Frances's Love Letters Love&Relationships

Dear Single Lady, Are You Fully Satisfied In God?

Dear single ladies(and men where applicable),

How are you all doing?
I was pen ready and poised to write when I first got this topic to write on to you, but the more I thought about the topic, the more my pen wasn’t so ready anymore.
Why?
Because this convicted me a lot too.
I was walking down to my PPA with a friend yesterday when he mentioned that his girlfriend was thinking about how she was going to cope when he passes out after service year.
And of course my reply to him was swift and full of self-righteous affirmations of myself.
Ah, why is she worried like that nah, no man can be her sufficiency. You cannot be her all in all, it’s not possible”
I wasn’t feeling all so self-righteous though, because as I spoke, I remembered the relationship that cured me of this unhealthy dependence on men.
I haven’t been in too many relationships and I bless God for sparing me the long journey(S) to the altar.
The one relationship I entered into without God in it was enough to make me get the memo on God being my all in all.
There’s a little bit of my story in my growth story that I wrote on David Adeleke’s blog, but basically, I was in a relationship that literally made me feel like a good-for-nothing fat girl who no one would have.
Self esteem – zero.
Sense of worth – zero.
Unhealthy dependence on a man, 100percent.
I knew I was in a trap, I mean, you are in a relationship where you cry for days on end and have no joy – of course you are in a trap. But I started thinking of how I was going to survive without him, so I didn’t want to leave.
Even after getting the confirmation from God that it wasn’t for me, I still didn’t want to leave.
I remember thinking, “who will I talk to? Who will be helping me with this and that?”
But I did leave and that was the beginning of a whole new world in Christ for me.
That was 4+ years ago, today I am thankful that God didn’t leave me to rot in my mistakes – He turned them into a message.
If there is one thing that I know that satan uses to derail us from God’s plan for our lives, it’s relationships (at least for me it is).
He first of all makes you say yes to the wrong person, then he adds just a little bit of sexual immorality (just to make certain that you definitely cannot be a vessel that God will use for His glory), then of course the soul ties follow right after, and then the unhealthy dependence on the person – and before you know it, you can’t leave the relationship even when you know that it’s not right for you.
Or rather, you don’t want to leave the relationship because you have been brainwashed by satan to believe that this person is your all in all – this person is the one in whom you find worth and fulfillment in life – without this person you will surely die right?
Now let’s move even further…
Let’s not talk about those who are in unhealthy relationships that they have made their god.
Let’s talk about those who aren’t in relationships at all but have made the “idea of a man their god”.
These ladies aren’t happy at all with where they are right now in life.
They keep thinking, “when he comes, he sure will make me super-duper happy. We will go on dates and have a time filled with laughter and love. What I have been missing all these years will finally come in to play in my life.”

I remember talking to a friend and we were talking about Paul’s advice to people who could stay single to stay single because the married life is full of issues, and she said “at least the married life is better than the issues of single hood, you have someone at least (paraphrased)
And I was thinking, “oh, lies from the pit of hell”

My treasured sisters in Christ, let this truth sink into all of us today, NO MAN CAN GIVE YOU THE FULFILMENT THAT YOU SEEK.
No man can give you self worth in yourself.
No man can be your all in all.
In fact you thinking that way is like you telling God “that you truly aren’t ready for a man to come into your life”
Why?
Because I imagine God might be thinking – “this my daughter hasn’t learnt this lesson yet. Let us leave her single for a little while so that the lesson on me being her all sufficiency can sink in”
If a man is your idol, then certainly, if God gives you a man, you will just drift away from Him, so why would He want to do that when He is jealous for your heart?
Would God then knowingly want to let your heart go like that?
No.
He would most definitely teach you the lesson first of all that He is number one in your life. Only then can He trust you to place every other thing/anyone He gives you under Him.
It’s funny how the things of the kingdom works conversely.
You want money? Give money.
You are facing trials? Don’t cry, praise God.
You want me to give you all you need? Throw yourself into the kingdom and place the kingdom first then everything you need will come to you.
You want me to give you someone as your husband on earth? Show me first that I am your first husband and you place no one above me, then I can trust you with a husband.

 

Now, the reason why this hit me and wiped off my self-righteousness after my conversation with my corper friend is because it applies to me too.
I don’t have any man that I am putting above God but sometimes it’s not even a man. Sometimes, it’s food.
Sometimes it’s our phones.
Sometimes it’s chatting with friends.

I believe that God knows that we aren’t perfect and that He is working in us even now but I believe that He let me see my inadequacy in this area yesterday just so I would know that this post is referring to me too.

From our last #OnlineBibleStudy, you should know that I am at a stage when Christ is calling me to know Him more.
Yesterday, I studied every other passage in my Bible except the gospels – where I could have more knowledge about Jesus. Infact, in the evening I was busy surfing the net with my phone when I knew God was calling me to dig into the Word.
To add insult to injury, I started craving akara and bread so I walked down to get food for my body when I knew that my soul was craving something else.

 

Now, these things aren’t bad in themselves but I thought “hey, fill your time with other stuff and the itch in your soul will go away”
But none of those things made me comfortable and filled, but just one Word from Hebrews 12 when I finally opened my Bible was enough to make me literally say “aha”!
Now, what am I trying to get across to us all?
It may not be a man who’s taking God’s place in your life.
It may not just be a relationship that you’ve made into your idol – it maybe food, friends, internet… none of these things can give you the satisfaction/sense of self-worth that you seek.
None of them can validate you.
You can’t look to the creations of the creator to tell you that you are something. You have got to look further to the creator. And the awesome thing is He keeps calling you to come unto Him.
Some of us might say that we are at a loss as to how to go about this, we know God should be the only one who gives us fulfillment but we don’t know what to do.
Firstly, read this post I wrote on God being our first husband and then relate with Him that way.
It isn’t supposed to be that hard you know?
How do you relate with your husband/if you were married, how would you relate with your husband?
Wake up in the morning and just gist with Him.
Take the Bible as His way to interact with Him and find out what He wants to say to you.
Walk down your street and just have convos with Him(I do this a lot)
Sit and stare and just tell Him He is beautiful.
Do your quiet time and just laugh out loud in the Holy Ghost.
Be free with Him. Just RELATE WITH GOD.
The sense of wholeness you seek can only come from your relationship with Jesus.
No man can do that for you. No man can be your all in all.
Your self-sufficiency can only be in Jesus and till we get this lesson right, we will keep going around and around different men tasking them to give us something that they can never have to give to us.
God loves us crazy my sisters and He desires to be the anchor upon which our souls rest.
Please let Him be your foundation and let Him set your building – your life aright.

I would be glad to get a reply from you in the comment section below.
Are you stuck with making things/people your all instead of God?
Have you gotten to a place where God reigns alone in your life? What helped/helps you?
I know this is an issue that affects us all, let’s relate and be a shoulder for each other in the comment section below my fellow sisters 🙂

 

Till our next love letter,
Keep basking in your relationship with Jesus,
Love,
Frances.

 

P.S – I can’t just walk in and publish like that… I must say that I’m so sorry about putting this post up late, one thing or the other… sorry.
P.P.S – Do subscribe to blog via email in the box below so you don’t miss out on any of our love letters.
Let’s all grow together as God continues to lead us in Him 🙂
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12 Comments

  • Reply
    Princess Okechukwu
    June 6, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    The time I realised how jealous God is, was when He stripped me off all those things I put my confidence in. And that was a wake up call.

    Like you rightly said, nothing/no one can fully satisfy us. It’s quite unfortunate that most of us are being influenced by the norm that ‘marriage is the fulfilment’ and that’s why we find ’empty’ marriages these days.

    Until we understand how we can be fully satisfied in God, we may continuously move in a vicious cycle. [i pray we don’t]

    As we keep seeking God, we align with His purpose for our lives; and every other thing we desire that is in His will for our lives, we will get. [paraphrase- Matt 6:33] Not the other way around. In seeking whole ness in God, therein lies the satisfaction that is eternal.

    More insight, Frances! It’s always a blessing to read your write ups.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 7, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      Oh Princess! Beautiful conclusion to this…seeking validation in other things is a vicious cycle that never ends..amen to your prayer that we won’t go round aimlessly in that cycle.

      And thank youuu for your words of encouragement! I pray for more insight on us all and as we get insight, we will align our lives with it also.

  • Reply
    Mobolaji
    June 6, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Hmm. Frances! Thank you so much for this.
    Sometimes, I’d clearly hear God say He wants to meet with me but I’d be busy pressing phone or sleeping. And don’t even get me started on the food aspect, I know He does not approve of my eating habits at all! Still, I eat anyhow.
    God truly must become our husband before any man, if not, it can lead to disaster. And if He’s my husband, then I ought to put Him first and be obedient to things He asks of me.
    Thanks again dear. God bless!!!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 7, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      God bless you bigly too Mobolaji…even as He tugs at our hearts, may we obey..#grace!

  • Reply
    uniqueruth
    June 6, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Chai! Frances, you are such a blessing!

  • Reply
    keke
    June 8, 2015 at 11:40 pm

    I wouldn’t like, I did not have the patience to read this post. The title sent me to the comment session sharply.

    My answer is *drum rolls* Yes Yes Yes!!!!

    My heart was bended and out of shape as a result of my previous relationship and I have come along way in a perfect loving relationship with Christ and knowing my worth and value as a woman.

    I am so content with my singleness, I can spend more time with Jesus day in, day out, practise been a virtuous proverb woman without distraction and I believed I am been modelled into a valuable diamond that cannot be destroyed by just anybody. It takes a diamond to cut and polish a diamond, and this can only be for the better.

    I feel you on the distractions, mine is my phone and sleeping very late up till the point where I am too tired to pray before closing myself and then I am exhausted in the morning. So I end up murmuring a prayer. But what helps me is worship and praise, that is all I listen to at the gym as a I run and work out a sweat and doing anything else. It prompts me to pause, and just enter God’s rest with prayers.

    Thank you for always been a blessing. The Lord is a making a wonderful teacher and guide in you.

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 9, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Keke, so I should get the deeper understanding in this your phrase – “It takes a diamond to cut and polish a diamond, and this can only be for the better.”

      If God has made us diamonds through the journey He has taken us through, it stands to reason that He will only bring a fellow diamond our way right?
      But the deal is this diamond isn’t all shiny and shiny, it has been hewn and polished in the place of suffering, trials and painful past experiences but now, knows who He/she is – a teasure, stable and fulfilled in God.
      Hmm, I would love you to dig deeply into that for us(me)

      Either ways, its amazing when God straightens our hearts back unto Himself after hurts in relationships-that was my ticket to pressing into Him fully too.
      And I will be forever grateful for that.

      Thank you for your kind words, may God keep molding us all for His glory..

      And the songs you play as you work out, i’ve been looking for “blood pumping praise songs” can you send me some? To my email? Please?
      Would be grateful!

      And yes, it’s always heart warming to see your comments 🙂

      And hope you went back to read the post oh. Lol

      • Reply
        keke
        June 9, 2015 at 12:58 pm

        Yes I did. On the diamond analogy……you are right on your understanding, but I will explain where I was going in my head.
        As women, we suffer a lot when we get into relationships and often get trapped for a while with men that do not honour or respect us.

        A diamond goes through a journey, starts as a rock that has been modified by pressure and temperature, rising to the earth surface as a diamond, but it brilliance can only be fully revealed by a process of refinery, which is what Christ is doing in us. Better women, so if as women in Christ, why would I keep settling and going after men that cannot add to or support my journey. Men that represent mud, dust, rocks, you name it. We have been lifted and should aspire to partners who can strengthen and encourage a journey that will continue to reveal the brilliance that God has placed within us.

        I am very strong in my position about men, I cannot get into a relationship with you because of my desires to change you, knowing you are not on fire for God,not my job that is God. But I pray for relationship, where we would work together to inspire, uplift and encourage each other with dependence in God and Him only.

        So in our singles if we know our value, worth and strength, we would not be gullible or keep compromising. By the way, God does not do compromise, He Promises and DELIVERS………we should fix our gaze on Him and wait on His promise. Compromise is a man-made concept and God does not operate like that.

        Oh and I will see how I can send you the songs via email 🙂

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      June 10, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      So Keke, you are doing us a disservice oh, you should write a post on this let us all glean from your wisdom – wisdom that I believe took some “refining” to get to.

      God help us all as we wait for Him to deliver…no short cuts here. yes!

  • Reply
    sally oyeb orok-oji
    February 3, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    Frances… God is using you! You don’t know how much knowledge and wisdom have been getting from reading your post. I thank God for your life. You are a blessing. The part which struck me the most in this post “you can’t look to tthe creations of creator to tell you

    God bless you Francis!

    • Reply
      Frances Okoro
      February 6, 2016 at 7:39 pm

      God bless you Sally!
      Glad to have you here…. and thank you, I’m simply glad to be used in anyway to help… 🙂
      Hope you stay on the blog…

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