Hebrews 13:15

 

And I am saying that I love you.
Thank you for finding me worthy.
For choosing me in you.
For lifting me from the dregs.
For making me your daughter, one who you love so much and wouldn’t let go without training her.
I know you already see how my heart beats for you but incase I haven’t said it in a while, I want you to know that you still hold my heart in your hands.
I’d rather be with you in a room, in hunger, than be in a mansion with wealth and valuables.
You are my sustenance, not man.
You are the one I look up to, not man.
You drill me, train me, place me in the wilderness, for my own good.

 

Tears are rolling down my eyes as I write this right now and I don’t know why.
I am still your baby Lord.
I still rejoice at the sound of your voice.
I still love to hear you speak.
I still see you as the You you are, my husband, my provider, my protector, my lover…
I am so grateful to you that you accepted me.
Broken me.
Messed up me.
You made me yours.
Called me yours.
Lifted me into yourself…
I am grateful Lord.

 

And for you, I will plan a trip to the beach very soon.
Just to let my head down and laugh out loud as I spend time with you.
I know my laughter makes you smile, especially when we have our tete a tete intimate convos.
Forever you are in my heart and forever you will be.

 

I haven’t forgotten where you picked me up from.
And this journal is also to ensure that I never forget.
The days when 1000Naira from you would thrill my heart and make me see that you are taking care of me.
I never want to advance into an adult in your sight… one who isn’t grateful even for the little things you do.
Even when you start taking me higher, I want to look back on these times when 150naira transport fare from a stranger would make me look up and say “thank you Lord”.
I never want to forget Lord.
NEVER.

 

I owe you a beach date.
Watch out for it soonest Daddy.

 
Your daughter, lover, wife, friend and sister,

I know you still love my smiles :-)

I know you still love my smiles 🙂

Frances.
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For you peeping into my diary, 2016 may have been hard so far but oh, that doesn’t matter right here where we stand.
Pick up your journal or use the comment section below to raise up offering of thanksgiving from the fruit of your lips to God.
He loves it when we do that.
It thrills Him when we praise Him, tough times or no tough times.
Thrill your heavenly Father today… and ALWAYS.

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28 Comments

  • Reply
    Exceptionalstar
    March 30, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    You’re worthy my Lord and King. You’re faithful my Hope against hope. I love you, you mean everything to me.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 30, 2016 at 8:22 pm

      Worthy…worth then, worthy now..worthy Always…
      *love Esther…

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    March 30, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    Awww Frances, this felt like a praise letter to me! My heart goes out to you and I constantly pray for you. Sometimes, it is not easy waiting when everyone is asking you jamb questions. But you know what God has said, so, you just obey!

    The future is so awesome that Nations are coming to you! People will ask the God your serve because of the contrast they will see compared to the future.

    You already know you inspire me! Many of us are in this period with you, we pray for grace and strength to fight the good fight of faith. On that day, we shall hear WELL DONE!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 30, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      Love you B…. grateful for Daddy making our paths cross…

  • Reply
    Ini
    March 31, 2016 at 7:44 am

    Hey, Frances. I was going to reserve my comments for a call with you but you know I haven’t done so well in that regard lately.

    I would like to have that beach date with you so keep me posted on that. For your book, I mentally started thinking of ways you could publicise it and hit bestseller quickly but I was reminded of my own experiences.

    We are in similar seasons and I have seen Him give me manna and quail everyday. Just enough to keep me from total despair despite the huge promises I received from Him late last year and the fact that I work hard at my business. I had to study the life of Abraham recently and I realized I’m right where He wants me to be.

    It’s really amazing how He shows up in our lives during this training season, teaching us that He will always be our source. God is super amazing and I love the way He fathers me even though this season has been very painful for me. I’ll send you a video that blessed me greatly this week and we’ll talk about your unashamed, innocent and delightsome love for our Father.

    Don’t give up, Frances. Joy is here. Spring draws near. I love you, girl.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      Totally totally warmed my heart Ini…totally.
      don’t know what to say… just thank you.
      *hugs and love*

  • Reply
    X D'Dream
    March 31, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    As I typed this, all I see is you by sinach is playing somewhere down in my spirit. I was actually nodding and couldnt agree more with your diary- lamentations book of frances perhaps.
    I could feel the pulse of what you are going through, being someone who was in the same shoe as well. I argued, ran away,deny, subdue and every other things i could humanly possible do not to answer. but just like jonah, God was already waiting for me at my percieved desired destination before i got there. Infact one of the reasons I was reluctant to agree to the call was because i felt there were enough servants around, i mean what more am i going to add. In my small mind, there are no more ministry because every ministry that ought to exist has already exist with the enormous of churches around every corner of the cities i thought.
    Another one was the issues of lack, now that is the hard part. for one reason i hate begging people for money, i will rather starved to death than borrow. it’s a principle that has cost me so many things. I felt being called means i have to start begging to have. until i listened to one of bishop oyedepo where he said, God told him look up with one eye and down with the other eye, he couldnt. there and then God told him never to depend on man if he truly depends on God to supply all his need.
    the journey have not being easy but it has never been more exciting. i am not there yet. the season of weaning us from the dependency on man than on Him. who you submit to determines what follows you. as lord as God is the one leading and we are submissive enough to obey him, only mercy, goodness and favor shall follow us. May the Grace of God be sufficient enough to see us through. Amen.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      Thank you for being so real Xdream… so real! thank you!

      I verily believe that God’s grace is enough and sufficient for us to keep on keeping on. Yes!
      We shall not falter in Jesus name, amen!

  • Reply
    Bookie
    March 31, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    Waoh! Tears already coming out of my eyes…. Thanks Frances for this. All I wanna do right now is play music and dance and jump to God. He is ever faithful and so sweet. I dnt know why but this post is giving me tingles… God bless u frances

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      Too sweet! For real!
      It’s been a while I just jumped and shouted to Daddy in my room…just let loose!
      Soon!

      Thanks Bookie!
      #blessings!

  • Reply
    Noel
    March 31, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    Hmm! Praise, truly is good food for the Lord and it sure looks good on Him as it makes Him open His ‘thirty-two’ to you.

    Well done, Frances and don’t forget to give Him that beach picnic treat.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:14 pm

      Beach treat going down soonest.
      Hehe.

      Thanks Noel!

  • Reply
    Immanuel
    March 31, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    My comments didn’t get approved? Its ok

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      March 31, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Immanuel!
      I just came online, saw this comment but didn’t see the one you said I didn’t not approve… is it on this same post?
      Holla back…

  • Reply
    Judith
    April 1, 2016 at 5:36 pm

    I tried to comment twice in your blog but it just wasn’t working and so I decided to comment later and went on to spend time with My Lord and after the prayers this words just came out from my mouth and I believe its for you:

    So many sacrifices to be made
    Tears will be shed
    Doubts will cloud tour mind
    Mistakes will be made
    But I still remain the same
    My promises are new and I will accomplish that which I already started in you…

    Hold and to His word baby and I believe in my heart that you will overcome…

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      It takes just a word from Him…just like the Centurion believed, I believe too.
      Holding on to His word all the way…*Grace.

      Thanks for the encouragement Judith

  • Reply
    Benita
    April 2, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    He’s smiling,he made u use this to touch my heart..
    And #350 shop rite chicken from a friend and the voice to sing to him..anda friend I recently started being close with and my mum being able to provide..
    Tho at this stage sweet Jesus,i’ll wait upon you cuz as you continued to raise king uzziah higher as he followed in step with you,so is mine.
    I love you, my heartbeat, olowo ori mi..mo n ki yin

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:04 pm

      Awwwww Benita! Gratitude for the seemingly little things.
      I’m smiling here…may joy always fill your heart in Jesus…amen!

      Welcome! First time comment on here ba? Welcome! 🙂

  • Reply
    Omobola
    April 8, 2016 at 9:35 am

    Hmm this is a great reminder of my ungratefulness. With tears in my eyes….i am grateful for the seemingly bad experiences and the very good ones. I am particularly touched by the statement paraphrased “I revel in lack so that i can have faith in him. It is good to know i am not the only daughter who receives harsh training from the father neither am i the only one who feels like a little girl all cuddled up in his laps while we chit chat away. We share the same Father and that is terrific and awesome to know. To you frances, i want you to relish in this training because the greater the pain the greater the gain. Very soon your brother will come and ask again “but why is it that you have this much money at this stage “lol stay blessed!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 8, 2016 at 10:41 am

      Haha Omobola..your closing words made me smile..thats what happens when God does a turn around! But here and then, still we praise Him!
      Glad you are doing so too.
      *love

  • Reply
    Amaka
    April 11, 2016 at 2:38 am

    Frances, I love this diary entry! Oh I love it! I imagine God smiling at you as you write to Him (because this is more than a diar, it is a letter of love and trust).

    Was telling my cousin, I’ve been broke for too long. I need to start making money. I have a sense of fulfilment at what I do and where I am right now (than those days I spent at the office). But no money.

    And I know it is the same for you. You know that you know that you are on the right path but you have ony N150. (I’m laughing).

    See ehn, God is faithful. He is. You will be dazed at how He will do it.

    Let’s stay loving and trusting. #tight hugs#

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 15, 2016 at 1:45 am

      I’m smiling here Amaka… you don’t see my face but thats enough reply… for now.
      We’ll meet again with wider smiles.. and more than levels being changed, we’ll be more glad that our trust never wavered… our love for the Lord remained strong…

  • Reply
    Ify Halim
    April 12, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    My heart goes out to you, Frances. Took me a while to even collect my thoughts and write this. I praise God for they joy, peace and love He has placed in your heart, and I see them waxing stronger with each passing day by this same grace. May you look back at these diary posts several years from now and smile away at His faithfulness:)

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 15, 2016 at 1:50 am

      Exactly Ify!
      The diary posts are meant to be track backs to the past.. measure of God’s faithfulness… just so my heart always knows that He did it… again and again… He still does it.
      *Love*

  • Reply
    Alethea Awuku
    April 14, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    This is stunning. Humble and truth.
    Thank you so much for blessing me. I was captivated from the first few words.
    xx

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 15, 2016 at 1:58 am

      Glad it spoke to you Alethea…perhaps it led you to spill to Daddy on your own journal with thanksgiving also… 🙂

      And welcome to the blog… first time commenter…

  • Reply
    Itunu
    April 18, 2016 at 12:02 am

    I was looking for your video hangout for the women at the well meeting Distinguished told me about but I came across this instead. Hmmn. All i can just say is Hmmn. I started writing in a journal titling it Dear Jesus and looking at yours its like God called us to do similar things. Lol. The Spirit is one. I did not even know about this before I had begun writing and expressing my feelings to Him. What I should have been doing years ago. I’m happy for you Frances, and what a grateful heart does. Sometimes only the person in those shoes understands it. And the joy loving Jesus brings. It’s beautiful.

    Indeed He’s our lover, friend and saviour. He’s our all in all. These days when I hear secular love music sef, I find it hard not to put Jesus into the picture. Why? Because He alone can love us crazily and wholesomely. No man’s love can compare to it. It takes us a while to see this but it’s always been there. Thank Jesus He didn’t give up on us.

    So, I would like to use this opportunity to thank you for being a blessing to the world out there. For being brave, for showing your love on my blog even when I find it hard to drop comments here sometimes.*coversface* Your love glows and it’s because of Jesus. I’m happy you can be so brave to declare God’s word even on platforms where His name is hardly glorified. You opened that path and others chose to follow. And that’s what Jesus does, He makes us brave. He has made you brave.

    Much love dear. xo!!!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 22, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      See my heart doing gbim gbim.. first time I read this and now again.
      Awwww Itunu… thank you sooo much for these words.
      We never know what a simple kind words births in hearts, thank you for taking time to do this..

      I hear/read about your hectic schedule oh, so no problem.
      Still come here often sha 🙂

      I will tag you on twitter when the video is up.
      Network, light issues, etc been holding up the stuff.
      *sigh*
      Will be up soon

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