Last week we had an amazing guest post from Tosin on the blog centered on the issue of men being promiscuous…Christian men inclusive (click HERE if you missed it)
Aj Black one of our amazing (yes I use the word “amazing” a lot) commented on the post and I felt like his words shouldn’t end as a comment alone, and we’d benefit from what he has to say on the issue.
A request from me for him to make it into an article, and two emails later, we have his words below…
Enjoy and Learn (as I did)…
âAll men were created to cheat. Itâs in their nature!â
âI think this statement is half trueâ.
Unfortunately I find that I am sympathetic to the position above and I am a man who hates infidelity in men, whether in courtship or marriage. That said, I disagree with the first line and I also want to react to a suggestion that sisters are the victims.
Cheating is neither in a manâs nature nor in a womanâs. It is a choice that one makes and the fact is simply that too many Christians have chosen the way of the pit. Nor is the cheating the exclusive preserve of the men. The ladies- even Christian ladies- take a very active part in the sport- as it seems to have become.
I have experienced so much male unfaithfulness among Christians that a non-Christian might assume that promiscuity was officially approved by the church. Like you said, a lot of Christians- to my thinking, too many of them- live promiscuous lives as bachelors and fail to respect the sanctity of the marital bed. Christianity does little to deter them- the instances you cited are so familiar. Just recently, a young pastor slapped a sister after service inside the church. Her offence was that she repeatedly rejected his advances. The sister on her part rejected him out of hand because, according to her, he wasnât just asking her out, he was asking for sex. As I had attended service with her on that day- on her invitation- I found out what happened and insisted that she report to the General Overseer who was on the premises and report we did. The big man took the sister into his office and assured her that appropriate measures would be taken. He asked her to pray for the pastor and we left.
On Wednesday- I wanted to see how this issue was resolved- I attended Bible study at the church and to my chagrin, the offending pastor conducted. I definitely wasnât part of the study though I stayed till it ended. At the end of the programme, I discovered that the General Overseer was not in town, so I contained my soul in patience and decided to come back for Sundayâs service. This I did and again, the young pastor was in full spiritual mode. I definitely didnât worship there, though I sat through the entire programme. After service, I waited for close to two hours before I got audience with the big man. I told him what my interest was that of a Christian interested in probably becoming a member of his church and a close friend of the sister who was slapped. The man started with the rhetoric of the ways of the spirit and forgiveness and understanding events in their true spiritual context. I blew. I thought he was talking bullâ¦. and I told him, âBullâ¦tâ right in his office. Then I repeated it. I told him he didnât qualify to talk about the spirit because the spirit of God would not come near those premises. I told him the only reason he could spew such damned drivel-for drivel it was and damned it was too – was because the spirit of God didnât inhabit any space around him. I got up and walked away.
The reason I recount this is that it illustrates one of the reasons the problem of promiscuity is so endemic in the church. We, as Christians generally accept sexual immorality. I have had reason on several occasions to ask young brethren how they came by the notion that God had amended the constitution. I will come to church and see many an unmarried couple come to church together, from the brotherâs place where the sister had spent the night, and partake fully in everything-including praying and speaking in tongues- and after service they return to the brotherâs place. My experience tells me that the spirit has departed from the church. In the instance of the slapping pastor, my concept of the workings of the body of Christ holds very clearly that the pastor violated so many standards of Christian ethics and virtue that he was simply and completely unfit to act as shepherd of the flock and should have remained so for a very long time or even indefinitely (1 Cor 5; 1 Tim 3:1-13; Titus 1:5-11).
Â As John Whitney said, âThe church is full of powerful menâ¦â¦.., but how many of them are true Christians?â
The unfortunate truth is that the church as we know it today is not predominantly Christian. I have done my share of wandering and I have experienced many a Christian church. The fruits I have seen are suggestive of the pit and fire; not the winepress. (Mathew 7: 15- 23; 2 Thess 2: 1-5) Not only on the issue at hand is this the case,Â the falling away from the way while still bearing the name of Christ has become the acceptable way of practicing Christianity. One gets a distinct impression that Christians, collectively and individually, are taking God for a ride- mocking Him (Gal 6:7). One is reminded of the words of the prophet that on the day of pruning, the sword of the Lordâs anger will begin from within the temple. It is this widespread apostasy that I see as the reason for our moral decadence. The sexual immorality we are seeing is a sign, or symptom, if you will, of a deeper malaise- a falling away-a deviation- from the path that is narrow.
My next impression is closely allied to the above. Granted, a lot of good sisters honestly get involved with wolves they honestly take for sheep. However, a lot of the cases of infidelity that I have experienced in the body of Christ involve sisters who are implicated in the conspiracy to hoodwink God. Iâve had cause to ask many a sister, âIf you slept with your man severally before you married him, then how exactly do you figure that his Christianity will keep him faithful to you since your Christianity wasnât enough to keep you from committing fornication?â
“The sin of fornication is just as sinful as that of adultery and will kill a Christian just as dead âthe player brothers understand this, but the sisters choose not to-so how honest is the sister who tells me she felt it was different committing fornication with her beau since they were planning to get married-that God will understand?â Sometimes this sister commits fornication with several brothers, because such relationships founded on sin and falsehood under the cover of the temple usually crumble before getting to the altar. You see, God is not stupid, but we tend to take Him for a fool and that is quite dangerous. We have, quite literally sown the wind, hence, our harvest of the whirlwind.
My take is that if you are dealing with God, then you are going into a contractual relationship with him and I always tell my sisters that God has already made His terms known. If you say you are contracting with Him, the assumption is that you have accepted His conditions. Now if you do not keep those conditions, you are in breach and have vitiated the contract. God is not liable for anything and should not be joined in any suit!
I always tell my âgirlfriendsâ, âMake good use of your courtship. Talk about everything and anything. Insist on knowing because our faith does not allow us a second chance. You have to make sure that you believe in the same things as this fellow. Take nothing for granted and assume nothing.
“The fold today is still a sheep pen, but the flock is predominantly goat.â
I have had to live through the pain of seeing very good women that I know end up with men of very little quality. In some of the instances, there were early warning signs. What I have come to realize is that there is an absence in my sisters. There is an incompleteness in their faith-their trust. They do not fully agree with Godâs template. They make certain things a priority above the core issue â the spiritual state of oneâs mate. Once this happens, one is liable to end up with a polygamous Christian.
I know that a sister needs to intelligently consider financial security and all that. However, our faith is built on the premise that this life is at best a preamble- a prelude to the life that is life indeed. This has to make sense to us as Christians because obviously it doesnât. We say so many things that we honestly do not believe. It is folly on our part to presume to know more than God. Some brethren have argued that a lot of the injunctions in the Bible were not meant for our times. I always tell them they have not studied the Bible. The Writer controls time on a cosmic scale- He uses absolute time against our relative time. Anything that He caused to be written for manâs benefit will continue to be relevant for as long as He wills: for at the time of writing He knew every facet and detail of our times down to the picosecond. Â Â Â The bottom line is that all our important decisions in life should be guided by the maxim, âSeek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.â In plain terms, in making the choice of mate, we must seek first the kingdom. We obviously do not. The kingdom normally comes as a footnote after we have considered important things like bust, bum, abs, height, complexion, job, accent, alma mater and athletic prowess. You just cannot keep repeating a process and expect a change of outcomes.
I know that there are still very virtuous Christian men. I have the privilege of knowing some of them. Christians do a lot of very unchristian things. The games that guys play; girls now play equally well. Young persons with weak morals give rise to families that are incapable of raising children in the fear of God and the cycle continues. The climate of promiscuity in the church is of our making and serious work needs to be done in cleaning up our thinking and living as Christians- the church as a whole falls short. We need to start examining our lives as Christians- individually and as a church to figure out how we have strayed- for stray we have. Once we find this out, we must start retracing our steps back to the path for glory has indeed departed from Israel.
May the Lord forgive us and strengthen us.
Aj Black totally dissected this issue, delving into even hidden faults on the part of both the men and women and Christians generally.
I see lots of things we would have to start correcting if we really desire to live in God’s blueprint for marriage (especially in the area of being faithful to our spouses)…
I would love to hear your take on this too… especially our male blog readers (yes this is me calling you guys out).
Please share your thoughts below!
Have an amazing Easter celebration ahead!
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