Guest Posts

From A Man’s Perspective: Is It In The Nature Of All (Christian) Men To Cheat?

Last week we had an amazing guest post from Tosin on the blog centered on the issue of men being promiscuous…Christian men inclusive (click HERE if you missed it)

Aj Black one of our amazing (yes I use the word “amazing” a lot) commented on the post and I felt like his words shouldn’t end as a comment alone, and we’d benefit from what he has to say on the issue.

A request from me for him to make it into an article, and two emails later, we have his words below…

Enjoy and Learn (as I did)…

 

************************************

You wrote:

“All men were created to cheat. It’s in their nature!”

“I think this statement is half true”.
Unfortunately I find that I am sympathetic to the position above and I am a man who hates infidelity in men, whether in courtship or marriage. That said, I disagree with the first line and I also want to react to a suggestion that sisters are the victims.
Cheating is neither in a man’s nature nor in a woman’s. It is a choice that one makes and the fact is simply that too many Christians have chosen the way of the pit. Nor is the cheating the exclusive preserve of the men. The ladies- even Christian ladies- take a very active part in the sport- as it seems to have become.
I have experienced so much male unfaithfulness among Christians that a non-Christian might assume that promiscuity was officially approved by the church. Like you said, a lot of Christians- to my thinking, too many of them- live promiscuous lives as bachelors and fail to respect the sanctity of the marital bed. Christianity does little to deter them- the instances you cited are so familiar. Just recently, a young pastor slapped a sister after service inside the church. Her offence was that she repeatedly rejected his advances. The sister on her part rejected him out of hand because, according to her, he wasn’t just asking her out, he was asking for sex. As I had attended service with her on that day- on her invitation- I found out what happened and insisted that she report to the General Overseer who was on the premises and report we did. The big man took the sister into his office and assured her that appropriate measures would be taken. He asked her to pray for the pastor and we left.
On Wednesday- I wanted to see how this issue was resolved- I attended Bible study at the church and to my chagrin, the offending pastor conducted. I definitely wasn’t part of the study though I stayed till it ended. At the end of the programme, I discovered that the General Overseer was not in town, so I contained my soul in patience and decided to come back for Sunday’s service. This I did and again, the young pastor was in full spiritual mode. I definitely didn’t worship there, though I sat through the entire programme. After service, I waited for close to two hours before I got audience with the big man. I told him what my interest was that of a Christian interested in probably becoming a member of his church and a close friend of the sister who was slapped. The man started with the rhetoric of the ways of the spirit and forgiveness and understanding events in their true spiritual context. I blew. I thought he was talking bull…. and I told him, “Bull…t” right in his office. Then I repeated it. I told him he didn’t qualify to talk about the spirit because the spirit of God would not come near those premises. I told him the only reason he could spew such damned drivel-for drivel it was and damned it was too – was because the spirit of God didn’t inhabit any space around him. I got up and walked away.
The reason I recount this is that it illustrates one of the reasons the problem of promiscuity is so endemic in the church. We, as Christians generally accept sexual immorality. I have had reason on several occasions to ask young brethren how they came by the notion that God had amended the constitution. I will come to church and see many an unmarried couple come to church together, from the brother’s place where the sister had spent the night, and partake fully in everything-including praying and speaking in tongues- and after service they return to the brother’s place. My experience tells me that the spirit has departed from the church. In the instance of the slapping pastor, my concept of the workings of the body of Christ holds very clearly that the pastor violated so many standards of Christian ethics and virtue that he was simply and completely unfit to act as shepherd of the flock and should have remained so for a very long time or even indefinitely (1 Cor 5; 1 Tim 3:1-13; Titus 1:5-11).
 As John Whitney said, “The church is full of powerful men…….., but how many of them are true Christians?”
The unfortunate truth is that the church as we know it today is not predominantly Christian. I have done my share of wandering and I have experienced many a Christian church. The fruits I have seen are suggestive of the pit and fire; not the winepress. (Mathew 7: 15- 23; 2 Thess 2: 1-5) Not only on the issue at hand is this the case,  the falling away from the way while still bearing the name of Christ has become the acceptable way of practicing Christianity. One gets a distinct impression that Christians, collectively and individually, are taking God for a ride- mocking Him (Gal 6:7). One is reminded of the words of the prophet that on the day of pruning, the sword of the Lord’s anger will begin from within the temple. It is this widespread apostasy that I see as the reason for our moral decadence. The sexual immorality we are seeing is a sign, or symptom, if you will, of a deeper malaise- a falling away-a deviation- from the path that is narrow.
My next impression is closely allied to the above. Granted, a lot of good sisters honestly get involved with wolves they honestly take for sheep. However, a lot of the cases of infidelity that I have experienced in the body of Christ involve sisters who are implicated in the conspiracy to hoodwink God. I’ve had cause to ask many a sister, “If you slept with your man severally before you married him, then how exactly do you figure that his Christianity will keep him faithful to you since your Christianity wasn’t enough to keep you from committing fornication?”
“The sin of fornication is just as sinful as that of adultery and will kill a Christian just as dead –the player brothers understand this, but the sisters choose not to-so how honest is the sister who tells me she felt it was different committing fornication with her beau since they were planning to get married-that God will understand?” Sometimes this sister commits fornication with several brothers, because such relationships founded on sin and falsehood under the cover of the temple usually crumble before getting to the altar. You see, God is not stupid, but we tend to take Him for a fool and that is quite dangerous. We have, quite literally sown the wind, hence, our harvest of the whirlwind.
My take is that if you are dealing with God, then you are going into a contractual relationship with him and I always tell my sisters that God has already made His terms known. If you say you are contracting with Him, the assumption is that you have accepted His conditions. Now if you do not keep those conditions, you are in breach and have vitiated the contract. God is not liable for anything and should not be joined in any suit!
I always tell my ‘girlfriends’, “Make good use of your courtship. Talk about everything and anything. Insist on knowing because our faith does not allow us a second chance. You have to make sure that you believe in the same things as this fellow. Take nothing for granted and assume nothing.
“The fold today is still a sheep pen, but the flock is predominantly goat.”
I have had to live through the pain of seeing very good women that I know end up with men of very little quality. In some of the instances, there were early warning signs. What I have come to realize is that there is an absence in my sisters. There is an incompleteness in their faith-their trust. They do not fully agree with God’s template. They make certain things a priority above the core issue – the spiritual state of one’s mate. Once this happens, one is liable to end up with a polygamous Christian.
I know that a sister needs to intelligently consider financial security and all that. However, our faith is built on the premise that this life is at best a preamble- a prelude to the life that is life indeed. This has to make sense to us as Christians because obviously it doesn’t. We say so many things that we honestly do not believe. It is folly on our part to presume to know more than God. Some brethren have argued that a lot of the injunctions in the Bible were not meant for our times. I always tell them they have not studied the Bible. The Writer controls time on a cosmic scale- He uses absolute time against our relative time. Anything that He caused to be written for man’s benefit will continue to be relevant for as long as He wills: for at the time of writing He knew every facet and detail of our times down to the picosecond.    The bottom line is that all our important decisions in life should be guided by the maxim, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” In plain terms, in making the choice of mate, we must seek first the kingdom. We obviously do not. The kingdom normally comes as a footnote after we have considered important things like bust, bum, abs, height, complexion, job, accent, alma mater and athletic prowess. You just cannot keep repeating a process and expect a change of outcomes.
I know that there are still very virtuous Christian men. I have the privilege of knowing some of them. Christians do a lot of very unchristian things. The games that guys play; girls now play equally well. Young persons with weak morals give rise to families that are incapable of raising children in the fear of God and the cycle continues. The climate of promiscuity in the church is of our making and serious work needs to be done in cleaning up our thinking and living as Christians- the church as a whole falls short. We need to start examining our lives as Christians- individually and as a church to figure out how we have strayed- for stray we have. Once we find this out, we must start retracing our steps back to the path for glory has indeed departed from Israel.
May the Lord forgive us and strengthen us.
*******************************
Aj Black totally dissected this issue, delving into even hidden faults on the part of both the men and women and Christians generally.
I see lots of things we would have to start correcting if we really desire to live in God’s blueprint for marriage (especially in the area of being faithful to our spouses)…
I would love to hear your take on this too… especially our male blog readers (yes this is me calling you guys out).
Please share your thoughts below!
Have an amazing Easter celebration ahead!
Love,
Frances.

 

 

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22 Comments

  • Reply
    Esther
    March 25, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Waoh! I am impressed. Very very impressed by what he wrote.
    I wonder why some Christians assume that God’s constitution has been amended.
    I didn’t get the memo ke?
    Also at sisters sleeping with a hug before marriage, then complaining that he doesn’t respect marriage vows. Why will he when he didn’t respect God’s commandment not to fornicate.
    Lol at not joining God in a suit he isn’t party too. Funny but sums it up.
    Oh! And the spirit of God not in some churches. Very true.
    If God opens our eyes we will realize that a lot of so called churches lack the presence of God. He cannot stay in a filthy place.

    • Reply
      Esther
      March 25, 2016 at 8:09 pm

      Typos
      *Impressed with what he wrote not by.
      *Sleeping with a guy not hug
      *Party to not too.

  • Reply
    Princess Okechukwu
    March 26, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    Wow! Wow!! Such a truth-filled piece. I’m not sure I have any words to add, but God bless the writer. God bless you! Amen.

  • Reply
    esther
    March 26, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    My brother it is very disheartening cheatin nd infidelity seems to be trending wot about lying and stealing are they minors d way pastors workers n dept heads are neck deep in inquity leaves a lot to be done.Some ladies now turn the church to a hunting ground as soon as people step out of the church is like hell is let loose you work in a place and don’t steal you are frowned at you don’t want to do runs they tell you you are wastin ur beauty and their voices are so loud is like a stampede Help us Lord see us through.The truth is gettin scarce the role models are gettin few the standards are fallen Help the church Lord Keep the remenant

    • Reply
      AJ BLACK
      March 26, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      My dear Esther,
      You are so right, but what I feel is that true Christians ought to be prepared for what is happening. The words of Jesus and the apostles are consistent with the phenomenon we are witnessing. Christians have let the world squeeze us into its mould. I insist that Christians must take to heart the maxim that we are in the world but not part of the world. Unfortunately, we have become totally at one with the world and we don’t even see a problem in that.

      As a teacher, I have observed the transformation in how Christians view examination malpractice- from total abhorrence, through ambivalence, to acceptance. What I have seen in my industry where men and women of God are now spearheading institutional malpractice strengthens the notion I have held for a very long time that there are few Christians left in the church,

      Anyone serious about retaining God’s grace and favour must be prepared to be different- to be a public enemy of sorts, because it is either you are for God or you are against Him. There are no shades of gray.

  • Reply
    Tosin
    March 29, 2016 at 12:14 pm

    Haha! now the men are talking. Thought provoking piece @Aj. Are you a blogger ? I hope to God you are!! We need more men that would stand up against immorality. thanks for being among the chaste remnant. blessings.

    @Frances, thanks for bringing Aj aboard , awesome piece!!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      Sooo Tosin…between us, let’s see how we can get Aj Black blogging. hehe.

      • Reply
        aj black
        April 7, 2016 at 11:00 am

        Frances, do I detect a whiff of conspiracy here? Beware! Conspiracies are actionable.

        God bless you both. I honestly think ours are terrible times to be a Christian- a true Christian. Practically everything is against you. It’s sort of like running uphill with the wind in your face and with a half bag of rice strapped to your back- and you’ve got a game leg. Our fellowships need to be that much stronger so that there will be mutual strengthening of our faith. Alas, the centres do not hold!

        When one knows one is bound. The knowledge of the truth sets you free, but binds you thoroughly, because you see so clearly that there are so many things that are just not done. If, also, we are light to the word, then we in our words and deeds must be obviously, annoyingly Christian. It’s an obligation.

        Thanks for what you are doing once more and stay strong.

        • Reply
          Frances Okoro
          April 8, 2016 at 10:48 am

          Nodding my head and soaking words in my heart at the same time..
          Thanks Aj!

  • Reply
    Chidiebere
    March 29, 2016 at 3:10 pm

    This is so…. words have failed me. Aj black this is true talk. Straight to the point . You didn’t mince words. Thank God for men like you, may you continue to grow in the wisdom of God and statutes and also a role model to those behind you. If you are a blogger, I would love to read your blog. I like your choice of words.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      Amen and amen to your prayers Chidiebere!
      May Aj Black continue to lift God’s banner high wherever he is in Jesus name, amen!

      • Reply
        aj black
        April 7, 2016 at 11:12 am

        Amen Frances and thanks Chidi.

        Unfortunately, I don’t blog, but I can assure you that I make an effort to show the way to those behind me. Many of my younger friends totally hate me with a great deal of love. One of them says I use truth like a lethal weapon. According to her, concentrated truth, like concentrated acid is corrosive and I keep carelessly throwing it around!

        Unfortunately, I don’t think truth should be garnished (once you sweeten or cream coffee, it’s no longer all there!). I tell my young wards the stark truth and I’m condemned to lead a life that says the same thing because so many eyes are on me and I speak more Gospel by just living than I can ever do with a megaphone.

        May your feet stay on that narrow and rough terrain.

        • Reply
          Frances Okoro
          April 8, 2016 at 10:46 am

          Amen and amen!
          And may we always be bold.sharing God’s truth as we should in Jesus name, amen

  • Reply
    Deizy E.
    March 29, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Two things I’m taking from this post
    -Seek ye first God’s kingdom
    -Ask and know everything you can during courtship because our faith doesn’t allow us a second chance.
    Hi Aj black, God bless you so much. This write-up spoke to my soul. You hit the nail on the head. So apt! I’m going to come back to this post like twice this week. The lessons needs to stick. Frances, you know how I feel about you..love you sister. Thanks for always sharing these things and giving us God’s undiluted truth always xx

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:23 pm

      Awww love you too big Deizy!
      And yes, this post drips undiluted wisdom…lots!

      love your lessons gotten..

      • Reply
        aj black
        April 7, 2016 at 11:18 am

        Thanks a lot Deizy,

        I feel so honoured that I was the courier for the words that you needed. True wisdom comes from the infinite source above and we all just keep searching and paying attention to the different devices that the Father decides to use in dispensing it.

        Stay in His presence.

  • Reply
    Judith
    March 30, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    I also have a lot of doubts as to why men act the way they do not to even talk about the so called “anointed men of God” nobody knows who is sincere anymore because it seems like it has become a normal to do. Thanks a lot for thus insight though I didn’t read to the end but the little I have read goes a long way.
    Please visit my blog- http://www.deveinmesite.wordpress.com

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 5, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Ah, come and read till the end oh judith… there’s too much wisdom in here for you to skip it…
      :p

  • Reply
    Judith
    March 30, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    Lovely post and straight to the very core. No mincing of words. Thanks for sharing

  • Reply
    DamiLoves
    April 24, 2016 at 10:59 pm

    This statement is profound; “our faith is built on the premise that this life is at best a preamble- a prelude to the life that is life indeed” Aj Black God bless you.

    There are many distractions in our life here on earth. Lust is the seed that bears the fruit of fornication, and only by being heaven focused, can we let go of so many besetting sins.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      April 25, 2016 at 2:33 am

      Yes Dami…only by keeping our sights and affection heaven ward, in recognition of the fact that all that’s here isn’t what we are called to do/be…only by not loosing focus on the real basis of our faith and determining to stay put in it, can we live above these weights of sin.
      God help us all.

      And great to have you here..first time commenter.. welcome to the blog! Please stick around 🙂

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